Life Lessons Learned
On the registration form for my 50th high school reunion, in the year 2000, we were asked to finish the sentence, “If I had it to do over again, I would – – – ” When completed, our answers were collected, compiled into a booklet and given to each of us. I completed the sentence with, “I would not change anything.” I was surprised to see that many others had completed the sentence in the same way. They seemed to be happy with the life they had, as was I. Also, I added a bit of advice I had already given to some of the younger generation, which was my own mantra for life: “Take advantage of your opportunities, follow your passions, and never stop learning.” A caveat to this, of course, is that you have to prepare yourself first, so that when that opportunity does come along, you will be in a position to accept it.
Together, working as a team through hard times, hard work, and with perseverance, my husband, Hersh, and I were able to start reaching some of our goals in life by taking advantage of opportunities that came to us. Sometimes, when I felt downhearted, he would say things like, “Don’t worry, we have our whole lives ahead of us”, or “The world is our oyster”. I believed it too.
After three years in the Marine Corps during WWII (two years in China), Hersh completed college and received his masters in geography. Meanwhile, I brushed up on my office skills, preparing ourselves for opportunities we might have of a career that would take us traveling. Travel was our passion. When he saw a magazine in the college library, listing positions for teachers in foreign countries, he immediately sent out applications.
In 1955, Hersh and I flew across the South Pacific, to the island of Guam, where he was under contract as a high school geography and history teacher, and I was a secretary at the school. This was the beginning of a six-year adventurous life, during which time we traveled the world.
At the end of each two-year contract, we had a three-month R&R (Rest and Relaxation) that we used for travel. This was a time before jets flew across the South Pacific, before air-conditioning, computers, etc. It was also before many people had traveled throughout Southeast Asia or explored the islands of the South Pacific as we did with our five-month-old son, Steve. We made a trip around the world later when Steve was two years old. Not much had been written about exotic places like Egypt and India. Nepal had just opened their borders. We were some of the first outsiders to enter their country.
Traveling through the world in the 1950s was difficult and rigorous, especially with a small child. Hersh was a consummate geographer, wanting to see countries and islands of the world from the viewpoint of the people and their lands, and not just as a tourist. It was also the most educational six years we would spend.
We lived in a pre-globalization era. We traveled during a time when the past was on the brink of colliding with the future. It was an opportunity we had then, that no longer exists
Meanwhile, island life on Guam for six years was enjoyable. Living in a Quonset hut in a small village, without telephone, TV, etc, was a culture shock, to say the least. However, we adjusted quickly and loved every minute of our life there.
After six years abroad, we returned to the States in 1961 and resumed a more normal life with our son who, by then, was five years old and ready to start school. Hersh returned to college at Rutgers University where he acquired another degree that enabled him to change his career. Afterward, we moved to the Washington, D.C. area where he began working for the Department of Defense.
Had we not taken the opportunity that was given us early in our lives, we would have missed this great six-year adventure completely. In 1976, my husband was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. After 24 years of marriage we spent the next 33 years living with this insidious disease. He died in 2009.
Now, as I look back to a time long ago, when we took advantage of an opportunity, I can remember our great adventures during those years when there was a time for us, and the world was our oyster.
Mary Hertslet Bio:
I grew up in Independence, a small town just outside of Kansas City, Missouri. While working at a bank in Kansas City, I met my husband on a blind date (the first and last). After three years of marriage, Hersh and I went off to see the world and live on a beautiful South Pacific island for 6 glorious years.
After returning to the States, we settled in Maryland, bought a house and raised two wonderful children. I am also a proud grandmother of twin granddaughters.
In the 1980s I started a business in arts and crafts that lasted over twelve years. Finally I had to give it up to become a full time caregiver for Hersh until he went into a nursing home.
To help with my grief of knowing he would never be home again, I decided this would be the best time to start researching and writing a memoir. As I wrote, I took pages to read to him. He was no longer able to speak, but I could see the sparkle in his eyes and sometimes even a few tears. I continued writing and reading to him until his death in 2009. At that point, I stopped writing my memoir. After 57 years of marriage, it was impossible to write through my tears. I have started writing again this year, mostly essays and short stories, hoping it will bring me back to finishing my memoir.
Mary can be reached via e-mail at: clemmary1@yahoo.com
Sonia Marsh Says: I think the best response from someone when they look back upon their life is to say, “I would not change a thing, or I have no regrets.” I know my own father has said that to me, and he is 87. I also think we need to remember the important lesson you give us:
“Take advantage of your opportunities, follow your passions, and never stop learning.“
I enjoy your writing and hope that you continue with your memoir. You have so many adventures to write about that we would like to read. Thanks Mary for sharing your “My Gutsy Story”.
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Thanks, Sonia Marsh.
Mary, Thanks for giving us your words of wisdom. I do love what you said, “Take advantage of your opportunities, follow your passions, and never stop learning.“ Thanks for sharing and let us know when your memoir is ready for us to read. Sonia.
Thank you so much, Sonia, for letting me write my “gutsy” story on your blog. In a way, my story is an overview of my memoir (in progress).
I’ll bet your father at age 87 has many interesting stories to tell. Just don’t wait too long. We all seem to have so many questions after they are gone and it’s too late to get the answers.
I enjoyed the reunion comment. I am facing my 50th 2013 and I will send your story about completing the sentence “had I to do it all over again, would I change anything?” I thought that was a clever approach to such an event. At the same time I am electing not to attend my 50th due to differences that are too wide to gap. I have never gone to a reunion and most of those going have been doing so for many years. I would have little in common with almost all those who still live in the area and the idea of,”See what I collected and stashed away over the last 50 years” does not resignate with me. I am not bitter, just indifferent.
Thanks again for your story. I put mine in several books and am now starting a Travel as Education blog. You may be interested in it as well.
Jeff, I have similar feelings, especially about high school reunions. They never found me until our 45 reunion. Sometime, after my return to the States, a school friend gave them my address and I got a notice. I didn’t go because we were on vacation. When my 50th reunion came along, I filled out the registration, but couldn’t go because of my husband’s illness. They sent me the booklet and a high school directory. I was satified with that.
I would be interested in your “Travel as Education” blog. My husband used our own travels to educate his high scool geography and history classes. We traveled through 30 countries and islands in our six years on Guam. He had a lot to offer his students.
Thanks for reading my story.
What an exciting life you enjoyed. I really enjoyed reading “Your Gutsy Story” today. If ever you get that memoir written and published, I for one would love to read it.
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Thanks, Gigi Ann, for your kind comment. I have already written about two thirds of my memoir. Before long, I hope I can come up with a satifying ending.
Mary, enjoyed the first few sentences of your story as I too, like Jeff, will be coming up on a 50th high school reunion in 2014. I’ve not yet attended one of mine either, but because 2000 miles is a bit far to travel with the press of other issues in our life. I certainly enjoyed reading of your life with Hersh and your son in the South Pacific. I do hope you’ll find the strength and courage to move forward with your memoir writing as you have so much to share about life in that area during that time period. Good luck to you in this endeavor during the coming year.
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Sherry, thank you so much for your uplifting comments. I’m happy you enjoyed the story.
I never went to a high school reunion either. A directory was put together each time, keeping us up-to-date. Everyone filled out an information form (address, phone, marital statis, children. career, hobbies.retirement,etc.). My senior year book helped me put the name to a picture.
“Stepping out with courage into the life that stands before you” is a mantra seeded by my mother. Your story, Mary, reminded me of the courage and resilience that it takes to have a life well-lived even when there are seeming setbacks. Thank you. Your memoir would certainly be one worth reading should it fit for you to publish it 🙂
Doreen, I love your quote, “Stepping out with courage in the life that stands before you”. I do think we had a life well lived, even though later, we had to go through many years with my husband’s Parkinson Disease. Hersh had such strength, courage and dignety, always looking on the possitive side of things. Hersh always thought we could conquer the world as long as we had each other, and together, we could get through anything. We did both. Thank you for your lovely comment.
Mary–your story is wonderful, and I do hope that one day you find yourself able to finish writing your memoirs. I know how difficult it is to go on after losing the person you loved all your life; my husband died two years ago and I am still grieving, and like you, I am trying to find my way on my own in the world and it isn’t easy. But we continue to try, right?
Take care, and thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
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Thank you for your comment, Sylvia. I can empathize with you, knowing that we both lost the love of our lives in the same year. I had hoped to complete my memoir before Hersh died, but it wasn’t meant to be. I will carry on though, and work toward finishing the book.
Way to go mom!!This is a great,up-lifting moment for you and for all who know you.Congratulations.
Thank you, Steve. To all who may read this, Steve is that little 5-month old baby in the picture above, who suddenly (just in a blink of an eye)is now 55 years old. Click on the picture to enlarge it.
It is an uplifting moment for any writer, after sitting alone in a room, in front of a computer day after day, writing. It’s nice to know that others are reading your work.
Mary, I feel a connection with Steve, just from his Gutsy parents, living in other parts of the world, and his age. I am glad he came over to comment, and he should be proud of his mom for being online and “with it.”
Sonia, It has been a pleasure to have my story reside here on your blog. My best wishes to you for a successful book launch party on August 30th.
how to vote??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? i dont know how.
Mary – I love your story. Over the years, I have tried to adopt the mantra of living without regret. I was smiling as I read about your adventures with Hersh. Like my PTSD, your lives took an unexpected turn with Parkinson’s. I’m so glad you followed your passions and took your adventures beforehand. I am happy for the blessings of your wonderful children and grandchildren. What a gift for you. I do hope you continue writing, especially your memoir. I understand how grieving can interfere with such a personal project, but the world would benefit from reading it. You have a gift with words, so I do hope to see that memoir from you down the road. God bless you, Mary!
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Thank you, Juanima, for your kind comment. I’m sorry for being late answering you. I was suprised and happy to see more comments when thinking there would be no more.
Your comment “Like PTSD, your lives took an unexpected turn with Parkinson’s”, is a reality that shows me that we don’t need to experience the same deseases or disorders to feel love and compassion for one another. Thank you for showing me that in your comment.
Love the way you talk about your living and travel experiences “at a time when the past was on the brink of colliding with the future.” Your story’s poignant reminiscences evoke nostalgia for a bygone time. I remember traveling in the 50s and it was so different from the harried travel today.
Glad you decided to see the world when you could and before it was overrun with tourists and modernization.
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It was a surprise to see the added comments after thinking there would be no more. Thank you, Penelope, for your comment.
I received an email from my neice, who is still in her 50s, wanting me to go to Paris with her. I,who just turned 80, thought that to be quite a compliment. She thought I would be the perfect person to show her the Paris I wrote about in my memoir. Not so. During our time in Paris in the 1950s we stayed in a small hotel in Montmare, in a place where many painters, writers, musicians,and expatriots lived and worked. Our hotel was near Place Pigalle (red light district)and Moulin Rouge, an infamous caberet. I told her I wanted to keep my memories pure of that time, when Hersh drank champaigne from my slipper, etc. I didn’t want to ruin my memories.
Mary, great beginning story of a great life with uncle Hersh. You all had some great times here in the states with family and friends. He is missed.Keep up the memoirs.Neice Diane
vote for mary
Diane, thanks so much for your comment. You were right in saying that we had geat times here in the States. It was a huge part in making the decision to return Stateside. We didn’t want Steve to miss anymore time away from our families and friends.
Good luck with your book.
Age is a wonderful leveler, I found at my high school reunion. Thank you so much for sharing your story and for enabling us to take advantage of our opportunities.
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Hey, Mary,
I just got a notification of this today, August 21, so I’m too late to vote but I read the story and I’m so happy for you. I hope you continue to write and provide inspiration for others.