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Do you believe in setting goals for yourself?

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Marathon Runners
“Whenever you take a step forward, you are bound to disturb something.” INDIRA GANDHI

December is a busy month with added pressures. It is also a time to reflect on what you’ve accomplished during the past year and your goals for the upcoming year. I have come across two interesting theories why it’s important to set goals, and why it really doesn’t matter. You decide.
1. Why you should set goals in your life.
Are you already disciplined and organized? Do you follow a set of goals like the ones below?
  • One-Year Goals: You review your list a few times a year, and have specific categories like fitness, writing, income, travel, family, etc.
  • Five-Year Goals: The “big things” you hope to accomplish, and review once a year.
  • Lifetime Goals: Your bucket list, everything you want to accomplish in your life. You also review this once a year. What memories do you want to have when it’s your time to say “goodbye?” What would you regret not accomplishing?
Chris Guillebeau admits that people who seem to get a lot accomplished, like he does, are not super disciplined but have been able to “create a structure around work” that allows for improvisation. Chris, my new hero, says he takes goals seriously and does work hard, but this is usually a result of him building a good structure to begin with.
2. Why you should not set goals in your life.
On the other hand, Leo Babauta, the author of the popular blog ZenHabits, takes a different approach. He completely changed his life a couple of years ago. At first he focused on goals. He was overweight, a smoker, sedentary, completely stressed and deeply in debt. Goals helped him change his life around and he was then able to run several marathons, get out of debt and start a very successful blog ZenHabits. Now Leo says, “I’ve pretty much given up on goals, though I’m still learning how that works.”
Listening to Leo Babauta talk on FitMarriage I was struck by his statement regarding letting go of goals, and getting away from goal setting. For example, instead of saying, “I shall lose twenty pounds,” Leo recommends focusing on the enjoyment right now, rather than on your future goal. “When you do it that way,” Leo says, “You’re not fixated on where it will get you.” He believes in starting as small as possible, even with exercise. Just five minutes, don’t think one hour.
Leo says, “We give (goals) a lot of credit for our accomplishments, but they didn’t do the work. They might have given us a direction, but in the end, the work is done on a daily basis.”
As Leo points out, “Even with goals, some people aren’t going to achieve anything, because they haven’t figured out how to motivate themselves. Goals don’t do that for you — they just make you feel guilty that you haven’t gotten them done.”
So my advice is to follow what Indira Ghandi said, take a step forward, preferably a Gutsy one. After all, who wants to stand in one place?
Are you a goal setter? If so what’s your style? Any tips are welcome to help us get moving.

A Modern Thanksgiving

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 My youngest son Jordan, sixteen, returning from
There are many ways to express gratitude on Thanksgiving Day, however, what caught my eye, was Seth Godin’s definition of a Modern Thanksgiving.
“A modern Thanksgiving would celebrate two things:
  • The people in our lives who give us the support and love we need to make a difference, and…
  • The opportunity to build something bigger than ourselves, something worth contributing. The ability to make connections, to lend a hand, to invent and create.”
Peace Corps volunteers, Harvey and Patty Gagnon, are in their sixties and doing what Seth Godin said; they are building something bigger than themselves.
You’ll love what Harvey says at the end, “Forget the golf game, there’s always time for that when you’re 92.”

HAPPY MODERN THANKSGIVING TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND NEW CONNECTIONS.

LOVE FROM SONIA.

The five stages of online friendships

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When I first started blogging, I thought, “What has our society come too?”
We sit at our computers, “talk” to others and how sad is that? We should be doing things the good old-fashioned way:
Stage One: Visit/talk
Stage Two: Coffee
Stage Three: A glass of wine with cheese and crackers
Stage Four: Dinner invitation
Stage Five: Long-term friendship.
But isn’t this the same in our social networking world?
First you visit. If you like the person, and what they say, you might hang out and comment or have a coffee with them.
Your new friend comes to visit and has a coffee at your place and then a few more coffee sessions until you jump into the wine, cheese and crackers stage, where you open up a little more, expressing your thoughts. You learn more about your friend’s personality, their thoughts, and what’s important to them.
Finally your dinner invitation. This is when you start e-mailing friends you’ve met online, exchanging phone numbers so you can speak in person, and hear the sound of their voice. If you travel to their town or city, you’ll call and arrange to meet them in person. I’ve done this with some of my online friends. It’s all about adding the human connection to your online friendship, which further strengthens the bond of a true friendship. After all, we are still human and have a desire to see the real person. I believe in making long-term friends.
Just as in the “real” world, some relationships never make it past the visit or the coffee stage. Others, with time, can make it to the dinner and long-term friendship stage. Where are you on this beautiful journey of connecting with people?

How to become positive on a sh*?ty day

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You’re feeling sorry for yourself.
Your (fill in the part of your body) hurts, you’ve got a meeting you’re not looking forward to, you cheated on your diet, you had an argument with someone close to you, you’re looking for work, or perhaps, like me, you’ve got a deadline to meet and you’re stressing out whether you’ll finish on time.
So what better time than, now, to shift to a positive attitude. After all, “A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” Patricia Neal.
I know, it’s easier to feel bad and make excuses than to shift your thinking. I’m guilty of that too, however, wouldn’t it be nice to find that ray of sunshine, by making a small shift in the thoughts going through your mind?
How can I shift to a more positive attitude?

  1. Start by doing something small and simple: make a special cup of tea or hot chocolate with whipped cream Take your dog for a walk in a different place, so you see new surroundings. Listen to a song you love. Pull out an old book you haven’t read in a while, but remember enjoying. Call someone you’ve been meaning to, but haven’t allowed yourself to take the time to.  
  2. Help someone out: I have a friend who recently broke her leg, and I know she loves her cup of Peet’s coffee just as much as I do. I would bring her a cup over and spend fifteen minutes chatting with her, before we each had to get back to our writing.
  3. Read Inspiring stories: Feeling overwhelmed happens to all of us, and sometimes reading an inspiring story, like the one I read on Mary Jaksch’s blog GoodLife Zen: “How catastrophe can open a door to new life,” can help you change to a more positive outlook on life. Christopher Foster has his own blog: The Happy Seeker. Christopher shifted his outlook on life after losing a 36-year connection with his community, and the sudden death of his wife as they were returning from a Caribbean vacation to celebrate their 25-year wedding anniversary.
  4. Turn your list of negatives into positives: Make a list of all your negative thoughts and next to each one, turn it into a positive statement. So in my case, instead of saying, “I shall have a hard time getting my memoir published,” I write, “I can already see a bidding war going on between publishing houses who want my memoir.” 
  5. Learn and practice meditation: This is a skill many already follow, and others like myself, need to develop. I’m gradually learning to practice meditation as I realize the importance of becoming still. As Christopher Foster mentioned in his guest post: “I have come to realize also that this stillness I love is my own stillness. It doesn’t come from some strange, far-off place. It is my own stillness, and it has found me at last.”
  6. Start a blog: This is a great way to share with others and feel connected to a community. If you have friends who feel lonely, why don’t you encourage them to start writing and connecting with others. It’s never too late, and age is not an excuse either. Just look at Christopher Foster. He started his blog: The Happy Seeker, last May, and I know he is not in his 20’s, 40’s, 60’s …?
 Your thoughts are always welcome.

I’m in love with Annabel Candy and Chris Guillebeau

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I cannot hide my feelings any longer; I’m in love with two bloggers, one male and one female. Okay, so perhaps “in love” is a little too strong, but I feel connected, to these two people because of their passion for what they do, their authenticity, and the fact that I get goosebumps when I read their posts, and listen to their words on various podcasts.

So who are these two bloggers:

  1. Chris Guillebeau: The Art on Non-Conformity
  2. Annabel Candy: GetintheHotSpot

First of all, he’s real, he’s humble, he connects with people old and young, he’s open-minded, his motto: “live your life the way you want and help other people at the same time,” resonates with me. He’s a world traveler, he’s lived four years in Africa helping people, he’s young and energetic, and he asks the questions all of us are interested in, but rarely take the time to answer:


1) What do you really want to get out of Life?
2). What can you offer the world that no one else can?

As Chris says, “These questions are deceptively simple. It takes some people 10 minutes to get their own answers, and other people take years to figure out.”

In his book, The Art of Non-Conformity, Chris offers a ton of fascinating, yet simple ways of thinking about motivation and your life. One is his radical goal-setting, (pages 32-35,) where he gives help on setting One-Year, Five-Year, and Lifetime goals. For those of you who may be asking, “”Who am I to Tell You All This?” Chris says, “Let’s be clear about something: I adhere to a guru-free philosophy, and I don’t claim to have all the answers.”  

I can relate to Annabel as a woman who has lived in Africa, the UK, Costa Rica for Annabel, Belize for me, and has three children. Despite similarities in travel, Annabel is also authentic and has a strong desire to help people live their dreams. She writes about empowerment, blogging, Internet marketing, and entrepreneurship.
I recommend Annabel’s podcast where she talks about helping bloggers, especially small business owners, and writers, photographers and musicians who wish to improve their blogs. A few helpful tips she offers are:

  • Each line should have 80 characters or less, or it’s too difficult to read.
  • Stick with blogging for at least a year. You will start seeing the benefits.

Annabel always offers great content on her posts, and has a new e-book on Successful Blogging in 12 simple steps to help you become a successful blogger.

I am volunteering at Chris Guillebeau’s book tour on December 10th in Los Angeles. Can’t wait to meet him and everyone else attending. Hope to see you there.

 

Here is your chance to share the names and links of up to two bloggers who inspire you, make you feel connected, or simply entertain you and you cannot wait for their next post.

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