Comparisons between the way Americans and Europeans think about work, food, dress code and manners, is something I find fascinating. I wrote a previous post entitled: What French Women Know, Can we Learn from them?
I am reading, Lunch in Paris, by Elizabeth Bard. She is a young American journalist who now lives in Paris, after marrying Gwendal, a French man whom she, “slept with halfway through our first date.” I am using excerpts from her delicious, fun-filled memoir that depicts cultural differences.
“Like most French people, I don’t think Gwendal ever expected fulfillment or recognition for his work. When he finally asked for a raise…the director told him he had taken on the extra responsibility pour plaisir–for fun. When he was bored or frustrated… I just couldn’t keep my big American mouth shut. ‘If you put all the time and effort you spend on your hobbies into your job, you’d have the cinema career you’ve always wanted.’ Gwendal’s response: ‘You are right…at least in the U.S. But here, working harder, faster, and better just makes people hate you.'”
Bard continues: “In the America I grew up in, little kids don’t say, ‘When I grow up, I want to be happy.’ That’s not the appropriate end to that sentence. We say, ‘When I grow up, I want to be a doctor, an astronaut, a fighter pilot.’ Happiness to me was something very abstract, the end of a long equation: initial self-worth multiplied by x accomplishments, divided by y dollars, z loans, minus f hours worked, plus g respect earned. Happiness, I assumed, would be the end result of a whole list of things I hadn’t gotten around to yet.”
“How is he ever supposed to be successful? He needs to be a little bit miserable, like us. It’s how you get to the next thing.” Bard says.
Finally, when Gwendal says he went to his high school library to look at All the Jobs in the World, he picks out two: scientific researcher and film director. The French school counselor says, “An non, You forgot to look at the key. Each job has a dollar sign and a door, explaining how much it pays, and how easy it is to get this job. Regarde, tu n’y arriveras jamais.” You’ll never get there. Gwendal says, “If you want to do something different, if your head sticks up just a little, they cut it off. It’s been like that since the Revolution. You know the saying, liberte, egalite, fraternite…Everyone has got to be the same.”
If you live in the UK, Sweden, Canada, Denmark, India, Botswana, Morocco, Australia, and of course, anywhere else in the world, including the U.S., what do you think? Do you feel there are limits on who you, your kids or your grandkids want to be? Are those limits part of your culture?
I'm one of those people with no one culture as I've lived all over the world.
I would say this though: that in the UK, where I come from, we love the eccentric; the whacky people who stand out.
In Sweden, the culture is one of consensus – everyone must agree, no one must be more special than others, and no conflict … you discuss things again and again until you reach some sort of agreement. There is an old unwritten law – Jante's Law – that says no one is better than anyone else.
Luckily, the young generation is breaking away from this. On the plus side, kids are very much encouraged to be who they are, and to aim high as nothing is impossible if you want it.
I think in a way there is a limtation on what careers kids in Botswana get but not in the same way as in France. Here everything is decided by your performance on exams. The government will sponsor you at university (completely, even a monthly allowance, sometimes even overseas) but only if you do well and only in the subjects your exam marks say you excel at.
Interesting post!
Quite possibly physical limits for some. Other than that the only limits that I see are in one's own mind.
Love Di ♥
I perhaps have a very different understanding of success than others. I knew I would not make a lot of money in my vocation, but that we would be comfortable. I don't want things that are fancy; I prefer utilitarian. I'm interested in adventure, in trying new things, and I've had chances to do that.
Now I'm retired. When I'm healthy, I enjoy life with my wife, play with my dog, putter in the garden, entertain our grandchildren, stay active in our community, and write (blogs and for publication). When I'm not healthy, my life is more restricted, but I do as much as I can.
I consider myself successful. But mine may be an atypical understanding, even for a Canadian.
As you know I'm a Finnish expat living in Morocco.
In Finland kids are free to choose what they want to study or to be.
Of course some parents 'demand' university degree and well paid job.
Most of the parents are happy if their children are happy whatever their job.
Morocco is still very traditional society.
Most of the women are still at home and do all the housework while men sit in cafes and gossip.
There's a minority of modern families which allows their girls to study, travel abroad to study or work outside home.
What is sad is that a lot of those modern girls dress and look like western girls. Music videos and magazines have given the sexy look as a main thing in their lives.
I've heard that lots of girls travel to Spain, France for the weekends to look for a husband. They want to get married with a rich man. Or at least richer than Moroccan men…
Breach of times is here too. On the other hand traditional Islam values are strong and other hand modern western values are trying to break trough.
In my opinion kids are not ready for that yet. They need much more education in this country.
Men and women are not equal. Male chauvinists are strong here…
But I've met a few young people who are strong, educated and ready to take this country to the next level…
But really, what is happiness? it's so subjective. For some it's on a personal level For others, it's whether the people in their life are ok. For others, it's just being alive. I think there's too much stress in the world and kids don't learn how to be happy, just how to achieve and survive.
When very wealthy and successful business people are interviewed, it is often revealed that they are not motivated by pursuit of money; the dollar amounts are more of a way of "keeping score".
There was a wonderful "Star Trek TNG" episode where they encountered an old space ship where people from the early 21st century had been frozen. When reanimated, one guy elatedly expressed anticipation about how much his financial portfolio had increased.
Bemused, Capt. Picard explained how civilization had long past moved from equating financial wealth with happiness and purpose in life. With replicators to provide comforts, money was now totally irrelevant.
We have some friends who were reluctant to retire because they found their identity as a person wrapped up in their work. Separated from work, they feared separation from their sense of self worth.
But in response to your question; I believe that the "self actuated" culture pervasive in the US is unique in the world. And I don't personally admire that.
@ladyfi
I'm sure because of your travels, you simply adapt to the style, or perhaps you remain who you are, no matter which country you live in.
@Lauri
I wonder if the government requires students come back to Botswana after they study abroad. In Belize, often students come to the U.S. and then stay in the U.S., for monetary reasons which is sad.
@Together We Save
Thanks for your visit.
@Diana
So true. The power of the way we think.
@Rob-bear
I think there are more people enjoying life in their own way, just like you Rob. That's why I'm following Chris Guillebeau and reading his book, "The Art of Non-Conformity." I shall blog about this later as I get to meet Chris in LA in December.
@BLOGitse
I enjoy your posts on women in Morocco and life in general. If the husband is sitting in a cafe, and the wife is at home, where does the money come from to pay rent etc?
@Lynn
You raise a very good point about kids just learning to achieve and survive.
@Robert the Skeptic,
Thanks for the interesting Star Trek episode as an analogy. I'm curious though about the overall attitude in the U.S.,, that you can be anything you want to be in life, vs. the French one.
I think that in the UK we have stopped valuing intellectual ability. We value money, and the making of it, but not people who can think. If you can't make money, or choose not to, then I think you are undervalued and seen as less of a contributor to society.
A sobering commend, Madame DeFarge.
I do not think the UK is alone in having this problem!
@Madame DeFarge
I am sorry to hear that. It seems like money and materialism is taking over the world. I left the UK at 21, so obviously I'm no longer with it, despite visiting London this year in May.
@Rob-bear
I agree with your comment.