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“Doing Everything, Being Happy” by Peter Jones

March 24, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 16 Comments

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 On my thirty-second birthday, as I sat at my mother’s dining room table in front of a large cake, thirty two candles threatening to ignite my beard should I lean too far forward, I realised that the only ambition I had left in life – the only dream I hadn’t given up on – was to be married.

Or at least in some sort of steady, loving relationship.

A long term partnership with someone whose ying was a close match to my less than melodic yang.

But even this, this last naive expectation of life, was looking increasingly unlikely. Every candle on that cake was some sort of burning epitaph to just how utterly rubbish I was when it came to affairs of the heart.

There had been relationships in the past – of course there had – but I’d kind of ‘fallen into them’, by accident. And after the ladies in question had tried, and failed, to mould me into the kind of man they actually wanted, those relationships had withered and died. There hadn’t been an ‘accidental relationship’ for a while. Colleagues no longer described me as an eligible bachelor. Some had started to question my sexuality.

So as my family launched into a rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ I decided there and then that the prospect of being single for the rest of my days was unacceptable.

Something had to be done.

 

* * *

Around that time there was a TV show called ‘Would Like to Meet’ where a team of experts would take some hapless individual and turn them into a heartthrob or a man-magnet. It very quickly became my favourite TV show. I’d watch it avidly from one week to the next hoping to pick up some tips. And the conclusion I came to was that I too could do with a similar makeover – albeit without the entire viewing nation of the United Kingdom looking on.

So over the next few weeks I tracked down Image Consultants, and contacted one. Back then, Image Consultants mainly worked for corporations, re-styling senior corporate executives who might otherwise look less than sharp in the boardroom, but I had surprisingly little problem persuading my consultant of choice to broaden the scope of her client base to include one sad and lonely thirty-something guy. She took one look at me, threw away every item of clothing I’d acquired in the previous decade, and in an afternoon gave me some much needed va-va-voom, in the wardrobe department.

And once I’d been completely re-styled, I looked around for a flirt coach.

These days, you can barely move for self-styled relationship experts and flirt coaches but back in 2003 I could find just one. And she ran courses.

I took several hundred pounds from my savings, and booked myself on a ‘flirting weekend’. Nervously, I took my place in the front row, and when instructed I turned and introduced myself to the stunning blonde sitting next to me.

“I’m Peter,” I said.

“I’m Kate,” said the blonde.

Then she smiled.

And I was smitten.

The course wasn’t that much of a success, in that it didn’t teach me how to flirt. Not that it mattered. My strategy had worked, somewhat differently but infinitely better than I’d hoped. On the Monday evening Kate and I had our first date. By the Tuesday I’d officially found myself a girlfriend. A few months later I found myself on one knee. And a year to the day after we’d first met, I found myself married.

And when she died in my arms just two years later, I was heart-broken.

 * * *

 Peter and Kate on their first Wedding Anniversary in Paris

Peter and Kate on their first Wedding Anniversary in Paris

People rarely ask me how Kate died. It’s just not the sort of question they feel comfortable asking. Most assume she must have had cancer – that we’d have had some warning. We didn’t.

I’ve learnt since that sudden deaths like Kate’s (a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage) are surprisingly common. Kate had a weak part in her brain, probably since birth. It could have happened at any moment. It was almost inevitable.

I learnt too that after the shock comes the guilt. Every cross word, every nasty thought, every lie – they all come back to haunt you. And amongst the demons that were queuing up to torment me was the realisation that I still wasn’t happy, and maybe I never had been. There had been happy moments, of course. Quite a lot of moments. Most of them in the previous three years, and most of them down to Kate, but they were moments none the less. And I wanted to be happy all the time. Not just occasionally. Not just for a moment.

Something had to be done.

 

* * *

And so I decided to tackle the problem in the only way I knew how: by making lists, and coming up with a strategy.

“So what,” people ask, “is in this… ‘happiness strategy’?”

I tell about my ‘Now List’,  my ‘Wish List’, how I set myself yearly goals, and how I make sure I actually achieve them.

I tell them how I’ve taken back control of my life, decided how I want it to be, pointed it in that direction, and given it a kick up the backside.

I tell them how I’m having more fun than I’ve ever had. Smiling more than I ever did. How there’s love in my life again. How I think Kate would be proud of me. And that I can finally say, I’m happy.

PETER JONES started professional life as a particularly rubbish graphic designer, followed by a stint as a mediocre petrol pump attendant. After that he got embroiled in the murky world of credit card banking where he developed ‘fix-it-man’ superpowers.

Now, Peter spends his days – most of them, anyway – writing. He is the author of three and a half popular self-help books on the subjects of happiness, staying slim and dating. If you’re overweight, lonely, or unhappy – he’s your guy.

Find out more about Peter Jones, his books, speaking engagements & workshops, at peterjonesauthor.com

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Click on cover to view on Amazon

 

SONIA MARSH SAYS: Peter, When I read your story, I saw a movie. It captures all the emotions that are part of being human, and at the same time, ends on a positive note. I am so glad you shared your amazing story, and can show others how you overcame the loss of Kate.

 

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

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Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR PETER AND SHARE USING THE LINKS BELOW.


Filed Under: Inspirational, motivational, My Gutsy Story, People Tagged With: “My Gutsy Story®” Peter Jones

Comments

  1. Sonia Marsh says

    March 24, 2014 at 6:26 am

    Peter, As I said in the post, when I read your story, I saw a movie. It captures all the emotions that are part of being human, and at the same time, ends on a positive note. I am so glad you shared your amazing story, and can show others how you overcame the loss of Kate.
    Sonia Marsh recently posted..“Doing Everything, Being Happy” by Peter JonesMy Profile

    Reply
    • Peter Jones says

      March 24, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      Thanks so much Sonia. It was a pleasure to share my story with you… and if you know of any movie directors…. 😉
      Peter Jones recently posted..Get Dating For Less Than A QuidMy Profile

      Reply
      • Sonia Marsh says

        March 24, 2014 at 3:25 pm

        Peter,
        I’m talking to one right now about my memoir which is:
        “I took my affluent teenagers to live in a hut in Belize.” If I have any luck, I shall mention you. 🙂
        Sonia Marsh recently posted..“Doing Everything, Being Happy” by Peter JonesMy Profile

        Reply
        • Peter Jones says

          March 24, 2014 at 11:35 pm

          Crikey Sonia! How exciting! Hope it leads to something positive 🙂
          Peter Jones recently posted..Get Dating For Less Than A QuidMy Profile

          Reply
  2. David Prosser says

    March 24, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    I’m truly sorry about the circumstances surrounding your wife’s death Peter. While we never really get over things like that I’m delighted you’ve been successful at moving on and not just carving a new career for yourself as an author but finding new love in your life.
    I hope you go from strength to strength and I wish you all the very best.
    David Prosser recently posted..Future photos & Gurgle JugsMy Profile

    Reply
    • Sonia Marsh says

      March 24, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      Thank you David for stopping over to read Peter’s “My Gutsy Story.” I know you can relate to his story due to your own circumstances.
      Sonia Marsh recently posted..“Doing Everything, Being Happy” by Peter JonesMy Profile

      Reply
    • Peter Jones says

      March 24, 2014 at 11:42 pm

      Hi David,
      Thanks for your kind comments. In some ways I don’t even see it as moving on; Kate had big plans for us when she was alive. She was my inspiration, my motivator. In many ways I’m continuing the life we started together. 🙂
      all the best
      Peter
      Peter Jones recently posted..Get Dating For Less Than A QuidMy Profile

      Reply
  3. Jon Magidsohn says

    March 24, 2014 at 7:53 pm

    One of my pet peeves about how many people view the death of a loved one is that finding happiness is somehow showing disrespect to the dead. What rubbish. Keep up the good work, Peter.
    Jon Magidsohn recently posted..24 March, 2014 – Question TimeMy Profile

    Reply
    • Peter Jones says

      March 24, 2014 at 11:48 pm

      I know exactly what you mean Jon! I had a friend who lost her father, and then every day became some kind of anniversary of that death and another reason to beat herself up. I knew the man – he loved life – he’d have never have wanted his daughter to do that to herself!

      Not a day goes past when I don’t think of Kate in some way. I celebrate her birthday and our wedding anniversary, BUT I’ve worked hard to forget the actual date of her passing. That was pretty much the worst day of my life. I’m sure it wasn’t much fun for her either.
      Peter Jones recently posted..Get Dating For Less Than A QuidMy Profile

      Reply
  4. Lady Fi says

    March 25, 2014 at 9:05 am

    What an inspiring story – and a courageous one too.
    Lady Fi recently posted..QuirkyMy Profile

    Reply
    • Peter Jones says

      March 25, 2014 at 10:58 am

      Thanks Fi, much appreciated 🙂
      Peter Jones recently posted..Get Dating For Less Than A QuidMy Profile

      Reply
  5. sharon leaf says

    April 3, 2014 at 10:44 am

    I’m happy you found your true love. I’m glad to hear that you are continuing ‘living life’ after your loss. She will be in your heart as you travel on your journey to happiness. I wish you oceans of blessings on your journey. Thank you for sharing with us.

    Reply
    • Peter Jones says

      April 3, 2014 at 11:45 pm

      You’re very welcome Sharon, it was a pleasure to do so 🙂
      Peter Jones recently posted..Get Dating For Less Than A QuidMy Profile

      Reply
  6. Liz Hurst says

    April 7, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    Peter,
    Yours is such a heart-rending story, it’s difficult not to be moved to tears.It’s a great measure of you as a person that you have overcome such adversity.
    🙂

    Reply
    • Peter Jones says

      April 8, 2014 at 7:33 am

      Thanks Liz – I appreciate your comments.

      Don’t forget to vote for me if you get a chance (top right hand corner of this page)

      🙂
      Peter Jones recently posted..Get Dating For Less Than A QuidMy Profile

      Reply

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