Do I Want to Move in with a future partner?

Once again, I’m on a dating site, this time Match.com, only to find myself mysteriously “kicked off.” Not for bad behavior, I promise. Perhaps the universe is trying to tell me to stop trying so hard.

I did manage to have one coffee date before Match got fed up with all my attempts to log in, change passwords, and reset my account—to no avail.

The conversation flowed, which felt both unusual and exciting. I asked him questions, he asked me questions, and at one point, he even commented on how rare that was.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, most women I meet talk about themselves the whole time and don’t ask me about me,” he said.

I thought that was funny. I’ve had the same experience with men. With him, I could actually finish a story and count on a follow-up question.

We were pretty open about what we liked to do and what we were looking for. I told him I take cruises on my own because I love meeting people from all over the world. I also told him I wasn’t looking to get married again.

“I’d like to fall in love, though,” I added. I wanted to make that clear.

He told me he wanted to find a companion and have her move in with him, or he’d move in with her.

“I don’t mind if we sleep in separate rooms,” he said. “It’s difficult to sleep together when you’re older.”

Then he told me that most of the women he meets say they want to keep living in their own place. They don’t want a man moving in with them.

That’s me! I thought. I barely knew the man, and I didn’t have the nerve to say it out loud.

“Do you know why they say that?” I asked.

He asked me to explain.

I told him that when I picture moving in with a man, there’s a high chance that his health will deteriorate in his seventies. Not to say that won’t happen to me, however, I do think about what might happen if his health changes. I still have a zest for life. I want to swim, travel, and make my own plans. And yes, I worry about giving up some of that freedom if I become someone’s caregiver.

He looked surprised, as if he’d never considered that might be part of it.

I liked how honest we’d been with each other over coffee. And yet the simplest thing I could have told him was the thing I kept to myself. I like coming home to my own place. I’m still active and fit, and I love my independence. I’d also love to fall in love again. At this stage of my life, it’s hard to meet a man I’m physically attracted to who also makes me laugh and has all those other qualities I’m looking for. I know you what you’re thinking? Sonia, stop being so picky. But if I did meet that man and fell in love with him, would I change my mind about living together? Or would I still want to come home to my own place?

I might change my mind if this man was sitting next to me. But then again, AI can make us dream and make me look better than real life.

“If you fell in love again, would you want to live together? What would you miss about not having a place of your own?”