It all started when I parked my car and noticed a skinny man pulling into the space across from mine in an old Buick. I picked up my pace thinking, I hope that’s not him.
We agreed to meet at “Mother’s Kitchen” and I entered through the sliding doors and pretended to look at the chocolates and candy and all the flowers as it happened to be Valentine’s Day.
I’d just finished a job meeting with the Director of International Student programs at a local university, and felt like I’d accomplished something, so I called Jon to say, “Let’s meet for coffee.”
I could tell it was Jon, my date, heading towards the sliding glass doors of the health food store. He looked to his left, as though not sure if he should enter. I waved from inside, and thought, he looks skinny and tall like his photo. What I hadn’t anticipated, as it did not show on the profile photo of Match.com, were the long protruding, gray, nostril hairs, and the bushy uni-brow. His white shirt, and gray, dress slacks were the same as his profile photo, as though he wore the “dating” uniform, just in case I could not recognize him.
I’m not picky about men, except for height, and being in fairly good shape. I did, however, notice his old-fashioned, white shirt, frayed along the collar, which looked as outdated as his car.
Jon, a “marketing” engineer, something I’d never heard of before, sat down at a table, and proceeded to talk about nothing but himself. When I asked him what does a marketing engineer do?, he said he was no good at it, and that he was semi-retired, and writing a book about dating. No kidding, you’re a nerd, I thought, no way are you a sales and marketing person. I thought I would give him ten minutes to talk about himself, and then perhaps he would get me involved in the conversation. But no.
“Have you even read my profile?” I asked, interrupting him while he told me about his book on dating.
“Yes,” he said, and continued talking about how he wrote five, “you’s” in his first paragraph, and managed to eliminate two of them, as there were just too many “you’s,” but he had to keep the other three, as the paragraph wouldn’t make sense without them. He then switched to how he can obsess over the wrong word choice for three days, until his sister, who lives with him, helps him decide. “And she’s in the writing industry, “ he continues.
“You know I’ve been coaching authors on how to publish and promote their books for many years. Do you have a publisher?” I ask.
“Oh, my sister is an expert,” he continues, “she’s an author,” lettuce falling out of his mouth while munching on his rabbit salad without dressing, and his tofu side-dish. No wonder he weighs about 150 pounds at 6’5”
“How many books has she sold?”
“She sold 4 or 5, and you just wait, I’m going to be the next millionaire when I sell my book. You’ll be happy you met me.”
That was the moment when I got off my chair, and said, “You are arrogant and self-centered, and no wonder you’ve never been married. I’m leaving.”
I’m so proud of my gutsy self. I stood up, told him what I thought, and said, “Here’s money for my tea.” He was so into himself, he continued bragging about his dating book and then it clicked that I was leaving. He didn’t know whether to stand and bow, or stay seated and choke on his tofu. So he raised himself off the chair, and said, “I’ll pay for your tea.”
Was that real? I haven’t used it yet but I thought Match would give a fuller profile. What a date.
Yes, Larry. It was real. I knew he was tall, an engineer and he wrote to me in Danish, so I thought, he might be interesting as I speak Danish. The one photo was taken from a distance, and I took a risk. I had nothing to do after my appointment, so we met. I don’t regret it, as I find all kinds of people fascinating, plus I could use my coaching skills for a change.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
I’m surprised you stayed that long. If he wasn’t even interested in you from the start, any potential relationship was doomed, his other off putting features notwithstanding. Well done you for getting out. 🙂
Ian, I find people interesting and I encouraged him to talk about his publishing. I felt like I was interviewing him; and couldn’t believe what he was saying. I understand how frustrating it must be for publishers to listen to novice writers about how they are going to become the next JK Rowlings etc. etc.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
I have several friends and clients playing in the online dating field. The stories I hear are pretty scary. It seems you have to wade through an ocean of guys looking for sex or serial dating just for the fun of it to even find a guy worth dating. But, I bet they are there, you just need to dig deep to find them.
Linda Luke recently posted..Ask the Coach – My Answers to Your Questions
And have the courage to walk out like Sonia did, Linda, if they’re no good. WEll done Sonia, living up to your ‘Gutsy’ label! 🙂
That was easy with this guy, Ian.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
Linda, I haven’t had bad luck so far, and as I mentioned to Ian above, I find people interesting and view dates as experiments. If it works, great, if not, go on another. It’s actually entertaining.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
Bravo. If that’s his opening, things would only have gone downhill. I’m glad you told him why. Brave woman!
Thanks Elaine. It was fairly easy to do so, because I could not stand the bragging about becoming a well-known author, when I know how difficult it is.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
You always amaze me. I’m not sure I could have stayed as long as you did. Did he look at all like his profile? Is there a way to check what they say online? I would rather be an old crow (which could happen) than go through that!
b
Barbara recently posted..We All Need A Good Laugh!
Barbara, I took it as a “coaching an unrealistic writer” approach, and tolerated it for as long as I could. It made me realize how many truly believe they are going to become famous and make tons of money through their books.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
Oh gosh! What an experience – and well done you for leaving.
Some people just don’t know how to do “social.” It’s a sad truth. I feel sorry for him. But what can you do? Square pegs don’t fit in round holes.
Very true Grace. It was quite an experience!
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
Yes, that was funny and strange to say the least.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
Better to get away at the first oportunity. You did great.
I hope the job interview has far superior results :>)
I hope the job situation materializes as well Thomas.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
You had me at “old Buick,” Sonia. Ha! I’m not interested in hearing any more about the Danish guy as you described him and the experience to a tee; however, I am curious about what happened with the Director of International Student Programs. I suppose that story is evolving.
Marian Beaman recently posted..The Weight of Love – Heavy or Light?
Ah Sonia, I’m sorry! Where is Frank Ellis when you need him!!? 🙂
HaHa Julie. I wonder if he got married since we’ve known him.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
Methinks this and others will gel nicely into a new book. This one was very entertaining. I applaud your direct approach. Welcome home.
Thank you Janet. It might go well after my “marriage proposal” by an old Basotho man in a public taxi.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
Sonia, it’s been a while since I have read one of your stories. This one stuck out, and so I decided to read. I have to say, I couldn’t stop laughing as it reminded me of my own dating experiences. It all sounds so familiar. I don’t want to discourage you or anyone else from their conquests of finding that special someone, because people DO get lucky with a good person. I on the other hand have given up on it. The dating scene was getting to be too much work, and I continued to walk away with one disappointment after another. Perhaps my expectations were to high. I finally threw the towel, and said: “The hell with that”, “I will do on my own”, “I don’t need this” . That was the day where I started to find my happiness. I gave up on empty conversations and weird meetups trying to see if there was a match for me out there. I began to focus on myself. I found that I don’t need a baggage laden, self absorbed, macho, overbearing or overly sensitive mate, but can live happily ever after with fulfilling experiences by hanging out with friends and acquaintances. By the way, I don’t dismiss awkward, weird and different people, and often find it interesting, intriguing and fun to socialize with them. It’s another matter dating or living with one.
Inge, I have to say, after being lonely in Africa for 15 months, I find it fun to have dates. This one was the only “weird” one, so far. We should meet again and catch up.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss
Sonia,
Your experience sounds about right. I never dated digitally but I did when newspapers had dating sections. All of my dates were duds and none of them looked like the photo they posted. It wasn’t their looks that turned me off as much as their personalities. Most of the men were self centered, although a friend told me back then they were probably just nervous. It was a funny store though and good for you standing up and speaking your mind. Do you know how many women would just have sat there and endured that date, so they wouldn’t seem impolite? Life is too short to waste on people and things that don’t interest you.
Inge, I think putting up with so many challenges in Lesotho, made me assertive. If I can live there, I can certainly stand up for myself in California.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss