Is divorce a gift or a curse?

I have been contemplating this particular topic ever since I got divorced in 2015. As a single woman in her sixties, I am grateful for the gift that my divorce has given me. Although it was not easy in the beginning, I have several reasons why I am thankful for it.

I can put my own needs first.

After going through the grieving process of my divorce and feeling rejected and alone, I made a decision to focus on the advantages of being single and free to do what I want. During my marriage, I spent most of my time and energy trying to please my spouse and children. Now, as a divorced woman, I can be more self-centered and prioritize my own needs.

It’s quite liberating to take care of yourself. After 28 years of marriage, I can now enjoy the freedom of eating what I like and when I like, going to bed when I want to, and not having to listen to snoring. I can choose whether or not to engage in sexual activity, travel whenever I feel like it, watch shows that I enjoy, do laundry for one, exercise at my own pace, spend time with my adult children when it’s mutually convenient, and finally call my friends and talk for as long as I want to without any disturbance. Let’s not forget that I have the freedom to date the men I want to date.

Here is my list of top self-care needs:

Exercise: Since turning 25, exercise has become my addiction. Weight training and swimming are now part of my daily routine. I wrote an article on Pat Anderson’s blog, ‘A Fitness Minute’, about what exercise has done for me.
Nutrition: I am interested in nutrition, health, fitness, and longevity. I often listen to podcasts on these topics, have watched an incredible documentary, “The Blue Zones,” on Netflix, and follow the Mediterranean diet.
Travel: In the article I wrote about the benefits of traveling solo, I discovered small ship cruising with no single supplement, allowing me to have my own cabin and pay just for myself.
Dating: You may be wondering why finding a compatible, fun, active man who also travels is on my list of top self-care needs. My answer: Why not? I’m still interested in meeting men.
Netflix: I just had to put that in my top self-care needs as there are many great series and documentaries that both entertain, and teach me about history, space exploration, psychology, and more.
A Sense of Purpose: I feel pressure to be productive instead of watching daytime TV, but why am I procrastinating with my second memoir?

I feel guilty (self-imposed and a waste of time) that I’m not writing my second memoir. You would think that with the number of podcasts, zooms, and Free Bootcamp informative courses offered by Hay House Publishing, I would finally get my butt into my chair and start writing, but “Oh no,” I must just listen to “Make it Happen” with Mel Robbins and she will motivate me to get my memoir writing project going. Have you ever found yourself downloading free workbooks to motivate you to start your project, and then realize you’re spending an inordinate number of hours answering questions but not getting any work done on your project? If so, you’re not the only one.

Having published my first memoir in 2012, I understand the commitment you have to make to get it done. I also remember the marketing side of publishing a book and I ask myself these questions:

Do I want to share my life online?

What if I receive a lot of negative feedback? Cruel comments can come from people who don’t even know me because they just want to be nasty.

When writing a book that appeals to readers, it’s important, to tell the truth and be vulnerable, share emotions, and, in my case, reveal the raw details of my marriage and the transformation that happened during my Peace Corps service teaching orphans and vulnerable children in a small village in the mountains of Lesotho, Africa.

That is the book I want to write; a memoir to help women who are grieving the loss of a relationship, feeling lonely, and unable to find a sense of purpose in their lives. I strongly believe that there is hope, and that being single – whether by choice, through the death of a loved one, or due to divorce – presents many opportunities to fall in love with the person you have become and will always have by your side.”

So, what do you think? Is divorce a gift or a curse? If you are single or divorced, please share your opinion in the comments below.

shutterstock_208049116 — I could not resist the blue/turquoise background on this photo. Just noticed a parasailer to the right of the arrow. Is that me flying?

I was talking to Donna, an author and a life coach, about ideas for my next blog post.

Donna knows my theme is “Gutsy Living” and she texted me,

“It takes guts to leave a marriage… Did u write on that?”

My answer is “No,” and although I agree there are many women who stay stuck in a marriage because it’s easier to do that, than to get unstuck, I still don’t view my own situation as gutsy.

Now what I’m planning for the rest of my life, I would call Gutsy, in the sense that I am not one of those women who likes to stay in my house, and certainly don’t thrive on the same routine. Besides, I no longer own a house, nor do I have a home to celebrate the holidays with my three sons. (That part I do regret.)

My life right now is a period of major transition. It has been quite liberating to rid myself of possessions, take charge of my own finances, get organized, and move forward with my next adventure.

Apart from my clothes, photos and files, all I own is the furniture below, and my small blue Kia Rio. Quite surprising that at age 57, I’m back to what I owned as a 25-year-old, and the strange thing is I now feel free to pack up and move to another country.

My only possessions are: the inspirational painting that led to my love of tropical islands, two antique chairs I embroidered with my mother in Denmark when I was fifteen years old, and my parents’ Chinese chest, which has followed me since 1983.

100_2914 — Red embroidered armchair. I have two of those, and my favorite Barton painting and frame

100_2915 — I inherited my parents’ Chinese chest and the paintings behind are the ones I painted. Always turquoise!

I applied and was rejected by the Peace Corps, but that didn’t stop me from changing my resume, and reapplying. I’m thrilled to announce that I finally had my 2-hour interview and shall keep you posted on what happens with that.

As a back-up, I decided to get a (TESOL) certificate, Teachers of English to Speakers of Other Languages, an intense 4-week course, supposedly with no breaks on weekends. The problem is I have at least six people whom I’d like to visit in the UK, including author Ian Mathie, and my French/British blogger friend Muriel Demarcus, who wrote a My Gutsy Story® published in the Anthologies, and other friends from my days studying in the UK.

So for me, the answer has been, and shall always remain, to keep busy with plans and projects, and to keep networking, as you never know what the future holds. When you’re open to change, there are so many possibilities.