Is divorce a gift or a curse?
I have been contemplating this particular topic ever since I got divorced in 2015. As a single woman in her sixties, I am grateful for the gift that my divorce has given me. Although it was not easy in the beginning, I have several reasons why I am thankful for it.
I can put my own needs first.
After going through the grieving process of my divorce and feeling rejected and alone, I made a decision to focus on the advantages of being single and free to do what I want. During my marriage, I spent most of my time and energy trying to please my spouse and children. Now, as a divorced woman, I can be more self-centered and prioritize my own needs.
It’s quite liberating to take care of yourself. After 28 years of marriage, I can now enjoy the freedom of eating what I like and when I like, going to bed when I want to, and not having to listen to snoring. I can choose whether or not to engage in sexual activity, travel whenever I feel like it, watch shows that I enjoy, do laundry for one, exercise at my own pace, spend time with my adult children when it’s mutually convenient, and finally call my friends and talk for as long as I want to without any disturbance. Let’s not forget that I have the freedom to date the men I want to date.
Here is my list of top self-care needs:
- Exercise: Since turning 25, exercise has become my addiction. Weight training and swimming are now part of my daily routine. I wrote an article on Pat Anderson’s blog, ‘A Fitness Minute’, about what exercise has done for me.
- Nutrition: I am interested in nutrition, health, fitness, and longevity. I often listen to podcasts on these topics, have watched an incredible documentary, “The Blue Zones,” on Netflix, and follow the Mediterranean diet.
- Travel: In the article I wrote about the benefits of traveling solo, I discovered small ship cruising with no single supplement, allowing me to have my own cabin and pay just for myself.
- Dating: You may be wondering why finding a compatible, fun, active man who also travels is on my list of top self-care needs. My answer: Why not? I’m still interested in meeting men.
- Netflix: I just had to put that in my top self-care needs as there are many great series and documentaries that both entertain, and teach me about history, space exploration, psychology, and more.
- A Sense of Purpose: I feel pressure to be productive instead of watching daytime TV, but why am I procrastinating with my second memoir?
I feel guilty (self-imposed and a waste of time) that I’m not writing my second memoir. You would think that with the number of podcasts, zooms, and Free Bootcamp informative courses offered by Hay House Publishing, I would finally get my butt into my chair and start writing, but “Oh no,” I must just listen to “Make it Happen” with Mel Robbins and she will motivate me to get my memoir writing project going. Have you ever found yourself downloading free workbooks to motivate you to start your project, and then realize you’re spending an inordinate number of hours answering questions but not getting any work done on your project? If so, you’re not the only one.
Having published my first memoir in 2012, I understand the commitment you have to make to get it done. I also remember the marketing side of publishing a book and I ask myself these questions:
Do I want to share my life online?
What if I receive a lot of negative feedback? Cruel comments can come from people who don’t even know me because they just want to be nasty.
When writing a book that appeals to readers, it’s important, to tell the truth and be vulnerable, share emotions, and, in my case, reveal the raw details of my marriage and the transformation that happened during my Peace Corps service teaching orphans and vulnerable children in a small village in the mountains of Lesotho, Africa.
That is the book I want to write; a memoir to help women who are grieving the loss of a relationship, feeling lonely, and unable to find a sense of purpose in their lives. I strongly believe that there is hope, and that being single – whether by choice, through the death of a loved one, or due to divorce – presents many opportunities to fall in love with the person you have become and will always have by your side.”
So, what do you think? Is divorce a gift or a curse? If you are single or divorced, please share your opinion in the comments below.
