One of the challenges I face while serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Lesotho, Africa, is when to give money and when not to. My views on this matter are constantly changing based on what I’ve learned during the last ten months.
Today I was put in a difficult situation. My host mother, Mary, whom I truly care for, asked me to visit her “sister.” Since Mary calls everyone in my village her “sister,” including me, I’m never sure who is a blood relative, and who isn’t.
This poor lady is 76-years-old, and due to the heavy rainstorm we had two days ago, the interior part of her wall fell onto her mattress.
She started crying, saying “Mathata, mathata,” (problem, problem) as I stood there not knowing what to say, except that she was fortunate it happened during the daytime, rather than at night. Even Mary said it would have crushed her ribs, had she been sleeping.
Since I’m already involved with a community development project: to fix the roof and wire the school in my village through the Peace Corps Partnership Program (PCPP), I get the impression my village believes I’m going to fix their houses as well.
What is frustrating is that I would like to help, but as a Peace Corps volunteer, we are not expected to “give” handouts. We are here to work on sustainable projects where the community participates by offering 25% of the cost, either through funding, or through their time and effort.
I felt guilty when I left this old lady’s house, so I tried to think of other options. I asked Mary why the young people in our village—most of whom don’t work or go to school—don’t help rebuild this lady’s wall.
“They want money,” she replies.
“But they’re not doing anything all day except sitting outside and watching people go by.”
“Yes, but they don’t want to work,” she replies.
I admit to being surprised since I see the older people in my community supporting one another.
“Does she have children who can help her?” I ask.
“Yes, but they don’t have jobs,” she replies.
“So why can’t they come out and help their mother?”
“They cannot afford a taxi to come out.”
“Can’t they hitchhike, or ask a friend to drive them who has a car?”
Mary shrugs.
I’m almost certain I was taken to the lady’s house to give money. This happens to me quite frequently and I have trouble understanding the conflicting messages I hear from the Basotho.
I’ve been told not to help. “Why?” I asked.
“Because once you help one person, the whole village will gossip, and then they want you to help everyone. It’s because of the color of your skin.”
I remember when Mary told me not to feed the orphan in my village who was begging. “If you feed him, you’ll have all the children asking for food.”
So during my ten months in Lesotho, I’ve followed the advice given to me by my host mother, even in the case of this poor lady. I’ve learned the harsh reality that it’s impossible to help everyone.
It’s a very hard and distressing “lesson” to learn.
I wonder what would have happened if you would have started cleaning up and asked if anyone could teach you the art of building a (new) wall. Would people have been “shamed” into getting the job done for that old lady? Or made excuses saying it takes money for materials?
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I’m not sure what would have happened, but they don’t use cement, only but mud and cow dung.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..When to Give Money and When Not To
Sounds like living in Mexico.. So frustrating. We tried to help people go to school, get jobs, etc and they didn’t want to do he work. My husband used to say being poor is a profession. It’s just a mentality. When we gave people things to help them (i.e. Coats when it was cold) they would sell them. Recently I was in southern Mexico and I was shocked to see the indigenous Indians in front of the stores begging, like the always are /were and they were all on cell phones!!???
Margot,
I’m hearing more and more people from developing countries telling me it’s the same where they live. Interesting!
Sonia Marsh recently posted..When to Give Money and When Not To
Ah, yes. This was a very difficult problem for me too when I lived in Third World China. The irony is that there isn’t one Chinese friend who isn’t far richer than I am now. I don’t think there is any really good way to deal with either the poverty around you, or your guilt when you don’t help.
I think you’re right Suellen.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..When to Give Money and When Not To
Sonia … I feel your discomfort. It was something I experienced regularly living in New York City, and then as I traveled around both Central America and Asia. You can’t help everyone, but when you usually meet someone needy just one at a time … and yet if give, the words spreads, and soon you become the victim.
A related issue is the practice. Twenty years ago, in the Dominican Republic, I was charged about 20 times more than the market price for “x” — until my Spanish improved enough to figure out what the going rate was. In that situation mangos were plentiful and white visitors were scarce, so the local market price was not affected. But all too often, “rich” foreign visitors who pay more actually cause prices to rise for the locals … there are many many examples of that today.
Mary,
I remember that problem in Belize, about tourists making the prices go up. I live in such a rural village with no tourists or shops though.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..When to Give Money and When Not To
Yes, that’s a truly uncomfortable situation, but once you give even a penny to one person the demands will soon escalate. Perhaps you could spare half and hour to help clear the rubble and make sure that nothing more will collapse on her? After that you need to tell hes children it is their responsibility to help their mother, particularly if they’re hoping someone will look after them when they get old. Families should pull together. Perhaps you need to do a bit of preaching on this subject.But don’t’ don’t, don’t hand over any cash.
People walk long distances in Lesotho, so why can’t her children walk to come and see her? They’ve nothing better to do.
Hang in there. 🙂
Ian,
Yes, they do walk long distances here. Did you have a tough learning experience when you were in West Africa, with giving money, and then others asking for more?
Sonia Marsh recently posted..When to Give Money and When Not To