What’s It Like to Date In Your 50s

I’ve been dating, so I figured I’d share what it’s like to date in your 50s, and don’t worry, there’s no naughty stuff here.

The best way to date in your 50s, and to not get upset or frustrated, is to treat dating as a research project rather than an act of desperation.

Why do women never seem to give up on the “Cinderella” dream, even when we’re in our 50s?

If you’re confident, and have “semi-realistic” goals, regarding what you consider to be your ideal mate, you’d better start developing a sense of humor if you want to stay sane in today’s online dating world.

• Dating in your 50s, and older, is like dating in your twenties but worse.

My Observations:

• Most people lie about their age, stating that they’re ten years younger in their online profile. I don’t lie about my age. I’m 57, and proud of it. I plan to continue being honest about my age even though men say they want younger women. The opposite is true as well.
• Most men are fatter and older than their photos. (To be fair, I’ve heard the same comment coming from men, about women mis-representing themselves on their photos.) We don’t need to show what we looked like at 25, when we’re 65!
• Most men in the U.S. think that a motorcycle or a sporty car, is the way to get a woman’s attention. Come on,  can’t you be a little more creative/different? The men I saw on U.K. dating sites had more intellectual photos, like “swinging in a hammock and reading a “real book.” OK, I don’t care for motorcycles, or fancy cars, as I don’t believe it’s your car, when I see a Lamborghini. Why are you on a free dating site if you’re so successful? I’m sure many women are attracted to your materialistic toys, but that’s not me. I’d prefer to see you on a camel in the Sahara desert, or scrubbing the elephants on a vacation in Thailand. At least that’s different, and shows that you’re unique and stand out from the rest.
• Women don’t like to see a man’s photo with an ex-spouse or girlfriend clinging onto him, even if he’s tried to photoshop her out of the photo. We are good at detecting red nail polish, especially when it’s grabbing your waist.
• Women especially don’t want to see you with that “boyish” grin on your face when half-naked show girls cling to your sides. That might impress your guy friends, but not a woman whom you’re asking out on a date.

Here’s my advice.

• Treat dating as a research project and you can learn something from it, I promise.
• You can learn about yourself, and what’s important to you in a relationship when you date.
• You can enjoy the company of another man when there’s a stimulating conversation.
• You can become a journalist, and take notes for your next article or novel.
• If there is no connection, dig for that one quality or quirk that you find fascinating and use it in your next novel.
• You can learn to become more accepting and tolerant.
• You can laugh, especially if you haven’t been out on a date in a while.
• You can learn to figure out the best way to escape without hurting the other person’s feelings.
• You can become friends, although I’ve been told that men hate to hear, “Let’s be friends.”
• If you’re looking for love, you can move slowly and see what develops.

Here’s a video on dating after 50. They selected 6 women, and here’s the message I got from this, that rings true:

“You can learn about yourself and what you’re willing to accept.”

• Here’s a 15 minute podcast on “How to Attract Your Soul-Mate.”

“If you’re thinking about getting back into dating after a long hiatus, take the time to figure out what fits for you now versus what fit for you when you were in your twenties. Be open to trying new things and moving out of your comfort zone. And, if by chance the opportunity for a passionate romance, comes you way, I say go for it!”– Karen Kanya Daley, MA/MFT

In the meantime, to all the women out there waiting for a date with the “right” man for you, why not enjoy Magic Mike XXL for therapy. I have seen it twice.

Any comments? Please share your stories or points of view.