Parenting & Family Archives - Page 5 of 6 - Sonia Marsh

Why do Finland’s Schools get the best results?

January 10, 2011 by Sonia Marsh

Finland’s schools score consistently at the top of world rankings, yet the pupils have the fewest number of class hours in the developed world.

Why?

“The educational system’s success in Finland seems to be part cultural. Pupils study in a relaxed and informal atmosphere.” Furthermore, “There is an emphasis on relaxed schools, free from political prescriptions.”

There is very little immigration.
Relaxed school free from politicians.
Finland values education and parents know they have a key role to play.
They stress trust and not competition as they do in the US and the UK.
No one fails in Finnish schools. They sometimes have two or three teachers in a classroom; one assigned to the slow learners.
Primary and secondary schooling is combined, so the pupils don’t have to change schools at age 13. They avoid a potentially disruptive transition from one school to another.

While watching the BBC video on families and schools in Finland, it struck me how important family structure and parents putting time into caring about their children’s school work, is critical to the child’s success.

Unlike Finland, California has high immigration rates and from talking to teachers, I’ve been told that many immigrant families, (mostly Mexican in southern California) do not enforce or help their kids with school work. Since many parents do not read, write or speak English, how can we achieve the results we see in Finland without a radical change?

No wonder Finland has become the education tourism center of the world where educators come to see how things can be improved in other countries.

After seeing the movie: Waiting for Superman, a documentary about the state of education in the U.S., I wonder to what extent putting an emphasis on trust rather than competition, and relaxed schools free from politicians could improve the U.S. educational system.

What are your thoughts on this matter?

Are you fundamentally suspicious of happy people? Cultural differences.

November 11, 2010 by Sonia Marsh

Photo by JoanneGoodChild

Comparisons between the way Americans and Europeans think about work, food, dress code and manners, is something I find fascinating. I wrote a previous post entitled: What French Women Know, Can we Learn from them?

I am reading, Lunch in Paris, by Elizabeth Bard. She is a young American journalist who now lives in Paris, after marrying Gwendal, a French man whom she, “slept with halfway through our first date.” I am using excerpts from her delicious, fun-filled memoir that depicts cultural differences.

“Like most French people, I don’t think Gwendal ever expected fulfillment or recognition for his work. When he finally asked for a raise…the director told him he had taken on the extra responsibility pour plaisir–for fun. When he was bored or frustrated… I just couldn’t keep my big American mouth shut. ‘If you put all the time and effort you spend on your hobbies into your job, you’d have the cinema career you’ve always wanted.’ Gwendal’s response: ‘You are right…at least in the U.S. But here, working harder, faster, and better just makes people hate you.'”

Bard continues: “In the America I grew up in, little kids don’t say, ‘When I grow up, I want to be happy.’ That’s not the appropriate end to that sentence. We say, ‘When I grow up, I want to be a doctor, an astronaut, a fighter pilot.’ Happiness to me was something very abstract, the end of a long equation: initial self-worth multiplied by x accomplishments, divided by y dollars, z loans, minus f hours worked, plus g respect earned. Happiness, I assumed, would be the end result of a whole list of things I hadn’t gotten around to yet.”

“How is he ever supposed to be successful? He needs to be a little bit miserable, like us. It’s how you get to the next thing.” Bard says.

Finally, when Gwendal says he went to his high school library to look at All the Jobs in the World, he picks out two: scientific researcher and film director. The French school counselor says, “An non, You forgot to look at the key. Each job has a dollar sign and a door, explaining how much it pays, and how easy it is to get this job. Regarde, tu n’y arriveras jamais.” You’ll never get there. Gwendal says, “If you want to do something different, if your head sticks up just a little, they cut it off. It’s been like that since the Revolution. You know the saying, liberte, egalite, fraternite…Everyone has got to be the same.”

If you live in the UK, Sweden, Canada, Denmark, India, Botswana, Morocco, Australia, and of course, anywhere else in the world, including the U.S., what do you think? Do you feel there are limits on who you, your kids or your grandkids want to be? Are those limits part of your culture?

What stress can do to teenagers

October 14, 2010 by Sonia Marsh

Keir Gilchrist

Craig, a sixteen-year-old hears the voices of his parents and his sister say, “Don’t do it,” and wakes up in a sweat.

His parents love him. They’re nice people, so what’s the problem? Stress. He doesn’t want to disappoint his family, especially not his dad.

This is his life, and one Sunday morning at 5 a.m., he wakes up from his recurring nightmare, shaking. He’s standing on the metal railing, getting ready to jump off a bridge, and this time, he doesn’t wake up before the jump, he wakes up as he’s falling.While his family is still asleep, Craig gets dressed and walks to a hospital. He tells the receptionist, “I want to commit suicide.” She hands him a clipboard and says, “Fill this out,” and laughs at something her friend says on the phone.

Craig is admitted to the adult psychiatric ward, and is placed in a room with a middle-aged Egyptian man, who does nothing but sleep all day. He decides he made a mistake and wants to be released. He cannot. He is forced to stay for a minimum of five days. Everyone is much older, except for one teenage girl who cuts herself.

His parents show up, and his mother is happy he admitted himself. They bring some clothes and toiletries and leave him there. What happens during the five days is amazing. Craig rediscovers his love and talent for drawing. He also finds out he’s a great rock singer when forced to sing.

He bonds with a man in the ward, who has an eight-year-old daughter. They play basketball, and he gives Craig the positive attention and advice that he is not receiving from his own father. Through this, Craig also changes people in the psychiatric ward, and when he leaves after five days, he’s a different person. He’s learned to become a kid with a passion for life.

To some of you, this may sound like a Hollywood movie, and yes, “It’s Kind of a Funny Story.”

In an article on teenagers and stress, I found the following as major causes of stress:

high expectations placed upon them by
parents and teachers
participating in extracurricular activities
being over-scheduled

Now I know Craig is a bright sixteen-year-old with goals, and there are also many examples of teenagers without goals, however, have things changed that much? Are there more young people stressing out today? Is it harder to be a teenager today than when you grew up?

Are you a helicopter parent?

August 19, 2010 by Sonia Marsh

Photobucket Photo

As a mother of three sons with strong views on parenting, I decided to tackle a subject which has been in the news lately, “helicopter parenting.”
The reason I want to talk about it is because, not only does it affect how we raise our kids today, but also how they turn out in college and in the work world.

First of all, what is a “helicopter parent?”
According to Dr. Robyn Silverman, a specialist in adolescent and child behavior, “a parent who hovers around her child and swoops in at a moments notice whenever she sees her child in any distress or discomfort, even when having a little bit of a challenge.”

A video of the interview with Dr. Robyn Silverman.

Of course our job is to protect our children, but some parents may have gone one step too far. They constantly check-in on or up on their child, because of their own anxiety. They call and text, even during school hours, which is a real problem for teachers. As Dr. Silverman points out, “it’s the who, what, where, when and why of over protection.”
Helicopter parenting becomes a real problem when it continues into college and then their adult child’s job. Some parents can’t let go and start calling their child’s boss when they’re sick, or checking in on their child’s job interview.
This has become a major problem today for companies hiring young people brought up by “helicopter parents.” The kids never learn problem solving and often depend on their parents to take care of them, even when they’re adults.

So what can parents do?

Coach your child rather than solve their problems for them
Ask your kid to come up with solutions
Teach your kids to brainstorm
Teach your kids to think on their own

I don’t know about you, but did your parents hover around you? Mine didn’t. They actually allowed me to leave home at fourteen and attend boarding school in England. That was my wish, and they stood by me. I now realize how difficult this must have been for my mom who only had me. In those days, we had no e-mails, no texting and I think I learned some valuable lessons on being independent which I’ve passed on to my own three sons.
My youngest, sixteen, wanted to leave home and attend NMMI, a military boarding school in New Mexico, and the only contact I’m allowed with him for twenty-one days, is letter-writing. This is difficult for me as an empty nester, but I realize this is important for him.
Here is an interesting article on Helicopter parenting, if you want to read more.

Let’s get a discussion going. Your thoughts are always welcome.

But will it make you happy?

August 12, 2010 by Sonia Marsh

Photo by AnnShaw

Do you like to spend money on nice things or vacations?

A recent article in the New York Times, shows that people are happier when they spend money on experiences instead of material objects and when they stop trying to outdo the Joneses.

I completely agree with this statement which is why my husband and I moved our family to Belize in 2004, for one year. These were the days of conspicuous consumption when some parents in our neighborhood purchased a flashy new BMW, Mustang or large truck for their son or daughter, on their sixteenth birthday. We did not want our sons to think they were entitled to such material possessions, as did many of their peers. So we escaped to live a simple life in Belize where adventure and new experiences became part of our daily life.

There seems to be a new trend in the U.S., according to retailers, where “consumers have gravitated more toward experiences than possessions over the last couple of years, opting to use their extra cash for nights at home with family, watching movies and playing games.”

I think this is wonderful news, as far as getting families to spend more time bonding, than out spending. Jennifer Black, president of the retailing research company Jennifer Black & Associates says, “I think people are realizing they don’t need what they had. They’re more interested in creating memories.”

If we look back at our lives, what do we treasure most?

Memories
Purchases
Experiences

It’s sad to see that it takes a recession to make some people realize that spending time with family and friends means more than purchasing an electronic gizmo.

I don’t think the “I want it now” generation has been happy acquiring more stuff. Research shows that anticipation increases happiness.

As far as memories go, how many of you remember the bad things that happened on your trip abroad that later become your most exciting travel tale? I remember, at thirteen, getting stuck in an elevator in Budapest, Hungary, with my best friend. Although terrified at the time, we laugh about it today.

We need to get back to basics; memories, experiences, reconnecting with family, friends and community. I wonder what long-term consequences this will this have on a U.S. economy which relies on consumer spending to grow?