Have you noticed how more and more teenagers and tweens are dressing provocatively or is it just me?
In an article by Jennifer Moses in the Wall Street Journal, she poses the question, “Why do so many of us not only permit our teenage daughters to dress like this—like prostitutes, if we’re being honest with ourselves—but pay for them to do it with our AmEx cards?” This controversial article and interview has 280 comments since it was published on Saturday March 19th. Many of those who commented were angry at Jennifer Moses, however, she does have a point: the media is bombarding young girls with role models like Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton and tween catalogs are advertising clothing as “sexy and flirty.” In another article entitled “Too Sexy Too Soon,” you can see how the fashion industry is putting pressure on tweens to look sexy.
There is nothing new to the fact that young girls want to be cute and flirty, however, I’ve seen some eleven-year-old girls dress so provocatively that you question, “What is their intention? Jennifer Moses asks, “What are they saying? I’ve got them, come and get them?” She admits that some mothers are better at guiding their daughters than others, and that she has had problems with her own daughter while trying to bond during a shopping trip. Excuses like, “It’s no big deal mom, everyone is dressing like that,” or “Just cause I dress like that doesn’t mean I’m having sex,” are common. She admits that teenagers will drive you crazy, and you end up giving in.
There are some moms and dads contributing to this behavior by shopping with their daughters and throwing them parties at clubs. It’s almost like they’re saying, ‘Look how hot my daughter is.'” But why? One mother says, “It’s a bonding thing. It starts with the mommy-daughter manicure and goes on from there.” On the other hand, Jennifer Moses who grew up at the tail-end of the hippie generation, brings her own theory. She says, “It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret.” She continues, “We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control, the first who didn’t have to worry about getting knocked up.”
When asked what about her message, Jennifer Moses believes we need to make kids aware of the following:
- TV is a fantasy
- We’re living in a pornographic society with a debased cheap culture
- You won’t get my credit card to buy stuff I don’t agree with.
If you’re a parent of a tween or teenager, to what extent do you think it’s the media’s fault? What can and should we do as parents?
This is why God gave me boys. I would have locked my daughter up somewhere if I had to deal with this.
Most of the outfits I would find slutty on any woman, but on a teen or worse tween? I think it sets us back almost a generation.
We fought so hard to be taken seriously, for our intellect and ability to go shoulder to shoulder in a man's world. Only to have this generation drag us back to being nothing more than sex objects. I find it very sad.
Very interesting post… should spark some discussion!
b
#Barbara,
I can relate to what you said about being lucky to have sons. Me too, and quite frankly, I don't know if I could have raised three daughters in Orange County, California. Maybe we would have stayed in Belize for life. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
I saw this via a site called Pink Stinks, which looks at stereotyping of girls and women through clothes, toys etc…
Here in Sweden we are a lot more sheltered, thank goodness! That tarty look is not something I want for my daughter…
God gave me two boys, and then two girls. They all would have been raised in Orange County, CA, had my husband not been transferred to St. Louis for his job. I felt relieved to have a slower pace.
Once the girls reached high school, the peer pressure was incredible! I'll admit that there were times when I caved, but I always expressed my feelings and opinions. I finally compromised with them about how they dressed. I felt there were more important things to argue about than clothes or hair. And since both are now "of age," they've told me that I'm not the boss of them anymore!
I think back to my high school, and remember that clothes were a big deal, and having a boyfriend validated me. I thought dressing like a flirt would make me popular.
Today, as you state, dressing flirty is no different from dressing slutty. Young women are bombarded by the media to look a certain way. It takes a very strong and centered woman to not fall prey to this. For this reason, my sons would not date anyone from their high school.
I guess it comes down to patience,"give and take" and, constant prayer!
Great post S.! I'll be back to read more comments!
What are you talking and raise it's a BIG issue and the answers are not so easy. But the first think we can do is to DEMAND a better educational system and promote the values and the principles instead of the cynic aspects of life. Mass Media are brain washing machines worldwide…
I realize that many young women who dress like sluts when out in public are adults and it is their choice. But why didn't their parents instill a sense of dignity and modesty in them when they were younger? Parents are failing their children by not teaching them morals and right from wrong. This country is headed down a very sleezy path.
Simple answer to your question, "NO!"
A woman, even a young one, can be funny and flirtations without being half-undressed. But too much tv and too much trivial fantasy are robbing girls of their childhood. Boys, too.
I'm glad that, today, our "girl" is in her late 30s. We never had to fight over this kind of stuff.
And in terms of women in the world, I hold considerable sympathy for Barbara's position. Well said, Barbara.
And well-written, Sonia.
Very interesting post. I don't know how people wear that, honestly, I would feel so exposed and embarrassed.
Sarah Allen
(my creative writing blog)
As long as porn rules this will continue.
I've heard young girls say they're competing with the porn stars they boys watch!
Did you know the porn industry targets 8 year old boys. Their goal is to reach them and teach them about sex before their parents do.
And don't forget it's available on cell phones to anyone.
The really sad thing about guys and porn is they become uninterested in their "real live" girlfriends, wives etc. because they don't hold a candle to the porn stars.
How do I know this? I used to be a therapist in private practice. I've heard it all and researched it all.
Oh did I say most moms are oblivious to the sex/porn industry.
Dr. Phil said once on his show that Hollywood Blvd billboards are nothing but appealing to girls sexually with their ads. Sad, sad, sad.
As a Dad with two (now grown) daughters my wife and I were lucky. Our girls never wanted to dress to attract inappropriate attention to themselves. Even so, both were extremely popular through High School and leaders of their classes.
Peer pressure is intense but isn't impossible to resist. I believe it all stems from the family environment and the sense of self worth that parents instill in their children (female or male).
Even so, I find the "look" that young women have adopted to be reprehensible. It speaks volumes about the culture in which they are immersed.
We had two boys and my perspective of your excellent blog is that it also is problematic because it confuses boys at a time when they should be building honest relationships with the opposite sex. I remember my older son fielding a call from a unrequited girlfriend who was threatening suicide at the age of 15. How is a boy supposed to act if all they see is an unreal world?
BTW I read the article and found it very interesting.
A friend of mine was telling me about a book that talks about that. (I cannot remember the title.Grr). The author ended up with death threats, before it was being read in Uni.
I don't think that young girls know what it really means to dress that way. I completely agree, I watch some of the current singers and wonder how much longer it will take before they are completely nude.
Parents alone cannot prevent it, they will simply leave dressed and change in the schools bathroom.
i agree with you that media has an undeniable effect on peoples' behavior – esp young people – but there is no substitute for good parenting.
am off not to read your previous post, which i missed…
@ladyfi
Never heard of that site. Thanks for the info.
@noexcuses glad to hear you moved away and St. Louis worked.
@Phivos
I wonder if the media is always at fault though.
@Susie
Good to see you again. I agree with the lack of strong parenting with some kids.
@Rob-bear
I'm so glad to "see" you again. I worried about your long hibernation. Glad to hear you did not have to go through that with your daughter.
In response to your question whether the media is always at fault there is an endless debate on that. In my opinion, the Mass Media are controlled in one way or another and they coincide with the quality of the democratic institutions and of course the level of the citizens themselves. The theory of the communicating vessels is perfectly applied in this situation as well.
In any case Sonia, keep asking, wondering, and most important maybe, questioning…
@Sarah Allen
Thanks for your comment, and I agree, it is rather "so exposed."
@Tess
I had no idea about all these facts you gave us. You must know so much more than most of us as you were a therapist. Pretty sad about the 8-year-old boys being targeted.
I wonder if that's all around the world, or mostly in the U.S.?
@Bob Lowry
I like the "self worth" that you speak of and that's a good point. I know some dads who are, in my opinion, overly-critical of their daughters looks, especially if they're chubby. Not good for a teenage girl to listen to.
@Doctor Eclectic
You raise an excellent point about the boys side of things. I can also relate to the example of young girls, which actually is part of the reason we left for Belize.
@Antares
That's why school uniforms are not such a bad thing after all.
@Amanda
Good parenting is key, but sometimes peer pressures take over good parenting, even if only temporarily. Thanks Amanda.
@Phivos
Perhaps the media is so heavily eared towards youth who spend money on "conforming." Also movies are geared towards 15-year-old males in the U.S., but the question is, "Who gives them the money?"
Every word struck a chord with me. Even in India, these days with the globalization and all catching on…I've always felt young women have the concept of liberalization mixed up….Broad mindedness needn't be inversely proportional to the skimpiness of your dress.
Having said that, I don't subscribe to the view that just because a woman dresses in a certain way, she's provoking men and she's in a way responsible for any kind of sexual disaster that might come her way. I'm saying this in particular, coz this argument has come up in our legal system for a couple of rape cases.
But, I'm a lil old school when it comes to women dressing….there's more grace in dressing decently…
The definition of decent is very relative and I guess that's the very basis of this discussion…
Very interesting read..
Every word struck a chord with me. Even in India, these days with the globalization and all catching on…I've always felt young women have the concept of liberalization mixed up….Broad mindedness needn't be inversely proportional to the skimpiness of your dress.
Having said that, I don't subscribe to the view that just because a woman dresses in a certain way, she's provoking men and she's in a way responsible for any kind of sexual disaster that might come her way. I'm saying this in particular, coz this argument has come up in our legal system for a couple of rape cases.
But, I'm a lil old school when it comes to women dressing….there's more grace in dressing decently…
The definition of decent is very relative and I guess that's the very basis of this discussion…
Very interesting read..
Hello Sonnia! It's a very interesting blog! I just love your posts.
Kisses and hugs from Brazil 🙂
http://dailycatwalk.blogspot.com
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xoxox
Hello Sonia !
Parents do have a very important role to play if they want their children to think twice before making hasty decisions,knowing fully well however that these will feel free to do as they please later on..Discussing helps a lot…Children don't necessarily want to look like models, they want to feel loved and appreciated for what they really are.In fact I even think that somewhere inside they would feel proud to be different by just being themselves.If we really want people to get on together,they have to accept differences…After all,we all have a lot in common!
@Chaitra and Tranquil Chaos
(Same comment)
Thanks for your comment from a global perspective and I'd love to hear more from you coming from the perspective of the youth in India.
I totally agree wit u too. When I was a teen, not too while ago, now a mother of a 2yrs old lil girl (i think i will be battling abt this soon with her too).
Even myself find it bit hard to find a flattery dress that doesn’t attract trouble. I just googled on how to make a dress less sexy, and 99% came out with “how to make a dress MORE sexy”…!!!
Thanks for your comment Manje. Interesting that your Google search came up that way.