Sonia Marsh - Gutsy Living

Stepping back helps you see the obvious.

September 30, 2010 by Sonia Marsh

Parents’ Weekend at NMMI (New Mexico Military Institute)

A short visit to congratulate my sixteen-year-old son for doing so well and loving his new school.

HELLO EVERYONE.

How are you? It’s been a while hasn’t it?

Thank you for your support, your wonderful comments, and understanding my need to finish my revisions.

I’ve revised my entire manuscript based on the premise, crafting the story with conflicts and obstacles, leading up to the crisis our family faced and finally the resolution. Thanks to my talented editor, I’ve been able to weed out the unnecessary parts and transform my memoir into a cohesive story.

My editor, (I shall give you her name and link later, as she’s almost completed a brand new website) now has the task of reviewing my 311 page, 82.500 word count, starting on October 11th. This allows me to read the entire manuscript out loud and probably do some last minute editing. Is a writer ever done? I thought of recording it onto my ipod, but need to Google search how to do that first. Anyone know?

It’s been 30 days of butt-flattening exercises, (sitting still in a chair.)
I did get a break on September 16-20th, when I flew to Albuquerque, NM, rented a Kia Rio, which almost flew off the road into a neighboring sheep pasture, and landed in Roswell, 170 miles down a lonely road.
I am so proud of my son and all the other cadets, the teachers, and the structure of the school. I attended Jordan’s classes and even learned a few words in Arabic, one of his new subjects.

After a month of non-blogging and no-commenting, I feel rejuvenated. Now don’t get me wrong, of course I’ve missed you, however, my inbox was inundated with blogs I subscribe to like Copyblogger.com, Problogger.com, and you know what?

I felt sad for people who are consumed with their blogs 100% of the time. Now I’m sure there are many who would disagree, including those amazing professional bloggers I mentioned above. But in a way, I thought of the old days, where we could do other things with our lives.

Let me share something with you. When I was forced to take a break for a month, I no longer woke up

at 2 a.m., rushed to my notepad in the bathroom, closed the door, so the light wouldn’t wake up my husband, and wrote down a topic that came to mind. No, instead, I rushed to my computer and wrote down a change I came up with on my manuscript. HAHA. I guess I shall always wake up and write, no matter what project I’m working on. Those sleep through the night, nights are gone forever.

Manuscript Revision Blast

August 26, 2010 by Sonia Marsh

I am working with an amazing editor. She’s an expert on story structure and I call her the Doctor Phil of book editing. She’s an award-winning playwright, published poet, and Emmy nominated writer.

I have a deadline to finish my memoir revisions by the end of September.

My goal is to finish my memoir and get it published, and in order for me to do that, I need to focus 100% on my manuscript. When a sweet lady asked me, “Can I buy your memoir?” at my last presentation on “Gutsy Blogging for Writers,” I realized, “Wow, people actually want to buy my book.” She then asked me if I would autograph a page in her notebook.

This means no blogging or visiting blogs until September 30th. (Ouch!)

It breaks my heart to do this but I have to stay focused for a month. I wish all of you Gutsy Blogging and hope you will come back and visit me when my doors open again on September 30th.

All the best to you, and thanks for understanding.

How to retire comfortably for under $1,500 a month.

August 23, 2010 by Sonia Marsh

Ambergris Caye, Belize, where we lived in 2005

Many of you know my family lived in Belize for one year, from 2004-2005.
A week or so ago, I received a link to an article in US News on: How to retire comfortably for under $1,500 a month. The location: Belize.

I read the article with great interest, and decided to comment on what I think is true, and what I believe may be slightly misleading.

The couple in the article moved from Canada to Belize, three years ago. They bought a piece of property on the sea, but it does not say where. My guess is perhaps in Corozal/Consejo Shores area in the north, close to the Mexican border where we lived when we first moved to Belize.

Here are their expenses: (I added my comments after each category.)

Rent: $300 (PROBABLY RUSTIC FOR THAT PRICE. DEPENDS ON LOCATION TOO.)
Utilities: telephone, and Internet: $500 (Your biggest expense in this country.) (I AGREE.)
Groceries: $150 (IF YOU LIVE LIKE A LOCAL IT’S CHEAP. NOT WINE, FILET MIGNON.)
Health insurance: $50 (WE DIDN’T HAVE ANY.)
Entertainment: ($100 EATING BURRITOS AND FRIED CHICKEN OUT IS CHEAP. NOT TOURIST RESTAURANTS WITH AMERICAN STYLE FOOD THOUGH.)
Car expenses: $300 (GAS IS EXPENSIVE.)

They barbecue lobster and filet mignon at home. They have reliable Internet to keep them connected to the outside world. My biggest disappointment in Belize was the frozen lobster in the supermarkets. I never found a store with fresh lobster. As far as filet mignon, I would not call it “filet mignon” unless you ordered it from an upscale American restaurant and it was imported from the U.S. There were two butchers on Ambergris Caye, and their meat tasted better after a few months of living on the island. Seriously, your taste buds change.

They have reliable Internet. I’m not sure about that. There were several hours a week when the electricity shut off in the entire town/country. We went for eleven hours straight without electricity. We had a satellite dish and there were also times, during heavy cloud cover, we were without Internet.

Through Belize’s Qualified Retired Persons program you can establish foreign residency as young as age 40. We applied for our QRP cards before leaving the U.S. They were supposed to arrive within six weeks from the Belize Tourist Board. We never received them, after one and a half years and paying $5,000 for them. The reason: they were being redesigned with a security feature attached. We never saw ours.

Belize is a beautiful little country. It’s a peaceful, eco-tourist retreat home to more than 540 species of birds, 4,000 species of flowering plants, and 700 kinds of trees. That I agree with. We fell in love with the sense of adventure and the beauty of the country, especially the islands and snorkeling.

Furthermore, Kathleen Peddicord wrote an article on , “7 affordable places to retire abroad,” and strangely enough, France is listed among countries such as Panama, Belize, Mexico, Uruguay, Croatia and Malaysia. I have lived in France and Belize, and visited Mexico, and I certainly wouldn’t place France in the same category of affordability as Belize and Mexico, and not from what I hear about Panama either. So that seemed like a huge surprise.

Any tips on retiring comfortably for under $1,500 a month?
(Even if you’re 40.)

Are you a helicopter parent?

August 19, 2010 by Sonia Marsh

Photobucket Photo

As a mother of three sons with strong views on parenting, I decided to tackle a subject which has been in the news lately, “helicopter parenting.”
The reason I want to talk about it is because, not only does it affect how we raise our kids today, but also how they turn out in college and in the work world.

First of all, what is a “helicopter parent?”
According to Dr. Robyn Silverman, a specialist in adolescent and child behavior, “a parent who hovers around her child and swoops in at a moments notice whenever she sees her child in any distress or discomfort, even when having a little bit of a challenge.”

A video of the interview with Dr. Robyn Silverman.

Of course our job is to protect our children, but some parents may have gone one step too far. They constantly check-in on or up on their child, because of their own anxiety. They call and text, even during school hours, which is a real problem for teachers. As Dr. Silverman points out, “it’s the who, what, where, when and why of over protection.”
Helicopter parenting becomes a real problem when it continues into college and then their adult child’s job. Some parents can’t let go and start calling their child’s boss when they’re sick, or checking in on their child’s job interview.
This has become a major problem today for companies hiring young people brought up by “helicopter parents.” The kids never learn problem solving and often depend on their parents to take care of them, even when they’re adults.

So what can parents do?

Coach your child rather than solve their problems for them
Ask your kid to come up with solutions
Teach your kids to brainstorm
Teach your kids to think on their own

I don’t know about you, but did your parents hover around you? Mine didn’t. They actually allowed me to leave home at fourteen and attend boarding school in England. That was my wish, and they stood by me. I now realize how difficult this must have been for my mom who only had me. In those days, we had no e-mails, no texting and I think I learned some valuable lessons on being independent which I’ve passed on to my own three sons.
My youngest, sixteen, wanted to leave home and attend NMMI, a military boarding school in New Mexico, and the only contact I’m allowed with him for twenty-one days, is letter-writing. This is difficult for me as an empty nester, but I realize this is important for him.
Here is an interesting article on Helicopter parenting, if you want to read more.

Let’s get a discussion going. Your thoughts are always welcome.

Why do we love?

August 12, 2010 by Sonia Marsh

Photo from Photobucket

Why do we love? Most of us would give reasons related to qualities we see in another person but perhaps not how the other person makes us feel about ourselves..

After reading this article, in Psychology Today, I gained a different perspective on why we fall in love.

According to Hank Davis, Professor of Psychology at the University of Guelph in Canada, “We don’t fall in love with a person because of their qualities, per se, rather, we fall in love with ourselves in their presence. In other words, we fall in love with the version of ourselves that we become when we are around them.”

“Love is deeply, even primarily rooted in our feelings about ourselves, and secondarily about our loved one.”

When we feel good about ourselves we attract other people, yet when we’re sad or depressed, we build up an imaginary shield which keeps people away. This happens to all of us, and sometimes it takes forcing a smile to get the communication going again.

Professor Hank Davis continues:“If, for example, I normally perceived myself as relatively unattractive or unintelligent, but I felt good-looking or smart in my lover’s presence, I am likely to get hooked on her. I might go on about how beautiful, smart or enticing she is, and I might actually believe those things, but the truth is it’s the new improved “me” I have fallen in love with. This may be a version of myself I hoped to be all my life and if she is the key to finding it, I want to be around her more and more.”

Does this mean that when we fall in love with someone, they see our potential and over the course of a long-term marriage or relationship, we strengthen those qualities? I think that a healthy relationship does bring out, and perhaps even pushes us (whether we realize it or not) to bring out the best in ourselves.

“Kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship,” according to Professor Arthur Aron in Discovery Health.

“Kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.”

So why do we love?

Perhaps our reasons are selfish in that we want to feel happy and good about ourselves, however, isn’t it important to feel good about ourselves in order to share our love with others?