Sonia Marsh - Gutsy Living

Life's too short to play it safe

“My Gutsy Story” by Rhonda Hayes

by

My Gutsy Story

by

Rhonda Hayes

 

I certainly don’t want to give you the impression that I’m the “gutsy” type.  In fact, if you’d ask anyone who really knew me, they’d tell you I’m the “gutless” type.  For example, my husband Greg would be the first to tell you how I drove him crazy when I was the passenger in the car.  He’d love to tell you how I’d slam on my imaginary brakes when I’d see a phantom car coming at us.

Unfortunately Greg is gone now, but he really was the gutsy one between us.  He lost his gutsy battle with cancer on August 16th of 2008, eleven days after his 59th birthday.

Immediately following Greg’s funeral I left Oceanside, California to stay with my daughter Sherry who lived an hour’s drive away in Orange County.  Sherry was thirty-four at the time and she was fighting stage four colon cancer.

Sherry was gutsy like Greg, but in a softer kind of way.  She would never tease me about being a nervous passenger, but she was the first to tell me that I needed to “get a life”.  Actually, that’s exactly what she said to me, nine months after Greg’s passing, right after she had signed on for Hospice care.

One day I was massaging her feet when she said, “Mom, you need to get a life.  Why don’t you go on a dating site?  You know Dad wanted you to move on.”

In my weak attempt to appear as gutsy and strong as Greg and Sherry had always been, I dodged her question and replied, “This is my life.”

However, in reality, there was such a frightening loneliness deep inside me that even a writer can’t come up with words to describe it.  There are none.  What was I going to do when Sherry was gone?  Who would ever understand my agony, and my great loss?  The two gutsiest people in my life were slipping away from me…the gutless one in the family.

I tossed and turned all night.  A dating site?  Could I?  Is that what Sherry really wants?  How could a mother, a widow, signup for a dating site while she’s taking care of her dying daughter?  Now that would really take some guts!  I began to explore my feelings and a dating site.

The next morning Sherry was excited to hear that I had considered her advice and helped me in filling out my profile.  Then we reached the last question.

Any additional information you should know?

Sherry was silent.  I sat motionless.  Panic struck.  What was I doing?  I can’t date.  I’m not available.  This isn’t fair—to her, to me or to any man.

Then a profound calm came over me, the kind of peace that I couldn’t will or force on myself.  I could only trust and accept it.  I recognized it.  Tears of hope and gratitude filled my eyes.

What if it was possible to meet someone? What if he could meet Sherry before she died?

If he met her, he’d understand what I was losing.

My fingers swept effortlessly over the keyboard.  “My daughter has terminal cancer and she is my life right now. Why would I be on a dating site? She is encouraging me to move on with my life, and what a treat it would be if you had the opportunity to meet her. She is an angel.”

I read my words to Sherry and she smiled at me and said, “Perfect, Mom, perfect.”

I hit Submit.  The gutsiest, life-changing thing I ever did.  Yes, I found Larry in the nick of time.

 

Rhonda and Larry

First, I wish to thank Rhonda Hayes for her emotional and inspiring “My Gutsy Story.” You can find out more about Rhonda Hayes and her upcoming memoir on her website.

So far, the stories are all very different and “Gutsy” in their own way. We shall select one a week and feature it on Monday. Please comment, and the more comments a story receives, the more likely it is to be selected as the “winner” of the month.

To submit your own, “My Gutsy Story” you can do so at Join the “My Gutsy Story” contest.

Here you can find out more about our sponsors and prizes for November 2011 contest.

Thank you to those who have already submitted your “My Gutsy Story” to Gutsy Living. We  are saving them for future posts and have four sponsors for November. We shall be getting more exciting sponsors in the future.

If you liked Rhonda’s story, please share and leave your comment below.

Comments

  5. Laura Baird says

    Your story still brings tears to my eyes and goose bumps to my arms. You are such an inspiration Rhonda♥ I am so blessed to know you and have shared some fun time with you and Greg. You deserve every happiness and then some! 🙂

    • Rhonda Hayes says

      Oh Laura, you are so sweet to leave a message of love and support! Spreading hope and inspiration is what I live and write for. Bless you my friend!

  6. Warren Baldwin says

    Sonia, This is the first of the “Gutsy” series I have read. What a wonderful idea for a series, to give people a chance to express themselves and to encourage readers.

    Rhonda, What a sad and heartwarming story all in one. It truly is gutsy. And your post here is a great story to encourage people in painful transitions to move on. Thanks for sharing. wb

    • Rhonda Hayes says

      Thanks for you response Warren! Whenever we (any of us) are faced with transitions of any kind, hopefully we can look towards the light. To me, that is the best and only option for myself and mankind.

      Namaste,
      Rhonda Hayes

    • Gutsy Writer says

      Warren,

      You came at the right time as Rhonda’s story is the FIRST of the “My Gutsy Story” series. I hope writers will continue to share their stories with us, as we can all learn so much from one another about life. Thanks for your comment.

  7. Penelope J. says

    A deeply moving story, Rhonda. To think that you had the horrifying loss of both your husband and then your daughter is mind-numbing. It takes tremendous guts to survive that and get on with your life. But you did and then made a new start with Larry.

    What is truly inspiring is the fact that it was actually Sherry who had the vision and foresight to help you on the path to finding a companion and was there for you when you were in need.

    Both of you sound like gutsy ladies indeed.

    Sonia, what a good idea to start this series/contest with such a motivating story.
    Penelope J. recently posted..Never Give Up on Your DreamMy Profile

    • Rhonda Hayes says

      Penelope, you are so right in recognizing that Sherry had the vision and foresight in wanting to help me. We were always so deeply connected. Even through her teen years there were never the “normal” tug and pull issues. Sherry was a beautiful young lady with an old soul.

      Thank you for your generous comments and I’m going to check out your writing…Never Give Up on Your Dream

      Rhonda

    • Rhonda Hayes says

      Kelli, You hit the nail square on the head! Sherry always took care of me and still is from above. She truly was an angel! Thanks for reading and posting! Rhonda

  15. Larry (yes that Larry) says

    Thanks so much to my Gutsy Wife, Rhonda Hayes, for having the Guts to follow Sherry’s wishes. Please know that Sherry died with complete peace in knowing that her Mom would be ok.

  16. Gutsy Writer says

    Larry,

    We are all honored to hear from you and so happy that you and Rhonda found one another. Sherry must be so happy for making this happen.
    Please know that we wish you love and happiness and a Gutsy life together.
    I also met my husband through an “ad” in a magazine 26 years ago.
    No Internet dating then.
    Sonia

    • Rhonda Hayes says

      Sherry loved Larry from the moment she set eyes on him! She said, “Mom, he’s got your warm positive energy.” Believe me, Sherry was right on! Larry is all of that and more!

      So, Sonia…were you born Gutsy? Thanks so much for allowing me to share my story!

      • Gutsy Writer says

        Rhonda,
        I think my parents raised me to be independent at a young age and travel helps with that. I took my first flight from Paris to LA alone at age 9.
        So that helped me to become Gutsy.

  17. Tori Rice says

    Dear Rhonda,
    No matter how many times I hear your gutsy story, I am moved and inspired. You are truly the least ‘gutless’ person I know, with an ability to keep doing what needs to be done, despite the obstacles and heartache. You provided so much love and comfort–not just to Greg and Sherry–but to everyone around you. And you continue to do so with your fantastic writing! I am so proud and honored to be a part of your family and to witness your amazing journey. Thank you for continuing to share this incredible story!

    Much love & respect,
    Tori

    • Gutsy Writer says

      Hi Jill,

      Just in case Rhonda doesn’t respond, I wanted to thank you for commenting and also for submitting your Gutsy journey story. What an adventure!

    • Rhonda Hayes says

      Jill, I’m glad I checked back! Thanks for your kind words, the motivation to keep writing daily. Looking forward to reading your story as well!

      Hugs,
      Rhonda

  19. Charla says

    Great story that really hit home having lost my husband unexpectedly last year. He was only 62. I applaud your Gutsy strength.

  20. Kathy says

    Rhonda, my friend asked me to read your story so I clicked the link without knowing what I would find. Although I have never lost a spouse or child, I have lost my father, sister to cancer; a horrible disease. We were very close and their passing took my breath away.

    Your courage (you called guts) is an inspiration to many who are going through similar situations. Your words brought tears to my eye as it is a message of hope where none can be seen, knowing that life goes on for us left behind. Thank you for sharing it with us.

  21. Kas says

    Rhonda,
    I was so moved & motivated when I read your story. Tears came to my eyes because all year I’ve been trying to move on after the passing of my daughter in January and my best friend in June, both from cancer. Your daughter’s courageous prodding and the way you listened to her & took another gutsy risk in the face of such losses took my breath away.
    I won’t forget.
    Kas

    • Sonia Marsh says

      Kas,
      I’m sure Rhonda will respond, but I’m glad you came by and read her story. I’ve told it to many and it is an amazingly beautiful story of courage and hope. Thanks for your comment.

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