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The truth about writing a book.

September 8, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

If you’re writing a manuscript and hoping to publish it, perhaps this post will inspire you to never give up.

A few days ago I had the pleasure of listening to two published novelists at the Pen on Fire writers series, hosted by Barbara De Marco Barrett. Two novelists, Heidi W. Durrow and Danzy Senna, shared the process they went through in writing their novels which made me reflect on the amount of time and effort it takes to write a publishable manuscript.

Heidi Durrow’s debut novel, author of The Girl Who Fell From the Sky,  explained how she started her novel in 1997, and finished it in 2010.  That’s thirteen years from start to finish, and here am I on my sixth year of rewriting my travel memoir, Freeways to Flip-Flops: A Family’s Year of gutsy Living on a Tropical Island feeling like something’s wrong with me, for taking so long.

When Heidi opened up with her honest statement of how long it took to write, The Girl Who Fell From the Sky,  I instantly liked her. It also helped when she said, “My mother is Danish, my father is black, and I grew up in Portland, Oregon.” This probably sounds silly, but I felt a connection with Heidi when she mentioned “dancing around the Christmas tree,” something my own Danish mother kept as a tradition. My childhood in Nigeria, although not related to Heidi’s background, also made me feel connected and I love Portland. It reminds me of Denmark with its coffee houses, friendly atmosphere, and locals riding bikes instead of driving, just like the Danes in Copenhagen.

The Girl Who Fell From the Sky, is Heidi’s debut novel and it tells the story of Rachel, the daughter of a Danish mother and a black G.I. who becomes the sole survivor of a family tragedy. Her novel won “The Bellwether Prize,” established by Barbara Kingsolver…the only major North American prize that specifically advocates literary fiction addressing issues of social justice.

Heidi mentioned she went through twelve massive revisions, and was rejected over and over. Because she wanted every sentence to be perfect, it took her six years to write her first draft.

I’ve put together a list of helpful tips, some from Heidi Durrow and Danzy Senna’s conversation with writers, and added some of my own, from what I’ve learned over the six years I started writing, taking classes, attending conferences and networking. They are in random order.

  • Don’t write to make money.
  • Only start writing if you are truly obsessed about your story and believe in it.
  • Write the book you want to read.
  • Be a completionist, not a perfectionist.
  • Let the first draft be messy.
  • The key is in the revisions.
  • It takes time to write and revise a book for publication.
  • Don’t hire an editor to review your manuscript too early in the writing process.
  • Don’t change your story to please everyone, especially others in your critique group.
  • Don’t give up if you know you have a unique story.

At this point in my writing, I thought I had a completed manuscript. Several “positive” rejections from agents, (positive means a rejection with specific feedback on what to change)  have shown me that I have another rewrite to do. It’s taken me this long to understand what agents have been telling me, as well as small presses. They want to hear about an American family in Belize. As one agent put it, “What makes your story unique isn’t how you got to Belize, but the fact that you went.” So, I’m finally listening to agents and editors’  advice. The market is saturated with stories about the parents of troubled teens, just as it is with cancer survivors, autism, alcoholism, etc. So my new approach will be to start with the action in Belize.  My Freeways to Flip-Flops page has been updated.

I think we can all get off track while writing a manuscript. Sometimes we try to please those in our critique groups. I know this happened to me.

As Heidi and Danzy pointed out, ask yourself:

  • Why am I telling this story?
  • What is my relationship to this story?

Any thoughts? Are you writing a manuscript? Have you felt off track?

Happy writing to all, and remember to keep going.

 Photo credit above

 

 

Are women divorcing for frivolous reasons?

September 5, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Marriage takes work, lots of work, especially if you want it to last, and these days women are getting divorced not because of infidelity, but because of boredom.

In the article,  “Women and Divorce: Goodbye darling, you’re just too dull…” it seems that women are questioning if there isn’t “something more” to life and end up walking out even with a decent husband. Why is that?

  • Are women becoming more selfish?
  • Can we blame books like Eat, Pray, Love?
  • Are women going through a new kind of mid-life crisis?
  • Have women become narcissistic ignoring their vows, “Until death us do part”?

Apparently 7 out of 10 divorces are initiated by women, and the numbers are soaring among the over-45s, with break-ups in that age bracket increasing by 30 per cent in a decade. Writer Fay Weldon recently said:

“Women in their fifties instigate divorce because they are bored and want to be free and single again, not because they want the emotional and sexual excitement of another man.” They’re encouraged by a recent vogue of  ‘finding-yourself” literature, headed by the international best-seller Eat, Pray, Love, which recounted author Elizabeth Gilbert’s decision to divorce her husband and embark on a round-the-world odyssey of– depending on your view – inspirational self-discovery or nauseating navel-gazing.”

Julia Llewellyn Smith, gives the example of Lucy Valantine who, as she approached her 40th birthday, decided to leave her husband after a short five-year marriage.

“On the surface, life was perfect,” she says. “We had a gorgeous Victorian house in the Home Counties, I had a great job with a blue-chip company, and my husband was a lovely chap. He was kind and gentle and my friends all loved him. There was nothing wrong with him, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to change my life.”

Her husband was devastated when she left him, and in what sounds like a mid-life crisis, or perhaps a rebellious phase, she decided to:

  • Get a tattoo
  • Buy a Harley-Davidson motorbike
  • Ride across Australia and New Zealand
  • Teach English in Costa Rica and China
  • Work in a Zambian orphanage
  • Travel through Siberia and Mongolia.

Now, six years later, Valantine divides her life between the UK and Spain, where she runs a travel agency. Her ex-husband is happily remarried with a baby.

Just like Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about spending nights sobbing on her bathroom floor in her memoir, Eat, Pray, Love, Valantine did the same though for opposite reasons. While Gilbert questioned whether she still loved her husband, Valantine questioned whether she did the right thing in leaving her husband.

Julia Llewellyn Smith, author of “Women and Divorce: Goodbye darling, you’re just too dull…” states,

“Fifty years ago, a woman such as Valantine would have been rare indeed. Divorce was taboo and few women had the guts, let alone the financial means, to brave the social stigma of walking out on a decent husband simply because she felt there must be “something more”. Until recently, with nearly half of all marriages ending in divorce, the most commonly cited reason was infidelity.”

This desire for women to do what they want, to live a more fulfilled and exciting life is something I myself am experiencing today. Just like Valantine, I have a strong desire to teach English abroad, perhaps in Laos or Vietnam, to travel to Australia and New Zealand, to help children in Africa. You can keep the tattoos and Harley Davidson though. The good news is I’m not leaving my husband. He knows I’m always dreaming of new ways for us to do exciting things in life, and I know we shall within the next five to ten years.

What I find interesting is the new trend among baby boomers who are retired to go in different directions. This doesn’t mean they divorce, but simply that they allow one another to pursue their dreams. ABC shows this new trend in a video,  “Together but Apart.”  My friend Bob Lowry from Satisfying Retirement has a different opinion on this matter in his post “This Can’t be the Answer.”

So I believe that all relationships, however good, go through bad patches. There will be times when you drift apart and you need to find a way to reconnect. The difference is those who stick it out, who manage to live their passions  together, and who don’t stop their spouse from experiencing a new opportunity just because, “they’re not interested,” will survive.

As with anything, marriage is about give and take and also about being flexible. It should not feel like letting go of your dreams just because your spouse has no interest. Who wants to feel imprisoned?

Do you think women are changing? If so how and why?

Photo credit

My tips for kids moving to college on GM’s blog

September 1, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Last week, I received an e-mail from the PR team that supports GM’s Western Region asking me if I would be willing to contribute some tips to their blog.

Of course I accepted, and here’s the post: The Cheat Sheet: Moving Your Kid to College. I wrote from the perspective of a mother with three sons. Dave Barthmuss, the Group Manager for GM’s Western Region, wrote tips about taking his daughter to college.

I have to share an amazing coincidence. A few minutes before I found the GM e-mail in my inbox, I had just read my article from 2009,  published in the OC Register blog about taking my son to college for the first time. We loaded a 7′ surf-board and a bike in my husband’s bright yellow Chevy Aveo, a GM car. (photo above)

I want to thank Suzanne Broughton who writes for OC Family and also founded the  OC Blog Crush, the largest regional blogging organization, for referring GM to me.

Please jump over to read our tips on: The Cheat Sheet: Moving Your Kid to College, and comment on GM’s blog. That would make me so happy. Thanks Suzanne, Sara, Dave and everyone else at GM and OC Family blogs.

Are you ready to celebrate blog day?

August 29, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Are you ready to celebrate Blog Day?

Have you heard of blog day?

I had no clue what blog day was until my blogger friend, Barbara Hammond and her other blogstresses, at The Blogstress Network mentioned it last month on their blog talk radio interview.

Blog Day is held on August 31st, and it’s an opportunity to connect with new bloggers from around the world. Here’s what happens:

“Bloggers from all over the world will post recommendations of 5 new Blogs, preferably Blogs that are different from their own culture, point of view and attitude. On this day, blog readers will find themselves leaping around and discovering new, unknown Blogs, celebrating the discovery of new people and new bloggers. “

But something important is happening on August 30th, one day before Blog Day, well it’s my birthday,  (sorry I couldn’t resist)  but it’s also the day when  The Blogstress Network is having a call in show where bloggers can promote one new blog they admire, as well as mention their own blog. You can find the call-in details on The Blogstress Network website. Hope to hear your voices on the show.

Blog Day is not to be confused with Blog World, a large conference being held in Los Angeles this November, 3-5, 2011, where some blogging, social media and marketing experts will be speaking.

Since Blog World Expo is in my backyard, please let me know if you’ll be attending so I can drive up and meet you. I know three bloggers who are hoping to attend this event, and what a fantastic opportunity to finally meet them in person. Annabel Candy and Barbara Hammond are two of them. This event is packed with presentations and workshops on social media, and an opportunity to network with bloggers from all over the world.

Let’s give a boost to all bloggers, in particular bloggers from around the world. I shall try to contact new bloggers in Kenya, Cambodia, Laos, Peru and Vanuatu. I guess I need to start researching.

What about you? Do you have any new bloggers you’ve discovered you’d like to share with us?

 

Photo credit to woodleyonderworks

 

 

 

What does your face say about you?

August 25, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Have you ever thought of what your face reveals to others based solely on your facial features?

What if there’s more to the structure of a face than we are aware of? Is it possible to learn some tips that can help us interact with family members, work colleagues, clients and friends?

What if you could figure out how to land a job or a business deal by studying the face of the person who is going to interview you before the meeting?

Could face reading help you with:

  • a problem child
  • a difficult spouse
  • a new relationship
  • a mother-in-law you can’t figure out
  • a boss you can’t handle
  • co-workers who are difficult to work with

Is there a way to improve our relationships with others, or learn who might not be a good fit for us based on what a face reveals?

Most of us may not be gifted in the art of face reading, so let me explain how I became interested in the topic and what it is.

I met Barbara Roberts, author of Face Reading: How to Know Anyone at a Glance, at The Inside Edge, a networking group at  the University of California, Irvine.  She has been on 50 National and local TV stations, including the Tyra Banks Show and NBC Nightly News. As Barbara explains in the quote from her website below, face reading is not new.

“Face Reading is an ancient psychological system of understanding a person’s character from his (or her) facial features. In looking at more than 6,000 faces in over 300 classes, Barbara has identified specific, psychological meanings for each facial feature. Abraham Lincoln chose his cabinet using this system. Aristotle hand-selected the generals for Alexander the Great by their lower-jaw structure. This approach honors all ethnic backgrounds, ages, and genders.”

Barbara claims that facial features fall into 3 categories:

1, What we’re born with, (high ears, narrow set eyes, etc.)

2. How we like to look, (changing our hair color)

3. Accidents, surgeries, orthodontia, and (plastic surgery falls into this category.)

Barbara decided to give the audience face reading based on two distinct facial features:

  • Forehead shape
  • Eyebrow shape

She asked us to pull back our hair so she could make a quick scan of the room and select a few who had those specific features.

Being Gutsy and curious, I pulled my hair back and practically pushed my forehead in front of her eyes so Barbara would pick me, and she did.

There were drawings of various shapes of foreheads on a card, some examples of drawing on Barbara’s website:

  • round
  • square
  • widow’s peak
  • wispy corners (tiny wisps of hair in the outer corners of the corners/forehead)

I have the widow’s peak forehead, which you can see on page 31 of Face Reading: How to Know Anyone at a Glance

So the psychological meaning for me was:

I like a relaxed lifestyle and to dress casually. That is very true, especially when I lived in Belize (photos taken by me in Belize). I don’t like to be told what to do, (True) and if I were single on a date, the widow’s peak is the type who says, “Let’s explore together what we want to do for our future.” (true for me.) I don’t like to waste time being superficial.

A few other facts, a round forehead means a people person, many long-term friendships, good relationships. Barbara mentioned if you’re applying for a loan, and you have a rounded forehead, show it.

A square forehead, means you’re career driven, work long hours at the office, focused. No time for a personal life.

We also looked at eyebrow shapes, for example, flat , straight eyebrows mean you’re shy and introverted, rounded eyebrows, “creates harmonious relationships, likes a peaceful home environment.”

Every facial feature is covered in the book in great detail, including Botox and plastic surgery, for those of you who might be skeptical.

So what do you think? If you’re having trouble with someone in your personal or professional life would you like Barbara to analyze that person’s face and help you learn how to handle their personality traits?

Her contact information is on her website. Photo of Barbara Roberts above, from her blog.

 

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