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The new Dr. Phil of man and horse: Buck

July 18, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

You’ve just come out of a movie feeling intense emotions of love, kindness towards others, the good in life, and you long to  share and inspire others to pay it forward.

This is how I felt after seeing the movie “Buck.”

“Buck” is the story of Buck Brannaman, a true cowboy who endured a violent, abusive upbringing, and succeeded in overcoming tremendous personal odds.

After years of being physically beaten by his alcoholic father, Buck was placed in a  loving foster home where he developed a phenomenally successful approach to horses.  A real-life “horse-whisperer”, he is described as the “real deal” by Robert Redford. Everyone who meets Buck for the first time is taken by his authenticity.

Buck admits that the violence of his upbringing transformed him into the person he has become today, and his approach is to teach people to communicate with their horses through leadership and sensitivity, not punishment. He’s able to transform horses and people with the approach,

“I’m helping horses with people problems,”

and the movie succeeds in showing us the animal-human relationship and how it becomes a metaphor for facing the daily challenges of life.

I’ve never been exposed to horses, ranches or cowboys. Growing up in the suburbs of Paris with museums, cultural events and gourmet restaurants, could not be further from a cowboy’s lifestyle, yet Buck showed me the human side of horses and an understanding of how they can teach us so much about our own insecurities, problems and character flaws.

Buck Brannaman explains that a horse views a human tossing a saddle on his back much the way he would view a lion attack. He has a way of explaining to some doubting horse owners, who attend his clinics, his techniques which are all based on love and not punishment.

“Your horse is a mirror of you. Some may not like what they see. Some might.”

His no nonsense advice reminds me of the approach that Dr. Phil takes with those who seek help on his show. Buck shows us that raising horses is like raising children, they need guidelines and sometimes “tough love” is also required to build trust and mutual respect. Trying to bribe a horse with carrots and sugar leads to a spoiled, unresponsive horse, the same argument can be made for that type of parenting approach.

Strangely enough, you never see Buck whisper; he just snaps and waves a couple of red flags to convince the animal he cares about them. He has the ability to control any horse, even the feistiest and most deadly horses, and manages to appease them by remaining calm and non-threatening.

Buck is equally successful in his interaction with people and he holds clinics all over the West to show owners and trainers how to tame the liveliest colts. The movie shows his loving relationship with his wife and daughter, who performs at rodeos with him two months out of the year.

Buck’s turnaround was in great part due to the love he received from his foster mother. She is a delightful old lady who raised Buck with all the love that he didn’t receive from his own dad. Her love for Buck is obvious and what struck me as a major learning lesson in this film is just how much a parent can influence a child’s life into adulthood. I sensed that everyone watching the film was thinking about two things:

  • their childhood and the choices they have made as adults.
  • their parenting skills.

Have you seen the movie? Please share your thoughts even if you haven’t seen Buck.

 Photo credit Buck Brannaman

How can I turn my passion into a job?

July 14, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Alissa Everett photo

 How many of us dream of getting paid for something we love to do?

Lets take a look at Alissa Everett’s adventure. Ever since she was a kid, she wanted to be a National Geographic, photographer. Like many, she grew numb in her ‘cubicle’ job working 100 hours a week, and applied to business school “because that’s what everyone else was doing,” she said.  After looking at what it would cost to study something she wasn’t even passionate about, she decided to toss her acceptance letters and save her money. Instead, she took time off to think, and do what she loved:  snapping photos while backpacking in Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, and Burma.

The 2003 invasion of Iraq was a turning point for Everrett.  She decided “to go where the news was happening,” hoping that this would help her get her photos published.  She happened to be in the right place at the right time and showed her photos to an NBC producer who ran them on Dateline. Everrett has continued her photography career with her own twist: a desire to capture the more mundane human dramas such as a rape victim refugee starting a sewing business in the Congo. “I’m drawn to under-the-radar stories that have passion, hope, and optimism,” she says, and her goal is to tell the stories of people who can’t. (You can read her full story on page 36, of the August 2011 issue of The Oprah Magazine, by Bill Fink.)

Although I haven’t met Alissa Everett in person, I’ve met several people who succeeded in turning their passion into a career like  Pamela Slim, EscapeFromCubicleNation.com , a seasoned business coach, author and professional speaker who helps frustrated employees in corporate jobs break out of their business. Karen Walrond, a former engineer who is now an author and a photographer and wrote, The Beauty of Different, “a book that will convince you that the thing that makes you different might just be your superpower.”

So how do you know  if you have enough passion to turn it into a business? Is there a business you’ve been dying to start for years?  One way to find out is to ask yourself this question: Can I do this for 15 hours a day, seven days a week? If your answer is “Yes,” you know that you have found a passion that you could possibly turn into a business. According to personal finance expert, Suze Orman, it takes this level of commitment, energy and perseverance to get a business up and running.

Jen Lemen and Andrea Scher developed the concept of Mondo Beyondo dreams. I heard them speak at the World Domination Summit in Portland, Oregon in June 2011.  They asked people, “What are you dreaming for yourself?” and started this series of Mondo Beyondo classes which you can sign up for on their website.

Here’s what I learned from their presentation.

  • Trust: Whatever you dare say out loud.
  • Courage: Take tiny brave steps.
  • Vulnerability: Is that wobbly space, you’re not sure it will act out.
  • Intuition: Listen to your heart
  • Flexibility/Openness: Look at life in a new way

So as I continue forging ahead on my path of writing, blogging, learning and becoming a motivational speaker, hopefully with the necessary ingredients stated by Suze Orman’s of 15 hours a day/7 days a week, well almost, I ask you to please share what you or someone you know is doing to become the person you’ve always wanted to be. If you’ve already turned your passion into a career, we’d love to hear what you do.

 

 

Is Work/Life Balance a Myth?

July 11, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

 Work/Life Balance

 How often do you hear about the importance of finding balance in your life? And what exactly does that mean?

We hear “experts” talk about the secret to achieving the perfect work/life balance as though there’s a “magic formula” hidden in some secret cave that some people have access to but most of us are struggling to grasp.

What if I told you that secret doesn’t exist.

Take Barbara Walters for example, a highly successful career woman.  In Dr. Lafair’s article, “Does Being Gutsy Activate Being Guilty,” Walters admits there is a tricky balance between work and family. As a Gutsy woman, Walters put it succinctly when she said “Just do not expect balance.”

Obviously if you place too much emphasis on family, your work suffers, and if your work takes priority your family suffers.

It’s almost as if the work/life balance can only be achieved once you take work out of the equation, or raising a family out of the equation. Am I oversimplifying? Perhaps, but why are we so focused on defining everything and questioning whether our work/life balance conforms to the magic formula?

I think the problem stems from guilt, especially the guilt women express when they have a full-time job and are raising a family. A friend of mine has three children and a very successful career. I envied the fact that she always seemed in control of her work and her kids’ activities until one day she confessed, “I feel like a failure as a wife, a mother and at my job. I can never give 100% of myself to any of my roles.”

Women are experts at feeling guilt, why is that?

Dr. Lafair, the author of Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns That Limit Success brings up the issue of women and guilt and suggests that women have an  intimate relationship with guilt.

“It is harder for us to compartmentalize emotions and thus we worry about how our behavior impacts family, friends, community and with the worry comes self-doubt.”

So I asked my husband, “Do men feel the same guilt as women when it comes to balancing work and family?”  His response:

“Men feel it too, but the expectation is different.”

Some of you may disagree with his statement, but even today, where women are often the major bread-winners, most men still feel a sense of wanting to provide for their family. What do you think?

Some men manage to step out of their “crazy” corporate life when they realize their whole life revolves around work, and they rarely see their kids.  Take Nigel Marsh for example.  In a previous post I wrote about his views on How to Achieve the Perfect Work/Life Balance. He quit his high pressured corporate job in an advertising agency to stay home with four young children.

I think when we feel overwhelmed we realize that we’ve lost that sense of balance which is a personal thing, not a one-size fits all magical formula. I also believe that Barbara Walters suggestion to “Just do not expect balance,” is quite liberating especially for us women who  have a tendency to feel guilty.

I’d love to hear your thoughts from both women and men on this topic.

 

 

How I made my blog welcome video

July 7, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Most of us are nosy and like to know more about the person behind the blog or website we’re reading.

There are several ways we can do this: check out their About Page, look for photos of the person so we feel a little more connected, and then there’s a welcome video.

My husband's Sony F3 CameraMy Husband’s Sony F3

When I visit a new blog, I’ll always click on their welcome video first if I see one.  It makes me feel more connected to the person when I know who’s writing the blog, plus I get to hear their voice.

We all like videos and Gideon Shalwick , an expert on online video marketing, offers these tips on how to make a video at home.

Let me share what I went through to help you avoid the mistakes I made.

Unless you’re an experienced actor (which I’m not) it takes tons of practice to:

  • Be yourself
  • Know what you want to say
  • Make it look easy

Then there’s the question of equipment and lighting. My husband, Duke, has a professional Sony F3 camera (see photo above) and lighting.  In his spare time he shoots movies and is editing one right now. I’m promoting his website Green Sign Media to thank him for putting up with the number of times I forgot my lines and messed up.

The more you practice, the better you sound. Unfortunately in my case it took forever.  I practiced 4 hours for video # 1 and another 5 hours to make my own video #2 with my Flip camera.

It’s difficult to feel natural when your spouse is watching you, so I decided to try my own version in our 95F degree sauna (garage) without ventilation. After several takes, I noticed how drenched I looked and had to cover up my face with more powder. A fan was out of the question: too noisy.
Video #1

My Tiny Flip Camera used for Video # 2

Video #2

Now for some reason, uploading video # 2 to YouTube, shows a mug shot distorted picture  and despite the 3 options YouTube offers, I have no idea why I can’t get the video to start with a different photo.

Please let me know if you prefer Video #1, Video #2, or should I try again?

Have you made a welcome video for your blog? Are you interested in making one?

On July 8th, Bob Lowry from Satisfying Retirement is posting my guest interview called: “Into the Unknown: A Gutsy Lady tells her Story.”  I hope you join Bob and me on his blog so we can interact.

Bob has a wonderful free e-book called, “Countdown to Retirement.” Whether you are several years from retirement, or the big day is just around the corner, the 23 pages of useful and insightful information will help you make the smoothest transition.

It takes guts to be the first follower

July 4, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Derek Sivers

I may be one of the few who had not heard of Derek Sivers’ video about the importance of the first follower. What caught my attention was the simplicity and honesty of his 3-minute TED talk.

1). A leader needs the guts to stand alone and look ridiculous.

2). It takes guts to be a first follower! The first follower transforms a lone nut into a leader.

3). The 2nd follower is a turning point: three is a crowd and a crowd is news.

4). Once you get 2 more, then 3 more, you’ve got momentum, and the start of a movement.

“Leadership is over-glorified,” according to Derek. It’s the first follower that transforms a lone nut into a leader.

Derek points out that we are told we all need to be leaders but that would be highly ineffectual.

His conclusion is, “You find a lone nut doing something great, have the guts to be the first person to stand up and join in.”

Since I started blogging three years ago, I’ve discovered many leaders I admire, however, as far as becoming the first follower, I don’t think I ever have. Now if I was lucky enough to discover ” a lone nut doing something great,” I wouldn’t hesitate to become his/her first follower.

Have you had the guts to stand up and join in something great?

Please share.

 

 

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