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Wants and Needs

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“If they don’t have what you need, want what they have.”

This phrase became our motto in Belize. It was how we learned to live a life with less stuff, but more satisfaction. At first it didn’t sound right, but now I believe it.

I had the urge to write this post after reading Meredith Resnick’s great article, “Money complicated things, so spoil them.”

More is not better, often you need less to appreciate what you have. I’m not suggesting depriving your kids of the basics, I’m talking about the over-indulgence and the entitlement attitude of many in the developed world today. The two Russian girls that Meredith Resnick wrote about in her article felt overwhelmed and couldn’t fathom the need for so much stuff.

The only thing my three sons begged for when we returned to the U.S., was a glass of fresh milk. That’s how one year of powdered milk and our new motto, “If they don’t have what you need, want what they have, changed our kids. A big step in the right direction after “gimme, gimme, gimme,” and begging for a brand new truck, the year before we left. Their priorities, and ours, had changed.

 

The first time I strolled down the cereal aisle of my local U.S. supermarket, after a year in Belize, my head started spinning, and my knees felt weak. “Need help finding something?” a sales person asked. I looked at him and said, “There are too many choices. I don’t know which one to pick.” I could tell what he was thinking and stood there like a statue, way too long compared to the average shopper. The poor kid shrugged and left.

It’s a beautiful feeling when you, and your kids learn the difference between wants and needs.

BELIZE BUZZ Wednesdays-GOSSIPING RESULTS

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I discovered from all of your wonderful comments that we need to distinguish between two types of GOSSIP: GOOD GOSSIP and NASTY GOSSIP. Or as AspiringWriter said, “There’s always gossip in small communities – some healthy, some not so healthy.”

We don’t seem to mind the good kind. It’s the NASTY GOSSIP that we want to avoid and not participate in.

Please excuse me if your name isn’t linked, as I had to copy and paste each link with the before and after code, manually. My blogger link button was on strike today. I apologize if I didn’t place a link to your comment.

LadyFi commented
 “I find it interesting that it was the ex-pats that liked gossiping in Belize… I would have thought that it would be the locals gossiping about you. Or did they do that too? ”
Your’re right. Everyone gossiped, expats and locals. I’ve had time to reflect on your comments, and perhaps GOSSIP isn’t the right word. You see, when I talk about friends and what they’re doing, it isn’t considered gossip here in California. Whereas if I did the same on Ambergris Caye, it might be twisted around and distorted into gossip later.

Brenda pointed this out clearly when she said, “Is it gossip? Or is it just a way of understanding our world?” She continues to point out another difference, “When I first moved to Latin America I found the gossip a little suffocating, but then I came to understand that it was not harmful, it was a necessary part of community living.”

Caroline also brings up the same valid point, ” I feel that there are different types of gossip. There’s the conversational gossip (which happens a lot in the village I come from in Norway) and then there’s nasty/catty gossip which I have witnessed a lot where I lived in SA. I guess many of us, including me, uses the term GOSSIP, as NASTY and CATTY, like Caroline said. Maybe that’s a mistake on my part.

Also Pearl believes that GOSSIP happens in small rural towns, which is the same as living on an island with a small population.

Miss Footloose said, “Gossip can be dangerous, of course, but I have been surprised that among the expat women I knew in Armenia and Ghana there was so little of it, at least not the nasty kind.” See there again, we’re talking about good vs. nasty gossip.

FRIDAY I HAVE A GUEST/AUTHOR BLOGGER. PLEASE COME VISIT.

5) Monday is Belize Day-Gossiping, What Me?

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“Be careful what you say to people, they will instantly judge you.” Those were my husband’s words of warning before we moved to Belize.

Gossiping in Belize is a way of life, and to some, a full-time job. I tried my best to stay away from it but soon realized, the mere act of opening my mouth qualified as gossiping. It was a major source of frustration. In a large city you could say what you wanted and get away with it, but not here. I guess living with the same small crowd, gossip became a form of entertainment.

During our first expat luncheon at a local restaurant, I accidentally critiqued a village close to our hut, stating that it wasn’t safe there because an elderly American lady had recently been attacked at gunpoint by a Belizean thug. An expat rolled her eyes, and in a tone of voice that brought me back to Miss McNulty, my Irish, spinster math teacher at boarding school, she said, “It’s just as safe in the village and for your information, that woman didn’t get robbed in the village.” For the first time since elementary school, I realized relationships were based on first words. They either liked you, or they crossed you off their list. Since being liked was important to me, I tried to make peace by saying, “I’ve only been here a week, so what would I know?”

I’d never lived in a small town before. Lagos, Paris, Copenhagen, Glasgow, Brussels and Orange County, California didn’t qualify as rural. My husband, Duke, said that it’s the same all over the world. As a child, he lived in a small rural village in Pennsylvania, where gossip spread like a virus.

Two weeks after we moved to the island of Ambergris Caye, I discovered that most women seemed to be doing lunch. Flattered when two English expats invited me, I realized that drinks and gossip were the purpose of these get-togethers. I sat between them feeling like an insect under a microscope. Into which species and sub-species would I be categorized? It reminded me of high school where you have to be analyzed and categorized, into a specific group. The “cool group,” the “drinking group,” the “non-drinking group,” the “geeky group,” the “she’s got money group,” or the, “she’s not a threat to us,” group.

I learned to be careful before I spoke. Trust was a word that came up frequently among expats. “It takes several years before you know whom you can trust?”

Do you hear lots of gossip where you live?

Any comments on trust, what it’s like to meet new people, or anything else you want to say?

Let’s exchange opinions. I shall answer you on Wednesday, BELIZE BUZZ day and thanks to Rob-bear for responding to what others said last week.

BELIZE BUZZ Wednesdays

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What great comments you shared. I hope you answer some of my questions below.

Jacki said…

How sad it is when you consider that dogs here in the US get better health care than most, if not all, developing countries around the world.

Many times I sit and wonder what could be accomplished if people took the money they spend on their pets for luxury items (like dog bakeries and day spas) and donated it to charities.

Pets give us so much joy and we love the way they offer us “unconditional love.” What I found strange is that dogs in Belize don’t react the same way when you want to pet them. They seem very wild, and mistrust people. They don’t seem to offer that “unconditional love,” so maybe it’s our treats and pampering that make our pets into true pets. I just came up with that. What do you think?

Jody Hedlund said…

Wow! What a contrast! Sometimes we forget how rich we are in our country. Even the “poor” in our country have it much better than most poor around the world. A great perspective to remember at this time of economic hardship in our country. If we can afford exotic doggie treats, than are we really suffering?

I think we need to ask: 1) Who’s spending $5.00 on a designer cake for dogs.
2) For some people a dog is their CHILD. Many who don’t have kids, spoil their pets
in the same way as some parents spoil their kids.
What do you say?

Lady Glamis said…

I haven’t seen vets places like that, but I have seen kennels that are INSANELY expensive and ridiculously posh for canines and felines. All of this really does make one wonder how much our economy really is suffering, you know? Like Jody says.

Let’s look at who pays for those expensive kennels. My husband used to work in a “cheap” kennel where they hose them down with running water and there’s cement runs. Not the carpeted and TV rooms for dogs, so they can feel like there’s still at home.

LadyFi said…

It has long been known, however, that dog and cat food sold in the UK is more nutritious than the food served up to old people in England. That is truly sick!

I can’t believe that. What do they serve the old people? I went to boarding school in Felixstowe, and perhaps the same applies to what they served us there. I’ll never forget the disgusting Shepherds pie. I have no clue what was in it. Perhaps imported Chinese dog meat?

The worst case was the Canton market in China where the dogs were hung up by their necks (after being strangled) and skinned. Still, if you are prepared to eat cows and cute lambs or horses, why not dog? (I’m vegetarian so don’t actually indulge myself..)

When did you become a vegetarian? During your time in China?

The Blonde Duck said…

The first vet I went to overcharged us terribly and told me Bitty needed doggie braces! It was ridiculous!

Now, that’s outrageous, although I have heard of teeth bleaching for dogs. Have you?

E said…

Tomorrow we will take these goofy lambs to the vet for shots and neutering etc. The vet will think we are nuts, but while we wait she will serve us a latte. So who is the nut?

Did you get your latte? Do lambs go to a regular vet in an office or is this a special farm vet?

Brenda said…

In Paraguay their are so many emaciated ill dogs running around, but no one does anything about it. I never understood it. When we asked, people always told us it was someone elses responsibility, but we never knew who that “someone else” was.

Yes, those stray dogs don’t seem to belong to anyone in particular, yet they also have their own stray buddies and remind me of teenage gangs when they prowl around neighborhoods.

There HAS to be a happy medium between what we do in the west and what is done in developing countries.

Jungle Mom said…

All too familiar.
I should mention that in one of the tribes in the jungle, the hunting dogs were a prized and cherished possession, of value equal to and perhaps greater than the wife. If the dog needed food and there was none, a nursing woman would be made to nurse the dog. I have seen this done.
Not a comfortable thing to watch when a small infant is crying for food!

Now that is shocking. Never heard of that. Does it still go on? I love hearing from all around the world.


Little Me said…

I lived in Paris for a good long time and in certain Parisian classes little dogs are given treatments I could not afford to give myself.
What kind of treatments? I’d love to hear.

A few years ago I heard of a dog bakery being opened, by an American woman in fact, but I will have to google the details. It must have been a good 5 years ago. I wonder if she was a success. Please let us know what you discover.

BLOGitse said…

Traditionally calling a human as a dog is an insult, mainly in Arab countries but here too.

A couple of weeks ago I saw a tiny monkey in a cage, again the cage too small.

I don’t understand why we humans want to put animals into cages to suffer.

I guess it’s the same all over the world, here too, rich are richer and poor are and will be poor.

An animal is an animal. It doesn’t understand if his food is beautifully decorated or not.
We humans are really stupid and selfish!

Yes, I always feel sorry for animals in cages. Even in the zoos. The most amazing zoo I saw was in Belize, where the animals still had their jungle environment. It was the most eco/animal friendly zoo I’ve ever seen.

Anonymous said…

As I was filling out two pages of cat adoption forms and promising to never ever let kitty go outside, I had to wonder about all the children who need homes. I think priorities are sadly misplaced.
The problem is most want babies without problems, not orphans who are older with physical and mental problems.

Miss Footloose said…

What bothered me sometimes was going out to eat in a nice restaurant in whatever country we were staying, have a meal, a glass of wine, and spend 40 bucks or so and then feel guilty because 40 dollars would feed a local family of four for a month … and here we were just spending it on one meal because we felt like eating out.

I am in the US for now, and what really bothers me is people complaining about how expensive things are.
What do you think? Things are cheap here compared to say, Europe? I’d love to hear your views.

Rob-bear said…

I don’t know what “outrageously expensive” is when it comes to vets. Last time I took our dog for a check up, it cost about Cdn$50.00. ….We worked hard to keep our dogs healthy, so about once a year was as often as they needed to go; $50. a year isn’t bad.

Too bad kids in Belize can’t be looked after for $50 per year, for food. Or even kids in the U.S., for health care.

So I guess you don’t get your dogs teeth cleaned where they put them under anesthesia. That costs a fortune at most vets in the U.S. The expensive vet I mentioned with granite countertops, wanted to do blood work first on Cookie, for $90.00 before he would clean her teeth, which was another $250. Forget that. Others wanted you to sign up for a monthly dental check-up. Not even I go for cleaning every month, so why should my dog?

I don’t know how I would manage living in places of truly grinding poverty. My stomach gets upset just thinking about it.

4) Monday is Belize day: The dogs in Belize.

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As we drove through Corozal, I saw town through my kids’ eyes for the first time. Everything looked third world: stray, anorexic dogs, barefooted kids chasing cars along the dusty road and shacks under construction, or maybe destruction. The frame of a rusty abandoned car rested on the dust-powdered road, tire-less and window-less. The car door had been replaced with a torn sheet and next to the entrance, sat a green bucket with rags resting on its rim. This was someone’s home and one day, we saw the owner. The man looked like one of the stray dogs, a broken hip, limping, caked hair with bare patches and diseased. The filth on his skin and clothing made the homeless in Los Angeles look glamorous.

Only two weeks ago, I had stepped inside a “Dog Bakery,” in Newport Beach, California. Curious to see what patisseries dog owners were buying, I found a selection of freshly baked designer treats in a refrigerated display case. Individually hand decorated dog treats, each with colorful flowers and frosting reminded me of mini-wedding cakes. My mouth watered and I asked the sales person if humans could eat them. She gave me a strange look and said, “They’re made with flavors that dogs enjoy.”

There was only one vet in Corozal and her office sat opposite Frank’s, the butcher. The vet’s front door, just like Frank’s, stood wide open to the street. I peeked inside and saw a large, dark-skinned Belizean woman sitting behind a metal desk. There were no customers or dogs waiting. I couldn’t imagine anyone but expats bringing their dogs to her.

I felt awkward, almost embarrassed to ask this woman if she had enzyme chew sticks to clean my dog’s teeth. Most Belizean kids didn’t own a toothbrush and here I was concerned about reducing plaque on my rat terrier’s teeth.

“No, I’m sorry,” she said.

Upon returning to the U.S., I took Cookie to a new vet where the waiting room had granite counter tops, flat screen TVs and comfy armchairs. I felt like I was at a luxury spa for humans. Their prices reflected this, and I told them they were too expensive and left before they had time to check my dog. I found a reasonable vet twenty miles away. It didn’t make sense that a check-up for my dog cost more than a Doctor’s visit for my kids.

For those of you living the expat life, does this sound familiar?

Have you encountered a dog bakery or vet like the one I found?

Do you find vets outrageously expensive where you live?

Any comments or discussions you’d like to start, please mention, and on BELIZE BUZZ, Wednesday, I shall post them together with a link to your blog.

Thanks, and enjoy your week blogging.

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