The more I learn about social media, the more I think there’s one huge contradiction.
The biggest problem I see is with authenticity.
I’ve heard time and time again that the secret to being a successful blogger is to:
- Write great content
- Solve a problem for your readers
- Meet some specific need or desire for your readers
- Differentiate yourself from the 1,000’s of other blogs out there
- Be yourself
We know that blogs with massive numbers of subscribers follow the five guidelines mentioned above, however, I would like to focus on the last one: be yourself, and here’s where I see the problem. How authentic are we online?
We’re told that the best approach is to:
“Be yourself. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not; people can tell if you’re a fake.”
Before I go one step further I have to admit that I’m not 100% myself either (Gasp!) because if I were, I wouldn’t be spending hours producing a how I made my blog welcome video where I sound perkier and livelier than I would at a martini party with my closest friends. And since my article is about being authentic, let me say right now that I wouldn’t spend days and weekends blogging, Tweeting, FaceBooking and commenting on other people’s blogs if I didn’t have a book coming out? (Gasp again!)
I do this because I’m Sonia Marsh and not Sarah Palin. Unfortunately, that dirty word, “self-promotion” for unknown people like myself is what’s expected in the 21st Century. I feel like my online world has sucked me into become one big self-promotional tool and that if I step off and enjoy good old-fashioned phone, and face-to-face conversations with my human friends, I might be “forgotten.”
I know I’m not alone. A popular blogger, Jen Gresham from Everyday Bright wrote about her two-month online sabbatical in her July 5th post: When Wonder Woman Isn’t Feeling So Wonderful.
“Part of me (and I’m sure some of my fellow bloggers) thinks this is crazy with a capital C. There’s this idea that if you stop writing, the crowd will disperse and never, ever come back.” (From Jen Gresham’s blog.)
So what’s wrong with us? It’s like we think, if only I put in more hours into my social media, I can grow my blog. For whom? For what reason? Is that because we want fame? money? more subscribers to feel better? Get people to follow us because we’re more popular than they are?
I think some of us need a reality check. Do you feel like you’re truly yourself online? Come on, be honest with me.
Here’s a list of things most of us are guilty of, and yes, I admit, I’ve done these myself.
- Saying, “Loved your post, or great post,” because we want to be liked.
- Skimming through headlines, because we don’t have enough time to read as many blog posts as we feel we should.
- Trying to read and make a comment of value on certain posts, especially if we know that blogger is popular and hope he/she will notice us.
- Retweeting something because once again, we hope to be noticed.
So what’s the truth here? Are we phony?
You know something’s off kilter when your social media takes precedence over your own family. I remember feeling guilty as hell when my 23-year-old son called and asked me to check airfares for him to come home, and before I did that, I had to check my social media responses first. Sick, sick, sick… What has happened to us? Have we become so self-centered and competitive because of social media, or are we getting sucked into it because if we don’t do it, we’ll never make it.
Of course there are several reasons, one of them might be a problem with addiction to social media. But in many cases, it’s either about making a living, becoming rich, famous, getting exposure, getting more readers, fundraising or sharing what we do with others.
So I invite you to comment, e-mail, Tweet, FB and “like” me, and there’s always the telephone, if you have time to go out for a real cup of coffee and we can be ourselves.
That is a gutsy post, Sonia.
I see myself in all 4 of the reasons you list for doing something. Yes, I enjoy writing. But, I don’t need to blog, tweet, or put together e-books to write. I could do all that in private. However, I choose not to.
At the moment blogging to me is like a hobby. I’m meeting new people, learning new “rules,” making mistakes, and becoming part of a world I knew nothing about. But, like most things in my life if I’m not going to do something well and give it my full effort I don’t want to bother.
All that said, I’m excited because I’m getting close to Google’s threshold to get my first check for ads I started running on my blog a few weeks ago. That feels like some validation.
Bottom line: you are correct. Writing in a very public way involves a healthy ego, and a desire to be influential. After retirement from a high energy career, this is one way I find to stay relevant and noticed.
Bob Lowry recently posted..What’s Best: A Retirement Community or Aging in Place?
It is an opportunity to be seen and get heard, which we didn’t have before. I wrote this post after spending time with my web-designer and talking about how some people Tweet 50 times a day and their lives are run online 24/7.
Hi Sonia,
Just think of blogging as part of the job and social media as tools of the trade. It’s difficult, if not near impossible, to be authentic when we live in such a second-hand world. What stands out in your post is your honesty, so build on that. Maybe we all ‘reply’ from time to time because of a sense of obligation, and if that doesn’t go as being ‘authentic,’ then at least it can be seen as being supportive. I don’t know about you, but that kind of encouragement goes a long way on my solitary road as a writer.
Good luck.
Belinda.
Thanks Belinda for your comment and I will agree that writing is a solitary road, therefore we can look as the online part as building communication with people we’d never have heard from otherwise.
I’m authentic when I’m caught unawares in the altogether–a big authentic scream or cussword emanating from me, no holds barred..I’m sure that most people put on their best face–it’s human nature to be a little insecure. As for blogging–it’s been months of writer’s time out for me–I think there is no end to the possibilities of eventual discovery by the ‘write’ person, leading to the success you desire.
I shied away from my humor blog because the huge effort spent writing funny stuff, which I did everyday–Gasp–diluted whatever funny bone I had left. I liked the comments, though, but they soon died off–that sort of keeps one’s ‘ego’ fed, after all!
Sonia, you are a winner, and I’m sure, despite the disappointments toward publication, you will hit the mark–so, get the bottle of champagne ready!
Nancy,
I’m going to tell the story of how we met. Now, here’s a heart-warming story for all of you who think I’m being overly negative about social media. I met Nancy through my blog, in the early days, when I wasn’t so focused on getting my blog out there.
I asked bloggers if they knew what there was to do in the Ft. Myers, Naples, Florida area, and Nancy responded. She had moved from California to Naples, Florida and agreed to meet me at our hotel.
We’ve remained true friends for about 3 years now and had I not had a blog, we would never have met.
So thank you Nancy for reaching out to me through my blog. Now we call one another.
Sonia,
It was so wonderful talking with you Friday about all of this, and I think you did an incredible job taking your frustrations and confusions and putting them into a post that really explained where you are! 🙂 We all hit that wall (I’m there a bit too!) and I think that being able to understand that (and where you’re struggling) will help you to get past it and onto the next level.
Hugs!
Kirsten Wright recently posted..What is your content creation strategy?
Kirsten,
What’s nice is to know that it’s not just a generational thing. Many middle-aged women believe that if only they were better or faster or learned things like a 20-something, they wouldn’t experience the frustrations. It’s just a new way of communicating, and offers marketing opportunities for those who chose to use them, as long as it doesn’t replace the old way. I also want my coffee with friends. Have I made this clear enough?
Yes, yes, yes – brilliant post! I do think that blogging is a bit of an ego thing… even though I love expressing myself creatively in exactly the way I want to, rather than how I have to at work, I must admit that it is a real ego boost to read nice things people say about the stuff I post. Having said that, this is not the main motivation, but a nice side effect.
I don’t air my personal life and problems on my blog – so in that sense I am false. I express a side of me that I don’t have any other outlet for. And I project a positive attitude that I don’t always have but that I strive to achieve…
Lady Fi recently posted..Indulgence
Lady Fi,
You were honest here too in that you want to project a positive attitude, which you may not always have, and the ego boosting aspect.
Great post, but I can just say that I am QUITE glad you are not Sarah Palin! 🙂
Keep up the good work!
Kelli recently posted..Being a parent
Thanks Kelli. I was wondering if anyone would comment on that.
Sonia, Wow! Thanks for bringing up this subject. You took those words right out of my head. I’m guilty, guilty, guilty of all that you mentioned, but I have to admit to a love-hate relationship with social media. On one hand, it fascinates me and on the other, I bitterly resent its hold over me. I’m addicted to reading blogs – really reading not just skimming – and often leaving overlong comments. I’m addicted to attracting a following so that, like you, my soon to-be-published book will not die a swift death even though I realize that all this social media stuff will probably not result in humongous or even a good number of sales. I’m addicted because social media fulfills a need inside me to hear and be heard out. And I’m guilty, just like you, of shoving aside personal things in order to attend to this social media.
I am at a turning point where I’m reconsidering the whole thing. I want to spend more time really writing, and I have manuscripts demanding my attention.
I have a whole bookshelf of unread books that I’d love to read.
I have real friends whom I don’t see that much of anymore.
Most importantly, I need to concentrate on getting more work and I can’t if I spend hours and hours every day with social media.
So focus, first things first. Set priorities. After today, that is, cut down on this blogging thing. How? Haha. But I have to. Oh well, I’ll find a way.
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Pennie,
Your comment could be a post in itself. I know you decide to quit for a while, then you got back into it. I think it’s tough to quit, especially when you’ve been working hard at building a community of readers.
I know I haven’t read the stacks of books I keep buying whenever I attend a presentation by an author.
As you know, we have to do both, not either or anymore.
Gutsy post, Sonia. Since I only blog for fun and for myself I don’t see a need to be anything but authentic. I suppose I try to write about positive things even when there are negative things going on, but I do share more completely about some things in e-mails with blog friends.
I try to leave positive comments but I don’t say things that I don’t really think and a blogger’s “status” is not high on my list of what makes me read a particular blog. It is more about seeing something that I make a connection with, like when I saw that you were writing about Belize it caught my eye since I had been there.
Jeanie,
I think that will be another post for me.I’m still “me” and cannot change that, and I am very happy when my authentic blogger friends keep visiting. Thank you.
I believe in sharing ideas and experiences.
I’ve done that for decades as a journalist and broadcaster. Why should I quit just because I’m retired? If I can share something useful with people that comes out of my life, and the challenges I face, that’s great. If people don’t like what I write, they won’t read it. (Frankly, I don’t know 500 or 2,000 followers keep up the correspondence.) Likewise, if I feel a kinship with another blogger, I’ll follow. Regularly.
For me, its about sharing ideas and experiences. Those are the things which make all our lives richer. that’s the basis on which I blog, and read others’ blogs.
Bear recently posted..LIFE and BLOGGING
Good point Rob.
As you say, you used to be a journalist and just like to share. So you’re being authentic, and I’ve read your posts and you openly share your thoughts. Bravo Bear.
If you’re not going to be yourself, who else are you going to be?
Mike Shields (@MatchesMalone) recently posted..See Blue Blazes @ #SDCC11!!!
Just checked your site and congrats on being an indie filmmaker. How did the Comic-Con go?
Thanks!!! Just getting to this now for some reason. I survived, the 20 or so people that attended my film seemed to enjoy it, and I didn’t burn myself out, and was on two panels this year. So, I’d think overall good.
I wish you success. Well done.
Well, visit my site, and become a part of the community there, and you can follow my exploits. Thanks!!!
I thinik that the truth lies, as always, somewhere in the middle. Of course, when I see a coment from a person that has never visited me before “great shtos” or similiar, I can presume that it is just to draw my attention:) But even in such a situation some blogs are worth seeing anyway even if the author does not want to notice my presence:)
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Ola,
Yes, balance seems to be the key as you said.
Sonia,
This is such a timely post for me coming off my one week meditation and digital retreat. The time away was so nourishing. Now as I enter back in to social media I’m so aware of the huge amount of time it all takes.
Promotion has always been part of the life of a writer? The difference now being that instead of being at a mixer with a small group of people, you can interact with hundreds if not thousands on social media.
What is real authenticity? That’s not an easy question to answer. But it’s a very important question to ask.
How can we find balance in our life given the draw / need of social media? That’s not an easy question either. I see bloggers everywhere struggling with this question.
Thank you for asking the hard questions that need to be asked. And I really do mean it!
Sandra / Always Well Within recently posted..Your 2011 Word: Dead or Alive?
Sandra,
You asked the questions for me, about balance in life. I think social media has made me aware of what celebrities go through. No. I’m not comparing myself to a celebrity, I’m just saying that their lives must be “hell” as they cannot truly be themselves in public. But I guess if you’re an actor, you can easily project whatever you want to the outside world.
Thanks for your comment Sandra. I’m sure you enjoyed your one week of meditation. I’ve never tried that intense form of mediation except in Belize in the mornings for one year.
Sonia,
Thanks for the call out here. I agree that authenticity is hard to define, but easy to know when we’re off track really. One of the things I LOVE about blogging is that is encourages me to practice the very advice I give. It’s kind of like being a parent. It gives me two choices: be a hypocrite or actually live up to my own ideas. When I withhold dessert from my daughter for health reasons and then have some chocolate after she goes to bed, it makes me feel bad. If you experience the same feeling while blogging, you’ve violated the authenticity rule. I like the accountability that comes with authenticity.
I think the real problem is not blogging or social media, but the myths that go along with participation (like the one I mention, that all your readers will leave if you quit blogging for a while). Then there’s the myth that you have to blog with some predefined frequency in order to be successful. Or, as you said, you have to solve a problem in every post. Yadda yadda yadda! 🙂
To me, authentic blogging is when you do it because you want to, because you enjoy it, not simply because you are trying to promote something or become influential. Those may be very nice side benefits, but if they are the sole motivation, I do believe that will come through. In the end, blogging is no different than other kinds of writing, except you have the benefit of an immediate response. I went for years as a poet with nothing but a handful of emails from fans, and now I get 20-25 responses per post? Yeah, definitely heady, humbling, and addictive. It’s a great new world. 🙂
Jen
Jen,
I’m very happy you came over from the (U.K?) is that where you moved to? Anyway, blogging because we want to is the right approach, but then again, we can’t write whatever comes to our mind or “crap” oops! We have to structure, edit, re-edit, etc., not that I’m complaining because that’s what writers do.
As far as the myths, yes, successful bloggers seem to “scare” us into believing that we have to follow the guidelines I mentioned above or we’ll never have more than a handful of readers. So what’s the solution? Follow the rules and be a fake, or be yourself and don’t follow the rules?
I guess it’s a little of this and a little of that, with a boost from your readers who comment.
Sonia, your voice rings true, and you obviously are touching chords with your readers who are bloggers, including me. I have given myself two hours in the mornings to work on my manuscript and the rest of the day to squeeze in social media (when I’m not squeezing my grandson in the granny nanny job I share with my husband). But here I am writing a comment on your blog instead of writing my book. See how powerful you are. Take a little boost for your ego while I get back to work! 🙂
Shirley recently posted..Scott Russell Sanders and Spiritual Memoir
Shirley,
Structure seems to be the solution, as you mentioned. But what if we break the structure for a while? As Jen said, there are myths in the blogging world, and perhaps ignorance is bliss.
Happy granny nannying and writing. I’m sure you’re enjoying both.
I think as writers we are public people. I’m only going to put so much of myself out in the world for the public to consume, so in that sense, yes, I’m not authentic. I think it is a way to protect your privacy. But I do try to be honest in what I do online. I think I’ve learned enough in this business to realise the hype about online presence is often a lot of hype when it comes to concrete book sales.
Lauri recently posted..Blogging to Get Readers for your Books-Does it Work?
Lauri,
I just read your post with the interesting title and responded on your blog. There are many reasons why people blog and one I agree with is to try to find your “niche” audience. That’s one reason why your blog name and tag line are important.
Oh Sonia you’ve really hit on a big nerve with this one and it’s all good.
One of the things we’ve been discussing on The Blogstress Network is commenting in an authentic way. There’s debate on both sides. Some say, “as long as they just say ‘good post’ it’s ok with me.”
I prefer having someone contribute to the post by telling me why they think it’s a good post. I very rarely comment if I don’t have something to say other than ‘good post’. That, to me, seems inauthentic.
As for the addiction… oh yes. I am trying to create more structure for many reasons, not the least is to schedule time for genuine interactions either face to face or personal email or phone.
As for authentic content… I decided early on to concentrate on my genuine story and opinions. I read a lot of advice and gleaned from it what I could. I now try to stick to my genuine story with an eye to how it might help others. My opinions are many and I don’t know that they help anyone, but they are genuine.
The things I’ve learned over the past 18 months is a story in itself. I know you feel the same way. We went into this unclear of a solid vision and now we are reading everything we can get out hands on to learn the ins and outs of getting our books published.
I welcome that information. I also welcome the time you and I can meet face to face!
One more thing… perhaps the most inauthentic part of my blog is this… I swear like a sailor… I very rarely swear when I write. Some might think I should write more and talk less. ;P
b
Barbara,
I’ve spoken to you on the phone and on Blog Talk Radio and feel like I’m getting to know you more with these other experiences than simply through our blogs. It’s funny how some friendships blossom to more than just a blog comment here and there/ Does that mean, those who take the extra step are “authentic”? Just playing with my thoughts here. Thanks again for your sharing and I know you don’t swear when we talk on the phone.
Lauri,
I just read your post with the interesting title and responded on your blog. There are many reasons why people blog and one I agree with is to try to find your “niche” audience. That’s one reason why your blog name and tag line are important.
Hi Sonia
I’m glad to have found somewhere I can voice an opinion on the topic of social media and self-promotion (don’t worry it won’t be a tirade!) I am a designer-maker of handmade things (clothing and homewares) and I recently did a swap with someone who uses social media to grow her business (and I gather it’s very successful for her). She showed me how to use Facebook for my business in return for something from my product range. Our session was very informative but when she went I decided I didn’t like the whole idea and deleted my account – all that work down the drain! I want to keep things simple and build a reputation based on my product, rather than what I can say about it, or how many people know about it. The idea that the popularity of your work is a true measure of how good it actually is, is silly. Perhaps I am cutting off my nose to spite my face, but I am enjoying a low-profile approach to what I do, spending time looking at what others do and deciding what is best for me and my work. Some of my favourite designers don’t have Facebook accounts and I am sure that one can still do well without following the pack. As an artist recently said to me: if your work is good, people will find you
Anthea recently posted..The Next Day
Anthea,
I like your approach, and you make a valid comment. I’ve attended several writers conferences over the years and in the publishing industry today, agents and editors talk about your “platform.” As you may know, they want an online presence and Google your name to see if you come up on the search engines, etc. Good luck with your business. I’m coming over to see.
Thanks for your comments! I am not against having a platform or presence at all and I perhaps should have made mention of this in my earlier comment. I really admire people like you who make a huge effort to stay connected to the rest of the world and offer your thoughts and ideas so freely (Annabel Candy is another). I also should have said that I am totally in favour of being authentic, as you suggest and this was the reason I was prompted to post on your page. I like writng as much as I like making although I don’t write very often. When I do (on my blog and the occasional poem) I think it’s important to be as authentic as possible. I can’t see the point in being anything other than who you are!
Anthea recently posted..The Next Day
Anthea,
I agree, however, there are times when we have to phrase things differently on the Internet. Just diplomacy. Vina below liked your comment too. Thanks. Sonia.
hello sonia,
i just want to say how much i appreciate this post. it sits deep in my heart ever since i started grappling with the social media thing to promote my business. bravo for speaking out about something that seems counter to what this thing is all about.
intuitively, i don’t feel genuine when i spend so much time on online on facebook, with not much time left for my real work in architecture and really connecting with people on a personal level. but again, the catch is, this is how i found people like you 🙂
i found your website through your recent comment on chris guillebeau’s site. i really liked your comment questioning him if he intends to stay at one place for a longer period of time. that in itself was “gutsy”, i thought, because so many of the published comments are praising him for his pursuits, without question.
i wish you well with much success!
ps. i also very much appreciate anthea’s post. i’m also thinking about abandoning this social media frenzy, and just rely on my personal one on one contacts.
Hi Vina
Thannks for coming over from Chris Guillebeau’s website. Yes, I love to ask direct questions, and have not checked yet if he answered it. Anyway, social media can take up all your time if you let it. I shall come over later as I’m off to my son’s graduation ceremony.
I think it’s tough to quit, especially when you’ve been working hard at building a community of readers. In the end, blogging is no different than other kinds of writing, except you have the benefit of an immediate response.
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