My three sons at Laguna Beach January 2009
Now please don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but I’ve always preferred it when they were in school, especially when they were younger.
For years and years, I’d hear other mothers say, “I’m so looking forward to the summer when we no longer have hectic schedules.” For some reason, I never agreed with them. Well that may not be surprising, since I tend to have different opinions about many things–perhaps living in different countries does that to a person.
You see, I have the guilt thing going during the summer. I’m fortunate that I don’t have to be in an office at a certain time, however, I force myself to stick to a writing schedule. I also stick to a gym schedule every morning at 6 a.m., as I want my husband and I to stay fit for our older years. Since I cannot sit in an office chair for most of the day, without knowing that the blood is flowing in my veins first, I have a disciplined schedule for myself, whether or not my kids are on vacation.
The guilt kicks in when I know my kids enjoy me taking them out to breakfast, or to shop, or for a coffee or tea and a chat. Yes, two out of three sons are still home with me, and they enjoy my company–at least that’s what I keep telling myself. I feel like I can go for 2-3 days max without taking them anywhere, and then I have to entertain them. Besides, Austin, my 18-year-old is off to UCSB, a gorgeous campus on the Pacific coast– see some photos here University of California in Santa Barbara at the end of July. I feel guilty if I don’t enjoy his company as much as possible before he leaves for four years of college.
As far as sports and friends, Jordan, 15, comes to the gym at 6 a.m. with me to run, and Austin jogs, plays tennis or kickball with his friends. The rest of the time they like to stay home, watch TV or sit in front of their computer.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you have guilt like me?
Should I just quit feeling guilty?
Quit feeling guilty and enjoy your wonderful sons! 😛
"Keep your eye on the ball, your shoulder to the wheel, your ear to the ground — and try to work in that position!"
The schedules we impose upon ourselves can be the most brutal things in our lives.
What would happen if you were to reorganize your schedule for the months of July and August — in whole or in part? Are your deadlines set by you, or by others? Do you think the sky would fall down? I recognize that you seem driven (I use the word advisedly) to "stick to a writing schedule." But what if you were to change that schedule, for the months of July and August, and do some extra things with your fast-growing boys?
Ah, but what do Bears know, anyhow?
Hi
My 3 boys are younger than yours 17, 14, 12 . But I have the same guilt feeling.
The problem is that they are perfectly fine doing their things – Computer, Pool, Tennis Wii Etc'.
As long as they know they will be fed by their Mom 🙂
Sometimes we go out as a family – movie, bowling, but I feel they are doing me a favour.
So I guess the guilt is just in our head.
Sharon
Feeling guilty is all part and parcel of being a parent – the feeling that we are not doing enough for our kids.
I'm not sure what you are feeling guilty about… not spending enough time with your kids? Is it still not possible to go to the gym at 6 am and then go out with your kids for breakfast or coffee? And then sit down and write?
I suggest that you have a special summer schedule where you still go to the gym and write, but maybe a bit less or at different times, so that you still get to spend time with your kids.
One day, they will all have moved out and then you will have plenty of time on your hands… no point feeling regrets then, perhaps, that you wished you had spent more time with them…
"I have to entertain them."
Is that true? or do you think so?
I'm sure they want to be with you but
to do what and why? You pay?
Isn't it enough to chat and be with them at home?
or
do they want to go out of the house with you
or
is it you who wants to go out with them?
More questions than answers…
I don't have to/don't feel guilty – my sons are living their own life already. 🙂
I'm like you. I prefer my kids to be in school. Not only so we can keep our schedules, but because (and I feel awful saying this) my younger son has Asperger's and his teacher is sooo much better at handling him than I am.
Guilt is such a horribly personal thing, isn't it?
I'd love to say 'stop feeling guilty!' but it's easier said than done, alas.
As a side… You sound like a pretty amazing mother to me :0)
WHAT??? What do you have to feel guilty about? You sound like a wonderful mother and healthy too. Hee, hee. Enjoy the boys while you can, they will be gone before the blink of an eye. Have a fun summer with them and throw the guilt out with the wash water.
@Jennifer
You're right.
@Rob-bear
Yes, the deadlines are set my me. When I keep hearing, finish that book, from my husband and myself, I feel extra guilt for being slow. I realize that the kids will be gone soon, so that's where the guilt kicks in. They won't be around forever.
@Sharon
I remember when they were younger and I felt I had to take them to theme parks, Wild Rivers etc. The guilt was worse then.
@LadyFi
I like the idea of a summer schedule and I do change my writing hours. If I write for 4 hours, I feel wonderful. If only two, I feel I didn't quite get into it. What I was talking about, was hours spent taking them to a special event in Los Angeles. Perhaps like being their entertainment director and doing things they may want to do. The problem is, they don't tell me
what they want to see. Perhaps they're just happy being home.
@Captain Hook
I can understand you feel that way. I know I would too.
@Kit
I was just thinking of you as we haven't connected for a while. Hope everything is going well. Thanks for your comment, and I agree, it's easier to say stop it, than to actually do it.
@Gramma Ann
So nice to get permission to throw out guilt from Gramma. I always like to listen to others who've been through this, and have the wisdom to share.
I'm not really sure what you feel guilty about. . but I enjoy having adult children where our relationship is more friendly than parenty and where a few phone calls a week and text messaging keeps us connected. I am looking forward to the days of granparenting when I can be more involved, but this is nice for now.
I have a 4 year old, who is in preschool Mon, Wed, Fri. I prefer the days when he is in school, even though I work, I usually get home at least an hour before I have to pick him up and it gives me some time to relax. and I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about it!
Are you kidding?!! You´re not really feeling guilty are you? I think it´s great that you have such a good relationship with them and it really is the right thing you are doing. Enjoy their presence as long as possible. I know, too soon that time is over…
What handsome boys you have! I know what you mean, we're on term break and keeping them entertained is driving me round the bend!
My kids are so young right now I have no clue. But if you get an answer let me know to keep as a mental note for when they are older 🙂
Guilt is such a nasty word! You should never feel guilty if you are doing the best you can at any given time!
I'm at a completely different place since my kids are all still small (1-10) so I don't get the opportunity to be alone much and I doubt I'd feel guilty if I did manage any…but I see your point about perhaps feeling torn between the writing and the family. I think the best gift you can give your children is the gift of a happy and fulfilled mother…at the end of the day,they only want you to be happy.
I schedule as many activities and camp sessions as possible. And I feel no guilt. I need total *me* time and 12 weeks of summer without a break (not including vacations) is not on my schedule.
Stop feeling guilty. We're not all of the personality that entails hanging out with our kids and being their friend. I love spending time with my daughter, but it has to be something I enjoy as well. But not everday.
Thank God when Fall rolls around…
I always feel guilty for wanting to write instead of play with building blocks on the floor. It's interesting to know this doesn't get any easier as they get older!
Either way, you sound like a great mother, and you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to be a well-rounded person. Enjoy your time with them!
救援部ではHな女の子のオナ写メが無料で見れちゃいます。また好奇心旺盛でいろんな事をしてみたい女の子たちが自分の一人Hを手伝ってくれる男性を探しています。ここでヤればヤるほどキレイになると信じている女の子達と遊んでみませんか