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Had I caused him to turn to drink?

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Ginger

No Genie in The Bottle

“My Gutsy Story®”-Ginger Simpson

 

I married my high school sweetheart and expected to spend eternity together. He worked as a police sergeant, and I spent my days as an Academic Counselor. Like most couples, I thought we had a perfect marriage–the average American family, two kids, two cars, two careers. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. One of our sons was grown and married, and the other just graduated high school. And then after thirty-two years, the proverbial crap hit the fan. I’m not sure how, or more importantly, why, but my husband found something he loved more than me, Jack Daniels.

Photo on 4-19-14 at 12.48 PM-1

At first the occasional drink didn’t concern me, but when his JD over ice became a nighttime ritual, I decided it was time for a talk. I told him I didn’t understand how a non-drinker suddenly became one who imbibed regularly. I tried to make him see how insecure his drinking made me feel. I offered to go for counseling but he insisted everything was fine. Of course, I continually asked him if I was the reason he turned to alcohol, but his answer was always ‘no’–he was completely happy and only drank to take the edge off his day. He promised to stop, but what he actually meant was he wouldn’t leave the booze where I could find it. Yet, every cabinet I opened had a bottle inside (some filled, some half empty), even the peg boards in the garage had JD hidden behind them, yet he insisted he didn’t have a problem.

Even when forced by his supervisor to go for rehab, he lied and told me he’d volunteered to go for us, but I later discovered the program wasn’t his choice. He either went or was forced into retirement. So, yet another lie to placate me.

Wanting someone to change isn’t enough. They have to WANT the change, and he obviously didn’t. I don’t think he believed I was strong enough to honor my threats of leaving. His ten-day rehab proved a waste of time that didn’t kill his desire to drink but made him a tearful drunk. He obviously got in touch with his emotions but only exposed them when he drank to excess.

At a time when I was looking forward to midlife security and being proud of our achievements as a couple, I had to decide if living in continued fear of what I’d find when I walked inside the front door was worth it. I’d already found him passed out, with a cigarette smoldering in the carpet and the house in disarray more times than I could count. Our youngest son had long ago stopped asking his friends over because his dad didn’t grasp the concept we all shared the same home. Our feelings ceased to matter.

The day I came home and found my husband…this man I had loved for so many years, passed out, naked, and soaked in urine, his usual cigarette burning yet another hole in the carpet we couldn’t afford to replace, was the day I decided to make the change. I couldn’t stand one more minute questioning my own integrity. Had I caused him to turn to drink? I went to an Al-Anon meeting and listened to stories like mine, but no one there had solutions. Others continued to live in the same hell, day after day, but I knew I couldn’t. Choices are pretty limited when you’re faced with a difficult one. If someone refuses to change, your only option is to remove yourself from the situation. I’d moved right from my parent’s house to a duplex I shared with my new husband, so I’d never lived alone. Could I find the inner strength I needed?

Starting over at forty-nine wasn’t an easy decision. Somehow, I mustered my determination, packed some clothes and walked out, leaving him with the house I once loved, and everything except the few things I needed. Luckily, I had shared my story with a co-worker who gave me a key to her house and told me she had an extra room. I took her up on the offer. Living in one bedroom, surrounded by nothing that belonged to me was hell. I don’t know which was worse–my living arrangements or still trying to work things out in my head.

I’d tried to make my husband understand that love is comprised of trust and respect, and every time he lied or I saw him in a repulsive state, the loss of trust and respect chipped away at that emotion. I’d often wondered about the saying “I love him but I’m not ‘in love’ with him,” because it didn’t make sense to me. Suddenly, I knew what those words meant, but not out of want.

God granted me sisters for moral support, and one, gratefully, for financial. With her help, I was able to get into my own apartment for the first time in my life and see what being independent was truly like.

Once our house sold, my husband relocated to the apartments next door to mine. I tried several times to tell him I was moving on without him, but he apparently didn’t believe me–or didn’t want to. In desperation, I put my feelings in writing, and explained I couldn’t help him heal. In my written plea, I also told him I wished him well, would always care for him, but in order to open new doors, I had to close the old ones. That was my determining moment–picturing him standing on the other side while I moved blindly into a new life, not knowing what to expect. That decision was the most frightful I’ve ever made. Sometimes, the unions we think are the best are missing elements we don’t realize until we seize the moment and make a change. It was the most difficult, gusty move I’ve ever made, but it worked out for the best.

Ginger and her second husband
Ginger and her second husband

GINGER SIMPSON BIO:

In 2002, Ginger Simpson decided to attempt writing her own novel, and in 2003 her first offering, Prairie Peace, was published. Since then, she’s dabbled in other genres but always seems to migrate back to her favorite historical era. As all authors continue to learn through the process, so has Ginger, and her debut novel has been recently released with a new cover and title, Destiny’s Bride. Although her biggest dream has been saying ‘yes’ when someone asked if her book was at Walmart, she’s happy with the progress of ebooks, but after repeated questions, she recently tucked one of her books into her coat and smuggled it into Walmart just so she could take a photo of it on their best-selling shelf.  She never said it had to stay for long. http://www.gingersimpson.com

Please join her on Twitter @mizging

Facebook

Ginger has several books on Amazon. Check out her Author Page.

SONIA MARSH SAYS: The phrase that struck me in your inspiring story is:

“Wanting someone to change isn’t enough. They have to WANT the change.”

This applies to everything in life, and I am also sad to see how women so often “blame” themselves when something is not right.

“I continually asked him if I was the reason he turned to alcohol.”

Thanks for sharing your “My Gutsy Story®” story and the fact that you left, and started a new life after 30-some years will help other women in the same situation

 

MGS FINAL COVER Small
Click on cover to go to Amazon

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

Please leave your comments for Ginger. She’ll be over to respond.

  1.  Also, please check our next “Gutsy Google Hangout” and interview with Kathy Pooler, on May 1st at 9 a.m., PST. “What You Really Need to Know About Writing a Book in 2014.” Sign-up here.
  2. Sign-up for our next Workshop on May 4th, from 2-4 p.m. at “Total Wine” in Laguna Hills. “How to Market Your Books Creatively and Get Results.”
  3. Next “Gutsy Webinar” on May 30th at 9 a.m. PST “Everything You Need to Know About Formatting e-books and Why Metadata is Important.” Jason Matthews, expert on e-books will be presenting with me. Reserve your seat TODAY.

Authors Need to Become Entrepreneurs and Focus on Their Brand

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business dog typewriter­­­­­­­­­­­­
Authors Need to Become Entrepreneurs and Focus on Their Brand:
6 Steps to Becoming a Successful Authorpreneur

A Detailed Look at Step One: Pre-Publication

 

I believe we are fortunate to be writing and publishing books in this day and age. With so many options available to us, we can make ourselves visible to readers, both online and offline. We can promote our brands without spending a dime. Notice how I used the term “promote our brand” rather than “promote our book.” How come? Well, indie (independent) or self-published authors have to become entrepreneurs if they wish to sell their books in book stores, Costco and other large retail stores.

At the February 2014 IBPA (Independent Book Publishers Association) “Publishing University” conference in San Francisco, publishers, agents and book marketing experts repeated the following:

  • The Author is the Brand
  • The Book is the Product
  • Author’s build fans with their Brand, not their Book

Most authors would prefer to stay home and write rather than market and promote their books. Some authors believe that the way to get readers to buy their books is to say, “Buy my book.” Unfortunately neither method is successful in building an audience of fans, potential readers or “customers.”

With the dramatic increase in indie-published books, it is crucial for all indie-authors to step-up to the competition, and to view themselves as entrepreneurs, rather than just writers.

If we look at statistics, Bowker reveals that the number of self-published titles in 2012 jumped to more than 391,000, up 59 percent over 2011. Add to that the number of traditionally published books, and we are now competing against 600,000 to 1,000,000 new books published each year.

According to Beat Barblan, Bowker Director of Identifier Services:

“The most successful self-publishers don’t view themselves as writers only, but as business owners. They invest in their businesses, hiring experts to fill skill gaps.”

As an indie author, publisher and now a “gutsy” book publishing and marketing coach, I’d like to share what’s worked for me, and what I encourage writers to think about when they start their journey towards becoming a published author.

Since most of us are not celebrities with tons of fans, press opportunities and a full-time publicist to book us on national TV shows, our biggest problem is:

  • Discoverablility (Another popular term mentioned at the (IBPA) conference. As the experts mentioned:
  • It’s easy to write a book
  • The hard part is selling the book.

So the question we need to ask ourselves is:

How can we publish and market our books professionally, on a small budget?

I’m happy to inform you that there is a solution:

  • You do everything you can to become your own professional marketing department and your own public relations agency while keeping those high standards of professionalism.

 

Step 1-Pre-Publication

Start marketing the minute you write the first word of your manuscript. I realize this may sound a little crazy, but this is the way to build your platform before your book is published. Marketing guru, Seth Godin, recommends starting your blog at least three years before you publish.

In the following weeks/months, I shall cover:

  • Step 2-Writing/Editing
  • Step 3-Publishing
  • Step 4-Marketing
  • Step 5-Promotion
  • Step 6-What Next?

I shall fly out to Philadelphia to speak about this topic. Please join me and register below.

May 8th, Workshop on “The Author Entrepreneur: How to Build a Platform and Sell Books.”

May 8th, 6:30-8:30 p.m.

Fairfield Inn, Exton, PA 19341 (MAP)

Sponsored by, “Women’s Writing Circle.”

Click here to Register

Sonia Marsh is the award-winning author of the travel memoir Freeways to Flip-Flops: A Family’s Year of Gutsy Living on a Tropical Island and founder of the “My Gutsy Story®” series. The first anthology in that series, My Gutsy Story® Anthology: True Stories of Love, Courage and Adventure From Around the World, was a silver honoree in the 2013 Benjamin Franklin Digital Awards.

Sonia offers “gutsy” book coaching to authors, as well as Webinars and Workshops. Contact her at: sonia@soniamarsh.com or visit her website: https://soniamarsh.com. Subscribe to her free “Gutsy” newsletter and receive two bonus prizes.

 

 

The Impact of One Teenage Friend Who Cared

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BennyWasserman

A Teenager Who Cared
“My Gutsy Story®” Benny Wasserman

“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

For many years I told people a book by Jack London turned my life aroun¬d. It turns out the teenager who gave me that book was more important than the book itself. In the end it was this high school friend, whose faith in me changed the course of my life.
My father was fifty-two when I was born. He was a poor, Polish immigrant who could hardly speak Eng¬lish. When I was seven years old my mother committed suicide. My father physically and verbally abused me most of my childhood years. What¬ever re¬spect I had for him was out of fear.
From the time I was eight years old I had some kind of a job. Everything from sweeping floors, paper routes, working in a bakery, driving delivery trucks, and by the time I was twenty I was working in a slaughter house killing cows.
Although I’m ashamed to admit it, I was also involved in criminal activities which could have resulted in prison sentences. Fortunately my life turned around before I ever got caught. I don’t paint this picture of my youth for sympathy. I do so to show what a high school friend was dealing with when he tried to have some positive influence on me. He was dealing with a func¬tional illiterate who had no self-esteem or self-worth.
Now for the part of this story that has meant so much to me for the past forty-six years.
What is important about this story is not how much time I spent with my high school friend, but the incredible compas¬sion and faith he had in me. I had no idea at that time that another teen¬ager would become so concerned about my future. I now be¬lieve that what he did for me during the follow¬ing eight year period was just part of his benevo¬lent and charit¬able nature.
It all began when I was sixteen years old in my friend’s backyard. We had just finished playing stick-ball. I was about to get on my bike to go home, when he told me to wait a minute. He ran into his house, came back out, and handed¬ me a book to take home to read. All he said was, “see if you like it.” I said noth¬ing.
Nobody had ever loaned me a book to read. I took it home, kept it for a couple of weeks, and than returned it — unread. He never asked me if I liked it or not. If he did, I would have made something up. There was no way I was going to read a book.

During the following two years he loaned me three more books. It never occurred to me why he was loaning me these books, and I never asked. I never read any of them.
Before my friend went off to college, he asked me which college I was going to. After telling him I wasn’t going, he asked me why not. I told him because my father couldn’t afford the $75 for tuition. He than asked, “is that it?” I said, “yes.” Of course, I lied. I had no intention of going to college. I still hated school with a passion.
The following day my friend knocked on my door at home and handed me a check for $75 signed by his father. He said, “I think that should do it.” I could only shake my head in disbelief. What could I say, except thank you.
Two years later, on a college break, my friend came to visit me. He asked, “How’s school?” My face turned red as a beet. I had quit college three months after I enrolled. I told him that it just didn’t work out.
By then I was working in a slaughter house killing cows. It was 1954 and I was twenty years old. My friend suggested I join the Army for a couple of years to sort things out. So that’s what I did. Unfortunately I came out of the Army with no more vision of what I wanted to do with my life than before I went into the Army.
As a result of the training I had in the Army, and the GI Bill, I was able to attend an unaccredit¬ed trade school for Radio and Televison Repair.
At the age of twenty-four I got married. Although my friend was unable to attend the wedding, he sent us a strange wedding gift: A book! In¬scribed inside this book were the words, “To the Wasserman’s on Their Wedding Day.” That was it!
With the encouragement of my wife, it took me two years to read the book. Each time I learn¬ed the mean¬ing of a new word, and there were 747 of them, my self-esteem and self-worth took a giant leap forward. My life was never to be the same again.

Slowly but surely I became addicted to reading. My new found fascination with learning would never end. This experience was not only responsible for me becoming an aero¬space engineer for thirty-five years, but more importantly it led me to other books which were respon¬sible for allowing me to raise my children so dif¬ferently than the way I was raised. I was able to break the cycle of violence. And all of my children have advanced degrees.

JackLondonCover

Oh yes, the book was “MARTIN EDEN,” by Jack London. And that high school teen¬age friend, who never lost his faith in me, was Carl Levin, who is presently serving his sixth term as a U.S. Senator from my home state of Michigan.

Benny Wasserman and U.S. Senator Carl Levin

 

BENNY WASSERMAN was born and raised in Detroit, Mich.  Graduated Central High in 1952. He was in the U.S. Army 1954-56.  Trade school – Radio and TV Repair  1954-1956. He got his AA degree Pierce College.  Attended UCLA with a major in Sociology. Benny married in 1958, and has three sons (one physician and  two attorneys).  He has nine grand-children.

Benny was an Aerospace technician, Engineer, and Manager (1958-1992). He retired at age 58.

Benny Wasserman became Einstein impersonator – 1992 to present.

Benny as Einstein impersonator
Benny as Einstein impersonator

Published book, Presidents Were Teenagers Too in 2007.  Journal writer since 1985 – 10,700 pages ( page a day)  Completed autobiography Circumstances Beyond My Control.

BennyCover
Click on cover to go to Amazon page

Recently submitted parenting memoir, How Imperfect Parents Raised Perfect Children.

Please follow Benny Wassserman on the following sites:

Twitter — @prezwereteens2
Yes, my book, Presidents Were Teenagers Too, can be found on Amazon and in six presidential gift shops around the country including the Richard Nixon Presidential Museum and Library in Yorba Linda, CA.
Autographed books can also be ordered from me directly for $10 plus shipping. E-mail Benny Wasserman for your copy: Wassben@aol.com
SONIA MARSH SAYS: Benny, your story makes us realize the impact that one person can have on our life. I so admire what your friend, Carl Levin, did for you and how you became an author, after being illiterate as a young man. What a beautiful story of compassion, and perseverance. Thank you for sharing your amazing life journey through struggle and raising a successful family of your own.

REMEMBER TO VOTE for your favorite March 2014 “My Gutsy Story®.” VOTING ends on April 16th.

The WINNER will be announced on April 17th. 13th.

 

MGS FINAL COVER Small
Click on cover to go to Amazon

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

 

PLEASE VOTE AND SHARE THESE STORIES USING THE LINKS BELOW.

Don’t Get Stuck in the Web – Avoiding Website Pitfalls

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iStock_000020317207Small

 

If you want to become a professional author, you need to invest in your website. This is your own piece of “online real estate,” which showcases your brand, your writing, and helps you build an audience of fans.

At the IBPA (Independent Book Publishers Association) Publishing University conference in San Francisco, presenters talk about the need for writers to develop their brand, and build an audience of fans and followers. They all mentioned that professional authors use web-hosted WordPress websites/blogs, and I think it’s time we spoke to an expert who can answer our questions.

My author friend, Angela Ackerman, with her successful blog, Writers Helping Writers, joined my FaceBook group: Gutsy Indie Publishers (please join if you want free help with your blogging, publishing, marketing questions) and introduced me to her tech guy, Jay Donovan.

I shall be interviewing expert Jay Donovan from Techsurgeons.com who will answer the following questions and others during this Webinar.

In this presentation you will learn:

  • How to start your author website
  • What you need to know about selecting domain names
  • Whether you need a web-designer for a WordPress.org blog
  • How to transfer from WordPress.com to WordPress.org
  • Why you should consider a transfer from Blogger.com to WordPress.org website
  • How to tell if your website is slow and how this can hurt you
  • Which plugins are most helpful to writers
  • How to make the best author website for you
  • ‘Pitfalls’-What to do if you’re not happy with your hosting company

RESERVE YOUR SEAT NOW- CLICKABLE LINK

 

Guest Tech Expert: Jay Donovan has been a geek since before geeks were cool. He’s done it all, from remotely debugging the Internet connection for a US aircraft carrier deployed to *REDACTED*, to being responsible for the servers & networks for one of the largest Internet sites in the world, and now the most challenging job of them all – parenthood.

Jay is an author groupie and is co-founder of TechSurgeons.  (TechSurgeons keeps my website running lightning fast. He’s trained as a Certified Ethical Hacker (yes, really!) and always uses his geeky powers for good.  When he’s not neck deep in wires and computer parts, you’ll find him hanging out on Twitter as @jaytechdad or on Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/jay.attechsurgeons

REGISTER HERE 

(Limited Seating)

Webinar on Friday April 18th at 9 a.m., PST.

ASK JAY YOUR QUESTIONS

 in the comments section below.

He will answer them during the Webinar.

You can also e-mail me the questions with QUESTION FOR JAY in the subject line.

E-mail to Sonia@SoniaMarsh.com

Subscribe to my free “Gutsy” newsletter and receive two bonus prizes. Check out my webinars  on topics related to blogging, publishing and marketing.

 

REMEMBER TO VOTE for your favorite March 2014 “My Gutsy Story®.” VOTING ends on April 16th.

The WINNER will be announced on April 17th. 13th.

 

MGS FINAL COVER Small

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

PLEASE VOTE AND SHARE THESE STORIES USING THE LINKS BELOW.

I’m an Expat Alien Who Had to Find My Way

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Kathy Gamble

Finding My Way Across Continents

“My Gutsy Story®” Kathy Gamble

I was born in Burma and grew up on five continents.   When I was 18, I went to college in the US, my passport country.  It was very difficult for me.  I was used to adjusting to new places and blending in but this time it was different. I looked and talked like an American but I had no knowledge of popular culture or how to identify with my fellow classmates.

My roommate had never been out of her home state except to go to college.  She spent her time telling wild high school stories.  I thought since she was telling her stories, I could tell mine.  That was a mistake.  “I learned to drink beer at the Hofbrouhous in Munich.  I skied at St Moritz.  I walked around the Parthenon and Knossos.”  Of course she could not process my stories and said I was a liar.  She told everybody I was a liar.  I was ostracized and if I tried to speak to any of the “group”, I was ignored.  I thought there was something wrong with me.  I could not understand why they were so strange and closed minded.

I was very naive about the US. I had been in multicultural environments my entire life. I knew there were bigoted people but I didn’t understand how it was manifested in society at large.  One day I went to lunch in the cafeteria and I saw a long empty table and I thought ‘I’ll sit there and then maybe I’ll meet some new people’.  Well, as the lunch progressed people sat around me but they were all black and none of them would speak to me.  The next day I commented on it to somebody and they told me that whites are not “allowed” to sit at that table.  It is for the black girls only. I thought they were kidding.  But they weren’t.  It was too bad because they surely had a very different experience from mine and I probably could have learned some things from them about their perspective of America.

Halfway through my freshman year an old friend from high school showed up for a visit and as soon as I saw him I knew everything was going to be all right.  He knew exactly what I was talking about and assured me I was not a crazy stupid idiot. Eventually I made other friends and things turned out okay.  However, I stopped telling my story.  To this day, I don’t volunteer anything about myself unless I know the other person’s story first.  Then I usually adapt mine to theirs in a way they can relate to it.

Twenty years later I ended up in Moscow, Russia.  My husband was a Russian American who grew up speaking Russian at home and had relatives in Moscow and St Petersburg.  He moved there in the 1990’s and decided to open his own business.  I moved to Moscow not knowing much about it and not knowing the language at all.  I landed there with no support system.  I was on my own.  My husband was working most of the time or out with his Russian buddies.

I was horribly unhappy at first but what I ended up doing, and what saved me, were two things.  I cooked and I wrote.  I made everything from scratch.  I often could not find what I was looking for so I improvised.  I poured over cookbooks.  My husband was always dragging people home for dinner – mostly Russians who were happy to eat anything I fed them.  I think I fed half of Moscow.  I was fearless.  Everybody was a potential guinea pig.  And then by a weird twist of fate I became the editor of the American Women’s Organization newsletter.

In the end it all came together and I edited, designed and produced the AWO Moscow cookbook.  By that time I was an old hand and everybody knew me.  I was satisfied and I was content.  I had carved out my new persona.

All those years growing up in places like Mexico and Nigeria taught me to have inner strength and to be creative.  We never had all the things we needed or wanted but we found ways to get around that.  If Christmas Trees were not available, we made one out of paper or cards or cloth.  We always made each other’s birthday cards.  We rarely had TV so we read, or played cards, or listened to music.  When we lived in Lagos I went to boarding school, so I didn’t have any friends to hang out with but there were always new things to see and experience and learn from all around me. I never felt lonely or bored.

We became such a tight family unit that it didn’t really matter.  I think that is why I had such a hard time in the beginning in Moscow and in college.  I didn’t have the support system people need in those situations.  Whether it is an old friend or a family member or a new friend who “gets” you, as long as there is somebody telling you, ‘No, you haven’t lost your mind’, it really helps.  But when there was no support system, I was able to find something I really loved to do and enjoyed the ride.  An open and curious mind always helps.

Kathleen Gamble was born and raised overseas and has traveled extensively. She started journaling at a young age and her memoir, Expat Alien, came out of those early journals. Expat Alien was published in 2012 and she recently published a cookbook, 52 Food Fridays, both available on Amazon.com. You can also follow her blog at ExpatAlien.com.

Please Follow Kathy on:

Kathy Gamble Book cover.jpg
Click on cover to go to Amazon

SONIA MARSH SAYS: Kathy, your story shows that travel makes us more open, and accepting of others. Your statement, “To this day, I don’t volunteer anything about myself unless I know the other person’s story first.  Then I usually adapt mine to theirs in a way they can relate to,” is a clear signal that in order to be “accepted” we have to try to “fit in.” This is something that applies to expats all over the world. Thank you for sharing your insightful story.

REMEMBER TO VOTE for your favorite March 2014 “My Gutsy Story®.” VOTING ends on April 16th.

The WINNER will be announced on April 17th. 13th.

 

MGS FINAL COVER Small
Click on cover to go to Amazon

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

 

PLEASE VOTE AND SHARE THESE STORIES USING THE LINKS BELOW.

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