New Life
“My Gutsy Story®” Laura McHale Holand
The Icelandair flight taxis down the runway. I peer out the window, a brown suede shoulder bag clutched to my chest. Moments later, the jet lifts off and zooms toward the clouds. New York City shrinks, the North American continent recedes, and it hits me: we’re crossing the Atlantic; there’s no turning back.
I open my bag to affirm the travelers checks, passport and open-ended return ticket are tucked where I last saw them—about a minute ago. Also inside is a note with the address of a friend of a friend in Switzerland, along with a list of Youth Hostels in Europe.
It’s 1973. I am twenty-three years old, and feel like my adult life so far has been a great big zero. No, scratch that. It’s been a negative number. I just left a man 13 years older than I am. A man I met when I was eighteen, and confused. A man I never loved but I married anyway because I thought I’d never be able to leave him. A man who recently threatened to kill me. That jolted me out the door, at last.
Now I am about to land in Luxembourg without a plan. I might be crazy; I don’t know. I’ve attended night school and I want to return to college full time. But when I think of sitting in a classroom with students several years younger than I am, I can’t imagine what I would say about myself. That I could have gone to college right out of high school, but I put it off, stumbled instead into things that ripped me apart and left me that way? That I allowed myself to be so completely controlled by someone that I often couldn’t even speak? That I don’t know if I deserve to have any hopes at all? Not exactly good ice-breaker material.
I want to create a new life, a different me. Flying to a continent where I don’t know a soul may be foolhardy. But I’ve heard that young people from all over the world hitchhike and ride trains throughout Europe, and the people there welcome them. I thought I’d give it a try.
I nap during the flight and then delve into The Teachings of Don Juan before the plane lands for a stopover in Reykjavik, Iceland. It’s 11 a.m. and pitch black when the other passengers and I deplane to explore the wares on sale in the airport store. I admire a brown lopapeysa-style sweater with a yoke of brown white and tan. A woman who looks about my age approaches and says, “Nice, huh.” The lenses of her wire-rimmed glasses are slightly fogged.
“Sure is, but it’s probably way too expensive for me.” I say.
“Me, too. Dan–the guy over there; he’s my boyfriend.” She points to a tall man with long, wavy red hair. He’s wearing a green parka and looking at a jewelry display–”Dan and I have about four hundred dollars to last us our whole trip.”
“I’ve got less than that, but there’s only one of me.” We both laugh.
“I’m Mags” She extends her hand.
“Laura.” I reach out, too, and we shake.
“Where are you headed when we land?” she asks.
“The Youth Hostel.”
“That’s where we’re going, Let’s go together.”
“Sounds good to me,” I say.
Dan looks up and motions for Mags to come over. “Oh, my guy’s up to something. I’ll see you later,” she says.
After we arrive in Luxembourg, Mags introduces me to Dan and three other young travelers she’s just met. We all pick up our backpacks and duffel bags and share a ride to the city, marveling at the breathtaking bridges we pass. Once we’re on the street, I find the address of the local Youth Hostel. Dan studies his map and picks a route. We march off but are soon lost.
“We should ask for directions,” Mags says. “Anyone speak French?”
I know a little French, but I’m sure someone in the group is more fluent than I am. After a long pause, I say, “I can try.”
I approach a tall woman with black hair and smiling eyes, “Excusez-moi, s’il vous plaît. Où est ‘lauberge de jeunessse?”
She replies with such speed I cannot understand her. I ask her to please speak slowly. She laughs and then drags out, “Allez tout droit pour un bloc, puis tournez à droite et il sera là.
I thank her and tell the group, we’re just a block away.
Mags grabs my hand and says, “You’re handy to have around.” She pulls me, skipping toward the hostel. I feel a little blush of pride.
In the morning, all those who bunked in the dorms gather over cafe au lait to talk about where we’ve been and where we’re going next. Mags and Dan are headed for Amsterdam. Two guys from Ohio are meeting friends in Paris. They ask me to join them. I recall staring at posters of Sacré Coeur and Montmartre during French class when I was in junior high. I opt for Paris.
The group of Ohioans and I become siblings for a few days. We buy croque monsieur sandwiches from street vendors, tour the Louvre, Musée d’Orsay, and all the landmarks I used to dream about as a child. We talk over French bread, cheese and wine long into the nights in our pension. Then they board a train to Marseilles, and I catch a ride with a Canadian family bound for Madrid. As I settle into a spot in the back of their VW van, a blue eyed preschooler offers me a bag of trail mix, “Wan’ some?” he asks.
“Sure.” I say. The van lurches forward. The boy tosses a roasted nut into my mouth. I toss a raisin into his. We continue our game as the van bounces along, and I realize my new life has begun.
LAURA MCHALE HOLLAND is a multifaceted storyteller and indie publisher, who has released two books: the flash fiction collection, The Ice Cream Vendor’s Song, and the award-winning childhood memoir, Reversible Skirt. Laura’s work has appeared in such publications as Every Day Fiction, Wisdom Has a Voice, several Vintage Voices anthologies, and the original San Francisco Examiner. Her prize-winning play Are You Ready? will be produced by Sixth Street Playhouse and Redwood Writers in May 2014. In all of her work, Laura strives to illuminate truths that are often hidden. Intrigued? Get her newsletter at http://lauramchaleholland.com.
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SONIA MARSH SAYS: I hope your gutsy story of seeking a new life helps someone take the plunge to do something bold and start over. Thanks for sharing your courageous story with us.
Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?
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Thank you Laura for your “My Gutsy Story.” I’m in Spain with a group of women who are very Gutsy.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..How I Started My New Life
It’s a pleasure to be featured here. Glad you’re in Spain with a Gutsy group!
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Laura, my life path locked out my window of opportunity for this sort of adventure. While I don’t regret my choices, I do wish I could have had it both ways. Reading stories like yours is the next best thing.
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading about my long ago adventure., Sharon. That is the wonderful thing about reading each other’s stories. We get to experience all kinds of things vicariously.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Great gutsy adventure! This is the kind of inspiration that young people need, but also for us older folks who could use a little shake up.
I’m always interested in memoirs and I’ll go check out yours later today.
Take Care,
Patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Memoir Monday 1
Thanks for your supportive comment, Patti. You’ve reminded me that a little shake up can do wonders at many junctures of our lives. It’s inspiring to be part of Sonia’s project. If you have any questions about my memoir I’ll be happy to answer them.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
A wonderful first chapter of your new life. Thank you for sharing, Laura.
Thonie Hevron recently posted..KCRB Interview
Thank you for your kind comment, Thonie. Maybe you’ll submit a story next ….
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Laura,
What bravery to step off the edge of your world and into a new one. You had the adventure many dreamed about … but never experienced. I’m in that category. Thanks for sharing it. I’d love to hear more.
Always a fan of your writing, Patrice
Thank you for the appreciation, Patrice. You may have followed a different path, but I know you’ve had many an inspiring adventure of your own. It’s fun swapping stories with you. I hope you send a story to Sonia, too.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Hi Laura,
How refreshing that you got to take this European adventure, and that you had the nerve to grab it and go. I’m impressed!
Clean, delicious writing. Thank you.
Skye
I love that you described my writing as clean and delicious, Skye. That is what I strive for. Now it’s your turn to send something to Sonia.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
As always, Laura captures the very essence of innocence and excitement with just the right amount of daring to make me tingle.
Oh, thank you, Jo. The thought that my long-ago dive into the unknown gives you a tingle has me smiling wide while here at my computer. I expect you’ve got something up your sleeve that will inspire many of us, too.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
I love whatever Laura McHale Holland writes, always gutsy and unexpected happenings.
Thank you, Linda. Your praise warms my heart. Perhaps this site will nudge you to begin another of your delightful writing projects, starting with 1,000 words to send in here. :o)
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Laura, great to hear how you left the husband! (Having read your wonderful Reversible Skirt, I know a few things! Waiting for its sequel (panting breath)!) Believe it or not, I followed almost an identical path 3 years later, in ’76 – also leaving a boyfriend I couldn’t seem to shake. Landed in Iceland, then Luxemburg, with a one-year open return ticket. I mostly hitchhiked, through Germany, Austria, Italy, Greece, France … ended up in the Middle East for a while … had many adventures. I look forward to hearing more of yours. How long did you stay? I made it five months, and it worked. I did not return to the boyfriend. He was with someone else when I got back.
Thanks for your supportive words, Marie. We’ll have to get together to share some of our adventures, and with your expertise in Depth Psychology, you can help illuminate what it all means. I just stayed about four months, a big chunk of which was on the beach at Agadir in Morocco. When I took the ferry back to Spain, it was like coming home compared with life in North Africa. Perhaps you’ll share some of your adventures here …
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Maybe I don’t have to take a trip to foreign soil to have a new beginning. I just hope to leave my health issues behind nowadays. I read and agree with the other comments. This was a story to relish, full of promise, and look where you are now! Sending love your way…
Thank you for the love and for saying mine is a story to relish—and full of promise, Mary. I sure hope your health improves rapidly. Your vision of the world is unique. We need to hear your stories, too, my friend (just don’t share any from our embarrassing high school days hahaha).
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Laura, I love the way you write your stories. I’m wondering if it has something to do with it reminding me of how I write my stories.
I had very similar “gutsy” stories when I traveled around Europe by myself (a great way to meet people, by the way) when I was 25. I did that for 9 months.
You can read some of my adventures and crazy, gutsy stories in my memoir, Beside Myself: Recovery From My Family Betrayal and Estrangement.
Maybe I’ll post one here?
Thank you, Pamela, for letting me know you, too, set off for Europe alone as a young adult. It’s such a wonderful experience to have in common. You’ve gotten me curious about your stories now. I’ll have to check out your book. And, yes, do send Sonia a story.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
I love how visual your writing is, Laura, and how seamlessly you shift from being in a time and place, to relaying your thoughts, emotions and history – and in so engaging a manner that I feel I’m there – experiencing the events, the people, the tastes, the sounds, the feelings. Thank you for your willingness to be truly seen and to reveal truths and insights, that resonate so deeply for me, and so many others.
Laurelai, your comment takes my breath away. Thank you so much. Comments like yours and others I’ve received here help me keep striving to write in a way that adds meaning to people’s lives.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
I love your story, Laura, and love your telling of your story! I have the feeling there have been many beginnings since then, that your gusty self has continued to stretch into unknown territory time and time again. I pray you never stop…
Wow, Jan. Thank you. I’m so grateful for your comment. I don’t usually think of myself as gutsy, but I believe I’m going to reassess that, and remember that you pray I never stop. Thanks again.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Nice writing – it made me so glad for you that you were gutsy enough to go, and makes me search for my own gutsiness.
Marie, your comment makes me happy I shared my story. I like thinking of you searching for and finding your own gutsiness!
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Laura, I hope this story finds its way to the hearts of young women, particularly those who might be struggling with similar circumstances. You clearly packed your free spirit along with your courage and determination! Well done.
The thought of being able to help others avoid pain or get out of bad situations is most comfotting, Brenda. Thank you for brining that up. I guess we never know the effect sharing something might have. Ripples, ripples, who knows where our stories might go and whom they might touch.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
(I meant “comforting” not “comfotting” but you probably knew that.)
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Here, here! I love your comment and completely have to second it.
Pamela Fender recently posted..Comment on About the Author by Dianne Jones
Thanks, Pameal!
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
A joy to read, your story lifted my spirits. I identified with your fear and your success and your connections. I loved the ending, sharing snacks with a kid.
One of my daughters traveled like that after graduating from college. Like you, she ended up in Europe with her flute, no money and no plan. She played on street corners for cash. Like your adventure, it was pivotal in her life.
Nicely written. Thanks for sharing. Charles
Charles, I love picturing your brave young daughter playing flute on street corners as she wends her way through Europe. I bet so many people were charmed by her. And thank you for appreciating my story. It moves me that reading it lifted your spirits.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
As always, a wonderful window into another world. I envy your gutsiness. Perhaps it was your earlier experiences (I still wonder how we could not have known…
Thank you, Lynda. I had been intimidated and depressed for so long, it was good to break free, at least for a little while. When I came home, I had to begin the really hard work of addressing the roots in childhood of all the insecurities and hangups that led me into a relationship that was so very far off track. Learning to be true to ourselves is a lifelong process. I don’t wonder how you couldn’t have known what Kathy, Mary Ruth and I were going through in our youth. I think it was too scary for us to talk about, even with each other, at the time. It’s so complex. There are all kinds of crazy reasons to keep things hidden.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Wow Laura, sure didn’t know this about you. It seems like a lot of young people headed for Europe after graduation. It never entered my mind but can’t wait to hear the rest of your adventure.
Thank you, Jerry. I am working on a sequel to Reversible Skirt. I’m pretty sure it’ll end just before the adventure I’ve described here, though, so it’ll be a while before I explore that stage of my life in memoir—except maybe for short tidbits like this. That could be fun. I’m sure there are more adventures worth writing about. I appreciate how much support you’ve given my creative efforts of the years, my friend.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Hi Laura — makes me want to know what happened next!
Thanks for letting me know, Alana! I just might write about the next stage of the journey someday. I published a childhood memoir, Reversible Skirt in 2011 and a collection of flash fiction in 2012. I’m at work now on two projects: an anthology of writings on sisterhood that will include submissions from every continent except Antarctica, and a sequel to Reversible Skirt. It looks like the sequel will cover a ten-year period that includes my teens and early twenties—up to just before I embark upon the adventure I wrote about here. I expect the anthology to launch this fall and the second memoir sometime in 2015. I don’t know what will come next …
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..So Beautiful — Complete story
Laura, I love how you said farewell to your somewhat safe shore and dove into a new ocean! I did the same when I was 38; little did I know that the best was yet to come. I’ve been happily married for 26 years and have traveled the world via the Trans-Siberian Railway and a WWII ship. So keep on diving! I wish you smooth sailing and oceans of blessings on your future divings!
Thank you, Sharon! It sounds like you’ve had a wonderfully adventurous life so far. You inspire me, and I appreciate your good wishes and blessings.
Laura McHale Holland recently posted..Smokin’ story collections!