“American women don’t know many things about themselves. They try to be right. You have to be yourself. But you have to know who you are.” Sonia Rykiel
No, I didn’t say that. It’s the famous French designer, Sonia.

At Barbara DeMarco Barrett’s “Pen on Fire Speaker Series,” I had the pleasure of listening to American author, Debra Ollivier, talk about her new book, What French Women Know. Ollivier, an American, married a French man and lived in the 19th arrondissement in Paris long enough to give her an amazing perspective on the differences between both cultures, and how women view love, sex and other matters of the heart and mind.

I have taken some snippets out of Ollivier’s book, What French Women Know, to show how well she describes the differences between American and French women. “When we American women aren’t busy trying to change ourselves, we’re often busy trying to change our men.” She mentions an American women’s magazine titled, “Can You Fix Him?” which drives her point across. This is not how French women think. They use emotional intelligence, in more subtle ways.

In another interesting example Ollivier quotes her French friend, Cecile. “Love is not a balance sheet….I did this for you; now you do that…love and sex don’t work that way… Living happily with men is about finding a way to achieve reciprocity and complementarity, not perfect 50-50 egalitarianism.”

One of the reasons American women may not be as happy as French women is that Americans strive for perfection. “French women generally don’t strive for exalted standards of happiness, neither do they strive for exalted standards of moral perfection,” Ollivier writes. Because most French women know who they are, “they often don’t give a damn what we think of them.” Ollivier says, “they don’t grow up with the cultural mandate to be liked.”

From having spent many years in France, I completely agree with this statement. I find myself translating phrases such as, “You did such a great job,” “I love your hair,” the way I would speak to friends in the U.S., into French, and it often comes across as completely phony. Often there’s an awkward silence, and I remember, this is not how French women speak to one another. I have to try to become the “French” woman in France, and the “American” woman in the U.S.

I found the examples Ollivier gives in her book fascinating. I’m curious what comments or questions you have regarding the differences between women of different cultures.

Imagine my shock when told to start thinking inside the box, after years of being brainwashed to think outside the box. Even Oprah forced me to think outside the box.

I admit, I never really understood the true meaning of either one, except that thinking outside the box sounded cool, like I had a unique brain capable of thinking differently, because, dammit, my brain cells are outside thinkers, not inside thinkers.

As a volunteer at the Newport Beach Public Library Foundation, I am fortunate to listen to some famous people. Lynda Resnick, dubbed the “POM Queen,” is behind the marketing success of POM Wonderful, 100% pomegranate juice, Teleflora (the world’s largest floral-by-wire company) and FIJI Water (the leading imported bottled water brand in the United States).

Resnick spoke about how she creates memorable brands and I listened carefully to her lecture to see if any of us can apply her techniques to branding ourselves.

She asked the question: Creativity: Where does it come from? and proceeded to show us a slide of a chimpanzee with a paint brush. “Even animals can learn to paint,” she said, “but being creative, is a process.”

How can you count on creativity? “Creativity isn’t thinking outside the box, it’s thinking inside the box.” she said. She stressed that during these hard economic times, we need to focus on thinking inside the box.

Resnick’s three Gems, the pillars on which any business must be built if it hopes to grow and survive.

1)Value.
2)Unique selling proposition.
3)Community/transparency.

I shall focus on # 3, since this applies to most of us. Resnick says that most people think of Twitter and Facebook, but that they “comprise only two pieces of the social-networking puzzle. “Ning brings the picture one step closer to completion.” Many small businesses have used Ning to build social networks that are big on community and small on cost. To my fellow writers, I found a useful “she writes,” community on Ning. There are over 27 million people who joined, over the last two years.

Another service Resnick recommended, that might help some of us get feedback on a service or a product is Zoomerang and it’s free.

Resnick reminded us of the importance of “honesty” in what we do. There are 1,200 companies today giving back to the environment. Patagonia, gives 1% of its sales back to keep our planet healthy.

I found another helpful suggestion on Lynda Resnick’s blog: “If you love your product, you have to learn to give it away.” I’ve heard that mentioned over and over again, including Jerry Simmons, who has over 30 years experience in the book publishing business.

So are you an inside the box, or an outside the box thinker, and why?