I stumbled upon a young mother, the mommyologist and her blog post called: Embrace Your Body, week from August 9-13. Please hop on over if you want to participate in her survey.
After giving it some thought, it occurred to me that when we are young, wrinkle-free and gorgeous, we keep beating ourselves down. We believe that we are not attractive, we are fat, because we say, “My thighs are just so freakin’ huge.” But our face is fresh and did I mention “wrinkle free,” and yet we say, “UGH! My stomach is totally hanging out!” (Italics taken from mommyologist)
We spend way too much time focusing on the negative aspects of ourselves, when we could be using our energy on developing our strengths.
- Why do we do this?
- Does it help?
- If so, in what way does it help?
I love getting older. I feel fortunate that growing older has brought me other gifts I didn’t have as a younger woman:
- confidence
- taking better care of my health and body
- realizing the importance of learning new skills and staying energetic
Why do we spend so many years beating ourselves up? Why is it easier to think negative thoughts about ourselves than to be positive.
Imagine if we shifted all that thinking to something LOVING and HELPFUL and BELIEVED in ourselves. Wouldn’t we be able to accomplish our goals and dreams for ourselves, our family and perhaps even our world?
"Who does not wish to be beautiful, and clever, and rich, and to have back, in old age, the time spent trying to be any of them." — Robert Brault
I love this quote and thought it kind of fit in with your discussion today. I couldn't have said it better. Maybe you are familiar with Robert Brault, and have visited his blog, if not it is a treat.
Great post! It is all too true…when I was in my twenties and 120 pounds all I did was talk about how bad I looked and how I wanted to be 110. Now, in my thirties, I will never be either of those weights again, but I've never been happier. I know who I am as a person, and I refuse to be defined by a number. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and sexy is an attitude!!
Thanks so much for linking to my post!
Youth is wasted on the young, as someone once said.
I do love this post – it breaks my heart to see young girls fixated on their appearance. I believe that the media has a large part of the blame in how girls perceive themselves.. just look at dolls, models, magazines, pop stars…
Women are confronted by all forms of media, touting the newest beauty or diet discoveries. The hype is never ending.
Many women begin lacking confidence in who the are, or
are becoming, as they get older: noticing the sudden tummy sag, or blooming turkey neck, the once bright-eyed look.
What's most important is the radiance from within, best achieved by growing in knowledge,
strengthening one's body and spirit,growing the bonds of family, love and spirituality.
Male Bear defers to female wisdom on this topic, but generally thinks there's nothing wrong with women of any size, shape or age. Wisdom knows no bounds.
Bear does share one tagential thought. The first thing Bear observes, when encountering another, is the face, particularly the eyes. I'm looking for the story the face tells — the eyes tell. Everything else is "details, details."
But what does a Bear really know?
Yay!!! Bravo!!!! Kudos to you!!!! I'm talking about both you, Sonia, and The Mommyologist!
I hope my daughters can learn from my example that there is more to life than looking hot!
Outstanding post, again, Sonia!
I think Hugh Hefner has it all wrong, a nicely dressed older woman with gray and a lilt in her step can turn this man's head for sure.
@Gramma Ann
Thanks you for that fabulous quote. You've always been the queen of quotes.
@The Mommyologist
I'm so happy to have found you, and let me tell you, you'll start liking yourself even more in your fifties. One of the benefits of getting older.
@LadyFi
How is it in Sweden where you live?
@GulfGal
Wonderful wisdom. Thanks from a woman who radiates joy.
@Rob-Bear
I am so glad to have a male respond, and Bears know what they're talking about.
@Noexcuses
Sometimes it takes us a while to realize these things, but I'm sure your daughters have a great teacher.
@Robert the Skeptic
Another man responding to my post is wonderful. Thanks Robert.
I love Gramma Ann's quote, in fact all of the above comments were really on point with your topic. I fully agree that beauty comes from within and that there are wonderful things about getting older, but if I am honest about it I have to also say I am sometimes too quick to judge myself or another in a superficial way. Your post is a good reminder about learning to value our most positive aspects.
I am ready "The Beauty Myth" now. And the conspiracy theory is that if women were not to be so obsessed and consumed with worries of beauty and weight, they might actually become quite an enormous political force and they might actually change the word– which is not desired by many.
Such great points. Why do we keep tearing ourselves down?
Thanks for the reminder!
I think about this a lot too. I've been very thin and very overweight and not much happier at either extreme, although I feel better in social situations when I am thin. I try to help my young adult daughter feel good about herself at all times, seems like that is one thing we can do.
I like Gma Anns quote too.
Great post!
Unfortunately it's the same here in Morocco or in Finland.
Media is so strong and young girls so weak and unsure about themselves.
Many girls don't have healthy man figure in their life…
We compare ourselves to each others – we're humans.
We are jealous…who's got prettier clothes, better cellphone, more money, bigger house etc.
But it's how we are raised, values, traditions, family ties, respect others etc.
And most important, to respect ourselves.
But it might take generations before women learn not to be sex symbols or take that role but women equal to men – slim or fat – like men.
We get what we give.
@Jeanie
I agree that I am also quick to judge people which I hate, and I find myself changing when I'm not in the U.S., and that's so refreshing.
@Lori,
That sounds very interesting. Did you mean, "reading" the Beuaty Myth. I need to check that out. Thanks.
@Talli,
Thanks Talli for you comment.
@Brenda
Thanks for adding your own experience. I was chubby as a kid and my mom was a wonderful influence on me.
@BLOGitse
I had no idea it was this bad in Morocco and Finland. It's great that we can exchange perspectives.
I think self-examination and self-criticism is a normal part of development in young people as they try to define who they are as they grow up. It shows their not-yet developed sense of self and their insecurities.
What I find NOT normal is the extreme form it now has taken on, and I believe this is due to our western culture and the way the mass media and big business feed on the issue for their own purposes.
However, we as a people ALLOW this to happen by watching the shows and buying the products. If we didn't, they'd go away in a flash. No ratings – no money. No sales – no money.
En masse, we make our own culture.
How right you are GW! Thanks for this!
Wow. First, thanks for the great comment on my site (Re: Audiobook Review: Drive by Daniel Pink) Your words really stuck with me – and this post seems like a great place to re-post them, " It takes time, patience and learning to look at your body that deserves to be loved by it's best friend: YOU."
i really feel like i'm not the typical female! i never wear makeup nor do my hair. i don't care about ages. and i don't care that i've been getting greys for 10 years.
Sonia…this is something that will probably never get answered…especially not by me.
Growing up I had terrible self-esteem…and now I'm at the other extreme. I've learnt to be gentle with myself because through my Mom, I very quickly realized that whatever we are not content with totally is a non-factor when you find yourself in a hospital bed with no mirrors.
She always told me…things can only be if you are within the living. Therefore, I've learnt to accept the extra curvature and my wisdom wrinklettes.
I am my life ;o) I truly have fallen in love with who I am. It didn't happen over night…baby steps.
Ciao for now,
Claudia
When I look back at old photos of me I think, 'you probably thought you were fat that day!' and what I would give for that body today! I sometimes kick myself for all the years I beat myself up and didn't appreciate my body and what it has accomplished!
As Maya Angelou says, 'When you know better, you do better.' So I've been much more loving toward myself as I've gotten older and wiser.