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Sometimes we have to save ourselves. How Poetry Saved My Life

March 31, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 31 Comments

Poetry Saved My Life

“My Gutsy Story®” by Angela Marie Carter

We don’t have to die in order to stop living. In fact, most of my childhood and teen years were a form of sleeprunning, (not to be confused with sleepwalking), that led to my one and only suicide attempt.

At around 15-years of age, I made a decision to play Russian Roulette with medication. I laid there accepting my fate, genuinely spoke to God for the first time, and felt a longing for the future I had just robbed myself of. I survived, and would say it was the first near-death experience of my many near-life experiences.

It took me many years to learn how to live. I used to think I was cursed. As a child I was molested and lived in a household of alcoholism, neglect and abuse. When I did tell someone, silence followed. Not long after, I was sent to live with my grandmother and, even to her dying day, she was never aware of my secrets, but was aware of how broken I was.

I believed, even from a very young age, that poetry saved my life. It was a constant companion that appeared instantaneously after I was abused. I had never been introduced to writing, and at some points was told it was a waste of time. Poetry was a friend that I would ignore for several months, but would always return when I needed it most—something I had never encountered with any human.

My constant fears would put me in dangerous situations that I now look back and cringe at. As a teenager I found myself in physically and sexually abusive relationships, and constantly in debt with my past. It was important to me that I not be neglected, even if it meant I nearly died in the process. I can remember covering hand-print marks around my neck, and convincing myself that pain was all that I deserved. Depression controlled me, while the person I wanted to be lurked in my shadow and was disappearing.

I thought if I escaped my hometown in Virginia, I’d escape the cycles I’d fallen into. At 18-years-of age I received a scholarship to study at the University of Bath, England. I was a girl from a town of 280 people, studying in a foreign country! When I fell in love with the idea of being unknown, and the possibility of rediscovering myself, I stayed. I met the love of my life, married, and was blessed with the gift of a child. But, not even 3,736 miles could save me from the curse. You see, the curse was not out there, it was inside of me. After freeing myself of familiar territory, the past revisited me in new forms that was equally, if not even more destructive than in my past. Bulimia controlled my every move for over five years.

I returned to Virginia, and we welcomed a second child. It was then that the depression almost fully consumed me. I was a living-zombie, but the love for my chosen family outweighed it, so much that I made the decision to admit myself into a program for treatment of depression. I waved good-bye to my daughters in the backseat of my husband’s car, and wore a hood over my head until I entered the building. As I went up the elevator, I thought of how most mothers were creating their children’s lunches from organic foods, while my family was driving me to the front door of a hospital.

Throughout all of the bad, there was one constant friend that was always there: poetry. Although I had muted my external voice, I found a new one through writing. I have never been a book-smart kind of person, but believed with every piece of my being that I was gifted the ability to write poetry so that I could help others. Whereas I once felt that I’d never be any more than a victim, I began to see good in it. A new world formed, one where I was more aware of how universal secrets truly are. I learned through sharing my writing that it is not what happens to us that truly damages us, it’s how we, and others that we love, choose not to acknowledge it.

Since that time, I have used all my energy to help others. I have many defining moments in the last few years, but one that marked my most gutsy moment ever. I recently spoke, in public, about what it is really like to be a child that is abused. I owe this power and strength to poetry. Not only do I have a voice, I use it to speak of all the subjects that many will not.

Sometimes we have to save ourselves. I saved myself by breaking silence, and reaching out to others through poetry and public speaking. I offer therapeutic writing coaching, coordinate a local poetry group, and have a forthcoming poetry book being published. I accept any opportunity, no matter how small the crowd, to let others know that silence is not golden.

My husband calls me brave–because it was my choice to save my own life, and gain the confidence to share what was always there–a beautiful woman that is not cursed, but instead chosen to help others. In fact, believe it or not, I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. Sometimes our gutsy moves save many lives, even if we believe we have only saved our own. Sometimes seeking help is the bravest thing we can do.

Not dying may seem elementary, but living is after all, a choice. Sometimes it takes us a while to end up where we need to be; taking my time didn’t make me any less gutsy. It just makes my remaining days very precious.

I intend on making every instant be about helping others find their gutsy moment.

ANGELA MARIE CARTER, author of forthcoming poetry memoir Memory Chose a Woman’s Body, grew up in a small Virginia farming town. After moving abroad for several years as an adult, she returned to sweet Virginia with her new family and new-found voice, to speak of the unknown instances she experienced throughout her life. Angela offers her poetry and public speaking as a voice, of many, that proves silence is not golden. www.angelacarterpoetry.com

Please join Angela on her sites:

www.angelacarterpoetry.com
https://www.facebook.com/angelacarterpoetry
https://twitter.com/amcarterpoetry
http://www.pw.org/content/angela_carter

Family_happy — Angela says, “My daughter, Nori, (6) drew this, and it symbolizes the person I always hoped my children would see me as.”

SONIA MARSH, Angela, I am so thankful you shared your story. Through your courage of taking the steps to change your life, you are making a difference to help other women who have been sexually abused. Thank you for what you do, and your poem in the video, is so strong and beautifully written.

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

MGS FINAL COVER Small — Click on cover to go to Amazon

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

COME BACK TO VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE MARCH “My Gutsy Story®.”

THE VOTING STARTS ON APRIL 3rd AND ENDS ON APRIL 16th. THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON APRIL 17th.

Annabel Candy is a Gutsy Woman Who Runs 2 Successful Blogs

March 27, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 2 Comments

Annabel Candy A GUTSY WOMAN — Annabel Candy
A GUTSY WOMAN

When I first started blogging in 2009, I had no idea what I was doing. It took me a while to come up with the name “Gutsy Writer” for my free blogger.com blog. Little did I know at the time, that this was a perfect name for me, and that it would lead to my brand.

I often tell my audiences the story of why I started blogging, and explain how I wanted to be just like my hero, Catherine Sanderson. You see Catherine started blogging early on, when most of us had never heard of the word blog. She started a blog “La Petite Anglaise: Slices of My Life in Paris ,” and wrote gossipy work-related stories about life as a Brit in Paris, with a French boss. The followers started flocking to read her posts and she landed a book deal. Needless to say, I wanted to be just like Catherine.

I soon realized that I needed a more professional blog with a theme and tag-line that would encompass more than just myself, and that’s when I hired a professional web-designer and changed to a custom web-hosted WordPress blog. I started my “Gutsy Living: Life’s too short to play it safe,” blog and now I recommend to any writer who wishes to become a commercial author, whether indie-published, or traditionally published, to invest in their WordPress.org blog, and not waste time starting with a free blogger blog like I did. (There are many reasons, one of which is the lack of SEO, which means in layman’s terms, a lack of discoverability. Please contact me if you’d like me to explain other reasons.)

I followed many “Big” bloggers, to see what they were doing right, and Annabel Candy, was one of them. Here is a post I wrote about Annabel when I started reading every post she wrote, and also purchased her helpful e-book called, “Successful Blogging in 12-Simple Steps.”

I have come a long way since starting my blogger.com blog, and finally interviewed another hero of mine, Annabel Candy, about her life as a mother, a travel blogger whose work has been published in print and on the biggest blogs in the world, a website designer, and how she can run two successful blogs at the same time. Annabel lives in Queensland where she writes the popular travel blog Get In the Hot Spot and shares online marketing tips at SuccessfulBlogging.com.

Here is my interview with Annabel Candy on 3/26/14.

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND SHARE USING THE LINKS BELOW.

“Doing Everything, Being Happy” by Peter Jones

March 24, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 16 Comments

On my thirty-second birthday, as I sat at my mother’s dining room table in front of a large cake, thirty two candles threatening to ignite my beard should I lean too far forward, I realised that the only ambition I had left in life – the only dream I hadn’t given up on – was to be married.

Or at least in some sort of steady, loving relationship.

A long term partnership with someone whose ying was a close match to my less than melodic yang.

But even this, this last naive expectation of life, was looking increasingly unlikely. Every candle on that cake was some sort of burning epitaph to just how utterly rubbish I was when it came to affairs of the heart.

There had been relationships in the past – of course there had – but I’d kind of ‘fallen into them’, by accident. And after the ladies in question had tried, and failed, to mould me into the kind of man they actually wanted, those relationships had withered and died. There hadn’t been an ‘accidental relationship’ for a while. Colleagues no longer described me as an eligible bachelor. Some had started to question my sexuality.

So as my family launched into a rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ I decided there and then that the prospect of being single for the rest of my days was unacceptable.

Something had to be done.

* * *

Around that time there was a TV show called ‘Would Like to Meet’ where a team of experts would take some hapless individual and turn them into a heartthrob or a man-magnet. It very quickly became my favourite TV show. I’d watch it avidly from one week to the next hoping to pick up some tips. And the conclusion I came to was that I too could do with a similar makeover – albeit without the entire viewing nation of the United Kingdom looking on.

So over the next few weeks I tracked down Image Consultants, and contacted one. Back then, Image Consultants mainly worked for corporations, re-styling senior corporate executives who might otherwise look less than sharp in the boardroom, but I had surprisingly little problem persuading my consultant of choice to broaden the scope of her client base to include one sad and lonely thirty-something guy. She took one look at me, threw away every item of clothing I’d acquired in the previous decade, and in an afternoon gave me some much needed va-va-voom, in the wardrobe department.

And once I’d been completely re-styled, I looked around for a flirt coach.

These days, you can barely move for self-styled relationship experts and flirt coaches but back in 2003 I could find just one. And she ran courses.

I took several hundred pounds from my savings, and booked myself on a ‘flirting weekend’. Nervously, I took my place in the front row, and when instructed I turned and introduced myself to the stunning blonde sitting next to me.

“I’m Peter,” I said.

“I’m Kate,” said the blonde.

Then she smiled.

And I was smitten.

The course wasn’t that much of a success, in that it didn’t teach me how to flirt. Not that it mattered. My strategy had worked, somewhat differently but infinitely better than I’d hoped. On the Monday evening Kate and I had our first date. By the Tuesday I’d officially found myself a girlfriend. A few months later I found myself on one knee. And a year to the day after we’d first met, I found myself married.

And when she died in my arms just two years later, I was heart-broken.

* * *

Peter and Kate on their first Wedding Anniversary in Paris

People rarely ask me how Kate died. It’s just not the sort of question they feel comfortable asking. Most assume she must have had cancer – that we’d have had some warning. We didn’t.

I’ve learnt since that sudden deaths like Kate’s (a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage) are surprisingly common. Kate had a weak part in her brain, probably since birth. It could have happened at any moment. It was almost inevitable.

I learnt too that after the shock comes the guilt. Every cross word, every nasty thought, every lie – they all come back to haunt you. And amongst the demons that were queuing up to torment me was the realisation that I still wasn’t happy, and maybe I never had been. There had been happy moments, of course. Quite a lot of moments. Most of them in the previous three years, and most of them down to Kate, but they were moments none the less. And I wanted to be happy all the time. Not just occasionally. Not just for a moment.

Something had to be done.

* * *

And so I decided to tackle the problem in the only way I knew how: by making lists, and coming up with a strategy.

“So what,” people ask, “is in this… ‘happiness strategy’?”

I tell about my ‘Now List’, my ‘Wish List’, how I set myself yearly goals, and how I make sure I actually achieve them.

I tell them how I’ve taken back control of my life, decided how I want it to be, pointed it in that direction, and given it a kick up the backside.

I tell them how I’m having more fun than I’ve ever had. Smiling more than I ever did. How there’s love in my life again. How I think Kate would be proud of me. And that I can finally say, I’m happy.

PETER JONES started professional life as a particularly rubbish graphic designer, followed by a stint as a mediocre petrol pump attendant. After that he got embroiled in the murky world of credit card banking where he developed ‘fix-it-man’ superpowers.

Now, Peter spends his days – most of them, anyway – writing. He is the author of three and a half popular self-help books on the subjects of happiness, staying slim and dating. If you’re overweight, lonely, or unhappy – he’s your guy.

Find out more about Peter Jones, his books, speaking engagements & workshops, at peterjonesauthor.com

Join Peter on

Twitter: @peterjonesauth
Facebook: Peter Jones
Website: http://www.peterjonesauthor.com
Check out Peter’s books:

SDSW Kindle — Click on cover to view on Amazon

SONIA MARSH SAYS: Peter, When I read your story, I saw a movie. It captures all the emotions that are part of being human, and at the same time, ends on a positive note. I am so glad you shared your amazing story, and can show others how you overcame the loss of Kate.

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR PETER AND SHARE USING THE LINKS BELOW.

2014 “Gusty Gals Inspire Me®” Nominees and Winners

March 20, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 1 Comment

2 Nominees Fee Johnson and me (Sonia Marsh)

The photo above shows what a wonderful weekend I had at the Gutsy Gals Inspire Me Awards Ceremony. I wish to thank all my social media and other friends who nominated me, and also Fee Johnson, who was nominated, and who wrote a My Gutsy Story®, :How Writing Saved My Life.”

Meet all the “Gutsy Gals Inspire Me” on stage.

“Gusty Gals Inspire Me® aims to inspire girls and women across the world to be courageous, confident and have the desire to drive their own destinies. We do this by sharing stories about positive female role models of the past and present through films, awards and social media.”

Patty DeDominic to the far left is an amazing woman who founded the Santa Barbara Womens’ Festivals and is also a, business coach, author, ex-President of NAWBO, entrepreneur, and Chief Operating Officer of Maui Mastermind.

Debra Hutchinson, founded the “Gusty Gals Inspire Me®” Awards, and she is the fantastic and super enthusiastic lady sitting down.

Winners of Gutsy Gals Inspire Me — Deepa Willingham, Lee Langley, Razia Jan and Debra Hutchinson (Founder)
2014 Winners of the “Gutsy Gals Inspire Me” Awards

The winners of our 2014 Gutsy Gal Awards are (from left to right): Deepa Willingham, who has fought to educate children living in extreme poverty as a means of keeping them out of the hands of sex trade operations; Lee Langley, who had the vision at age 23 to cofound a school for delinquent boys; and Razia Jan, our International honoree who created a school for girls in Afghanistan. Also pictured – Deborah Hutchison – founder of Gutsy Gals Inspire Me®. (copied from website)

RAZIA JAN WINNER

Razia’s Ray of Hope is a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the lives of Afghan girls through community-based education at the Zabuli Education Center in Deh’Subz, Afghanistan. The organization and its school were founded in the belief that education is a key to positive, peaceful change for current and future generations–and that we must empower girls and young women through education and resources so they may work toward brighter futures, in their own villages and beyond. See more HERE.

DEEPA WILLINGHAM WINNER

For waging a war against poverty and sex trade
Educated in Calcutta under the stewardship of Mother Teresa, Deepa Willingham is an advocate for the most vulnerable victims, children living in extreme poverty who fall victim to sex trade operations. She believes the solution is through education. She founded PACE Universal and the Piyali Learning Center. Girls are educated instead of being becoming child brides, used for child labor, or sold for sex trade. She hopes her education programs will become models for extreme poverty – See more HERE.

LEE LANGLEY WINNER

Lee Langley had the vision at age 23 to co-found a school for delinquent boys.

The event had amazing speakers, including Mary O’Hara Devereaux.

She made two statements I love:

“We know have a 2nd middle-age which is the 60-80-year-olds”

“60-year-olds today ask ‘who will I become,’ not when will I die.”

Dr. Mary O’Hara-Devereaux’s ability to analyze emerging trends and translate them into profitable business opportunities is legendary. She is a visionary who bases her approach on evidence, research, in-depth analysis, proprietary processes, and unfailing intuition. One of the world’s leading futurists, Mary’s steady eyed forecasts have enabled organizations to face the future with proactive strategies and aggressive innovation finding targets no one else can see.
Mary’s transformative forecasts, leading edge trend analysis, and insightful advice has made her a sought-after speaker and consultant to scores of senior executives and a wide range of blue chip companies, including Apple, BASF, CITIC-Pacific, Chevron, Coca Cola, Disney, Oracle, P&G, and Ericsson, and nonprofit organizations including the Asia Foundation, National Council on Aging, Robert Woods Johnson Foundation, United Way, Kaiser Family Foundation, and the World Bank. (Copied from her website.)

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

PLEASE SHARE THESE STORIES USING THE LINKS BELOW.

Exploration, Freedom and Being in Control of My Life

March 17, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 10 Comments

Age of Exploration

A “My Gutsy Story®” by Rachael Rifkin

Growing up, summer vacations meant hiking in Mammoth Mountain. After the first couple consecutive years, I was ready to go somewhere else. We used to go other places—Palm Springs, Big Bear, San Francisco, Arizona, Utah. We even went all the way to Disney World when I was seven. So I began looking through the AAA book for some new ideas. Maybe my parents had forgotten what else was out there.

They hadn’t. I’d point out a place and my dad would say, “What are we going to do there?”

“We could do anything! What do we do in Mammoth that’s so fun? We hike.”

“Exactly. Let’s go back to Mammoth.”

And so it went until I graduated from high school. I had been accepted into a couple of Southern California schools so my parents and I went to visit them. Every campus I visited left me with a funny feeling. I was always eager to leave.

I had also been accepted into UC Santa Cruz. My parents did not offer to take a trip up there. That made my decision easier; Santa Cruz it was.

“But it’s so far away and you haven’t even visited the campus,” my parents said. My grandmother sent me a newspaper clipping of an article that talked about the increasing dropout rate among UCSC students due to feelings of isolation. I balked.

If I had visited UC Santa Cruz before I went, I probably wouldn’t have liked it. But it had one thing going for it that the other schools didn’t—it was over 400 miles away from where I grew up. I was ready to be somewhere else.

Santa Cruz was beautiful. The campus was in the middle of a forest, with the occasional deer family wandering about. I loved navigating my way around the campus and city. I walked and took the bus everywhere. I explored.

I didn’t really like UC Santa Cruz though. Turns out, I did feel isolated. There wasn’t a lot to do and I was surrounded by people who went out of their way to appear unique. Instead, it was just a different kind of sameness. By my sophomore year, I was contemplating my escape again. This time I wanted to go somewhere I liked. I wasn’t going to just escape for the sake of escaping anymore.

It didn’t take me too long to figure out where I wanted to go. I had always wanted to go to the Netherlands. I had grown up reading Anne Frank’s diary and knew that she adored her adopted country. The first thing she hoped to do after the war was become a Dutch citizen.

I wanted to go to the Netherlands to see what she saw in the Dutch and walk through the same space that she had shared with her fellow Secret Annex housemates. I just never thought I would go. My parents certainly weren’t going to take me. When I was younger, it never occurred to me that I might eventually be able to go on my own.

I decided to look into studying abroad in the Netherlands. They offered study abroad programs at three colleges, one of which was an international school. I started the process, but it didn’t feel real. I couldn’t believe I might actually go somewhere I really want to.

I collected recommendations and transcripts, wrote essays and mapped out how taking this semester abroad would affect my ability to graduate on time. Every time I handed something in, that little excited feeling would build in my chest.

My parents worried about my safety but they weren’t going to stop me from going. They knew my aversion to paperwork, so I think they were hoping I’d forget something and not be able to go. But by the end of the school year I was all set. I was going to study abroad in the Netherlands from August 31, 2001 through December 15, 2001.

To me, the Netherlands represented exploration, freedom and the fulfillment of a long-held desire. I’d be on my own in a way I never had been before. It meant I had to trust myself to navigate a new country. Even better, it gave me the opportunity to get to know myself anew, without the weight of parents, friends or American culture on my back.

Rachael in the Netherlands — Rachael in Rotterdam is on the far right. She still keeps in contact with the people she met in the Netherlands

For the first time, I felt in control of my life and it inspired me to do other things I wanted to do. As soon as I got home for the summer, I rearranged my room so it had a better flow. I asked my friend to teach me the guitar. I got an internship at a local paper. A high school friend introduced me to the guy who would become my husband.

Over in Holland, I continued to take risks, and the more I took the easier they became. When I had moments of self-doubt, instead of giving in to them, I’d take a deep breath and remind myself that taking a chance was always worth a try.

I enjoyed my classes and how open and direct Dutch people were. I learned how other cultures viewed the U.S. I traveled and made friends that I still have today. I got to know my husband over the phone and fell in love with him. And I finally visited Anne Frank’s house, saw where she hid and what she saw in the Dutch people.

In short, I found a place of my own. Now when I travel, my journey is about discovery, not escape.

RACHAEL RIFKIN was inspired to become a ghostwriter/personal historian by her grandfather, who wrote a memoir about his time serving as a medic in the Korean War. Her blog, Family Resemblance (www.lifestoriestoday.com/blog), features selections of her grandfather’s memoir and stories about the traits we inherit, whether genetically or environmentally, and the qualities we only find in ourselves.

SONIA MARSH SAYS:

You really captures the essence of travel: exploration, freedom, fulfillment, trusting yourself and the opportunity to get to know yourself. I think you are going to help those who feel trapped and want to try new things in life. I like your statement: