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4 Important Keys to Prepare for a Happy Marriage (After Retirement)

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My Guest today is Bob Lowry From

Bob started his blog Satisfying Retirementin June 2010. He gives us tons of helpful advice, and whether you’re a retirement “veteran,” have newly joined the ranks of the “no longer working,” or are still a few years away but have questions, you’re in for a treat today.

4 Important Keys to Prepare for a Happy Marriage (After Retirement)

One of the biggest adjustments most of us will have to make after retiring is being around another person, all day, everyday. Whether we are the one who has stopped working, or it is our spouse, it is hard to ignore the “extra” person in the room. Marriage manuals tell you that together time is great. They are right. After all those years of leaving the house each day it feels really special to be together.

However, There is a flip side. All that together time can make for a rocky journey if not handled properly. Routines and responsibilities that have been dealt with a certain way are suddenly upended. Here are 4 keys to help make your married life after retirement satisfying and fulfilling.

Spend time on shared interests. Retirement gives you and the other person a chance to spend more time doing something you both enjoy. Notice I used the word chance. This won’t happen just because you are together. It will only happen if the two of you strive to make it happen.

Here is something many of us forget about shared interests: you may have a shared interest you don’t know about yet. Try this: each of you agrees to do something the other person enjoys for a set period of time. If it doesn’t work, drop it and try something else. You just might discover something you love and don’t know how you got along without it.

Develop complementary interests. This doesn’t mean telling the other person how good he or she looks today, though that isn’t a bad idea. I’m referring to combining interests that compliment each other. For example, I like to take photographs and have a decent eye for composition. But, I do not have the patience to edit each photo for color balance, sharpness, or perspective. Luckily for us my wife loves that kind of work and is very good at it. She likes taking photos too, but secretly I think it is just so she can edit them. Our skills compliment each other and allow us to complete a project that neither one of us could tackle as well individually.

Understand the need for private time and space. Each of us must have a period when we are alone. We must be able to simply “be” without having to respond or comment or decide. We must have time to be involved with interests and activities that we don’t share with another. It is important to make it clear you are not avoiding the other person because he or she irritates you. Both of you must discuss boundaries of duties and time so each protects what is important to the other person.

Above all communication is crucial. Effective communication is hard work. It involves a type of listening called reflective listening. This is when you briefly summarize what you believe the other person has said and then respond. Reflective listening is a sign of respect because you are not formulating your answer while he or she is speaking. Trust me. Without strong communication the other three keys won’t matter.

Bob has put together a 61-page e-book, which you can download for FREE.
I have it and am sharing it with my husband. It’s great to plan ahead.

From Building a Satisfying Retirement: How to Make the Most of this new Phase of Your Life

Successful bloggers tell stories like Darren Rowse

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A few weeks ago, I discovered something about Darren Rowse, the Australian guy (guru) behind ProBlogger I didn’t know. Apart from his expert advice on blogging, he wanted to share another facet of himself by conducting a bold experiment called: the Tanzania Blog Project. He decided to take us into the lives of ordinary Tanzanians, especially women and children with medical issues, and share the wonderful work conducted by CBM: an Australian non-profit..

Darren wanted us to see and feel like we’re with him, without leaving our comfortable armchair. Through his daily interviews on video, we’re able to follow the lives of Tanzanian kids like Athman, the ten-year-old boy who is constantly picked on because of his disability. Darren’s video shows us what CBM in conjunction with CCBRT (a Tanzanian non-governmental organization) are doing to help at their disability hospital in Dar es Salaam. Darren states that Athman’s biggest problem isn’t his physical disability, but his “social isolation.” He managed to capture Athman getting mobile on this video.

We get to hear about another common problem in Tanzania, women with fistulas. This is a problem that can be treated, but many women live in “shame” and are also “socially isolated” or badly treated by others. Darren interviews two women, Hadija, who is older, and who has suffered 30 years with her fistula problem. She did not realize it could be treated until a younger woman, Niguala (who’s had a fistula for two months) heard about the hospital from a neighbor.

Some of the harsh realities of Tanzanian life are:

  • 35 women die a day from maternal health issues.
  • 120 babies die within 24 hours of being born every day.
  • Fistulas are a common problem in women in Tanzania, many caused by child birth.

Darren says in his final video, “Instead of thinking about the depressing aspects, we need to focus on the fact that there are people out there helping.” Disability is more about not being able to participate, because kids and adults are secluded by others. “It’s our attitudes that stop disabled people from reaching their potential.”

I agree with Darren that getting involved with project like the Tanzania Project, reminds us of some of the things happening in other parts of the world. I think it’s uplifting to see volunteers helping. I know I benefited tremendously from my ten days of volunteering with a group of U.S. nurses in a Mayan school in Belize.

It’s difficult for many to travel to far away places like Tanzania, however, I appreciate the way Darren captured the “stories” of many women and children, and opened our eyes to what’s being done, and how we can help.

Why do we let young girls dress like that?

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Have you noticed how more and more teenagers and tweens are dressing provocatively or is it just me?

In an article by Jennifer Moses in the Wall Street Journal, she poses the question, “Why do so many of us not only permit our teenage daughters to dress like this—like prostitutes, if we’re being honest with ourselves—but pay for them to do it with our AmEx cards?” This controversial article and interview has 280 comments since it was published on Saturday March 19th. Many of those who commented were angry at Jennifer Moses, however, she does have a point: the media is bombarding young girls with role models like Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton and tween catalogs are advertising clothing as “sexy and flirty.” In another article entitled “Too Sexy Too Soon,” you can see how the fashion industry is putting pressure on tweens to look sexy.

There is nothing new to the fact that young girls want to be cute and flirty, however, I’ve seen some eleven-year-old girls dress so provocatively that you question, “What is their intention? Jennifer Moses asks, “What are they saying? I’ve got them, come and get them?” She admits that some mothers are better at guiding their daughters than others, and that she has had problems with her own daughter while trying to bond during a shopping trip.  Excuses like, “It’s no big deal mom, everyone is dressing like that,” or “Just cause I dress like that doesn’t mean I’m having sex,” are common. She admits that teenagers will drive you crazy, and you end up giving in.

There are some moms and dads contributing to this behavior by shopping with their daughters and throwing them parties at clubs. It’s almost like they’re saying, ‘Look how hot my daughter is.'” But why? One mother says, “It’s a bonding thing. It starts with the mommy-daughter manicure and goes on from there.” On the other hand, Jennifer Moses who grew up at the tail-end of the hippie generation, brings her own theory. She says, “It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret.” She continues, “We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control, the first who didn’t have to worry about getting knocked up.”

When asked what about her message, Jennifer Moses believes we need to make kids aware of the following:

  1. TV is a fantasy
  2. We’re living in a pornographic society with a debased cheap culture
  3. You won’t get my credit card to buy stuff I don’t agree with.

If you’re a parent of a tween or teenager, to what extent do you think it’s the media’s fault? What can and should we do as parents?

Don’t be afraid to experiment like Colin Wright.

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 Colin Wright

I just got an idea while jumping from The Skool of Life blog to The Exile Lifestyle blog to this TEDx Phnom Penh. I know, I know; I cannot sit still and FOCUS, which is probably why I need to get Leo Babauta’s free 121 page e-book. (Please note on page 14, he asks a simple question that I can relate to, how about you? Here it is: “As you read this chapter, how many times were you distracted or tempted to switch to another task? How many times did you think of something you wanted to do, or check your email or other favorite distractions?”

Anyway, back to Colin Wright from ExileLifestyle. What I love about this young guy is that he lives a Gutsy Life: something I admire and could see myself doing, if I had an income. You know what he does? He polls his bloggers and asks them, “Where should I live for the next four months?” and then he moves to the country that received the most votes. That’s why Iceland is his next move. How cool is that? I could easily pack my bags and live that way. Can you imagine how great it would be to live in a place for four months and learn about the country, the people, nature, food and customs, and then move on. (Maybe that’s why I can’t sit still for too long.) It would be like a personal survey of each country, and if you don’t like it, you’ve only made a four month commitment, and you can always blame your “voters” for picking a lousy place.

Anyway, in case you don’t have time to sit through Colin’s motivational TEDx Phnom Penh speech, let me summarize what I found interesting.

  • Carry a camera with you daily, and take it with you wherever you go. 

This will add a “new light” to your life. Don’t be afraid to experiment. It will make you see things through a different “lens” and perhaps give you an “aha” moment as did the man on the bench with the chihuahua, in Colin’s case.

  • Make a commitment to blog about one photo daily for one year, and see where it takes you. 

It might even take you to attempting the “extreme lifestyle experiment” like Colin Wright. In case you’re wondering how he finances his life abroad, he runs an online business which he can do anywhere in the world, using Skype, except New Zealand. Strangely enough, Internet connections are terrible in New Zealand, according to Colin Wright.

Thanks to Srinivas Rao and his thought-provoking Skool of Life blog, where he states, “I’ve never been the type of person to fit in,” I discovered Colin Wright.

Is there something you’d like to try but haven’t had the guts to? Don’t be afraid to experiment.

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