Fight, Pray, Love, Laugh, and Cry (Not Always In That Order!
My second husband passed away when I was 38. My two youngest boys aged 4 and 6 were the only ones with him the night he died in his sleep of cardiac arrest. I wanted to die then, but my 5 children were my strength and I resolved to make sure I would be there for them in their time of grief. I put my mourning on the back burner and made it my quest for them to mature into strong, capable young adults.
Four years later we suffered another tragedy when my precious stepdaughter Rene (who was 18 and lived with us), was taken from us in a vehicular accident along with the driver, a close friend, just 9 days after we buried my father. I prayed for guidance to continue on with my four remaining children, especially my 19 year old daughter Josette, whom was very close to her sister.
Not long after, Josette came to me and told me Rene came to her in a dream with her long shiny dark hair pulled back in a ponytail wearing a glistening long, white dress. Renee told her it was beautiful where she was and she was very happy!
Josette missed her sister so much! I tried everything including doctors, antidepressants, and therapy but she was inconsolable. I travelled to Chicago three months later to help my mother bury my Nona (who died on November 17th) and soon after coming home, just before Christmas we lost our beloved Josette. She put a pistol to her head in our back yard and again my two youngest boys, George and Geno found her body and called me at work wailing uncontrollably!
It was all I could do to cross over the yellow tape surrounding my house with the help of my loved ones, and walk through my front door that felt like the door to hell! I held out my arms to my boys and we cried in a big heap standing in front of a Christmas tree yet to be decorated. Josette’s note begged forgiveness and asked us to pray that she find Rene!
Within days of her death I dreamed I was in a large crowded room and Josette told me she could not find Rene. I saw Rene in the crowd behind her and told Josette to turn around and look. When she saw Rene she smiled and hugged me telling me “Thanks Mom” and ran to her sister as I woke up. I knew then that they were together as they had always been!
After burying our beloved Josette we reluctantly decorated the tree. In past years I would buy the most special ornament for my husband and wrap it for the children to open on Christmas Eve to hang on the tree. It was a very special time for us! This year, sadly we had two more ornaments to add to the collection. Christmas that year was somber as Josette had already bought us gifts. We hung their ornaments tearfully as we prayed for strength.
Four years passed and by the hardest we adjusted to our involuntary fate and learned to laugh again. Then I had a dream in which Josette told me we would all be together again for November 17th which was my oldest son Christopher’s birthday. I interpreted it that they would be there in spirit and looked forward to his birthday with jubilee! I shared my dream with my closest friends for their interpretations and they agreed with me. My dream was March 19th 2005 and on April 19th 2005 my Christopher was diagnosed with Stage 4 Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. We were devastated!
Josette always told me she wanted to be my angel and she was now forewarning me of more trials and tribulations to come but also instilling in my faith that there truly was a hereafter despite my silent and sometimes angry objections.
Christopher was tended to by a highly respected oncologist and I took to the health food stores for alternative aid in keeping my son alive. By August of 2005 after intense treatments of chemotherapy and vitamin regimen, the Dr. was amazed at Christopher’s progress and felt he would go into remission. We were elated!
Then, August 29th Hurricane Katrina wielded her evil intent upon New Orleans and all our dreams were dashed. Christopher was in the hospital to receive possibly his last chemotherapy but Katrina had other intentions as she swept across our city and surrounding suburbs bringing normal life as we knew it to a swift halt! There was but a skeleton crew of nurses and Dr.’s and an influx of patients from surrounding hospitals that were rendered uninhabitable. There were no sterile fields for Christopher’s infected portable catheter to be replaced and he succumbed after the cancer had time to become immune to the treatments.
I wrestled with the agonizing decision to remove him from the ventilator as advised by the doctors. Watching him suffer ripped my heart apart. My mother was angry with me and in denial when his organs began to shut down and there was nothing else I could do but relieve him of his inevitable pain. He could not talk but I had to ask him one important question and that was had he seen his sisters and Daddy. Although in a coma he nodded his head vehemently and I believed his every last ounce of strength that it took him to reassure me!
My November 17th passed away quietly with his loved ones surrounding him on October 17th, 2005 at the tender young age of 24 as the room grew brighter than normal for a brief moment. I knew then that angels surrounded us in a love that was and is INDESCRIBABLE!
My two remaining sons have grown up wise beyond their age and our Christmas tree is now the TRUE meaning of Christmas!
There is so much more to tell but is difficult to explain in compact form.
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How the events changed my life: My children, both alive and deceased have given me strength in more ways than one and the courage to look at life with the wine glass half full! I hope to inspire those who are dealing with tragedies in a positive light so they know that our loved ones are never far away from us…Love is what it’s all about!
Marla Cerise Bio: I was born in Rockford, Illinois and my family moved to New Orleans when I was five. My mother is from Sicily and my father’s parents are from Stockholm. I was a medical office manager for 22 years for an ambulatory surgical unit until Hurricane Katrina forced me into retirement. I sometimes work on our shrimp boat with my (Knight in Shining Armor) husband Will, who has been my rock of Gibraltar throughout the years!
I am in the process of writing a book about my family which includes “Our memories of a Haunting.” I just finished my first novel The Dark Side of New Orleans and hope it will soon be published! I am very blessed to have a loving and supporting family and hope to live happily ever after in our 107 year old house in Kentwood, Louisiana!
Marla can be reached via e-mail:
ceriseam@bellsouth.net
Sonia Says: I cannot even put myself in your place with all the tragedies you’ve been through during your lifetime. I am also thinking of your sons, George and Geno, what they went through and saw during their childhood. You amaze me with your strength to continue and I am grateful that you found a wonderful man, Will, to take care of you and your sons. I wish you all the best, and thank you for being so open to share your life.
Please leave your comments for Marla below. She’ll be over to answer them. Thanks.
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Thank you.
I think that I was indulging in a little bit of self pity when I read your post and it made me realise that I simply have no right to complain, especially after what you have been through. It takes a great deal of strength to keep going on despite all the tragedies. and you clearly have found such a strength. You are an inspiration.
MuMuGB recently posted..Facing The Music -The French Way
The saying, ‘God never gives you more than you can handle.’ seems hard to believe after reading this. You have been tested so many times and yet can write this so beautifully. I’m in awe.
b
barbara recently posted..Adventures with Benson
Hi Barbara-Thanks for the encouragement and God Bless!
Hi MuMuGB, I am blessed to know that what my family has dealt with can help others in a positive manner, but I truly have to say that it is my children who are the gutsy ones!
Hi Sonia! I can’t say what led me to your website but God works in mysterious ways! Thank you so much for posting my story! I had a difficult time clicking the send button after I wrote it, but I’m glad I did. You spread a lot of love and inspiration to the world out there and please keep up the great work!
Marla,
I think you are so courageous, and the fact that you shared your life with us helps many of us “get back on track” when we start feeling that our own life is difficult. I am the one who’s glad you found me.
Sonia,
There are reasons I feel, beyond our control that connects us to a spiritual clique. I am so awe inspired by the love on this website! You all do not realize how much you have touched my heart! Sonia, you have a calling that possesses an inertia that is unstoppable. I thank you for helping me to open up to strangers that I otherwise would not normally do.
My friend Jan Marshall asked me to put her comment here for you.
“For Marla Cerise and her incredible story.
“You are a super hero. A wonderful human who deserves all the best. You are the epitome of a heroine who is truly Dancing with the Scars. I shall buy a hat so I can tip it as an homage to you! Oh, maybe I’ll buy a summer outfit as well.
Good luck to you and your family.”
Have Fun!
Jan Marshall
Dear Jan,
You have a wonderful way with words and I can truly feel your light heartedness! I love your “Dancing with the Scars”! I would love to borrow it from you if it is OK, and will make sure to give you credit any time I use it. I am sure you will look gorgeous in your new summer outfit and hat! I hope you think of me when you put it on for the first time. I think I shall buy a hat and join you! Maybe a suede cowboy hat for a city girl gone country. Thanks for the great idea! Please stay in touch!
As I continued to read your Gutsy Story, Marla, the phrase, ‘How much can one person, one family endure?’reverberated in my mind. Truly, it is an honor for me to read of your life for the word, resilience, was a favorite of my mother’s and become a favorite also for me. Tragedy after tragedy is so horrendous. Yet, a strong deep well of resilience must run through you and your boys. I look forward to reading the memoir.
Take good care and hopefully, you are at peace and happy. You seem to be.
Thanks for sharing, Marla.
Dody (Doreen)
Hi Dody! Your words are profound and send shivers up my spine-literally! I am truly at peace and happy. My children have sent me messages that are undeniable and I know I will be with them soon enough. I know they would all want me to be there for their brothers and that is what I am doing. The boys and my husband are my life!
One has a choice in life to throw the shovel down and jump in the hole or one can throw the shovel away and jump out of the hole! I knew I had to jump out, not only for my boys but for me. I also believe that Don (my deceased husband)led me to Will. Sometimes coincidence is not really coincidence but is meant to be. Please stay in touch and God Bless!
For those of us who cannot understand what you’ve been through, it’s soothing to hear your words and how you have been able to handle your grief.
Thank you Sonia. This website has been an added therapy for me and I truly appreciate everyone’s uplifting words!
As Sonia said as well, I cannot imagine myself in your situation, and trying to survive. I’m glad to see you ended up in a good place after all you went through. Wishing you all the happiness and luck you can handle! And of course success with your writing and publishing!
Miss Footloose | Life in the Expat Lane recently posted..Expat Trouble: What Not to Do in the Jungle
Hi Miss Footloose! I love your name-I bet you are fancy free, too! Thank you so much for your positive expressions. You got it together girl! I will definitely look into your website! Have a great day!
Marla is a venerable woman I admire so much and a great friend of mine. I’ve been at her side for some of those tragic events and she took me in during Katrina (I’m from New Orleans). During those darkest days of grief, I have witnessed the most profound sorrow a human being can possibly endure – again and again. But she has always held her head high during those toughest times in the face of family and friends and soldiered ahead, not letting grief defeat her. She is a testament of strength against all odds and have not once bemoaned her fate. Not once! And that is truly astounding.
From the moment we met through a friend, Marla and I have clicked. I was immediately taken by her fun-loving spirit, not knowing what laid ahead nor what transpired then. I wanted to add her to my roster of friends but there was something more. It was if God said, “Stay by her. Need not your strength but your strength be fortified by her.” And indeed, she has taught me volumes about adversity and tenacity. Yes, indeed.
My Dearest John,
Your words moved me to tears. Thank you for your unwavering friendship throughout the years and more so thank you for being there. Because of you, and our closest friends/family I was able to get through much heartache without medication or professional intervention. You all are so important to me! The love and support that you sent my way and also to my family was immense! You were one of my strongest pillars and I cannot express my gratitude enough! Thank you always for your wisdom, understanding, and most of all your wonderful company! I am humbled and in awe of your camaraderie. Please come and enjoy another weekend with us soon!
We miss you and so does Chiller!
God bless and much love!!!!
Marla,
You are the New WonderWoman. I don’t think I could have ever gone thru what you’ve been thru and remained sane. God Bless you and your family.
Hi Es!
Thanks so much! But when I look back in my life prior to these events I would have said the same thing. Don’t ever underestimate your strength and faith girl! It’s there even when you don’t realize it! Thanks for the encouragement and God Bless!! 🙂
Miss Marla —
Thank you for sharing your story. You inspire me in ways that are difficult to describe. My son comes to visit me in my dreams as well. He visits my mom and his own stepmom and my not-quite-daughter-in-law too. I am sure there are others he comes to. It was his way. He too was a helper, even while he was here on earth.
To say you inspire me… is an understatement. But as I breath a sigh and realize I too can make it through this thing called life, because, in fact, ladies like you are… well, I … I shall muster on. God Bless you. And Dream On 🙂
Kathleen K recently posted..Gaining Permission to Smile Again
Dear Kathleen K,
I am so sorry for your loss. I am blessed to know that we share the same heartache yet the same strength that enables us to move on through life’s journey of lessons that make us who we are today. Just reading your words inspires me also. And yes, my children have proven to me (time and again) that they are close by and watch over their loved ones left behind as has your son. God has given us an immense gift of fortitude that is shared beyond the physical realm.
Thank you for your link above!
We shall “dream on”!
Please e-mail me so that we may stay in touch!
God Bless!
Marla