Sonia Marsh - Gutsy Living

Life's too short to play it safe

Where are girls and women heading?

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You have probably heard of Sheena Upton, the California mom who claimed to inject her eight-year-old daughter, Britney, with botox to improve her chances of winning a beauty pageant.

After child protective services took her girl away to investigate the case, Upton claimed she fabricated the entire story for compensation. She was in fact paid $200 to hold a syringe with a clear liquid, and in her video stated that she didn’t even know what botox was.

So why is there a video of her injecting her daughter with a syringe? And why did Upton justify this by claiming that other moms give botox treatments to their daughters in order to play the tough beauty pageant game?

In one of the interviews which you can view here, her daughter said, “I just, like, don’t think wrinkles are nice on little girls.” She also said that it “hurts,” and that her mother also waxed the hairs off her legs and when asked why, Britney answered, “It’s not ladylike to have hair.”

The concern is how this will impact Britney psychologically, as well as any other girls who are going through the same loss of innocence.

I find it so depressing to hear about all the pressures girls seem to be going through today, especially after hearing Britney say that she puts up with the pain of botox injections to look “beautiful and pretty.” I am deeply saddened, as are most mothers and grandmothers. I wrote a previous article on what is considered a beautiful woman in different countries around the world which sparked several comments.

This topic relates to a book I am reading, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Dispatches From the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture by Peggy Orenstein, where she states,  “According to a 2006 survey of more than two thousand school-aged children, girls repeatedly described a paralyzing pressure to be ‘perfect’: not only to get straight As and be the student body president, editor of the newspaper, and captain of the swim team but also to be ‘kind and caring,’ ‘please everyone, be very thin, and dress right.’ …They now feel they must not only ‘have it all’ but be it all: Cinderella and Supergirl. Agressive and agreeable. Smart and stunning. Does that make them the beneficiaries of new opportunities or victims of a massive con job?”

Orenstein then continues, “It is as if the more girls achieve the more obsessed they become with appearance–not dissimilar to the way the ideal of the ‘good mother’ was ratcheted up just as adult women flooded the workforce.”

So where are girls and women heading in the next ten-twenty years? Any thoughts on this topic are welcome. I’m particularly interested in what men think?

Answer These 5 Questions to Have a Satisfying Retirement

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Although many of us may be far from retirement, we need to start asking ourselves these 5 questions before we retire. Bob Lowry from Satisfying Retirement, kindly agreed to share his expertise on this subject. You may recall his previous post on my blog entitled: “4 Important Keys to Prepare for a Happy Marriage After Retirement.”

Answer These 5 Questions to Have a Satisfying Retirement
Guest Post by Bob Lowry
from

There is nothing simple about retirement. Everyone has a different path and a unique set of circumstances to face. But, there are some basic decisions that must be made. If you can answer these questions you are well on your way to a successful retirement.

1). When do I want to stop working? A goal without a timetable is simply a wish list. You don’t need to pick the exact day at some point in the future. But, you do need to commit to something: late spring of 2013 is fine. Now you can visualize the finish line and do what must be done to get ready.

2). Is my financial house in order? If nothing else the last few years have made many of the “rules” obsolete. Even the wisdom of owning your own home is up for review. Take a fresh look at all parts of your financial plan. Is the 6% annual rate of growth you were counting on realistic anymore? Is there a chance Social Security payments will be means-tested in the future? Once you retire, it is a little late to ask these questions.

3). How are my health and health coverage? Both will have an important impact on your life. Do you have health challenges now that might limit you in some significant way? Does your spouse have a disease that is chronic? How about your insurance? Do you keep full coverage after you stop working? Can you afford Medicare Part D or supplemental coverage? If you need to buy a new policy will anyone sell you one at a rate you can afford? I believe the costs and direction of our health care system will have a bigger impact on retirees than anything else on the horizon.

4). Where do I want to live? This is a biggie. I strongly urge you to not make a move soon after you retire. There is too much upheaval in your life as it is. A move away from friends, family, and the familiarity of the area should not be undertaken lightly. You may be sick of winter and snow. Your grown children and grandchildren may live quite a distance from you. Throwing away your winter coat sounds heavenly. Being closer to the kids would be wonderful. You may be absolutely right. But, being far from everything that gives you roots has its own costs. Don’t rush this decision. It will have a major impact on your happiness and health.

5). What will I do to stay busy and motivated? It is the rare person who can answer this question with much assuredness before retiring. You will have ideas and wishes. But, until actually living the life you won’t really know what might unfold. My suggestion is to make plans. Get excited about doing the things you have not done during your working years. Then, remain flexible. Be prepared to make corrections in your direction. Be OK with deciding one thing you thought you’d love isn’t the answer, but something new you just discovered might be.

From Building Your Satisfying Retirement-How To Make The Most of This New Phase of Your Life

You can download Bob’s free e-book, on Satisfying Retirement. 

I find Bob’s questions 4 and 5 easier to answer, what about you? 

(I could see myself living 3-4 months out of the year with a view like this. A pier on Ambergris Caye, Belize. A great place to inspire writers.)

Please leave your comments below for Bob to answer.

Are you a creature of habit?

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Before we get started, I’d like you to answer the following questions.

1) Do you plan the same meal every Monday night? Tuesday night? Wednesday? etc.
2) Do you go to bed at the same time?
3) Do you always try to get the same seat on the bus, in the movie theater, in church?
4) Do you stop at Starbucks, Peet’s,  (name your coffee store) on your way to work every day?
5) Is there one thing you do every day and feel like it’s missing if you don’t?

If you answered “yes” to all five, you are probably a creatures of habit. So what is a creature of habit? The definition is: “one who is extremely used to their own habits and does not function well without them.”

The question is to what degree, and does it really matter?

Most of us thrive on routine which is why our bodies go on strike when we travel. You know what I mean. You’re tired, not used to foreign foods, your digestive system slows down, you feel out of sync with your body.

Four reasons why it’s great to be a creature of GOOD habits:

1). You provide structure and discipline to your life.
2). You get things done, even the mundane stuff.
3). You get results by being consistent.
4). You feel good about yourself and can spread this feeling to others.

But sometimes we become so used to routine that we rarely stop to question what we are doing. Just doing repetitive things everyday, without changing them or questioning why? can make us stagnate. You see our brain starts to rely too much on our unconscious behaviors preventing us from seeing all the choices available to us.

Why it’s important to take a few risks and become Gutsy.

Research shows that the brain “loves” novelty. It likes it when different neuro-transmitters are firing, not so much when the same pathways turn into ruts. We are meant to exercise our brain and see new things and experience different environments. As with most of life, we need to find balance. If we become too rigid, we find ourselves doing “this” every Monday, and “this” every Tuesday,

A few ideas to plan something new.

So why not plan a weekend trip away? Time to see new things, get your brain all fired up. If you say, “I can’t afford it?” then decide to do something completely out of the ordinary for you: a new hike, a new type of food for dinner.
For example, a friend of mine gave up her car for a month. She used her bike, the bus and trains. Now that’s a huge challenge in southern California, but she managed, and ended up losing weight, (which she wanted anyway.)

Or plan a trip abroad. So this costs even more, but here’s a wonderful thing to do either alone or with your spouse. Pick a country, city, island or any place you’ve always wanted to visit. Research it in detail. Pretend you’re going, even if you can’t afford it right now.

  • What do you want to see there? (make a list)
  • What do you want to do? (make a list) Visit museums? Hike? Scuba dive?
  • How long will you stay?
  • Will you travel around or stay put?
  • Check out tours?
  • Are you staying in a hotel or renting a place? Check out VRBO (Vacation rentals by owner, anywhere in the world.)

When our lives become predictable in too many areas, maybe it is time to give this “creature of habit” thing a rest!

It’s just as important to plan your dreams, as to make them into a reality.
Do you consider yourself a creature of habit? What about your significant other?

"Mom, I’m a soldier now"

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I’m at the playground with my four-year-old son. He’s swinging and sliding down the new equipment in our local park. He whizzes past me, getting rid of all the energy he’s stored in his small body from a day of pre-school rules.

He picks up a small stick, and pretends he’s fighting the bad guys. I’ve seen boys all over the world play this game. “Mom, look at me, I’m a soldier,” he says.

My sixteen-year-old son at NMMI New Mexico Military Institute

Yesterday, my cell phone rang and I heard these words again, only this time, his voice was deep.
“Mom, I’m a soldier now,” he said with such pride.
“Congratulations,” was all I could say at that moment. He had a plane to catch and I would see him later that evening at the airport.
What went through my mind was a mixture of emotions: fear, pride, love, loss, sadness and happiness.
My seventeen-year-old son enlisted with the National Guard. He wanted this more than anything.
This summer he will attend a nine week training course before returning to high school to finish his senior year. After that, he plans to attend college and continue training during those years.

When I gave birth and held him in my arms, it never occurred to me that one day he would become a soldier. I’m sure it’s different for families who have grown up in the military, but for me, this is new, and I shall have to learn to put my fears aside.

Perhaps I just need to be a Gutsy mom, and stop worrying.

How about you? Do you think about what your children will become when they grow up? If they already are adults, did they end up becoming who you thought they would?

Why book promotion is like being a Viagra Salesman.

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Sonia visiting local Indie Book Stores for future book signings.

Who can blame authors for feeling queasy about self-promotion.

That dirty word, “self-promotion” makes some of us feel we’re peddling our work like a Viagra salesman, however, this may not be a new thing. In fact, while researching how a writer should build his/her brand, I came across a great article by Tony Perrottet in the Sunday Times, Book Review. Tony points out the easy part is writing the book, but what comes after, can be horrific.

It might help to take a look back in time. Realizing that Herodotus, a first-time Greek author paid for his own book tour around the Aegean in 440 B.C. or so, makes me far more willing to shell out my own money for a book tour. Since Herodotus’ big break came during the Olympic Games, when he stood up in the temple of Zeus and declaimed his “Histories” to the wealthy, influential crowd, I now understand the necessity of hiring a PR expert to book new authors on radio and television. If Herodotus promoted his writing in front of thousands, shouldn’t we?

Then in 1887, French author, Guy de Maupassant, sent up a hot-air balloon over the Seine with the name of his latest short story, “Le Horla,” painted on its side. Now that’s Gutsy, don’t you think? I read in Guerilla Marketing for Writers: 100 Weapons for Selling Your Work, about having your book cover painted on your car, and thought, Why not?

One publisher, Behler Publications, offers a unique idea for book promotion: a book purse, or a book cover on a purse or handbag, (if you’re British.) Take a look at the concept. Imagine shopping with your book cover on your purse. (I used to sell Cookie Lee jewelry and remember my purse had small, see-through compartments, displaying the necklaces and earrings. It was a great way to get a conversation going and I sold necklaces, even while shopping at the grocery store.) So why not your own book?

Finally, I have to bring up the 12th century, clergyman Gerald of Wales. He organized his own book party in Oxford, hoping to appeal to college audiences. “The Oxford Book of Oxford,” edited by Jan Morris states that Gerald invited scholars and offered them good food and ale for three days. This did not take place without long recitations of his golden prose. So I ask you, how is that different from a cheese and wine book salon signing today?

When my friend Penelope James from Don’t Hang Up, mentioned, “My blog was originally intended to support my soon-to-be-published book, “Don’t Hang Up!”Some newbie bloggers, like me, in search of a wider audience, find ourselves caught up in the blogging world. .. At first, it was like taking an intensive course in blogging, learning about blogging from the pros, about content, traffic, message, communication, etc. Only after six months of this have I realized that I still have a lot more to learn, which will require much more involvement before I can even aspire to improve my disappointing Google stats. However, in this time, I have not written a word – not a single word – of my book. I haven’t even made corrections or done any editing.”

I told Penelope, “Please Don’t Hang Up. You have to keep going especially after all the work you’ve put into your social networking.”

And one last piece of advice from an article entitled, 5 Crippling Beliefs That Keep Writers Penniless and Mired in Mediocrity” from Copyblogger.com,  “If you want to be successful, you can’t be a writer and nothing more.You also have to be a constant caretaker, a shameless promoter, a fearless champion. You have to fight for your ideas the way a mother fights for her children.”

So what do you think? Have times really changed? Hasn’t it always been about self-promotion? Do you think it’s far worse today, or are we offered more opportunities than we had in the past?

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