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“My Gutsy Story” Mary Hertslet

July 23, 2012 by Sonia Marsh

Life Lessons Learned

On the registration form for my 50th high school reunion, in the year 2000, we were asked to finish the sentence, “If I had it to do over again, I would – – – ” When completed, our answers were collected, compiled into a booklet and given to each of us. I completed the sentence with, “I would not change anything.” I was surprised to see that many others had completed the sentence in the same way. They seemed to be happy with the life they had, as was I. Also, I added a bit of advice I had already given to some of the younger generation, which was my own mantra for life: “Take advantage of your opportunities, follow your passions, and never stop learning.” A caveat to this, of course, is that you have to prepare yourself first, so that when that opportunity does come along, you will be in a position to accept it.

Together, working as a team through hard times, hard work, and with perseverance, my husband, Hersh, and I were able to start reaching some of our goals in life by taking advantage of opportunities that came to us. Sometimes, when I felt downhearted, he would say things like, “Don’t worry, we have our whole lives ahead of us”, or “The world is our oyster”. I believed it too.

After three years in the Marine Corps during WWII (two years in China), Hersh completed college and received his masters in geography. Meanwhile, I brushed up on my office skills, preparing ourselves for opportunities we might have of a career that would take us traveling. Travel was our passion. When he saw a magazine in the college library, listing positions for teachers in foreign countries, he immediately sent out applications.

In 1955, Hersh and I flew across the South Pacific, to the island of Guam, where he was under contract as a high school geography and history teacher, and I was a secretary at the school. This was the beginning of a six-year adventurous life, during which time we traveled the world.

At the end of each two-year contract, we had a three-month R&R (Rest and Relaxation) that we used for travel. This was a time before jets flew across the South Pacific, before air-conditioning, computers, etc. It was also before many people had traveled throughout Southeast Asia or explored the islands of the South Pacific as we did with our five-month-old son, Steve. We made a trip around the world later when Steve was two years old. Not much had been written about exotic places like Egypt and India. Nepal had just opened their borders. We were some of the first outsiders to enter their country.

Mary Hetrslet Leaving Guam to Okinawa — 1957 – Leaving Guam for our first three- month travels throughout Southeast Asia and the South Pacific.

Traveling through the world in the 1950s was difficult and rigorous, especially with a small child. Hersh was a consummate geographer, wanting to see countries and islands of the world from the viewpoint of the people and their lands, and not just as a tourist. It was also the most educational six years we would spend.

We lived in a pre-globalization era. We traveled during a time when the past was on the brink of colliding with the future. It was an opportunity we had then, that no longer exists

Meanwhile, island life on Guam for six years was enjoyable. Living in a Quonset hut in a small village, without telephone, TV, etc, was a culture shock, to say the least. However, we adjusted quickly and loved every minute of our life there.

After six years abroad, we returned to the States in 1961 and resumed a more normal life with our son who, by then, was five years old and ready to start school. Hersh returned to college at Rutgers University where he acquired another degree that enabled him to change his career. Afterward, we moved to the Washington, D.C. area where he began working for the Department of Defense.

Had we not taken the opportunity that was given us early in our lives, we would have missed this great six-year adventure completely. In 1976, my husband was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. After 24 years of marriage we spent the next 33 years living with this insidious disease. He died in 2009.

Now, as I look back to a time long ago, when we took advantage of an opportunity, I can remember our great adventures during those years when there was a time for us, and the world was our oyster.

Mary Hertslet Bio:

I grew up in Independence, a small town just outside of Kansas City, Missouri. While working at a bank in Kansas City, I met my husband on a blind date (the first and last). After three years of marriage, Hersh and I went off to see the world and live on a beautiful South Pacific island for 6 glorious years.

After returning to the States, we settled in Maryland, bought a house and raised two wonderful children. I am also a proud grandmother of twin granddaughters.

In the 1980s I started a business in arts and crafts that lasted over twelve years. Finally I had to give it up to become a full time caregiver for Hersh until he went into a nursing home.

To help with my grief of knowing he would never be home again, I decided this would be the best time to start researching and writing a memoir. As I wrote, I took pages to read to him. He was no longer able to speak, but I could see the sparkle in his eyes and sometimes even a few tears. I continued writing and reading to him until his death in 2009. At that point, I stopped writing my memoir. After 57 years of marriage, it was impossible to write through my tears. I have started writing again this year, mostly essays and short stories, hoping it will bring me back to finishing my memoir.

Mary can be reached via e-mail at: clemmary1@yahoo.com

Sonia Marsh Says: I think the best response from someone when they look back upon their life is to say, “I would not change a thing, or I have no regrets.” I know my own father has said that to me, and he is 87. I also think we need to remember the important lesson you give us:

“Take advantage of your opportunities, follow your passions, and never stop learning.“

I enjoy your writing and hope that you continue with your memoir. You have so many adventures to write about that we would like to read. Thanks Mary for sharing your “My Gutsy Story”.

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Do you have a “My Gutsy Story” you’d like to share?

To submit your own, “My Gutsy Story” you can find all the information, and our sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here.

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Please leave your comments for Mary and she will be over to respond. Also remember to share the “My Gutsy Story” series with your friends by clicking on the buttons to your favorite sites below.

Thanks, Sonia Marsh.

Gutsy Book Buzz: How to make Your Book Launch Party a Success

July 19, 2012 by Sonia Marsh

Please click to listen to my PODCAST, or you can read the transcript below, or do both. I would love to hear what you’ve done for your own book launch party, and hope you leave comments in the section below. Please share with others who need help with their book launch.

Thanks, Sonia.

Hi, I’m Sonia Marsh, the founder of the weekly “My Gutsy Story” series and the author of Freeways to Flip-Flops: A Family’s Year of Gutsy Living on a Tropical Island,” which will be available on Amazon and bookstores nationwide on August 21^st.

Today I’d like to give you some ideas on how to do a book launch that’s not your usual type.

How many of us enjoy sitting behind a desk and waiting for people to come up to us?

Here are some ideas

Do not call it a book launch, but a book launch party. Yes, doesn’t a party sound like more fun than a boring old-fashioned launch?

Schedule your date and time with the bookstore manager, and start telling people about it two months before the date. My book launch party is on August 30^th, and I’m bubbling with Gutsy enthusiasm.

Talk about it with the same enthusiasm you have for planning your wedding.

As Carolyn Howard Johnson says in her book, The Frugal Book Promoter, How to do What Your Publisher Won’t”

“A book launch is akin to planning a wedding. You may not need an elaborate canopy of wedding bells but all the other elements that makes a wedding a success must be considered for a launch.”

Make some special postcard invitations which you give away to people everywhere. Your friends, neighbors, people at the gym, store owners you know and like, I mean everyone.

Insert 5 invitations into each ARC, you send out, or just drop them off or mail them and tell your friend to tell everyone she knows about your launch party. If she lives in another state, tell her when your book will be released and that you’d be more than happy to do a Skype interview with any book club she of her friends belong to.

Get sponsors for your event so that you are “inviting” other local businesses to participate and this will make it easier to get press coverage.

Walk to each restaurant or store, close to your bookstore, and introduce yourself. Bring a copy of your book with you, and tell them how many people you expect to attend, I said 75, because that’s how many Laguna Beach Books can hold “as far as standing room.”

If it’s a restaurant, ask them if they can offer an appetizer and that you picked them because they… (have a great Caribbean dish that fits perfectly with your theme.)

If it’s a store, for example I went inside a chocolate store, a hair salon and a home linens store, and asked if they would like to provide a gift basket for the raffle at my book launch party. I told them to send me their logos to add to our publicity campaign. So far they all said yes, including a Caribbean restaurant that’s donating rum punch.

So be Gutsy, and just go out there and ask. What’s the worst thing that can happen? The word “No.” That’s not the end of the world.

Now I have a question for you if you live outside the U.S.

I have a feeling that here in the U.S., businesses are more willing to help.

I would love to hear what would happen if I tried this in Paris, or Amsterdam.

Please share some of your own ideas for book launch parties that have worked for you.

Am I right? Is this more of an American concept: asking for donations from companies, as an author, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Thanks, good luck to you, and keep the conversation going.

Photo credit of Laguna beach Book Store above.

“My Gutsy Story” Belinda Nicoll

July 16, 2012 by Sonia Marsh

Something that made my life take a different direction

I’ve learned that personal transformation can be inspiring, unless the forces of change set you adrift and you lose sight of yourself. Early in the year 2000, enjoying new-found independence thanks to my belated career as a copywriter, I decided to end my twenty-year marriage. I’d been married since the tender age of nineteen, and my husband and I had drifted apart. I trusted that our two children aged nineteen and seventeen were capable of dealing with the family break-up. What I did not anticipate, though, was that my decision would mark the start of the most distressing period of my life.

When I shared the news of my marital troubles with a colleague, she suggested that the two of us and another male colleague sign up for a self-empowerment workshop offered by a rather eccentric guru. By the end of the course, the three of us had formed a close bond. Shortly after, our male colleague accepted a job in Saudi Arabia. I kept in touch with him via e-mail, and by the time I’d finalized my divorce our friendship had turned into a long-distance romance. At the end of that year, he returned to South Africa to marry me.

His return coincided with my daughter finishing school and getting ready for a year abroad as an au pair. She’d applied to go to America, but fate intervened and she ended up with an offer from a family in Cologne, Germany. Ten years later, I’m still shaking my head at the irony of that development, because no sooner had she signed the contract than my fiancé got a job offer from an international healthcare advertising agency in San Francisco. While his employers sponsored his H-1B visa, which would permit him to work in the U.S. as a professional in a specialty occupation, I would get an H-4 visa, which permitted me to be a spouse. He said not to worry about the ‘spouse’ thing,’ that we’d sort it out as soon as we were settled in the U.S.

I’ll never forget the thrill of our prospective adventure. But I had my trepidations, too, about separating from my daughter, leaving family (not least of all my son) and friends behind, saying goodbye to my country, and putting my career on hold. The next few weeks turned into a huge rush: we got married, packed up our personal belongings, advertised my husband’s apartment as a furnished rental, said our goodbyes, and left—we’d booked our departure to coincide with my daughter’s flight to Germany.

My husband’s promise to me was that our expatriation would be a short-term stint, a year or two, three at the most. But how could we have known that our arrival as expats would coincide with one of America’s biggest disasters—two hi-jacked planes crashing into the World Trade Center? The event and its aftermath numbed us as much as it impacted the nation’s future, leading directly and indirectly to a string of personal setbacks that kept us from returning to our home country. It took more than three years to get our green cards. Caught up in changes in our host and home countries, as well as the global economic decline, over the next ten years we’d relocate from California to the North, South, and Midwest, my husband pursuing his career in advertising and I making more than a few career changes as a trailing spouse.

We’re U.S. citizens now. My son still lives in South Africa. My daughter returned home after her year as an au pair in Germany, but only to finish her studies as an occupational therapist, before moving to Ireland to marry the love of her life whom she’d met in Cologne.

Even now, as I take stock of all the personal and global changes, I can’t help wondering about the significance of the upheaval in my life and the uncertainties in the rest of the world, and what it all means for the future. But it doesn’t help to mope about it; change also presents opportunities—in the last ten years, I’ve traveled to many exciting destination, locally and abroad, excelled as a life coach and writer, finished my Masters in Fine Arts in Creative Writing, and published my first book. Life, good or bad, always presents us with many learning curves.

Belinda Nicoll’s Bio:

Belinda is originally from South Africa and has been a citizen of the United States since 2010. She and her husband love traveling and share a keen interest in cultural diversity. Their journeys and careers have taken them to various parts of the world. Belinda holds a BA degree in the social sciences and an MFA in Creative Writing, works as a creativity coach, is writing her first novel, and recently published her memoir—Out of Sync—a story about personal transformation and global change. Check out her Website and Blog (she writes about creative writing, personal coaching, and expatriation. You can connect with her via Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn, too.

Belinda shares an excerpt from her book here. I read it, and felt transported into her life in South Africa. In those few pages, I became part of Belinda’s life. I sensed what she was going through as a mother, and a woman ready to embark on a new life in the U.S. She described her life in South Africa as a child, and the politics and people of South Africa in a manner that finally made me “understand” what was actually going on in the 60’s, and the changes that occurred. I also feel a connection with Belinda when she says:

“These days, being rootless is an integral part of how I choose to be.”

Sonia Marsh Says: Belinda, I feel a strong connection with you in that we are both expats, and have moved around the world. I also believe that when our kids have been exposed to life in different parts of the world, they are likely to do the same as we did: they move to another continent. You mentioned change also presents opportunities, which I know to be true, and that’s what makes our lives exciting. I’d love to meet you and share our adventures. Thank you for your story and all the best with your memoir, Out of Sync, which is my kind of book, and the novel you’re writing.

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Do you have a “My Gutsy Story” you’d like to share?

To submit your own, “My Gutsy Story” you can find all the information, and our sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here.

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Please leave your comments for Belinda and she will be over to respond. Also remember to share the “My Gutsy Story” series with your friends by clicking on the buttons to your favorite sites below.

Thanks, Sonia Marsh.

Winner of the June “My Gutsy Story” contest

July 12, 2012 by Sonia Marsh

Congratulations to all four writers this month. You each shared your inspiring “My Gutsy Story.”

My Gutsy Story 1st place — Madeline Sharples


Madeline Sharples came in 1st place and is the winner for the June 2012 contest. Congratulations Madeline.


Sonia Marsh Says: Madeline’s story was one of courage and determination after the tragic loss of her son.

My Gutsy Story 2nd place — Jeffrey Crimmel

Jeffrey Crimmel came in 2nd place

Sonia Marsh Says: Jeffrey, you send us a very important lesson: we are only visitors in another country and have to respect their traditions and not attempt to impose our own.

Marla Cerise came in third place.

Sonia Marsh Says: You amaze me with your strength to continue, after all the tragedies you’ve been through. I am grateful that you found a wonderful man, Will, to take care of you and your sons.

Doug Edwards from Australia, has an amazing story about how he was determined to change his life from the young age of eleven. He knew he wanted to live in Australia when he was a small kid and made his dream come true.

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You are all WINNERS, with such amazing writing and stories to share. Thank you for participating, and to all VOTERS for taking part.

Our WINNER Madeline Sharples, gets to select his prize from our new list of SPONSORS,

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Do you have a “My Gutsy Story” you’d like to share?

To submit your own, “My Gutsy Story” you can find all the information, and our sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here.

Two June stories are up. So far we have Bob Lowry “My Gutsy Story” and Sherrey Meyer’s “My Gutsy Story.”

I hope you enjoy the “My Gutsy Story” series and share with others through the links below. Perhaps you’d like to submit your own. Thanks.

“My Gutsy Story” by Sherrey Meyer

July 9, 2012 by Sonia Marsh

MAMA AND HER ARSENAL

To say my family was dysfunctional is a mild use of the word. My father was raised in an orphanage where little affection was demonstrated, so he was tentative with his affections. Mother was Scotch-Irish and full of spit and vinegar. Mama was incapable of disciplining in moderation or controlling her temper. Fear was a required ingredient in punishments meted out, as well as threats of physical contact and verbal abuse.

Memories come floating back often, but remembering her threats of suicide ranks high on the list. When at her angriest, Mama threatened to kill herself if we didn’t comply with her demands.

Measuring up in our world wasn’t to see how much we had grown in height; it was to gauge our responsiveness to Mama’s demands and expectations. A report card with less than all A’s and just one B was never good enough.

“Is this the best you could do? You want to appear stupid? This card could prove that! ”

A sense of being loved because you were her child was never felt. Self-worth was a casualty of her battles to be a mother.

Therefore, not all my decisions were good ones. I married young to escape life with Mama. Unfortunately, I married her counterpart. After five years and a child, life was less than tolerable. I yanked up my courage and left, but went back to my parents’ home allowing Mama to resume her domineering role.

During this time of single parenting, a trusted employer and friend helped me to look forward rather than back. He understood the inner workings of my home life, and often counseled me much like a father would.

The one thing I took away from this friendship was the knowledge that somewhere there was someone who would love me just for me. After years of trying to please and measure up, this sounded impossible.

After eight years of single motherhood and hard work, I met someone. Someone with gentleness much like that of my father. He too had experienced a failed marriage and between us, we had stories to tell.

When we announced plans to marry, we were met with Mama’s rage. Although 34 years old, I still had no more worth than when I was a child.

Sherrey Meyer's mom on Amherst — Sherrey Meyer’s mom on Amherst

Mama fought to stop our marriage. Angrily she argued, “How can you possibly think of marrying this man? He’s been married and has two children!”

“Mama, I’ve been married, divorced, and have a child myself. What’s the difference?”

“Don’t sass me! You think you’re smart because you went to college. I have more life experience, and you’re not taking my grandson into the mess you are creating.”

I quickly rebounded. “I suppose you forget that I am a child of a blended marriage. You and daddy were both married before. You had a son; he had two daughters. Show me the difference now!”

My words were like a spark held to a pilot light. Her emerald green eyes blazed, and her jaw locked in determination. I didn’t care this time. I had had enough.

I knew exactly what was coming. Mama pulled out the old and often used “I’ll kill myself if you don’t do as I say” routine. No matter how often used, it was still frightening but by now I should have known it was an idle threat. Still my heart pounded. My palms grew sweaty.

I walked into the kitchen and found her there with a butcher knife in her hand, pointed at her chest. Mama yelled, “You can’t do this to me. If you do, I’ll kill myself!”

Now was the time to let her know I was her equal and my life was mine to live. I took a bold step to show that I was not going to be cowed by her threats.

“Go ahead,” I said calmly.

“You can’t mean that. I’m your mother. You’re supposed to love me enough to stop me.”

Her emerald green eyes flashed with vile anger and a vicious desire to control. Did she not realize loving her wasn’t easy?

“And you’re supposed to love me. But I’m not sure you’ve ever thought about it.”

She inched the knife closer to her body as if ready to end her life. But I could see her fear as I felt my own. I thought to myself, “No more scrabbling for love. No more control like this. Understand? No more!”

Chief among my fears was that my son would climb out of bed and find us in this standoff. I didn’t want him to witness such a scene. Quietly, I took small steps toward her as you’d approach a wild animal.

“Mama, you don’t want to do this. You can’t be willing to give up everything and not see your grandchildren grow up.”

At this Mama began to cry. Slowly, I removed the knife from her hand and breathed a sigh of relief. Her cries turned into sobs.

I felt a power I’d never felt before, but I was afraid it wouldn’t last. I placed my arms around Mama’s shoulders and held her until she calmed enough to turn in for the night.

Foolishly, I thought perhaps there was a change in the wind. But change isn’t easy. There would be more threats, more attempts to forestall our marriage. And as long as she could get a reaction from me, Mama would continue on as life had always been.

Two years after we married a job change took us to Oregon, putting 2200 miles between Mama and me. Distance made it difficult for her to use physical threats. However, her verbal assaults continued over the phone. With time and the compassion of my loving husband, I understood this was her problem and not mine.

I believe that bold step in the kitchen decades ago and seizing my life for my husband, son and me provided the different vision of who I could be as I looked into my soul.

Sherrey Meyer Bio:

A retired legal secretary, Sherrey Meyer grew tired of drafting and revising pleadings and legal documents. She had always dreamed of writing something else, anything else! Once she retired she couldn’t stay away from the computer, and so she began to write. Among her projects is a memoir of her “life with mama,” an intriguing Southern tale of matriarchal power and control displayed in verbal and emotional abuse. Sherrey is married and lives with husband Bob in Milwaukie, OR. They have three grown children, four grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. Their tuxedo cat, Maggie, rules the roost.

You can reach Sherrey Meyer on her websites: Not Just A Name and Letters to Mama; or Tweet her @Sherrey_Meyer, or connect with her on Facebook. Sherrey is also on LinkedIn.

Sonia Marsh Says:

I cannot imagine how you must have felt growing up with the psychological games and threats of suicide by your mother. Did your father try ever try to stop her from this harmful behavior? Thankfully you met a wonderful man and stood up for yourself. How sad that she didn’t change after that one “gutsy” life-changing incident. Thank you Sherrey for opening up and sharing the ugly followed by the good in your life.

Please leave your comments for Sherrey below. She will be over to respond. Thanks.

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Do you have a “My Gutsy Story” you’d like to share?

To submit your own, “My Gutsy Story” you can find all the information, and our sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here.

VOTE BADGE — Click on badge to read the 4 stories

VOTE for your favorite June “My Gutsy Story.” The voting ends on July 11th. The winner will be announced on July 12th. Winner gets to pick their prize from our 14 sponsors.

Please share these wonderful “My Gutsy Story” series with others on Twitter and other links below. I am grateful to all of you. Thanks, Sonia.