Sonia Marsh - Gutsy Living

How authentic are we online?

August 1, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

The more I learn about social media, the more I think there’s one huge contradiction.

The biggest problem I see is with authenticity.

I’ve heard time and time again that the secret to being a successful blogger is to:

Write great content
Solve a problem for your readers
Meet some specific need or desire for your readers
Differentiate yourself from the 1,000’s of other blogs out there
Be yourself

We know that blogs with massive numbers of subscribers follow the five guidelines mentioned above, however, I would like to focus on the last one: be yourself, and here’s where I see the problem. How authentic are we online?

We’re told that the best approach is to:

“Be yourself. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not; people can tell if you’re a fake.”

Before I go one step further I have to admit that I’m not 100% myself either (Gasp!) because if I were, I wouldn’t be spending hours producing a how I made my blog welcome video where I sound perkier and livelier than I would at a martini party with my closest friends. And since my article is about being authentic, let me say right now that I wouldn’t spend days and weekends blogging, Tweeting, FaceBooking and commenting on other people’s blogs if I didn’t have a book coming out? (Gasp again!)

I do this because I’m Sonia Marsh and not Sarah Palin. Unfortunately, that dirty word, “self-promotion” for unknown people like myself is what’s expected in the 21st Century. I feel like my online world has sucked me into become one big self-promotional tool and that if I step off and enjoy good old-fashioned phone, and face-to-face conversations with my human friends, I might be “forgotten.”

I know I’m not alone. A popular blogger, Jen Gresham from Everyday Bright wrote about her two-month online sabbatical in her July 5th post: When Wonder Woman Isn’t Feeling So Wonderful.

“Part of me (and I’m sure some of my fellow bloggers) thinks this is crazy with a capital C. There’s this idea that if you stop writing, the crowd will disperse and never, ever come back.” (From Jen Gresham’s blog.)

So what’s wrong with us? It’s like we think, if only I put in more hours into my social media, I can grow my blog. For whom? For what reason? Is that because we want fame? money? more subscribers to feel better? Get people to follow us because we’re more popular than they are?

I think some of us need a reality check. Do you feel like you’re truly yourself online? Come on, be honest with me.

Here’s a list of things most of us are guilty of, and yes, I admit, I’ve done these myself.

Saying, “Loved your post, or great post,” because we want to be liked.
Skimming through headlines, because we don’t have enough time to read as many blog posts as we feel we should.
Trying to read and make a comment of value on certain posts, especially if we know that blogger is popular and hope he/she will notice us.
Retweeting something because once again, we hope to be noticed.

So what’s the truth here? Are we phony?

You know something’s off kilter when your social media takes precedence over your own family. I remember feeling guilty as hell when my 23-year-old son called and asked me to check airfares for him to come home, and before I did that, I had to check my social media responses first. Sick, sick, sick… What has happened to us? Have we become so self-centered and competitive because of social media, or are we getting sucked into it because if we don’t do it, we’ll never make it.

Of course there are several reasons, one of them might be a problem with addiction to social media. But in many cases, it’s either about making a living, becoming rich, famous, getting exposure, getting more readers, fundraising or sharing what we do with others.

So I invite you to comment, e-mail, Tweet, FB and “like” me, and there’s always the telephone, if you have time to go out for a real cup of coffee and we can be ourselves.

Photo credit Thomas Hendele

Do you need help? Ask expert Robert MacPhee

July 28, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Are there times when you’d like to ask for help? Do you like hearing how others have succeeded at something you’d like to try yourself? How about specific steps you need to take to get out of your comfort zone?

There are many ways to learn, and interviewing the experts is one way. I’d like to offer a new approach to Gutsy Living as I start interviewing Gutsy people who can help answer our questions and steer us with their advice and life stories.

Here’s your chance to ask Robert MacPhee your questions before I interview him on August 24th, 2011.

Please watch the video which explains more about my first guest, Robert MacPhee, the author of Manifesting For Non- Gurus. Robert has worked closely with Jack Canfield, the famous co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series, for the past 10 years, and is now the Director of Jack’s year long Platinum Inner Circle and Train the Trainer programs.

Robert will focus on comfort zones. Here’s what he said.

“Those who are willing to get out of their comfort zones are gutsy, willing to take risks and stretch themselves. We can talk about what comfort zones are, why we get stuck in them and how to bust out of them…”

Here’s your opportunity to ask Robert MacPhee, (Jack Canfield’s master trainer) any question specific to your situation or someone you want to help.

You can either ask in the comment section below or if you prefer to e-mail your question directly to me at: sonia@soniamarsh.com.

Please share this wonderful opportunity with friends or relatives who wish to ask Robert MacPhee a question, including his five step process which he explains in Manifesting for Non-Gurus.

This is going to be exciting! I shall have a podcast ready with your questions and his answers on Monday, August 29th, the day before my birthday. (Just had to throw that one in there.)

Is a gap year a good idea?

July 25, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

It’s time for parents in the U.S. to realize the benefits of sending their kids off for a gap year before college.

They’ve done it for decades in the UK and Australia, but for some reason many parents in America are unaware of this possibility, or fear this may lead to:

laziness
waste of time
waste of money
a kid who refuses to go to college after their gap year

Well I disagree, and here’s why.

Your child has been learning in school for about thirteen years straight. He’s burnt out. He’s not sure what he wants to study, but as a parent, we prefer him to get into college right away so he doesn’t miss an opportunity to get a degree. Everything is so competitive that we believe if we don’t act now our kid will never get in. Wrong. In fact, Princeton encourages a gap year. Harvard’s a big fan too, and so is Tufts and MIT.

So why are some of the most prestigious universities in the nation urging students to consider something that would make most parents cringe? “Better-prepared students mean higher completion rates. And it’s completion that matters,” according to the article, “Should your child have a ‘gap year’ before college?” With nearly 30% of all students who enter college not returning for their sophomore year, and three out of five students not finishing their degree in four years, parents and students are potentially “wasting” a ton of money.

Of course, all parents want their kids to succeed, but not all kids are ready for college; some like Rebecca in this video below, aren’t sure what they want to study and end up wasting an extra year or two switching majors. This turns out to be even more expensive in the long-run than had she taken a year off (which she did) and discovered what she wanted to do with her life.

So what can a student do during their gap year?

Travel
Volunteer abroad
Work
Internships

Usually a gap year involves travel abroad, volunteering and work experience as well as internships.

Global volunteer network: Is an example of a non profit organization which places volunteers in community projects worldwide.

Rebecca, a young student in the video, says she had no clue what she wanted to study after graduating high-school and her gap year working on projects in Romania and Ghana, taught her life skills and offered so many opportunities when she returned home.

The benefits of a gap year to a student:

Experience the world
Meet another culture
Grow as a person
Discover yourself
Open your mind to other possibilities

The gap year is not just for 18-year-olds graduating high school. In the onlineathens, Smith, 23, had a year off before starting medical school and decided to ride in the Great Divide Mountain Bike Race — a 2,745-mile run from Banff, Canada, to a border station near Antelope Wells, New Mexico. Smith and his friend Giannini finished the race in 17 days, 22 hours and raised more than $4,000 for the Children’s Miracle Network.

“There’s not a lot of times in your life when you have the time and you’re still in good enough physical shape to do something like this. Most of the time we were basically out of contact, so we couldn’t have any real responsibilities, like families or jobs that we had to take care of. But it was worth it.”

For those of you looking for information on what your student can do during a gap years, Education.com offers helpful tips and links.

So what do you think of a gap year for students? Any experience you want to share?

What about for adults? Please stay tuned. That will be in a future post.

Photo of student credit

My 7 links post for Tripbase

July 21, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Sonia at Crystal Cove, Laguna Beach, California

Tripbase is running a My 7 Links project to unite bloggers (from all sectors) in a joint endeavor to share lessons learned and create a bank of long but not forgotten blog posts that deserve to see the light of day again. Sounds good doesn’t it?

Miss Footloose from Life in the ExpatLane, and Annabel Candy from GetintheHotSpot. I feel very special thanks to both of you.

1. My most beautiful post

Did I cry when I said “Goodbye”

Emotionally, it was tough for me to say Goodbye when my second son left for college. This post was picked up by More magazine .

2. My most popular post

What does number 11 mean?

Never realized how many people also see # 11, and read this post, although it has a twist.

3. My most controversial post

Pregnant at 53 (my video)

Many thought this was real. What about you?

Why do we let young girls dress like that?

4. My most helpful post

Creating an Awesome Blog

It gets you thinking about your goals. It’s a simple post that gets to the core of what’s important in blogging.

5. The post with the most success that surprised me

Is education a right or a privilege?

I discuss how my sons were influenced by what they heard from our Belizean caretaker about how lucky they were to get an education.

6. A post I feel didn’t get the attention it deserved

Do schools kill creativity?

I am very much into comparing educational systems around the world.

7. A post that I’m most proud of

My Italian Lover (my video)

A story I wrote and was filmed reading at Dime Stories in Laguna Beach, California. I got way more laughs than I expected.

6 (I’m only supposed to ask 5 but like to take a risk) Hot Bloggers I’d like to nominate to participate:

Satisfying Retirement

Zero to 60 and beyond

Blog in France

Prolific Living

Always Well Within

THE BIG RISK***The Art of Non Conformity (Chris Guillebeau) It never hurts to be Gutsy and ask a tribe leader to join.

(Comments are always appreciated. Thanks for reading and sharing.)

The new Dr. Phil of man and horse: Buck

July 18, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

You’ve just come out of a movie feeling intense emotions of love, kindness towards others, the good in life, and you long to share and inspire others to pay it forward.

This is how I felt after seeing the movie “Buck.”

“Buck” is the story of Buck Brannaman, a true cowboy who endured a violent, abusive upbringing, and succeeded in overcoming tremendous personal odds.

After years of being physically beaten by his alcoholic father, Buck was placed in a loving foster home where he developed a phenomenally successful approach to horses. A real-life “horse-whisperer”, he is described as the “real deal” by Robert Redford. Everyone who meets Buck for the first time is taken by his authenticity.

Buck admits that the violence of his upbringing transformed him into the person he has become today, and his approach is to teach people to communicate with their horses through leadership and sensitivity, not punishment. He’s able to transform horses and people with the approach,

“I’m helping horses with people problems,”

and the movie succeeds in showing us the animal-human relationship and how it becomes a metaphor for facing the daily challenges of life.

I’ve never been exposed to horses, ranches or cowboys. Growing up in the suburbs of Paris with museums, cultural events and gourmet restaurants, could not be further from a cowboy’s lifestyle, yet Buck showed me the human side of horses and an understanding of how they can teach us so much about our own insecurities, problems and character flaws.

Buck Brannaman explains that a horse views a human tossing a saddle on his back much the way he would view a lion attack. He has a way of explaining to some doubting horse owners, who attend his clinics, his techniques which are all based on love and not punishment.

“Your horse is a mirror of you. Some may not like what they see. Some might.”

His no nonsense advice reminds me of the approach that Dr. Phil takes with those who seek help on his show. Buck shows us that raising horses is like raising children, they need guidelines and sometimes “tough love” is also required to build trust and mutual respect. Trying to bribe a horse with carrots and sugar leads to a spoiled, unresponsive horse, the same argument can be made for that type of parenting approach.

Strangely enough, you never see Buck whisper; he just snaps and waves a couple of red flags to convince the animal he cares about them. He has the ability to control any horse, even the feistiest and most deadly horses, and manages to appease them by remaining calm and non-threatening.

Buck is equally successful in his interaction with people and he holds clinics all over the West to show owners and trainers how to tame the liveliest colts. The movie shows his loving relationship with his wife and daughter, who performs at rodeos with him two months out of the year.

Buck’s turnaround was in great part due to the love he received from his foster mother. She is a delightful old lady who raised Buck with all the love that he didn’t receive from his own dad. Her love for Buck is obvious and what struck me as a major learning lesson in this film is just how much a parent can influence a child’s life into adulthood. I sensed that everyone watching the film was thinking about two things: