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The five stages of online friendships

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When I first started blogging, I thought, “What has our society come too?”
We sit at our computers, “talk” to others and how sad is that? We should be doing things the good old-fashioned way:
Stage One: Visit/talk
Stage Two: Coffee
Stage Three: A glass of wine with cheese and crackers
Stage Four: Dinner invitation
Stage Five: Long-term friendship.
But isn’t this the same in our social networking world?
First you visit. If you like the person, and what they say, you might hang out and comment or have a coffee with them.
Your new friend comes to visit and has a coffee at your place and then a few more coffee sessions until you jump into the wine, cheese and crackers stage, where you open up a little more, expressing your thoughts. You learn more about your friend’s personality, their thoughts, and what’s important to them.
Finally your dinner invitation. This is when you start e-mailing friends you’ve met online, exchanging phone numbers so you can speak in person, and hear the sound of their voice. If you travel to their town or city, you’ll call and arrange to meet them in person. I’ve done this with some of my online friends. It’s all about adding the human connection to your online friendship, which further strengthens the bond of a true friendship. After all, we are still human and have a desire to see the real person. I believe in making long-term friends.
Just as in the “real” world, some relationships never make it past the visit or the coffee stage. Others, with time, can make it to the dinner and long-term friendship stage. Where are you on this beautiful journey of connecting with people?

How to become positive on a sh*?ty day

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You’re feeling sorry for yourself.
Your (fill in the part of your body) hurts, you’ve got a meeting you’re not looking forward to, you cheated on your diet, you had an argument with someone close to you, you’re looking for work, or perhaps, like me, you’ve got a deadline to meet and you’re stressing out whether you’ll finish on time.
So what better time than, now, to shift to a positive attitude. After all, “A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” Patricia Neal.
I know, it’s easier to feel bad and make excuses than to shift your thinking. I’m guilty of that too, however, wouldn’t it be nice to find that ray of sunshine, by making a small shift in the thoughts going through your mind?
How can I shift to a more positive attitude?

  1. Start by doing something small and simple: make a special cup of tea or hot chocolate with whipped cream Take your dog for a walk in a different place, so you see new surroundings. Listen to a song you love. Pull out an old book you haven’t read in a while, but remember enjoying. Call someone you’ve been meaning to, but haven’t allowed yourself to take the time to.  
  2. Help someone out: I have a friend who recently broke her leg, and I know she loves her cup of Peet’s coffee just as much as I do. I would bring her a cup over and spend fifteen minutes chatting with her, before we each had to get back to our writing.
  3. Read Inspiring stories: Feeling overwhelmed happens to all of us, and sometimes reading an inspiring story, like the one I read on Mary Jaksch’s blog GoodLife Zen: “How catastrophe can open a door to new life,” can help you change to a more positive outlook on life. Christopher Foster has his own blog: The Happy Seeker. Christopher shifted his outlook on life after losing a 36-year connection with his community, and the sudden death of his wife as they were returning from a Caribbean vacation to celebrate their 25-year wedding anniversary.
  4. Turn your list of negatives into positives: Make a list of all your negative thoughts and next to each one, turn it into a positive statement. So in my case, instead of saying, “I shall have a hard time getting my memoir published,” I write, “I can already see a bidding war going on between publishing houses who want my memoir.” 
  5. Learn and practice meditation: This is a skill many already follow, and others like myself, need to develop. I’m gradually learning to practice meditation as I realize the importance of becoming still. As Christopher Foster mentioned in his guest post: “I have come to realize also that this stillness I love is my own stillness. It doesn’t come from some strange, far-off place. It is my own stillness, and it has found me at last.”
  6. Start a blog: This is a great way to share with others and feel connected to a community. If you have friends who feel lonely, why don’t you encourage them to start writing and connecting with others. It’s never too late, and age is not an excuse either. Just look at Christopher Foster. He started his blog: The Happy Seeker, last May, and I know he is not in his 20’s, 40’s, 60’s …?
 Your thoughts are always welcome.

I’m in love with Annabel Candy and Chris Guillebeau

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I cannot hide my feelings any longer; I’m in love with two bloggers, one male and one female. Okay, so perhaps “in love” is a little too strong, but I feel connected, to these two people because of their passion for what they do, their authenticity, and the fact that I get goosebumps when I read their posts, and listen to their words on various podcasts.

So who are these two bloggers:

  1. Chris Guillebeau: The Art on Non-Conformity
  2. Annabel Candy: GetintheHotSpot

First of all, he’s real, he’s humble, he connects with people old and young, he’s open-minded, his motto: “live your life the way you want and help other people at the same time,” resonates with me. He’s a world traveler, he’s lived four years in Africa helping people, he’s young and energetic, and he asks the questions all of us are interested in, but rarely take the time to answer:


1) What do you really want to get out of Life?
2). What can you offer the world that no one else can?

As Chris says, “These questions are deceptively simple. It takes some people 10 minutes to get their own answers, and other people take years to figure out.”

In his book, The Art of Non-Conformity, Chris offers a ton of fascinating, yet simple ways of thinking about motivation and your life. One is his radical goal-setting, (pages 32-35,) where he gives help on setting One-Year, Five-Year, and Lifetime goals. For those of you who may be asking, “”Who am I to Tell You All This?” Chris says, “Let’s be clear about something: I adhere to a guru-free philosophy, and I don’t claim to have all the answers.”  

I can relate to Annabel as a woman who has lived in Africa, the UK, Costa Rica for Annabel, Belize for me, and has three children. Despite similarities in travel, Annabel is also authentic and has a strong desire to help people live their dreams. She writes about empowerment, blogging, Internet marketing, and entrepreneurship.
I recommend Annabel’s podcast where she talks about helping bloggers, especially small business owners, and writers, photographers and musicians who wish to improve their blogs. A few helpful tips she offers are:

  • Each line should have 80 characters or less, or it’s too difficult to read.
  • Stick with blogging for at least a year. You will start seeing the benefits.

Annabel always offers great content on her posts, and has a new e-book on Successful Blogging in 12 simple steps to help you become a successful blogger.

I am volunteering at Chris Guillebeau’s book tour on December 10th in Los Angeles. Can’t wait to meet him and everyone else attending. Hope to see you there.

 

Here is your chance to share the names and links of up to two bloggers who inspire you, make you feel connected, or simply entertain you and you cannot wait for their next post.

Are you fundamentally suspicious of happy people? Cultural differences.

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 world
Comparisons between the way Americans and Europeans think about work, food, dress code and manners, is something I find fascinating. I wrote a previous post entitled: What French Women Know, Can we Learn from them?
I am reading, Lunch in Paris, by Elizabeth Bard. She is a young American journalist who now lives in Paris, after marrying Gwendal, a French man whom she, “slept with halfway through our first date.” I am using excerpts from her delicious, fun-filled memoir that depicts cultural differences.
“Like most French people, I don’t think Gwendal ever expected fulfillment or recognition for his work. When he finally asked for a raise…the director told him he had taken on the extra responsibility pour plaisir–for fun. When he was bored or frustrated… I just couldn’t keep my big American mouth shut. ‘If you put all the time and effort you spend on your hobbies into your job, you’d have the cinema career you’ve always wanted.’ Gwendal’s response: ‘You are right…at least in the U.S. But here, working harder, faster, and better just makes people hate you.'”
Bard continues: “In the America I grew up in, little kids don’t say, ‘When I grow up, I want to be happy.’ That’s not the appropriate end to that sentence. We say, ‘When I grow up, I want to be a doctor, an astronaut, a fighter pilot.’ Happiness to me was something very abstract, the end of a long equation: initial self-worth multiplied by x accomplishments, divided by y dollars, z loans, minus f hours worked, plus g respect earned. Happiness, I assumed, would be the end result of a whole list of things I hadn’t gotten around to yet.”
“How is he ever supposed to be successful? He needs to be a little bit miserable, like us. It’s how you get to the next thing.” Bard says.
Finally, when Gwendal says he went to his high school library to look at All the Jobs in the World, he picks out two: scientific researcher and film director. The French school counselor says, “An non, You forgot to look at the key. Each job has a dollar sign and a door, explaining how much it pays, and how easy it is to get this job. Regarde, tu n’y arriveras jamais.” You’ll never get there. Gwendal says, “If you want to do something different, if your head sticks up just a little, they cut it off. It’s been like that since the Revolution. You know the saying, liberte, egalite, fraternite…Everyone has got to be the same.”
If you live in the UK, Sweden, Canada, Denmark, India, Botswana, Morocco, Australia, and of course, anywhere else in the world, including the U.S., what do you think? Do you feel there are limits on who you, your kids or your grandkids want to be? Are those limits part of your culture?

Life is calling. How far will you go?

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Lately, I’ve noticed a trend in blog posts addressing the following questions:

  • How can I make my life more meaningful?
  • What is my life purpose and what can I do to make a difference?
At first I thought those questions were geared towards middle-aged and older people: those who start to re-evaluate their life after the kids leave home or they retire, but then I noticed how this question is becoming more prevalent in today’s youth.Perhaps a shift is taking place in the way people see their future life, the economy forcing people to rethink their short and long-term goals. It seems as if people are seeking alternatives to the 9-5 jobs?

What do you think?

Since our return from Belize in 2005, I have volunteered once with a group of nurses in a Mayan Village. Since that day, I’ve thought about joining the Peace Corps. Last Saturday a recruiter from the Peace Corps offered a seminar at Borders Books in Costa Mesa, California. I decided to attend. Here are a few points for those of you who might be interested.

  • There is no upper age limit for volunteers
  • Entire application process takes 1 to 1.5 years.
  • Safety and security of volunteers is highest priority
  • 27 month commitment, (includes a 3 month training period)
  • Living allowance covers cost of housing and other necessities
  • French and Spanish a plus
  • 48 days vacation to visit country or go home
  • Graduate school opportunities before and after
  • Develop skills for global marketplace
  • Receive advantages for federal employment
  • Earn $7,425 for transition when you return
  • Health and dental benefits, extended up to 18 months after your return
Peace Corps Programs:
Education 33%, Youth and Community 18%, Health and HIV/AIDS 18%, Business and IT 17%, Agriculture 8%, Environment 7%.Peace Corps Main Locations:
Africa 41%, Latin America 23%, Eastern Europe and Central Asia 17%, Asia 8%, Caribbean and N.Africa and Middle East 8%, Pacific Islands 3%.

The one comment I keep hearing from all Peace Corps Volunteers is: “I feel like I received more than what I gave.”

Your thoughts and opinions are truly valued.

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