Why I Quit Dating Apps at 68—And My 35-Year-Old Son Has the Same Problem

April 30, 2026 by Sonia Marsh Leave a Comment

I quit dating apps—and oddly enough, my 35-year-old son and I are in the exact same boat. He has women lining up, I’m attracting men 10–17 years older who need a caregiver, and yet… neither of us is finding what we actually want. So what’s going on here?

Why I’ve Stepped Away from Dating Apps

I have quit dating apps for a while for two reasons: one, no luck, and two, people keep telling me that you meet someone when you least expect it.

The Surprising Truth: My Son and I Have the Same Dating Problems

What I find so interesting about online dating is that my 35-year-old son is having the same issues as me.

We’ve actually become quite close as mother and son, sharing dating stories. The main difference? He has no problem getting dates, while I’m only getting a few dates with older men who have health issues.

The Dating Imbalance: Age, Attraction, and Expectations

My son is a doctor who makes a good living and is 6’4” tall, so women flock to him. Listening to dating podcasts, he fits into that tiny fraction of men who are young, tall, and financially successful.

I, on the other hand, fall into the category of mature women who can only seem to find men 10–20 years older than me—men who often need a woman to take care of them.

This feels unfair, especially since I’m thin, active, intelligent, and fully capable of taking care of myself.

The Real Issue: Avoidant Attachment Style

So what’s the problem for both my son and me? Are we both too picky? Isn’t chemistry important?

During our phone conversations, we’ve realized that we are both “avoidants.” This comes from attachment theory (I’ve included a quick YouTube link if you want to explore it further).

Basically, we are not the clingy type. We’re independent and tend to have our guard up—at least I know I do. We don’t easily show physical affection unless there’s real chemistry.

In other words, we’re picky. And maybe a bit naïve in believing there’s someone out there who meets at least 95% of our criteria. Listening to podcasts on relationships and dating, I’ve come to the conclusion that we look at photos of men, (in my case) and women, (in my son’s case) as products. It’s become online shopping for a partner, just like shopping on Amazon, but without the reviews.

Chemistry vs. Companionship

Intellectually, I understand that perfection doesn’t exist—and I’m certainly not perfect either.

But at this stage of my life, I’m not willing to be with a man I’m not attracted to despite what relationship coaches tell us. “You can grow to fall in love with someone’s personality.” Well, I’m sorry, I need to be attracted to the man physically as well.

I work hard to stay fit, healthy and to keep learning. I travel, build friendships, host gatherings, and genuinely love who I am.

I’m tired of hearing, “You can develop chemistry with someone who’s kind or has a sense of humor.” I call that a friend.

And in my online dating experience, I’ve yet to meet a man—even at 80—who wants to be “just friends.” You know what I mean.

I also have no interest in becoming someone’s caregiver at the beginning of a relationship. It’s different if you’ve been married to this person all your life.

Should I Date Younger Men?

Friends tell me I should date a younger man.

And I would—if I knew he genuinely liked me for who I am. Maybe it’s my avoidant attachment style that makes me feel there is always an ulterior motive on their part. A lack of trust on my part.

What I’m Doing Instead: Real-Life Connections

So these days, I’m focusing on real-life interactions.

I’m joining discussion groups and attending art museum events in Laguna Beach. I love meeting intelligent people—men and women—who have traveled, who are curious, and who refuse to become stale in their thinking.

What I’m Hoping For

What I would truly love is a natural introduction—to meet a single man through someone I trust.

Someone who shares my love of travel, snorkeling, swimming, and staying active. Someone who wants a companion, an equal—not a caretaker.

If you can introduce me to that man, please email me at sonia@soniamarsh.com!

And As for My Son…

As for my son, I’m sure he’ll have no trouble finding someone he can love and marry…

As long as he’s not holding out for 100% perfection.

Solo Cruising Doesn’t Mean You’re Alone

April 4, 2026 by Sonia Marsh Leave a Comment

Solo Cruising doesn’t mean you’re alone.

Evening with the Captain of Le Champlain, a Smithsonian Cruise on Ponant.

Small ships are better for Solo Travelers.

Gala Evening on Le Champlain. PONANT cruise.

Many women worry about solo cruising and about feeling lonely. I’m sharing my experience to help you feel safe and confident about finding companionship and meaningful connections while cruising solo.

My Solo Cruising Experience

I started cruising four years ago. Only once did I feel slightly uncomfortable and self-conscious — on a Crystal cruise when I had to dine alone in three specialty restaurants.

From an uncomfortable dining night to better choices

Reservations had to be made several months in advance, and when I asked the maitre d’ if I could join a sharing table (as I had on other cruises), he replied, “We don’t have sharing tables.” He seated me at a table for two in the most conspicuous part of the dining room, surrounded by couples. That was when I felt lonely.

After that experience, I chose not to cruise with that line again. I now prefer smaller ships with a more intimate feel where the staff get to know you, look after you, and create a more comforting atmosphere.

Why Small Ships Work Better for Solo Travelers

It’s easy to assume a large ship means more people to meet, but I’ve found the opposite: the smaller the ship, the easier it is to connect with like-minded passengers.

Intimacy, shared tables, and friendly staff

My first cruise was on the Paul Gauguin, a small ship with just 330 passengers. The restaurant staff welcomed me and consistently found me a seat at shared tables with other solo travelers and friendly couples who wanted to mingle. Conversations flowed, and getting to know people from other countries while sharing travel stories made me feel alive.

No Single Supplement on PONANT Cruises

I’ve chosen to stay with PONANT and similar small-ship lines (185–330 passengers). One big benefit I discovered: PONANT offers “no single supplement” on many departures, meaning you can have your own cabin without paying extra for single occupancy. On their website, you can filter offers by “no single supplement.”

The Ponant website allows you to filter “no single supplement” under “Offers.”

Highlights from a Smithsonian Cruise on Le Champlain

Many cruise lines organize a welcome cocktail reception on the first or second night of your cruise. Don’t be disappointed if you meet only women at the reception. On one cruise, there were 19 solo women and one man, who happened to be gay, and who had just lost his partner.

Lectures, Panama Canal, Darian tribe excursions

Ponant offers lectures on board. I was recently on a Smithsonian cruise through the Panama Canal and Costa Rica, and we had lectures on the history of building the canal and on the wildlife in both countries by experts in the field.

Mother painting black ink on her child. Ink is used for mosquito and sun protection.

Interesting excursions with small groups. No long lines to get off the ship.

Private beach with no crowds when you sail with PONANT

Food, Service, and Gala Evenings on Le Champlain

The food is to die for, but I’ve always loved French refined food with delicious, freshly prepared meals and smaller portions.

Champagne and Caviar evening on Le Champlain

Friendly crew and staff who get to know you and truly care about you and your comfort.
I like to dress up for cocktails and dinner in the evening and share stories with fellow passengers during a pre-dinner cocktail and dinner.
No tipping as everything is included. Wifi and drinks, including free-flowing French Champagne and nice canapes.

Tips for Making Friends Onboard

– Attend the welcome cocktail and any orientation/social events.

– Sit at shared tables in the dining room or ask the staff to seat you with others.

– Join lectures, classes, and shore excursions — these naturally create shared experiences and conversation starters.

– Be open and approachable: a simple question about someone’s itinerary or hometown often leads to a great conversation.

Should You Try Solo Cruising?

I hope you give small ship solo cruising a try. You’ll enjoy the freedom to explore new places while still enjoying the companionship of fellow travelers and the attentive, familiar crew. It’s a blend of independence, luxury, learning, and social connection — everything I want from travel.

Single Woman Cruising Solo

March 21, 2025 by Sonia Marsh 2 Comments

Single Woman Solo Cruising:

Sonia enjoying the Paul Gauguin cruise in Bora Bora

I’m a single woman cruising solo and enjoying life at 67. I feel young, vibrant, and excited about life.

With all the turmoil and uncertainty in our world today, I’ve decided to cruise solo as much as my budget will allow. I’m in good health and want to enjoy the positives, meeting people from other countries and seeing new places on our beautiful planet.

Focusing on small ships catering to singles:

This year, I’ve booked three different cruise lines to compare: PONANT (French), CRYSTAL (owned by Abercrombie and Kent), and SEABOURN (Carnival Corporation & plc.) After trying all three cruises, I’ll be able to discuss the pros and cons of each, and decide which cruise line I prefer.

Solo traveling is growing, especially among women, so I have researched the smaller ships that offer discounts for solo travelers, and cannot wait to compare all three.

My first cruise is on The Paul Gauguin Cruise Ship (PONANT)

I plan to spend a week in Bath, U.K., before heading to Singapore, where the first leg of my cruise starts.

This will be my third cruise on the Paul Gauguin twice to French Polynesia, which I highly recommend.

The ship is small, with 330 passengers, and the crew is always upbeat and friendly. They remember my first name and the extra-strong Americano is ready every morning when I arrive at the early risers continental breakfast bar.

On my Christmas cruise in French Polynesia, I met a nice Romanian woman who loves to swim as much as I do. We would meet at the coffee bar at 6:00 a.m. and wait for the swimming pool to be refilled with warm seawater. I love that there is no chlorine in the pool and that they replace it with seawater daily. Here’s a video on how they do it.

I’ve never been to Singapore, so I decided to hire a guide (tours by locals). I arrive in the evening at Changi Airport, and a Paul Gauguin representative will drive me to my hotel. (That’s the plan!) The following day, I’ll have 3 hours to tour Singapore’s highlights with my guide before embarkation.

Another bonus are the lectures on board the Paul Gauguin by various experts. So I look forward to learning about different cultures and other interesting facts on my two-week journey to Darwin (see map above). I’ve pre-booked my excursions to stunning islands and beaches such as Parai Beach, Indonesia, Java, Bali,

Komodo Island (and the famous Komodo dragons, the largest species of dragons up to 330 lbs).

My last excursion before Darwin, is in Dili (the capital of East Timor), an island that I was hoping the Peace Corps would send me to volunteer when I applied.

Please follow me as I cruise along for another two weeks to Fiji.

Let me know if you’ve experienced a wonderful cruise and which cruise lines you would suggest I try.

More to come!!!

Sonia

2nd part of the cruise from Darwin to Fiji

What Does Self-Love Mean to You?

May 17, 2024 by Sonia Marsh 8 Comments

What does “self-love” mean to you?

The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. Do you agree?

If you have trouble understanding the term, “Self-love” another way to understand this is to realize that it can motivate and guide you towards self-care practices. Those who genuinely love themselves are more likely to prioritize their health and happiness.

Self-love took me a long time to understand, and now I see the importance of practicing self-care.

I live in Orange County, California, where most people are into exercise, taking care of staying healthy and youthful. Self-care is important to me, and I don’t think it’s being self-centered or selfish. It’s something I do for myself and for my adult children. It doesn’t mean I’m egotistical and lack kindness and empathy towards others. It means that I want to keep as active and healthy as I can be to enjoy the rest of my life and avoid health issues as long as I can.

Another part of self-love is setting boundaries,

Is self-care the same as self-centeredness?

Self-care is essential, but what do I mean by it? (Here is my list)

Eat right, and avoid fast food, sugary sodas, and desserts
Exercise every day
Take pride in yourself and your looks (for yourself)
Avoid alcohol
Sleep 7-8 hours
Do not smoke
Call your friends
Check on family members
Keep learning
Belong to a community
Gratitude Journaling
Meditation
Travel

Self care is not the same as being self-centered.

What is self-centeredness?

According to Chat GPT, the definition of self-centeredness:

“Self-centeredness refers to a personality trait or behavior where an individual excessively focuses on themselves, their own needs, desires, and interests, often to the exclusion or neglect of others. It can manifest in various ways, such as constantly talking about oneself, seeking attention or validation, prioritizing personal gain over the well-being of others, and displaying a lack of empathy or consideration for others’ feelings and perspectives.”

Finally, Marissa Peer describes 3 ways to know you love yourself in a succinct manner in this short video.

Is Divorce a Gift or a Curse?

April 22, 2024 by Sonia Marsh 4 Comments

Is divorce a gift or a curse?

I have been contemplating this particular topic ever since I got divorced in 2015. As a single woman in her sixties, I am grateful for the gift that my divorce has given me. Although it was not easy in the beginning, I have several reasons why I am thankful for it.

I can put my own needs first.

After going through the grieving process of my divorce and feeling rejected and alone, I made a decision to focus on the advantages of being single and free to do what I want. During my marriage, I spent most of my time and energy trying to please my spouse and children. Now, as a divorced woman, I can be more self-centered and prioritize my own needs.

It’s quite liberating to take care of yourself. After 28 years of marriage, I can now enjoy the freedom of eating what I like and when I like, going to bed when I want to, and not having to listen to snoring. I can choose whether or not to engage in sexual activity, travel whenever I feel like it, watch shows that I enjoy, do laundry for one, exercise at my own pace, spend time with my adult children when it’s mutually convenient, and finally call my friends and talk for as long as I want to without any disturbance. Let’s not forget that I have the freedom to date the men I want to date.

Here is my list of top self-care needs:

Exercise: Since turning 25, exercise has become my addiction. Weight training and swimming are now part of my daily routine. I wrote an article on Pat Anderson’s blog, ‘A Fitness Minute’, about what exercise has done for me.
Nutrition: I am interested in nutrition, health, fitness, and longevity. I often listen to podcasts on these topics, have watched an incredible documentary, “The Blue Zones,” on Netflix, and follow the Mediterranean diet.
Travel: In the article I wrote about the benefits of traveling solo, I discovered small ship cruising with no single supplement, allowing me to have my own cabin and pay just for myself.
Dating: You may be wondering why finding a compatible, fun, active man who also travels is on my list of top self-care needs. My answer: Why not? I’m still interested in meeting men.
Netflix: I just had to put that in my top self-care needs as there are many great series and documentaries that both entertain, and teach me about history, space exploration, psychology, and more.
A Sense of Purpose: I feel pressure to be productive instead of watching daytime TV, but why am I procrastinating with my second memoir?

I feel guilty (self-imposed and a waste of time) that I’m not writing my second memoir. You would think that with the number of podcasts, zooms, and Free Bootcamp informative courses offered by Hay House Publishing, I would finally get my butt into my chair and start writing, but “Oh no,” I must just listen to “Make it Happen” with Mel Robbins and she will motivate me to get my memoir writing project going. Have you ever found yourself downloading free workbooks to motivate you to start your project, and then realize you’re spending an inordinate number of hours answering questions but not getting any work done on your project? If so, you’re not the only one.

Having published my first memoir in 2012, I understand the commitment you have to make to get it done. I also remember the marketing side of publishing a book and I ask myself these questions:

Do I want to share my life online?

What if I receive a lot of negative feedback? Cruel comments can come from people who don’t even know me because they just want to be nasty.

When writing a book that appeals to readers, it’s important, to tell the truth and be vulnerable, share emotions, and, in my case, reveal the raw details of my marriage and the transformation that happened during my Peace Corps service teaching orphans and vulnerable children in a small village in the mountains of Lesotho, Africa.

That is the book I want to write; a memoir to help women who are grieving the loss of a relationship, feeling lonely, and unable to find a sense of purpose in their lives. I strongly believe that there is hope, and that being single – whether by choice, through the death of a loved one, or due to divorce – presents many opportunities to fall in love with the person you have become and will always have by your side.”

So, what do you think? Is divorce a gift or a curse? If you are single or divorced, please share your opinion in the comments below.