My Search Led Me to Story
When I graduated high school, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Like my brother before me, I would study science and then go to medical school. At 18, I flew from my peaceful row home in Philadelphia straight into the turmoil of the anti-Vietnam War movement in Madison, Wisconsin. After six years of marijuana, rock and roll, and rebellion against “the system” the only thing I was certain about was that I didn’t want to have anything to do with growing up.
By 1971, I lived in a garage in Berkeley, California, going for days and then weeks without speaking to anyone. After attending a lecture by anthropologist Jane Goodall, I realized I could fulfill my destiny by living like a chimpanzee. I ate only fruit and stopped wearing my glasses so I was legally blind. I sold all my possessions for a one-way ticket to Central America where I would live on the beach and pick food from the trees.
When I was ready to leave, an old friend handed me a book which said my soul longed to return to God and that I would never be satisfied until I turned within. My mind leapt at the explanation so I replaced my chimpanzee-centric view of the world with a spiritual one and started to meditate. However, my passion for the inner life did not relieve my need to earn a living so I moved back east to be near my parents and got a job.
I still had to find my role in society, so I went to a therapist and each week told him about my struggle to live in the world. These weekly talks helped me tame my crazy decisions and feelings. Over time, I noticed these talks had a beneficial side-effect. To prepare for each session, I developed the habit of organizing my thoughts. Without realizing it, I was learning to tell my story.
The more I learned about my own story, the more curious I became about others. At 50, I returned to school and received a master’s degree in counseling psychology. As a therapist, I witnessed the soothing effect on clients when I asked them to tell me their story. Yet something was missing from these one-hour sessions. My clients’ lives, like my own, felt fragmentary.
I reached out to a mentor who suggested that to make sense of the whole journey, I should list events in chronological order. I went home and created my timeline. From that simple exercise, parts of my life that had always seemed disjointed began to fit together like the pieces of a puzzle. To help me turn these ordered memories into readable prose, I took a memoir class. There, I met other participants who were doing the same thing. We were finding our stories together.
To learn more, I read memoirs by the score, watching the years roll by through each author’s eyes, ears, sensations and thoughts. They let me into their lives and enriched my understanding of the world. I looked for more memoir classes, and found them offered in writing groups, senior centers, libraries, and schools. The bookstore offered an increasing number of memoirs by ordinary people. Talk shows featured more memoir authors, and I met an increasing number of people who wanted to shape their lives into stories. I had stumbled on a trend.
Like any trend, not everyone loved it. Some critics complained that writing about yourself is narcissistic. I tried to understand their point. According to the dictionary, narcissists believe they are admirable and above reproach. By contrast, most successful memoirs reveal flawed authors who make terrible decisions. Perhaps critics don’t think it’s healthy to spend so much time engaging in introspection. If that’s the case, their attitude contradicts the wisdom traditions of the world that promote introspection as a method to deepen selfless attitudes like generosity and forgiveness. Anyway, introspection is only the first half of writing a memoir. The second half requires craft and communication. Memoir writers build bridges across the chasms that separate us.
To learn more about the power of memoirs, I studied the thing called Story. From literary scholars and mythologists, I learned that since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been telling stories in order to make sense of life. I was experiencing this effect for myself. In the pages of my evolving manuscript, I watched my younger self desperately search for guiding principles, first in science, then in the counter-culture and finally in spirituality. Throughout those years, I craved pure rules and theories. Now, decades later, I discovered a unifying principle that tied it all together. In the shape of a story, I grasped real life with its messy wants, disappointments and realizations.
When I looked for teachers, I found them everywhere. I learned from literature professors, therapists, and creative-writing teachers. Above all, I reached out across the bridges that memoir writers had created from their lives to mine. In my younger years, I searched for my truths alone. Memoirs transformed my search into an enchanted one, looking for the story that connected me to society. Through blogs, groups, and social media, I found tribes of aspiring and accomplished memoir writers. By reading and writing together, our loosely knit groups fostered deeper appreciation for the power of Story within our own lives.
I decided to call this trend the Memoir Revolution. By exploring our lives and sharing them, we are breaking out of isolation and drawing together into a global community in which we empathize with each other’s race, religion, gender, economic and geographic history, infirmities, strengths, and longings.
***
Jerry Waxler is a lifelong learner. Starting in his teens with an obsession on math and physics, each decade he has devoted himself to a discipline of study. From his spiritual search in his twenties, to computer technology in his thirties, and psychology in his forties. In his fifties, he realized that the entire journey is a story, and he has been obsessed by memoirs ever since. His blog contains hundreds of essays about reading and writing memoirs, and his book Memoir Revolution describes the social trend that is opening our culture to explore and share the stories of our lives.
Sonia Marsh Says: What an amazing journey you’ve been through starting with a rebellious youth, attempting to find your role in society, and how writing parts of your life gave you a clearer picture of who you are.
I am on board with your global vision of sharing our stories and breaking down barriers through a Memoir Revolution.
As you mention, through your research,
“I learned that since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been telling stories in order to make sense of life.”
***
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Thanks Jerry for starting off November with such an inspiring story about the power of memoir, and sharing our stories globally. I know that the “My Gutsy Story” series has allowed many to open up about their lives and share stories that have helped so many. I agree that our writing can help others understand that we are “not alone.”
It’s so great to see Jerry over here on your blog, Sonia. Very cool! I love this idea of Memoir Revolution. It side-steps the whole open-book, TMI, reality show lifestyle, and shows that we really can learn from others through the power of memoir.
Jerry’s website is truely amazing. He looks deeply at various memoirs, revealing the depth of meaning inside them.
Thank you both!
Laura
Laura Dennis recently posted..Cherishing Children & the Perception of Adoption in Serbia
Thanks Laura.
I was interested to read about Jerry’s youth, being influenced by Jane Goodall and living in Central America. Then how he found his passion in memoir, and I absolutely love the concept of a memoir revolution.
Thanks for the comment Laura. I’m glad you find value in my blog. Now that you’ve read my story, you can appreciate the fact that the Memoir Revolution is a culmination of a lifelong search, so that might explain why I’m so intense about it. But then, I’ve been intense all along. LOL
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..If Not Conflict, What Fierce Determination Drives a Memoir?
I share Jerry’s fascination with the power of Story — the operating system of the human brain. He has done an amazing job of compressing a lifetime of learning into a few paragraphs of insight. May these seeds enrich legions of lives!
Sharon Lippincott recently posted..Give the Gift of Story
Thanks Sharon. It took me about seven years to figure out how to explain my life, and I’m still working on it. This is the quest. And, I hope it inspires other people to tell theirs.
Best wishes,
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..If Not Conflict, What Fierce Determination Drives a Memoir?
“Operating system in the human brain.” Great Sharon–reminds me of the discussion by Lisa Cron at the NAMW Telesummit about how we crave story, and what our brains demand from story. Jerry, you did it in your story–inspired us, and made us want more from you! Thanks Sonia for your beach house!!
Linda Joy Myers recently posted..How a Blog Helps You Tell and Sell Your Story | Nina Amir
Linda Joy,
My beach house is always open. The breezes flow through and we chat with our friends.
I love the thought that all our stories are intertwined and empowering!
Lady Fi recently posted..Leaf ballet
Yes, we are all intertwined anyway. Our stories let us “use our words” to find new ways to learn about each other.
Best wishes,
Jerry
Jerry
Thanks for inviting us to join the Memoir Revolution. I’ve been put off in the past by the comment you mentioned–that memoir writers are narcissistic. Not so, as you pointed out. Nor is memoir writing only for famous people. Some of the best stories come from the mundane and ordinary.
Teresa Cleveland Wendel recently posted..The Double Dutch Princess
Thanks, Teresa. My favorite comments at the end of a memoir class are “wow, it’s amazing how many interesting stories I heard today.” Ordinary people are quite extraordinary when they find their stories.
Best wishes,
Jerry
Jerry, what a wonderful story–a nutshell version of the arc of your life and thoughts. You revealed a lot about your early life and showed the trajectory of your thoughts, development, triggers for change, and your philosophy of life. I love this quote: “Memoir writers build bridges across the chasms that separate us.”
Many of us share the passion about story, understanding the subtle power of story to transform the world, through each of us telling ours, one by one. Congratulations on sharing yours with us. I’m eager to read more.
Thanks, Linda Joy. It’s so nice to see you “here” in Sonia’s beach front house. It appears that many members of the “memoir tribe” are here. Obviously something very welcoming is going on in Gutsy Story Land, and I give Sonia the credit for inspiring me to put this piece together and for creating an environment where others feel the same inspiration.
Best wishes,
Jerry Waxler
Memory Writers Network
Jerry,
I like your observation that I’ve created a “welcoming” beach front house for people to stop by and share their stories. Thanks to you and to all the memoir experts who are helping us on our global journey towards a memoir revolution.
Jerry, I never thought of being in the midst of a “Memoir Revolution” but you present it all in a way that makes me feel excited to be a part of a community “breaking out of isolation and sharing our stories”. And you show the power of Story through your own personal journey and transformation. A wonderful and gutsy story that I want to know more about. Excellent! Thank you for sharing.
Kathleen Pooler recently posted..Finding My Authentic Voice Through Memoir Writing: Reflections by Pavlina Gatikova
Hi Kathleen,
Now you know my secret. First I was in the riots in the sixties. Now I’m in a mob of storytellers trying to make sense of life. I guess I just can’t get enough of mobs. 🙂
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..If Not Conflict, What Fierce Determination Drives a Memoir?
Jerry, so good to see you hear at Sonia’s “beach house” telling your gutsy story. I’m glad you have shared the concept of the “Memoir Revolution.” Those of us who grew up in the 60s and 70s can’t get enough of rebelling mobs, even if we are now doing it through global story telling. Love your site and your blog. And always appreciate your input on Lifewriters Forum
Sonia, thanks for having Jerry as your first story teller in November! Always a pleasure to come here for a visit.
Sherrey Meyer recently posted..Again in a Heartbeat by Susan Weidener (A Review)
Jerry, your journey, though somewhat different from mine, resonates. The process of telling your life story is scary, emotionally excruciating at times (especially when you come out with all the terrible decisions you have made in life), but in the end liberating and healing. As you know I have gone through that process, starting with my memoir about my journey to understand my role in the destruction of my three marriages, through my year living in Paris, and I am about to publish a third memoir about my retirement, which should be out around December 1st. I will continue to wait with great anticipation for the publication of your memoir. I’m certain it will be a great read.
Boyd,
Having grown up in Paris, and returning every year as my father still lives there, I am fascinated by your year in Paris. My husband is also an attorney, but still working and I long for adventures in other parts of the world. I’m fascinated by your “Gutsy” move to Paris after retirement and your desire to speak French. I am heading over to contact you via e-mail.
Jerry, that is a gutsy story and potentially life-changing for your readers too. My journey back to myself began with Sam Keene’s “Your Mythic Journey.” Thanks for posting your story.
Jerry -thanks for sharing this. For the past 3 decades, I have felt compelled to tell my story and yet roadblocks arise every step of the way. But reading your post, I am reminded again that memoir writing is much like praying, an act of blind faith. No one out there really needs my story, but it is my need to share it that connects me to humanity.Bring it on. A Memoir Revolution!
Pat recently posted..Gutsy Sonia Marsh Guest Blog
Jerry, so great to read your gutsy story and about the Memoir Revolution. Memoir and life story has been an integral part of my life – particularly in the aspect of writing to heal – so I know how much value we get from organizing and telling our stories. So nice to meet you here among so many friends, at last.
It’s nice to meet you too, Madeline. Writing to heal is my favorite benefit. And I agree, this is nice. The whole “tribe” is showing up. (And of course anyone who shows up is in the tribe.)
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..If Not Conflict, What Fierce Determination Drives a Memoir?
Jerry, it’s been a pleasure following you and your blog over the years and seeing this community of “Revolutionary” memoirists emerge at the same time. I’m so grateful that you have gone through the difficult, gutsy, work of self-understanding. In my experience sorting out the threads that have made us who we are is really difficult. My hat’s off to you and the many others who are helped by you as you teach and write.
Shirley recently posted..How to Write About Family: Honoring Self and Other in Memoir
When you start out to write your memoir, you think you just need to do get it all down on paper. In order to finish that, you need to learn how “Story” works so you can package it in a compelling form. Finally, you have to develop a storytelling voice so that you are telling the events of your life with compelling phrasing that rings with authenticity. Wait, you’re not done yet. Now, you have to polish, polish, polish so it all hangs together, and flows beautifully. In her memoir Slant of Sun, Beth Kephart talks about a man who gave her son a carved wooden car that was perfectly smooth. She could feel the love and care he had poured into this gift by running her fingers over it. That’s the gift that a good memoir gives to its readers and the goal I have set for myself… So it might be a while. 🙂
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..If Not Conflict, What Fierce Determination Drives a Memoir?
I’m in France right now, and you know the French word for “story” is “histoire” which means “history” too; this is hardly a coincidence. Rereading one’s life is one spiritual path among others, and if done honestly can only lead to healing.
Thanks for sharing your discoveries with us,they are so encouraging and promising.
Carol, Thanks for exploring the possibility that searching for your story by writing a memoir is a sort of spiritual path. I keep finding more depth in that direction. I’ll keep looking and sharing. Thanks for your interest.
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..A Memoir About her Father’s Secret Pain
Jerry,
It’s very cool to see you here sharing your story. I know how often you have listened to the stories of others and given them advice on how to proceed with their memoirs, what memories to tap into, how to find the narrative arc as you outlined at our recent memoir workshop here in Pennsylvania. Also, very cool for a therapist to “reveal” himself, and find his “voice,” so to speak, through the power of what you so aptly call the Memoir Revolution. So many of us are doing that now in this, the second half of our lives, when our hearts are open to realizations and revelations impossible when we were younger. Good luck with your memoir. I look forward to reading it.
Haha. Susan! I keep forgetting that people I know from the internet are also out “here” in real life. It’s wonderful knowing how passionately you are teaching the healing power of memoir writing right “down the road” in Pennsylvania. It was great teaching with you and interviewing you and reviewing your excellent memoir Again in a Heartbeat. Thanks for your compliment. I feel like this is a sort of “coming out party” – since up until now most of my writing has been about other people’s stories.
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..A Memoir About her Father’s Secret Pain
Jerry,
What an inspiration you are! The story of your life is a book I would like to read!
Thank you for inspiring me to also write my memoirs and know that it is not a self absorbed thing to do…as you said “people have been doing it for years to try and make sense of their lives”!
Sometimes we forget these things!
I for one, feel like every story and every significant dream has lead me to the next phase of my life.
I find it interesting, and have always wondered if others would as well!
Keep sharing your wisdom and being a beacon of light!
All the best!
Felicia Rose
Go Felicia. You have such great stories behind your songs. By adding the narrative, you will give people an additional dimension through which to appreciate your message.
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..A Memoir About her Father’s Secret Pain
Hi Jerry,
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I continue to learn and grow from your words and I adore your humor, “First I was in the riots in the sixties. Now I’m in a mob of storytellers trying to make sense of life. I guess I just can’t get enough of mobs”.LOL
Dawn
Hi Dawn, It’s so nice to see you here, and thanks for sharing your memoir Ragdoll Redeemed, a great story of redemption, and especially powerful because of the way your memoir contributed to that redemption. Thanks for being part of our mob. 🙂
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..A Memoir About her Father’s Secret Pain
Jerry,
I am so glad you shared your “My Gutsy Story” with us. Obviously your fans enjoyed the fact that you “opened up” and shared parts of your youth. This is the part I found entertaining, “After attending a lecture by anthropologist Jane Goodall, I realized I could fulfill my destiny by living like a chimpanzee. I ate only fruit and stopped wearing my glasses so I was legally blind. I sold all my possessions for a one-way ticket to Central America where I would live on the beach and pick food from the trees.”
I like different, and this was truly different.
Thanks Jerry.
Wow! What a life story you have, Jerry. I had no idea. I can’t wait to read more. Sometimes the most gutsy journey is not a physical one, but a journey from within. ~Karen
karenalaniz recently posted..Book Review: The Frugal Book Promoter
Thanks for your interest, Karen. Sonia’s concept of “gutsy” is a less warrior-like version of “courage” – the quality at the heart of every hero’s journey. By rising to Sonia’s invitation for a guest story, I had to focus on the quality that makes my memoir worth reading.
As for you having had no idea, that’s exactly the point. Our stories reveal what our faces hide.
Best wishes,
Jerry
(P.S. Karen’s interview is up on my blog right now. )
Jerry Waxler recently posted..Birth of a Memoir: Turning Her Father’s Secrets Into a Story
What an inspiring journey. I’m grateful for the Memoir Revolution as a way to share our different stories and importantly, for them not to be lost in time. Often I think of those ancestors who contributed so much in life but their only legacy was their genes and their names on a genealogical chart.
The power of Story has enlightened, soothed, and inspired throughout the history of mankind. May you and others like you take up and carry the torch, sharing wisdom, learnings, and experiences.
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Thanks, Sonia. What a cliffhanger! As far as I’m concerned, I had already won, simply by participating in your Gutsy Story site. In the Memoir Revolution, we’re starting to bring stuff out of dusty piles and discover all sorts of valuable parts of ourselves that are worth sharing. The word “Gutsy” inspired me to pull out the stops and look for the courage, and it appears it has had a similar effect on your other participants. I look forward to reading more of these Gutsy Stories.
Jerry
Jerry Waxler recently posted..What Do Readers Expect From Your Memoir?