The French are a nation of proud people who believe in projecting an image of self-confidence and “importance.” They demonstrate this clearly in the way they dress, and the food they prepare, and yes, I believe my fourteen years of living in Paris have influenced my way of thinking..
In her book, Almost French, Sarah Turnbull, an Australian author who married a French man and now lives in Paris, offers hilarious examples of the differences between Anglo Saxons and the French. She talks about the fight she had with her French boyfriend, Frédéric, over what to wear to the bakery. Apparently, “le jogging” or “tracksuit pants” were not appropriate for “le boulanger.” After several years, Sarah admits she’s becoming more Parisienne. “The fight was more than four years ago,” she says, “And I haven’t worn tracksuit pants since.” She claims to have chucked out her shapeless T-shirts and baggy woolly jumpers, which she donated to a local homeless couple, but even they refused to wear them.
So why am I bringing this up? Because I’m a firm believer that making an effort in life, pays off. Just like being disciplined about writing, exercising, teaching, or whatever else you choose, deciding on your image is also important. I’m talking about looking and feeling your best for you, so that you treat yourself as “an important person.” Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about being arrogant; I’m talking about treating yourself with the respect you deserve.
A while ago, I wrote a post on “What French Women Know; Can We Learn From Them?” which also brought up some interesting cultural differences between French and American women. The author, Debra Ollivier, an American living in Paris said, “Most French women know who they are.”
I discovered that dressing professionally boosts my confidence and helps me treat my writing as a full-time job, even though I write in my kitchen, or at the library. I do it for me.
Now when I stop at my local Peet’s coffee, I often bump into a group of friends and we joke about who’s feeling important today.
What makes you feel important? It can be anything, no matter how big or small.
I think the fact that French men seem to gain respect for women as they age, instead of the American male who worships youth and a models figure, helps women to comfortably grow into their own skin and feel worthy.
I agree it has to come from within. It's just that we have to work at it and it comes more naturally for the French.
Interesting post, Sonia. Feeling important is a feeling of self worth. It is a feeling of confidence in who you are while still respecting others.
As you note, arrogance is not an attractive trait to accompany "importance." Sometimes the image our society projects to the rest of the world is seen as arrogant. That perception can get us in all sorts of trouble with others.
Maybe what is best is a combination of internal "swagger" and an external sense of calm acceptance.
@Barbara
I agree with what you say about French men, as with many other nationalities, like Italians, etc., however, there is one thing I notice with French women, even as they age: they put in effort to stay interesting (they love to discuss news, politics, lively debates etc.,) they also put effort into staying in shape, walking, cooking, themselves, etc. I'm not saying American women aren't the same, but I always laugh at how "flirty" French women remain. One of my mom's friends is now in her 90's, and she's almost blind, but you should see how "beautiful" she is both inside and out. Her name is Violette, and she used to be a professional ballroom dancer.
@Satisfyingretirement
I like your definition of internal "swagger" and external calm.
When I receive a loving note from my children and their children as well, there is a sense of how important unconditional love and encouragment contributed to their being fine, caring and giving humans making a huge difference on the planet. They have fantastic, individual senses of humor, part of their DNA from both parents. Granny Janny
As long as you are doing something that you feel has value, you will feel important.
Respect comes from within, and not from the clothes you wear. Dressing up can hide lack of confidence too. My style is always to dress down – I like to think that I have enough self-confidence not to care what people think! 😉
Just recently I had an interesting experience about "feeling important," although I'd rather call it "feeling confident."
Just last month, I moved from the US to Moldova in Eastern Europe. I am Dutch, and although I don't mind dressing comfortably, I have never done the sloppy sweatsuit and plastic flipflop routine often seen in the US. I generally feel decently turned out as I shop and move around in public in the US.
I got on a plane and in less than 24 hours I was feeling like a frumpy housefrau. The women in Moldova, especially the young ones, are dressed to kill, wearing spiky heels everywhere, skinny clothes, and perfectly coiffed and manicured.
So, interestingly, my sense of confidence did not come from inside in this case 😉 but was determined by my environment.
So, I'll just have to work on it again, dress better, and so on. But I'm not walking in these streets on spiky heels. My back and knees will thank me later!
Feeling important is different from self-importance, which is arrogance. You're right, it's that feeling of worth from achieiving something, or helping someone, and just knowing that you've made a small difference to the world with your little action.
I think a lot of our importance comes from the things we do that make someone else feel important.
@Jan
Glad to hear that you have wonderful grandchildren.
@Pat
Very true
@Ladyfi
Whatever works to make you feel good about yourself if fine with me.
@MissFootloose
Who would have thought that Moldovans dress to kill. I never even knew where Moldova was until you showed us on your blog. Are they sophisticated looking or not?
Anyway, I need to find out more about you in Moldova.
@Stephanie
Very well put.
@Jeanie
Another great way to feel good: helping others.
Interesting how our environment shapes us.
Subconsciously or not we do pay attention to that first impression. I never thought that stepping out in sweats, male or female, displays self-confidence.
You write, "The French are a nation of proud people who believe in projecting an image of self-confidence and "importance." They demonstrate this clearly in the way they dress, and the food they prepare." I agree. I learned a lot during our circumnavigation from a French couple with whom we buddy-boated. In France, they grow up learning about how to project one's image.
What I recall about our vacation in France was an almost complete absence of fat people.
Very interesting topic. Feeling important depends on our character, emotional feelings and our personality in general. The problem arises when somebody is not important and he or she feels important without any measure (balance). I'm not sure how to express it!!
The Ancient Greek philosophers who studied in every detail topics like this claim the following quote: "Know Thyself, Nothing in excess"…
Gosh. This should be interesting……I am moving to Paris this summer….does that mean I need to vamp up my wardrobe???????
Great post. Love it!
Love this! Living in the Pacific Northwest USA, things are a little casual around here. I feel so much better when I'm "dressed". It makes me feel better, and I'm not worried about running into a client or someone else I know (or might want to know!) at the coffee shop. 🙂