“Gut Wrenching Wonder”
Like a fast forgotten dog bone hidden in a corner of a yard, I was quick to bury my feelings of guilt and shame.
At the age of ten, I was one confused and befuddled boy after asking my dad if we could “pretty please get a puppy”.
He all but said beat it.
“I’m allergic to dogs. End of story.” He lied.
It broke my heart to hear him say that.
A year later, I learned the real meaning of heartbreak.
My mom sat me down in the kitchen.
“Have a seat. Let’s talk.”
I was certain she was going to tell me that my hard work in school had paid off and that we were going to get a doggie to call our own.
Already excited after a banner sixth-grade school day, I had sprinted all the way home.
Something good was about to happen.
I could feel it.
“You know no one can 100% predict the future, right?” She began.
“Uh-huh.”
“Well honey, I caught a glimpse of the future today when I went to the doctor.”
I smiled.
I was sure she was going to tell me that the doctor’s dog was about to have a litter of puppies.
I figured wrong.
“The doctor told me I don’t have long to live, buddy.”
“Huh?”
“Six months to a year, they figure. Perhaps a bit more.”
“Huh?”
I don’t even remember pressing myself into her.
I drenched her shoulder as she held me close to whisper.
“Listen up here. The way I see it, God is giving us a gift. It’s rare that He gives anyone time to prepare for their death, but it seems He is giving that gift to me. So let’s make the most of the time we have left together. Shall we?”
When my tears were spent, she planted a kiss on my head, then suggested I go outside and throw a ball around.
“I’ll call you when its time for dinner, buddy.”
Outside, the world spun around me.
I couldn’t even grip a baseball.
Days turned into weeks.
All the while, she took care to comfort my two brothers and my sister and me.
“At least you will always have your dad, long after I’m gone.” She promised.
Obsessing, I couldn’t help but wonder.
What good is it to have a dad if he won’t even let you have a dog?
Then it hit me.
Maybe God would make him change his mind now that our mom was dying?
Maybe that’s God’s plan.
I believed.
“His will be done.” I prayed.
Despite my father’s stubborn indifference to my request that our family get a doggie to call our own, I dropped to my knees every bedtime to try to strike a solemn bargain, praying harder than I had ever prayed in my life.
Night in and night out, I told God that I would endure anything – if only He could figure out a way to allow us to have a dog. Amen. Woof-woof. Bow-wow.
Meanwhile, our mom stayed true.
Knowing each morning could be her last, she took one day at a time to prepare us all for life on our own without her.
Months later in the first week of October, still battling her illness, her focus heightened when our dad dropped dead.
The Christmas that followed brought another surprise.
Our mom could not contain her excitement.
“Look, you guys. Look what Santa brought us!”
Finally, we had our puppy!
Uh-oh.
Dear Lord in Heaven.
Were those my prayers God answered?
What in the world have I done?
On this miraculous Christmas morning, it made me ache to wonder.
* * * *
Six short months later, birds were flying low beneath a darkening midday sky when I learned the sorry truth about what it means for a boy to man a shovel. And I thought math was hard.
Even my blisters wept that day.
“Hip dysplasia is not at all uncommon with large, popular purebreds from puppy mills.” The vet told us.
Had it not been for my mom standing nearby, I would never have managed.
Resting her wrists on my shoulders, she looked me in the eye. “Come on, Mikee. You dig. I’ll pray. I’m not going anywhere.”
She made me do it with those exact words.
In time, her insistence that day would prove to be a godsend; for had she been any less resolute, I would no doubt have remained forever unmindful of a much bigger truth that no one in the world could know.
My puppy isn’t all I buried on that tear-filled eighth-grade afternoon in June when I said good-bye to my beautiful Old English sheepdog, Duchess.
“Not bad for a first-timer with a shovel,” my mom offered, with a smile just right and a hug for good measure. “Hold onto your dear mother here, mister.”
Two simple graveside prayers later, she leaned into my shoulder to give my arm a loving squeeze.
“It’s ok to be sad, buddy,” she whispered, just as my tears came flooding.
Intended or not, with that lesson in closure behind me, I could feel my confidence grow.
And by the time my blisters callused, I had become all but certain I could handle just about anything life threw at me.
Until tonight.
My dad is dead. My puppy has been put down and buried. And now, my mom is lying lifeless on a heavy steel gurney in a dark lonely recess of the basement below.
I tried to settle by rolling onto my side to pull the covers tight.
It must be a dream.
Meet Joe Black visits The Wonder Years in the true story of DOG WATER FREE, a coming-of-age memoir about an improbable journey to find emotional truth that lands a dumbstruck orphan from the unlikely side of Detroit front and center before England’s Queen, America’s Maestro, and the first non-Italian Pontiff in more than 400 years.
Publisher: BookBaby Fall 2012.
______________________________
Michael Jay’s Bio: Michael Jay grew up in Detroit where he attended Catholic Central High School with help from an anonymous benefactor. A graduate of Harvard College, he earned his MBA at Northeastern University in 1983. His coming-of-age memoir, DOG WATER FREE, is dedicated to his college roommate, Tom Wales, who plays a pivotal role in the story, and who many believe to be the only Federal Prosecutor in U.S. history to have been killed in the line of duty. Michael lives in Idaho. To read an excerpt from the true story of DOG WATER FREE please visit
You can connect with Michael Jay on Facebook here and check out his website.
An improbable true story about hope and faith and a young mother’s love that fosters a coming-of-age journey to find emotional truth. Now available at Amazon Kindle, Apple iTunes Books, Barnes & Noble Nook, WH Smith (UK)
and Kobo (worldwide). Also Available at www.Lovereading.co.uk
Sonia Marsh Says: Michael, what an incredible heartbreaking story. You mentioned, “I was quick to bury my feelings of guilt and shame,” and I can imagine what a unique, coming-of-age memoir you have to share with the world.
Do you have a “My Gutsy Story®” you’d like to share?
NOW is the time to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our Anthology. Please contact sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.
You can find all the information, and our sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here
VOTING for your favorite January 2013 “My Gutsy Story®” starts on January 31st, and ends on February 13th. The winner will be announced on February 14th. We have a new sponsor, Carolyn Howard-Johson, who is offering her e-book as a prize: The Frugal Editor.
Please check out the following January “My Gutsy Story®”
Next Monday, we have Linda Joy Myers “My Gutsy Story®”
Thank you Michael Jay for sharing your “coming-of-age” memoir. I know there are several memoir readers who will enjoy reading about your journey.
Sonia, This humble debut author thanks you. Sincerely. I am proud to be part of your “Gutsy Story” series. I look forward to “meeting” everyone here. Michael
This brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing mother you had! I’ll definitely be buying this for my Kindle.
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Thank you so much ladyfi. My mom is indeed the gutsy hero of my story. She is no doubt smiling to learn that it’s earned a Top Rated Best 100 ranking (#3) in the category of ‘family relationships & motherhood’ on Amazon. I’m so proud of that. Best, Michael
All I can say is wow. My heart aches for you and your mom. Childhood is such a precious thing. I love reading how a child felt about something. It makes us be more aware of the deep hearts our children have. Thanks so much.
Amy Hagerup recently posted..Amino Acid for Weight Loss: the Magic Ingredient That is Scientific
Thank you for this Amy Hagerup. No need to ache over this. Mine is a happy story. A beautiful and uplifting story that celebrates a remarkable hero in the person of an ordinary mom who finds herself surrounded by circumstances no one could possibly imagine. You are spot on with your observations, however. Here’s my take. Look your babies in the eye and tell ’em the truth whenever the opportunity presents itself. Children know when Moms speak from their heart. Please know how much I appreciate your kind words. I would be honored if you and others would consider connecting with me on facebook/dogwaterfree so I can keep you in the loop regarding updates and appearances. Thank you so much for taking a minute to post here.
What an extraordinary mother! The way she handled her dreadful news. “God have given us a gift.” Even though you lost her when you were very young she left a great legacy for you to build on. What a gutsy lady. Yours is one of the saddest Gutsy stories I’ve read, but I’m happy that you’ve written about a woman who deserves to be remembered.
Hello Penelope J. Your comment touches my heart. Thank you so much. Your kind words remind me what a lucky boy I still am. Best to you, Michael
Wow! Unbelievable circumstances! What strength of character! Riveting story!
Thank you Jana Gooch. So much. Michael
Michael,
I’m curious when you speak at events, whether your audience is mostly female. I know more women than men buy books statistically, however, your story resonates with women and mothers.
Yes Sonia. My audience is Women and Moms, I am proud to say by far. I am also finding a growing segment among ‘New Adults'(both genders). It’s an interesting spectrum…and gratifying to think that moms are sharing my story with their mature YA/post-adolescent children who themselves are actively engaging as part of discussion groups at story’s end. It’s every author’s dream I think, to write a story that spawns spirited discussion.
“…And I thought math was hard…Even my blisters wept that day…” Oh man! What a story!
Thank you Paige. Sorry to say, this little abstract doesn’t do my true story justice. I hope you can find a moment to read the ‘Look Inside’ excerpt of Dog Water Free available on Amazon. I have a feeling you (and others) will enjoy it. Please do let me know. To all: you can find me at facebook.com/dogwaterfree which is my official author page. Feedback feeds my soul. God knows I need it. Thanks again and best to you and yours, Michael
Michael, what a courageous mother you were fortunate to have. And what a heart wrenching story you have told us here. Your words written in such a coming of age style caught me up and I wanted your words to go on. Good luck with your memoir! You give those of us still writing incredible hope.
Sonia, you continue to amaze me with the people you bring to tell us their stories. Thank you!
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Sherrey, I am so lucky to receive some amazing stories, and to read how people are willing to share. Thanks for your encouragement, and I know you will succeed with your memoir.
Thank you Sherrey. I have posted a free excerpt for you at http://www.dogwaterfree.com if the spirit moves you to read a bit more about me and my mom. Your comment about my story’s “coming of age style” means a lot to me. Thanks again and best to you and yours. Happy writing! Michael
Mike is a remarkable guy, having gone thru gradeschool with him and knowing the pain he endured makes me admire his grace and will to succeed. His mom, Marge planted those seeds deep within him and watered it regularly, with love and an abundance of wisdom. Dog Water Free is one of the best stories I have read in a long time and I feel privleged to call him my friend!
Thank you, my friend Maureen, for visiting Sonia’s page here and for taking a moment to post your comment, which touched my heart. Love and hugs. Mikee
Dear Michael,
Anytime there is a loving mother and a dog in the same story, I know it will make me cry. I love the way you wrote your story here, and will look you up on Facebook. So many losses, so much to learn from the seeds of love that were planted within you. Best of luck with your book! Your mother is smiling.
–Linda Joy
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Thank you so much Linda Joy. That means an awful lot coming from you. I would be honored if you would take a minute to read an excerpt from Dog Water Free on my homepage at http://www.dogwaterfree.com or on Amazon. I am a fan of your writing and your work, by the way. Best to you always, Michael (direct email: michaeljay@dogwaterfree.com)
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