Since turning 47, number eleven keeps popping up, and I find it comforting, like my own security blanket. I wake up almost every night at 2:11, 4:11, and finally get up at 5:11 when I make strong coffee. As the coffee brews, I microwave the milk in a Pyrex measuring cup, setting the timer for one minute and eleven seconds. Why? I attribute eleven to good fortune, an omen of sorts. Last year, I stapled a check for $1,100,000, to the right of my computer screen. I made it out to me, and Random House signed it. The date on the check is 9/11. Why? I plan on turning a day the world will never forget, into a day I shall always remember.
I pour coffee and hot milk into my favorite dark blue coffee mug; the one with “Michigan Mom,” written in lemon, yellow cursive. This is the mug my problem son gave me in a cardboard box last Christmas. It has been 361 days since I last hugged my son, but the counting stopped yesterday. He is home for the holidays now legally an adult.
Sitting down on my swivel chair, I feel popular today; the way I assume a cheer leader must feel. Thirty-seven people commented on my blog post and my self-confidence is soaring. People care about me and each comment receives my undivided attention.
A loud clanging sound breaks my concentration. Not used to hearing the front door open this early, I forget that my son is home for the holidays. Dressed in gray sweatpants and a Michigan T-shirt, his face hasn’t changed, but his body looks trained for a body building contest.
“Morning,” he says in a voice deeper than the last time he was home. “Any coffee for me?”
“Yes, I made extra,” I say.
His movements are loud. Cabinets open and slam shut. Fridge door closes hard.
“Sleep well? Not too cold?” I ask.
“Not bad. The shed’s a little cold, but Cookie keeps me warm,” he said.
With both hands cupped around the mug, he sits on the leather couch, in darkness.
“Want the TV on?” I ask.
“I never watch TV,” he says.
Is he waiting for me to come over and talk to him? Does he think I’m a selfish mom for spending time looking at my blog comments rather than talking to him?
My shoulders are hunched over, as though hiding my face will lessen my feelings of guilt.
“Want a refill?” I ask, bad conscience lifting me out of the swivel chair. I pick up my mug, making sure “Michigan Mom” faces him as I head towards the leather armchair.
So I want to ask him, “Do you have a girlfriend?” or “What are your grades?” but fear coming across as the inquisitive mom bombarding him with questions. Instead I decide to break the ice by talking about myself first and then, who knows, he might open up and tell me a little about his life in Michigan.
“I just got an e-mail from a German friend Inge,” I say. “She invited me to spend a weekend in San Francisco,” I continue. “She’s earned enough frequent flier miles and invited me to be her guest. Isn’t that nice of her?” I add. After a long pause, my son turns towards me and says, “Why would anyone want to invite you as their friend? You’re no fun and not entertaining.”
Eleven years have passed and the blow hurts even more today. Perhaps there’s more to the number eleven than I know.
I wrote the above short story for my memoir class.
Do any of you see eleven whenever you look at a clock, or is it just me? Does anyone know what it means?
Very moving and too close to home. This is why writing scares me, even though I love it. I run from the fear of revealing too much of myself, even though I know it is the key to good writing. The only thing I have ever written that anyone bothered to say was great writting, I do not share often.
Thanks for sharing this story. As far as the number 11 goes, you have a long way to go to catch up to me with weird number habbits.
Craig
This is a great piece! The blow at the end is so unexpected. Those grown children really can cut you to the core.
The number 11 – it doesn’t mean anything to me. I think it must be your own personal omen. I hope that you find out what it means one of these days. I’m sure that you will.
Kids sure know how to hit you where it hurts don’t they?
When my oldest boy was 6 (I was only 31 at the time), he looks at me and says, “Mom, how old is old?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked him.
“Well, you’re old, but Grammie is really old, so how old do you have to be to be called old?”
Made me feel wonderful.
Eleven has always been my favorite number.
I really liked your piece. The end bit almost made me cry, though. How sad. You are a great memoire writer, I can tell!
As far as knowing what the eleven thing means, I have no idea. I just know that it has always held good fortune for me. I should write my own little memoire of that!
Sonia,
Your memoir piece is really good; the ending gives the reader a jolt. Made me feel sad that the son was so cruel. It is really good writing!
As for the number 11, well, in numerology, the 11 is a cardinal number and is never reduced. Like with other numbers, for example a 15 is reduced to 6, by adding the 1 and 5. Eleven stays eleven. A numerologiest told me that some time ago, while doing mine, because I was born in the 11th month. But it was just for fun, and this isn’t a good explanation.
If you believe the 11 is a good omen for you, then it is! My lucky number is 7!
Take care!
Renie
Wow that was an amazing story. I could not stop reading, you have great skills.
I am so glad to have found your blog. I am sorry that your son would talk to you like that, it sounds as if their are a lot of hidden problems with him. Did something happen to him to make him this way towards you? I hope things are better now.
I am Muslim so we do not believe in omens and things like that!
Kids can be so cruel to their parents. I cringed when I read what your son said.
As far as the number eleven, it is supposed to denote a signifigance to the moment. That’s what I’ve read and heard. Who knows?
I have had similar experiences with my daughter! Somehow our grown kids still do not see us as their peers or people who have feelings too.
You did a good job writing how “we” feel receiving comments and how important they are!
About the Nr. 11….not sure there. I don´t have a favorite number.
🙂 I’m not the sappy type, but that was touching…
Thanks for sharing.
Not sure if there is a particular number I notice a lot, now, you have me thinking and I’m going to have to pay close attention to numbers around me.
In this case I would say to him ‘grow up’.
11 is nothing special for me…
but I have some connection with numbers: 7, 9 , 13 and 32.
Why? I don’t know!
I’m so glad I found your blog.
It’s always a pleasure to read well written text.
Have a great day!
Get ready to do the number rhumba ….
Beautifully written.
I’m a bit like that with the number 19. I see it everywhere. I find it comforting.
Strangly the number 22 keeps popping up for me. (2 X 11) I wake up at 12:22, 1:22, 2:22 etc. I am working on an experiment so try this if you can. Cover the numbers on the clock so they aren’t visable from where you are sleeping. then see if you wake up at the 11 times. I didn’t when I tried it. I Have several other parts to this experiment too if you want to give them a try. You may find it interesting.
My youngest says whatever is on his mind and drops many bombs like that. He usually appoligizes but that is after the fact.
Great post/story. Interesting about the number 11. Definitely wasn’t expecting the ending. College kids tend to be brattier than kindergarten kids sometimes, I think!
Ouch! Painful memoir! I don’t have any kids, but if I said something like that to my mom, she’d cry.
I don’t have any numbers that turn up again and again and I don’t have a lucky number or a favorite number, though I am partial to two because that means me and someone else… but maybe I’m just not a number person.
Ouch. That hurts!
Hi Sonia,
Wonderful post! Thanks for sharing.
The number 11…ahhh.
Well, this link might give you a few ideas.
http://globalpsychics.com/enlightening-you/numerology/1111.shtml
A terrible twist at the end.. I thought you were leading up to a happier ending. I’m so sorry about your pain… If it’s any consolation, I thought I hated my parents for ages and let them know it too. But I got over that and we have been good friends for many many years.
The number 11? I think that we see our own symbolism is numbers.. perhaps a way of trying to see patterns or order in the chaos of the world…
The only numbers that have any significance for me are the ones that let me know how much money is left in our bank accounts!
Thanks for sharing your story! I for one think you are fun and entertaining.
Craig Glenn,
Thanks for your comment. We all love to hear the truth, don’t we?
Karen (KayKay),
I found out what 11 means through Tina-Sue’s weblink below.
Captain Hook,
Yes, kids can be very kind, can’t they?
Lady Glamis,
At least I stirred up a reaction. Thanks for that nice comment.
Renie,
Glad to hear someone else has a number. Thanks for the writing comment. Coming from you, it’s an honor.
Noor,
One reason we moved to Belize was because of our oldest son. Just so you know, he did fix my flat iron for my hair later that day. So I guess that was his way of apologizing.
Elizabeth Bradley,
Yes, I read about 11, after Tina-Sue below sent me a link.
Betty,
Thanks for agreeing about the comments we receive. I know you take good care of those who visit you.
Crimogenic,
Coming from your crime writing background, that was very kind. Thanks,
BLOGitse,
Thanks for finding me too. Shall visit you too.
David Mcmahon,
Not sure what you mean?
Kit Courteney,
Glad you have a number too.
Greg C,
That’s an interesting experiment. Shall try it.
Lauren,
Thanks for letting me know about college kids behavior vs. Kindergartners. Might make an interesting post.
Archaeogoddess,
I did cry afterwards in the kitchen.
The Blonde Duck,
It did hurt.
Tina-Sue,
Thanks for the link. It does make me believe my moment has come to do something positive, after reading it, and I do feel that intensely.
LadyFi,
Yes, a little abrupt ending. Thanks for being supportive.
LOL. I loved your post. Lately when I look at the clock it’s an odd hour like 2:22 or 3:33 or 1:11. I even dreamed that I looked at a clock and it said 11:11. Of course things like that always freak me out a bit. I figure it’s God telling me it’s time. For?
great story. i always seem to see times with numbers in sequence when I look at digital clocks. You know, like 1:23 or 3:45 or my personal favorite 12:34!
Sonia, it strikes me that this story, with its surprising, crushing conclusion, could be the beginning of your book. You could flashback from there to the year in Belize.
Now the hard question. What does your son think about your book? Your blog?
Your son’s casual cruelty blew me away. Have the years made him any kinder or at least a little smarter?
Remy,
Yes, he is much kinder. I just don’ understand what happened. Later that day he fixed something for me without me asking him. So who knows?
Thanks for your comment.
Ur writing can’t be compromised! I struggle with it too—even in my blog…My Dad(whom I respect and love) read something I wrote there and said, “That’s not the Penny I know!” I was so upset and started adding “warnings” to my blogs that contained crude language or questionable material–but I felt un-authentic and I decided to just believe that he would love me no matter what and would understand eventually.
AND- I have a thing with numbers too!!! I look at the clock at 3:11 and 7:11 EVERY night. My dorm room number in college was 311 AND my office number in my last job was 711!! I’ve have freaked out family members by saying that maybe one of those is the time I will die–but then again, maybe it’s the time something good will happen!
This was strange to read…
about #11. I too see #11 ALL the time, actually, seems as tho each time I look at a digital clock, its shows 11:22…seriously! That is my birthday and for all these years, each time I’m always amazed.
And then you write about Son being home…
Mine will be home tomorrow and if he speaks to me like the shocking end of your writings, I’m going to be prepared to smack him!!
Hi there. I was doing a search on the number 11 when I came across your blog. I am seeing 11-after every time I look to see what time it is. This has been going on for months! I wake up in the middle of the night, glance at the clock, 2:11am. I go to make my son something to eat, look at the clock on the coffee pot, 12:11pm. I get at least 4-5 of them a day. Today I ran into the store to get a few things, the total was $11 and some change. Later that day I was out shopping with my mom and grabbed a couple things, again, total was $11 and some change.
I don’t know if this means anything, all I know is that it has got my attention.
I understand your problem with your son. I have a very troubled 15-year old son. We have had some serious blowouts, 3 this weekend alone. I am VERY stressed! He hates me right now. He says things to try to belittle me as well.Very heartbreaking!
Anonymous,
Glad you found me and I hope you come back as you can see from my bio, that we also had a problem teenager and moved to Belize to straighten him out. I’ve written a memoir about our year with 3 sons in
Belize. Waiting to publish.
Number 11, sounds like we’re the same on that one. If you read the comments you’ll see a few that explain their thoughts on it.
Thanks for stopping by. Come again.
hi,
well I am only a teenager and recently,
number 11 has been following me everywhere, its been about two or more weeks now. Its driving me crazy, every time I focus on a clock it has either 3:11, 8:11, 9:11, 7:11, 10:11
just recently I flicked onto the news and it did a snap shot of a train crash, a trunk ran into it. guess how many people died….11.
anyone have any idea what this number means to me? and just anything about it?
if so I will keep checking this page for any information, please help
hi,
well I am only a teenager and recently,
number 11 has been following me everywhere, its been about two or more weeks now. Its driving me crazy, every time I focus on a clock it has either 3:11, 8:11, 9:11, 7:11, 10:11
just recently I flicked onto the news and it did a snap shot of a train crash, a trunk ran into it. guess how many people died….11.
anyone have any idea what this number means to me? and just anything about it?
if so I will keep checking this page for any information, please help
I see the numbers 11:11 and 1:11 all the time. I believe it is God telling us something extremely important. I found my answer in Acts 1: 1-11.
I too, so often check the clock
and it displays 11:11. I am
gradually feeling more comfortable
when it pops up. It still sort of
seems like a "sign" for me. Am glad I am not alone.
August 10, 2009 3:56PM
I googled the number 11 because I am seeing it almost every time I look at the clock. I almost feel like something is telling me to look at the clock and when I do I see an 11. I came down to the kitchen a little while ago and the clock said 11:11. That's what made me google it. I mentioned this to my husband and he said the same thing happens to him. Pretty weird.
omg, i sware to god that everytime i look at the clock the number is like 4:11 2:11 9:11 and they guy that i likes jursy number is 11 and the day i broke my arm was 11-11-09 and when i get it off is 12-11-09 and its creeping me outt.!!
for the past year or so i have been "haunted" if that's the word, by the numbers 8:11, i was watching a movie a while ago and they mentioned that time in the movie and at that instant i looked at my clock and it was indeed 8:11 also !!!! it has also just come to my realization that i used to live in an apartment building and my apartment number was 1108. weird, huh? if anyone has any answers please email me at mjw619@hotmail.com thank you very much. maybe a biblical verse is in order ? not sure…
I enjoy reading the report, too. It′s easy to understand that a journey like this is the biggest event in ones
life.
I too have been struck by the number 11. It began about nine months ago. Every time I looked at the clock, it was 5:11 9:11 10:11 11:11 etc. And not just the clock. When I was out, I have looked at a person in their yard and as they turned around, I would see that their jersey would have 11 on it. Really strange! I'm trying to find out what that could mean too. Good luck to you.
Perfect timing, Egypt 2/11/11 Mubarak resigns, Egypt is free.
Number 11 has been magical to me since 1995, when I met my soul-mate. Every month on the 11th, if I'm not with her, I call her to wish her Happy Anniversary. WE met on the 11th of Nov 1995 (11/11/95) I would bet that through my Travels in USA and around the Globe, the 11 as a number or combo Room #74 or #56 = 11 seems to happen 90% of time. Her daughters birthday is on the 11th. I've flow many times for west to east and 9/11 of any year I'm mostly on a plane either taking off or landing. More later
The number 11 is a symbol for purity – in several traditions of sacred numbers. It is a good omen and it is asking you to follow your path to a life of pure something – pure courage, pure love, pure hope —something you need but only you can determine —it is giving you hints on your 'great' path – things you seek will be revealed if you are true to yourself with pure (not selfish) motives. hope that helps….it's like a bread crumb trail leading you on your grail quest.