For me, living a gutsy life involved not one turning point, but rather a series of choices that led me on a more difficult path. Some people want to be liked, or rich, or powerful or famous. I’ve always wanted to do the right thing.
Life as a child gave me very little power in a house of an ogre of a father and a ghostlike mother. I learned to lie from my mother as a way to survive my father’s anger and watched her avoid consequences as long as possible.
At the same time I read voraciously all fairytales and myths. Heroes in fairytales are brave and kind, intelligent and honest. They go forth in life and find the magic to slay the dragons, trick the evil witch, and find the golden apples to save the ones they love. Love colored the landscape of my internal world. Finding the magic in the world around me brightened the colors. Recognizing the good in people and avoiding evil ones remains essential to this day. A liar and a procrastinator were not who I wanted to be. I knew I was meant to be a hero.
School offered me an escape from the ogre’s world and eventually I escaped to college, not the expected University of California, but rather a private college half a day away from home. There I learned truth was a gift. The sky did not fall when I told my professors the real story behind my late work or told my friends I didn’t have the money to go to a party or told them what I felt about life. The truth gave them an opportunity to make an informed decision about consequences and friendships.
After graduation, University of the Pacific offered two choices for student teaching: five months in Stockton/Lodi schools or the Collegio Americano in Mexico City. I spoke French but chose Mexico.
I didn’t believe in marriage, but found my Prince Charming and chose to marry in spite of my fears. He wanted children. I feared becoming an ogre or a ghost. I loved him and chose to believe we could raise kids together who would make the world a better place. We had three children. Children do not understand procrastination. It is counter-productive to say to a baby, “Wait another hour or so and I’ll feed you–or change you–or put you down–or pick you up.”
My mother raised six children, cooked meals regularly for fifteen to twenty people, was President of the National Assistance League and Junior Women’s Club, but did not want to work. Watching my ogre dad work for 37 years for a schizophrenic boss reinforced work as a bad thing. I joked about being a kept woman, not realizing the expectations of my parents kept me in prison.
After thirteen years of marriage, I was offered a job teaching at my children’s private school in Hawaii. Work? Me? I didn’t know how. I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. They’ll discover I don’t know what I’m doing.
I said yes.
That yes changed my life. I loved making my own money. I loved going to school everyday. I loved the kids. I still worried they’d discover I wasn’t smart, capable, competent. I did my best to make each day magic. I read teaching books and tried different techniques on my students. I gathered my cohorts of good and learned how to slay the monsters of ignorance. And somewhere along the way I discovered I had the power to change lives, to show the children how to believe in their own magic and how to slay their own dragons.
We moved back to California. After fifteen years out of college, to continue teaching I needed to pass the California Test of Basic Skills and the National Teacher’s Exam. I knew I’d flunk them and I knew I couldn’t flunk if I wanted to work as a teacher. Girding my loins, I studied the practice exams. I studied what I didn’t know. I passed the CTBS with a perfect score and a 99% on the NTE.
Did I know how to teach Early Age Kindergarten? No. I learned how from books and other teachers. I can dance my sillies out with the best of them. Did I know how to teach third grade? No. I leapt in and learned. Did I know how to teach sixth grade? Could I handle thirty-five twelve-year-olds? No. But I listened to other teachers and took classes on classroom discipline. I made the students work and be responsible and to challenge themselves.
Being the fun teacher, the nice teacher would have been easy. That would not help the students on their hero’s journey. Parents said to me, “My student is an A student. If you were a good teacher she would get A’s.” I told them I didn’t give A’s. They had to earn them. They’d complain to my principal. I’d defend myself, and my right to expect excellence. My students learned they could earn A’s, they could get their work in on time and they could have fun working hard. We lived history–we ate, drank, sang ancient Greece and China.
After almost twenty years as a teacher, an errant soccer ball, a broken neck, two surgeries and constant migraines challenged my life. My choice seemed clear: keep on teaching and die early, or quit and find something else to do.
I quit. Since then I have written and published three books, been to nine major writing conferences, learned about the publishing industry, had an agent, decided to leave my agent, kept learning how to revise, learned how to market my books and myself.
My gutsy life has been in little decisions on a hero’s journey. I am brave even when frightened; I am honest even when lies would be easier; I am kind because life is full of witches and demons. I believe in magic–especially the magic of doing the right thing.
Marcia Sargent Bio:
A Marine fighter pilot’s wife from 1975 until 1987, Marcia observed and interacted with military aviators and their spouses when they still had a great time and damned the consequences. When her husband “Snatch” retired back to Southern California, she issued imperatives in her elementary school classrooms and worked as a social studies and language arts mentor for Saddleback Unified School District. A University of California-Irvine Writing Fellow, she wrote the Interact (Social Studies School Service) simulations CHINA and EGYPT, WING WIFE: HOW TO BE MARRIED TO A MARINE FIGHTER PILOT, and two YA fantasy/adventure books: NIGHT MONSTERS and DAY MONSTERS.
She is the mother of three grown girls and Nana to five children all living in Colorado. She never worries when babysitting, only wishes they lived closer.
When not writing, she now walks the sand in Laguna Beach with her husband and a golden retriever named Sir Lancelot. Her cat named Snicklefritz waits at home since he does not like immersion in salt water.
You can view Marcia’s website and her blog. Join her on Twitter
and Facebook or LinkedIn.
Sonia Says: Marcia, your story truly shows how overcoming your difficult childhood brought out the “hero” in you, rather than the liar and a procrastinator of your early childhood days. I admire how you chose to overcome your own fears and doubts about teaching, and turned them into a positive way to make children strive to work hard and attain success in life. Sounds like you were an excellent teacher, and now you’ve written three books. Amazing!
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Marcia,
I attended your book signing of “Wing Wife” and had no idea about your childhood and how you came into the teaching profession. Thanks for sharing your “Gutsy” challenges in life.
So many people I know from one area of my life have depths or experiences I could never have imagined–even my own mother. I found out from her in the last months of her life that she had volunteered as a teenager at the beginning of WWII for the Red Cross, and the driver who picked her up every night was Dolores Hope, Bob Hope’s wife!
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Quite a journey. I love how you dig in and learn whatever you need to learn. That is most admirable.
b
barbara recently posted..Georgia on My Mind/ 4
Thank you, Barbara. I do wish life would stop throwing new challenges at me:) I’m still digging in and learning things I never dreamed I’d need to learn.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Marcia,
Great essay. You know I’m a big fan of Wing Wife and all of your writing. You are a walking-talking-heroine’s-journey come to life. You make me proud.
I too am one of six children – third one down – so the following line stopped me in my tracks. You stated: “My mother raised six children, cooked meals regularly for fifteen to twenty people, was President of the National Assistance League and Junior Women’s Club, but did not want to work.”
Could you elaborate on the part about not wanting to work? I would think raising six children was “work.” Maybe just expand on this a bit.
I think there’s another book in here somewhere…
You know and I know that being a mother of six is a lot of work. The problem my mother ghost had was the ogre she lived with. He denigrated her at every opportunity. He had a college degree, she did not. He wanted to keep her insecure and dependent. Sad that she listened in her heart.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Loved talking to you the other day. Thank you for filling me in. I get it. I respect the heck of your mom. And I respect and admire you.
My hero! You are an inspiration to so many. I love you like a sister and am so glad to be a part of your and Andy’s life. God bless! xoxo
I have just done what I needed to do. Until I wrote this, I hadn’t thought my life particularly gutsy. I had no single life defining leap into the unknown. I am so grateful to my friends who have helped me all along the way. You are my blessing.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Wonderful essay about pushing through life, through self-doubt and lack of self-esteem, using the sheer power of love and faith and ‘do-it-ness.’ Congrats, and thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much. I’ve always wondered why I had the ability to push on in positive ways. Most of the rest of my family struggled and went in destructive directions.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Marcia-
I love your honesty and your courage, to move forward despite your fears. Bravo!
-Ella
Ella Venezia recently posted..Connecting with our Kids at any Age
I hoped at some point to move past fears and worries. Life still has surprises for me and struggles. Getting cheered on feels good.
Loved your blog post about your daughter. My girls are grown and raising kids and having babies themselves, yet there is still the dance from “I don’t need you” to “Mommy? Where are you?” and back again.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Marcia,
Thank you for telling your courageous story. I identified with how you spoke of your mother. I was, and still am to a certain extent, that mother. You are an inspiration to those of us who want to make changes in our lives. God Bless you!
Your children will thank you for finding your courage and inspiration to change. God bless you for becoming gutsier!
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Great Post. Hope I had something to do with you two getting together. Will look for more in the future.
Dee,
I had to comment as I met Marcia at the Santa Barbara Writers Conference several years ago and we’ve been friends since. I’m happy you’ve connected with Marcia as well.
Sonia Marsh/Gutsy Living recently posted..“My Gutsy Story” by Marcia Sargent
Thanks, Dee! The Spanish say “All the world is in a handkerchief” referring to how small the world is. We often meet others who are also connected to others we know in a completely different context. I am so grateful for the positive people in my life. We cannot/should not move through this earth by ourselves.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this, Hi…I am really inspired a lot because of your post here…
Karen, I’m curious how my story inspired you. We all have challenges and need others to strengthen us in our journey.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Marcia,
I love your fighting spirit and how forging ahead despite all your doubts and difficult childhood helped you become empowered to be the person you wanted to be. This is truly an inspiring story of a very gutsy woman. Thanks for sharing!
Kathleen Pooler recently posted..Talk to Me: Encouraging Your Loved One to Tell Their Story ~A Memorial Day Guest Post by Karen Fisher-Alaniz
Kathleen, you love my “fighting spirit”? Seeing my story through others eyes is illuminating. I’ve never thought of myself as feisty, though I aspire to be. And I will fight for the right thing, so…
I see you are writing your memoir. Be gutsy in what you reveal. The truth will shine through. Keep in touch and let me know how it’s going. Writing clear and true is scary.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
You are an inspiration to those of us who want to make changes in our lives.Thanks for sharing your story..
Crystal recently posted..Chinese Hot Tub Parts
The sky does not fall if you make changes. People around you learn to deal with the changes or they don’t, but you will be the better for the effort.
I’ve also found that change is not necessarily linear. I have started on a path somewhere and often ended up somewhere else. The journey made me a better person.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
And thank you, Sonia, for giving me this forum and opportunity. We started our friendship as writers and memoirists. I admire you so much for your gutsy move to Belize, your memoir writing and this incredible community your blog has created.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Fighting Ogres and ghosts has made you the strong “hero” you are today. Wonderful story!
Siv Maria recently posted..EYE SPY GHOSTS
Thank you! My grandfather used to say there are three kinds of people in the world: Lawnmowers (their yards are neat, their clothes are clean, but you never know what goes on behind their closed doors), Well Poisoners (they make sure no one can drink the water around them and stay healthy), and gardeners (who help you grow). I’ve learned to stay away from ogres and ghosts and look for gardeners in my life.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Marcia, your grandfather’s words are quite poignant. The first group would be people who live in fear, the second, those who do not know how to change their pain so they “give” it to others, and the last are those in humanity who try to find ways to till, sow and reap. Since we know that even such a hands-to-the-plow life can end in a bad “crop” it is the courageous who attempt such (the first two groups actually till and plant also, but are more concerned with other issues than what they aim to reap). Of course, we all juggle being the other two types at times, or are at least tempted to be, but the nice thing is that courage, like choice, is a muscle that strengthens with use. I could relate to your growing up years so much, though my mother was no ghost. It is because of her that I grew up to become an artist, and independent thinker and a crusader, though I dallied in the mine fields of the Lawnmowers and the Well Poisoners at times. Hurray for our mother’s daily bravery, and for the generations of even more courageous mothers, sisters, aunts that they birthed!! Can hardly wait to read your book!!
You really show us that we can all be the hero of our own stories!
Lady Fi recently posted..The Hallelujah Chorus
Yes! Be a hero for yourself and the people who need you.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Thanks so much for showing us the right road: truth, courage, and following the Gardeners’ path! All my best wishes for your success.
More advice on how to slay Poisoners would be welcome!
Slay the poisoners? Too violent for the soul. Instead I work on building boundaries to keep them away from my inner garden and self.
Thank you for the good wishes. Wishes are magic.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
What a journey! Thanks for sharing it with us. What I also like is that it took you some time to get where you are, but you didn’t give up. Well done!
MuMuGB recently posted..The Art Of Queuing
It took time to get to where I am–and I am still traveling the road. When I was a child I thought one day I would be a grownup and everything would be figured out. Now I know all I do not know and cannot solve. It’s okay. The gift this magic path has given me is the belief that somewhere there is a way to make the world a better place. Hard, yes, but every little decision affects so many others.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Marcia, your gutsy story reflects the stories of so many women in our generation. Like you, many of us learned that the real lie isn’t the one other people hear, but the insidious one inside our own heads that says ‘don’t try.’
As always, I love your work — and your courage to be special.
J
And I love the support you give to all your writer friends. You have a heart that shares magic with all who know you.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
I had no idea where you came from, but feel blessed that I have the opportunity to get a glimpse into who you currently are. Who you are and how you got here are all reason to for inspiration. You’re a true hero and someone I’m proud to call friend.
Leslie, you have been a light for me on Twitter as a fellow writer, a military supporter and a friend. Some people complain the internet prevents human interaction. I feel that you are a perfect example of a person whose magic called to my heart through the ethersphere. When are those books coming out, girl? Hugs!
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
Way to go, Marcia — good for you!
Mary Grovine Elliott Raynor recently posted..SAD PICTURE, HAPPY ENDING!
A pleasure to see your name and to have your support, Mary.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
This is an amazingly told story of REAL life and how one person beat the odds in having her life destroyed by negative circumstances. In my long life (also as a wife of a career Marine pilot, long retired), I have seen that such unfortunate upbringing will either break a person or cause her/him to excell in everything they do. I see that Marcia has done the latter. Her story is an inspiration to many and I feel honored to have read it.
Aimee, I am honored by your words. And how fun to have a fellow Marine aviator’s wife read my story. I’d love to hear yours–seriously. Comparing notes is such fun.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Expect the Unexpected Part 2: Flight Suits
The LATimes had a story in the front section today about what goes on in the brains of liars and truthtellers. Don’t be put off by the political start–referring to John Edwards–the science is fascinating.
Perhaps I retrained my brain to say, Nope. Not gonna lie. It’s wrong. But the truth is that I still contemplate the easy lie, and then switch to truth. The truth sets me free. Grace enough.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Rank and Flying
Here’s the link: http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-sapolsky–edwards-campaign-20120603,0,5486565.story
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Rank and Flying
Link to LA Times Article: http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-sapolsky–edwards-campaign-20120603,0,5486565.story
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Rank and Flying
Hi Marcia! Congratulations! Your story was excellent and it definitely makes one think about the ramifications of choosing the wrong path in life. You took the bull by the horns and did the right thing. God Bless!
Thank you, Marla. Grabbing hold of big, tough things is what we all do in this world.
Marcia J. Sargent recently posted..Rank and Flying