Let’s talk about work-life balance with best-selling author,
renowned CEO and performance coach, Nigel Marsh.
When Nigel turned 40, he decided to step back from the work force and spend a year at home with his wife and four young children. “I found it quite easy to balance work and life when I didn’t have any work. Not a very useful skill, especially when you’re not making money,” he says. He then returned to work and spent the past seven years, studying the work/life balance, and came up with four observations.
Four Observations on work/life balance
1). If society is to make progress we need an honest debate. The core issue is that certain jobs and career choices are fundamentally incompatible with being meaningfully engaged on a day to day basis with a young family.There are 1,000’s of people working long hours at jobs they don’t like to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like.
2). Governments and corporation aren’t going to solve the issues for us. It’s up to us as individuals to take control and design the life you want. It’s important that you never put the quality of your life in the hands of a commercial corporation. Commercial companies are inherently designed to get as much out of you as they can get away with. It’s in their DNA. We have to be responsible for setting and enforcing the boundaries that we want in our life.
3). We have to be careful with the time frame that we chose upon which to judge our balance. We need to be realistic. You can’t do it all in one day.
We need to elongate the time frame without falling into the trap of thinking
I’ll have a life when:
- I retire.
- My kids have left home,
- My wife has divorced me,
- My health is failing.
- I’ve got no mates or interests left.
A day is too short; after I retire is too long. There has got to be a middle way.
4). We need to approach balance in a balanced way. Other parts to life are:
- The intellectual side
- The emotional side
- The spiritual side
To be balanced we need to attend to all areas.Nigel tells a story about spending time with one of his four kids. He took Harry to a park, then to eat pizza. Back home he gave him a bath, read him a story and tucked him into bed. As Nigel left Harry’s room, Harry said, “Dad,this has been the best day of my life. EVER.”
“I hadn’t done anything. Hadn’t taken him to Disneyworld or bought him a PlayStation,” Nigel remarked.
Nigel points out that small things do matter.“Being more balanced doesn’t mean dramatic upheaval in your life. With the smallest investment in the right places, you can radically transform the quality of your relationships and the quality of your life. Moreover, I think it can transform society.””We can change society’s definition of success away from the moronically simplistic notion that the person with the most money when he dies wins,to a more thoughtful and balanced definition of what a life well lived looks like.”
“And that I think, is an idea worth spreading.”
So what are your questions or comments for Nigel?
I highly recommend his book, Fat, Forty and Fired. I shall post his responses to your questions in a future blog post. (Nigel has a deadline for his upcoming book.)
I highly recommend his book, Fat, Forty and Fired. I shall post his responses to your questions in a future blog post. (Nigel has a deadline for his upcoming book.)
Thanks so much for your interest on this fascinating topic of work- life balance.
I agree with Nigel wholeheartedly! What most people – especially kids – want and need is to be seen and listened to and really heard. This can only be achieved via quality time…
I work at home a lot – luckily my workplace is very flexible – so that my kids can have short days at school – and I also don't work full-time because now matters!
We do need an honest debate.
One of the real killers is the amount of unpaid overtime people are expected to work, so managers can show that are doing "more with less," as mandated by those further up the corporate chain. If you're not prepared to work unpaid overtime, there are lots of unemployed people who can replace you.
Ya'll let me know if ya ever find that perfect balance. I am retired Special Ed. and I pictured myself with extraordinary time to write, read books and dote upon my 'me' time. Then real life slapped me in the face, hard baby. I tell ya I had more free time when I was teaching and had children at home then I do now.
The Ponderosa is a busy place and requires much of my time. Throw in the MIL I watch over and eight grandkiddos I can't seem to find the time to do the things I retired for. Go figure!!!!
God bless ya and have the most incredible day!!!
Great read my friend :o)
@ladyfi
It sounds like you've found a great balance in your life, and I know from your blog, you're very involved with your children.
@Rob-bear
I agree with you that many do work extra hours without pay, especially now as they're afraid of losing their jobs. Thanks for your comment.
@Nezzy
I almost used Google translator. Just kidding. Anyway, sounds like you need to retire from your busy retired life. I'm sure you're enjoying life though. Good to hear from you. Thanks.
Great video. My favorite part is when he says “Its up to us as individuals to take control and responsibility for the type of lives we want to lead. If you don’t design your life, someone else will.” This really resonates with me. I see so many people unhappy with their work-life, yet they sit and expect that someone other than themselves will solve the problem. Its really kind of sad. Everyday we should be doing one thing to create the life we want.
Lucky are the people who find work that is their bliss, but who are still able not to work day and night, and make the choice to also balance their passion with family life if they've chosen to have one.
I'm wondering if the biggest problem is our lack of awareness, not really looking at our situation and not consciously making choices.
If we are conscious of our time and our priorities, there are usually ways to find more and better balamce. We are not always as trapped as we think we are.
Yoga helps!
@Life Miner
Thanks for watching. I agree with you, but I also think Nigel and Rob-bear are right that corporations overwork you and can easily replace you. I do like Chris Guillebeau's concept of: "The Art of Non-Conformity" though http://chrisguillebeau.com
@Miss Footloose
You bring up a very good point. And perhaps, FEAR, is what stops many people from taking the steps to change.
@25BAR
Yes, yoga: something I have to start. Thanks.
To some extent Nancy and I have done this, so many of our friends had their self identities tied to their jobs, once they left their job, the identity remained behind as well and they felt lost.
We retired early to be able to spend more time with our kids, grandkids and pursue other dreams. There was a big financial cost for us to do so, though.
What concerns me, and perhaps a question for Nigel; families who are at or below the poverty level, such aspirations are nearly impossible to employ. If you are working two or three jobs just to make the minimum amount to live, no health care, no paid time off, how does one escape the trap which Nigel describes?
@Robert the Skeptic
That's an excellent question for Nigel. Thanks, Robert and I shall make sure I send it to him. Not sure when he'll answer, as he has a book deadline, but I shall let you know.
I'm interested in what you said about you and Nancy retiring early to spend more time doing the things you want to do. Have you posted on that? I'd love to read about it.
"There are 1,000’s of people working long hours at jobs they don’t like to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like." I agree with this – and with the rest of the article. I would add that reining in one's acquisitiveness might also help the environment. And second, that in discussing these issues we must be aware that for every 1,000 people mentioned in the quote above there are probably 10,000 people working just as hard and only scraping enough to keep body and soul together – they don't have the luxury to even think about spending more time with their families, they're just desperate to feed them and keep them in school.
@Louise
The quote you mentioned about 1,000's of people also stood out for me. Just like Robert, you brought up an interesting point regarding those who are just scraping by and don't have the luxury of even thinking about spending more time with family. Good to hear from you Louise. Thanks.
Back in the days when I was working long hours, I often wondered if I'd survive. I did, thank goodness, but it took me a couple of years after retirement before I began writing and doing the other stuff I'd always wanted to do. Nigel is right. Don't delay.