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A Life Changing Moment–Java Davis

July 21, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 2 Comments

20140714_075716

Gas Station

 “My Gutsy Story®” by Java Davis

I spent the summer before senior year of college working as a gas station attendant in Lodi, NJ.  I was 21.  When I think of that summer, I can only recall hot, sunny days, and bright, well-tended flowers in the beds around the station.  In the beginning of the summer, I couldn’t lift the hood of a Cadillac, they were so heavy.  By the end of the summer, I could pop any hood, reveling in my hard won muscle tone.

There were lots of chores, many more than pumping gas and checking oil.  I learned to stock supplies, rake the garden mulch, and paint the yellow trim around the pump islands.  I’d never seen a urinal before until I cleaned those bathrooms.  Every day, I’d arrive and put on my clean, crisp uniform.  At the end of the day, I’d drop it in the station’s laundry hamper, the thighs stained with the dirt from leaning over car engines, and smelling of gasoline fumes.

My coworkers are still clear to me.  There was the station manager, a cheerful, round little man reminiscent of Lou Costello.  There was the young man just starting out, this being his first job.  He focus was on one of the regular customers, a woman known as “the slut.”  He lived to see her decrepit car chugging into the station.  Another coworker was a retarded young man – in those days, retarded wasn’t a curse word.  He knew what he was, and he knew that the gas station job was as far as he would progress.

The last coworker was 19 years old, two years younger than I was.  We made the same money.  I saw the money as summer savings, to be spent during my senior year in college.  My young friend was earning a living, supporting a wife and baby.  He would often tell me how wonderful it was to go home to a loving wife and adorable baby.  I don’t like children and would frequently make retching noises.  I never asked if the baby was a boy or girl.  Baby and burden were the same words to me.

My adult life hadn’t even started yet.  I needed to finish college and settle on a career.  I wasn’t nearly ready to be anchored down.  He would tease me about it, asking me the same question every week: “So when are you getting married?”  And I would always give the same answer:  “I don’t have to.  You’ve already done it for me.”  Very soon, I understood that he was looking for me to validate his life.  I couldn’t ever do that.  I believed that his life was already derailed.

“So when are you getting married?”

“I don’t have to.  You’ve already done it for me.”

He seemed resigned to his fate, cheerfully trying to make it sound like true domestic bliss.  I thought he was crazy.

The summer was coming to an end.  Very soon, I would leave the gas station job and go back to school full-time.  I had just moved into an adorable little apartment.  I couldn’t wait to start the new term and to finally finish my college years.

Two weeks before the end, my boss called me over for a quiet conversation.  My young friend had blown his brains out.  The really sad part was that he botched the job and would be a vegetable for years to come.

I felt like I’d pulled the trigger myself.  When you’re young, everything revolves around you.  If only I’d been more supportive.  Ultimately and objectively, I feel pity and compassion for that poor baby, child, young adult, whose accident of conception drove Dad to such despair.

JAVA DAVIS BIO: I’m retired/disabled. I travel as I please and carve out my own hours for writing. My Jewish roots tend to creep a little into most of my work. Road trips, too. I love road trips and classic cars. I studied English and Linguistics in college. In graduate school, I studied typography and type design. The printing, advertising, and public relations fields had me hogtied for about 15 years. Which authors have inspired me? Ernest Hemingway for his terseness, Marge Piercy for her ability to get into people’s heads, and Robert Pirsig for showing me the value of a journey.

 

SONIA MARSH SAYS: What a terrible tragedy and this must have been a life-changing moment for you.

Join Java on Twitter: @javadavis

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/java.davis

Pinterest: http://bit.ly/Uncmm9

Webspot: http://www.theroadtripwriter.com

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4970385.Java_Davis

CreateSpace: http://bit.ly/1lFJqys

Email: javadavis@live.com

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July 28th, “My Gutsy Story®” by RITA GARDNER 

VOTING FOR YOUR FAVORITE JULY “My Gutsy Story®” STARTS ON JULY 31st AND ENDS ON AUGUST 13th.

THE WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON AUGUST 14th.


NOW Accepting story submissions now for our Award-winning “My Gutsy Story®” Anthology

READ MORE HERE

MGS FINAL COVER Small

 We just won our 4th Award for the Anthology. 

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT ABOUT OUR AWARDS.

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Trust, Intuition, Listen, Become Gutsy and Change

July 17, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 7 Comments

future and past

 

There are certain times in life when you are ready to make a change. It doesn’t matter what that change is, but in order to make that change, you need to:

“Stop hanging onto something that keeps you in your comfort zone.”  —Larry Jacobson 

  • Are you ready for a CHANGE?
  • Are you scared?
  • Can you visualize what that change would look like?
  • Do you trust your intuition?
  • Are you ready to become Gutsy?

 

Gutsy Living ™

is about taking risks in life, and making bold decisions and if I can’t do that, how can I write about it, and expect others to be courageous and follow their dreams?

So what’s my change? I have many going on right now, including:

  • Selling our House
  • Looking for a wonderful job to supplement my income as a writer
  • Applying for the Peace Corps which I’ve been wanting to do for many years before my sons get married and I have grandkids
  • Write another memoir based on experiences in different cultures
  • Interview and share stories of people I meet during my future Peace Corps work (country unknown as of now.)
  • Keep blogging, coaching and publishing the “My Gutsy Story®” Anthology

What fascinates me about the Peace Corps?

  • It’s about the people and experiencing different cultures
  • New adventures
  • Meeting people who know how to be happy with their simple life
  • Learning to listen to others
  • Stop focusing on my own wants and needs (something we excel at in the developed world)
  • Learning to live in the present moment
  • Appreciating what we take for granted in the western world.

One of the important lessons I learned from my family’s year in Belize, was to not impose our American ways on the locals. Unfortunately, I was too hasty in my desire  to start a business in Belize. I made the mistake of assuming that creating a business the American way, would guarantee success. That hard work, honesty and dedication were the core principles and that we would be successful. Little did I know about the importance of taking the time to trust, and earn the trust of the locals. I did not listen to the advice given by our fellow expats about “getting to know the locals first, and  that this could take two years or more.”

This was a life lesson I shall remember to take with me on my future Peace Corps assignment. I have read several stories written by Peace Corps volunteers, and they share how they made the mistake of trying to change things before the locals trusted them. One PCV in Morocco said he finally understood the importance of drinking sweet tea with the locals before they had any desire to listen to him teach a basic computer class.

Unfortunately, many westerners believe our way is the right way, and everyone should do it our way. We need to adapt to their ways, not the other way round.

My friend, Janet Givens, is publishing her memoir: At Home on the Kazakh Steppe, about her Peace Corps experience in Kazakhstan.  She interviewed a fellow memoir writer and author friend,Ian Mathie , who guest posts about his 30 years in Africa, and the ten lessons he has learned. (You can read his fascinating stories on Janet’s blog here.)

“Africa thrives on proverbs. The first I ever learned has lasted me a lifetime and proved itself time and time again. So I’ll offer it to you now: 

Kila ndege hurukwa kwa bawa lake –

Every bird must fly on its own wings. Think about it, and then stretch out your own wings.”–Ian Mathie

The lessons:

  1. Look and listen more than talk
  2. Exploit people’s desires
  3. Let people choose; then they won’t give up
  4. Put ideas in contexts people understand and value
  5. Learn the system and get involved
  6. Use the local talent (including the sorcerers!)
  7. Choose your timing carefully
  8. Always be open, friendly, and co-operative
  9. Let people fly on their own wings
  10. Always be positive and avoid “don’ts”

 I’ve highlighted the 5 that I shall keep in my mind so as to avoid the mistakes I made in Belize.

And most important of all:

Are you ready to fly?

Every bird must fly on its own wings. Think about it, and then stretch out your own wings.


 

NOW Accepting story submissions now for our Award-winning “My Gutsy Story®” Anthology

 READ MORE HERE

MGS FINAL COVER Small

 We just won our 4th Award for the Anthology. 

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT ABOUT OUR AWARDS.

IMG_20140702_070759918

“I Became the Man I Always Wanted to Marry” — Inge Bird

July 14, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 4 Comments

Me full length

“I Became the Man I Always Wanted to Marry”

“My Gutsy Story®” by Inge Bird

A while ago a friend told me that my childhood experiences probably gave me the tooIs to deal with cancer. I have been giving her comment a lot of thought lately. Looking back, I can say my life journey (so far) as been one hell of a ride. I have no regrets. There have been points in my life where I seemed to always be swimming against the tide though.

My mother was an addict. Her drug of choice was codeine. Back in the 60s doctors (or maybe it was just our family doctor) wrote prescriptions anytime a patient asked for them. My mom ate codeine pills like they were candy and washed them down with good old-fashioned whisky. When I turned ten, she wanted me to join “the party.” I never liked the taste of alcohol so I pretended to go along, to keep from getting a beating. My dad worked a lot. He was pretty much an absent parent. I don’t blame him, when he was home he was the brunt of my mother’s anger.

Two months shy of my eighteenth birthday, I had a chance to get away from my abusive home-life and hit the road in a compact car, with two boys and set out for North Carolina. At night I slept in a sleeping bag outside closed businesses and looking back, I probably looked like a bonafide Hippie. I had no life skills and was pretty naïve, but I learned to be street smart pretty quickly. For the next few years I dated abusive men, before settling down and marrying a drunk. I believed I could change him. Don’t we all?

We had a son and that’s when I changed. I would not allow my child to grow up in the same environment I did. The cycle ended with me. I became independent. I left my husband. A few years later my dad had a serious heart attack and me and my son moved back to California.

I was working at a women’s clothing store, when one day I saw an ad in the local newspaper for a delivery person. It was the early 80s and women didn’t take delivery jobs, especially delivering “auto parts.” I got the job because I was the only person who brought a resume to the interview, I had zero experience delivering stuff and knew less about cars.

My manager at the clothing store thought I was crazy to take such a “menial” job and insisted it was not lady-like. She gave me all kinds of grief over my decision, but I was about to double my pay, get health insurance for me and my son and become a Teamster.

I would be delivering auto parts to local repair shops for a dealership. Learning my job was easy. Working with the male employees was another story. Some resented that I was doing a job that “rightfully” belonged to a man who needed to support his family. “

“What’s wrong with you?” they would ask. “Couldn’t you find a man to take care of you?”

Sexual harassment on the job was a common occurrence in the 80s and working in a male-dominated auto industry was no exception. The company’s break room walls were lined with centerfold pictures from Penthouse and Playboy. If I wanted to buy a drink from the soda machine, I had to push the “tits,” ass,” or “bush” buttons. One day I brought in a centerfold picture of a naked male and taped it to the break room wall. All hell broke loose! The guys were “creeped out.” and it was immediately removed. When I complained about the double standard, I became the company “bitch.” The men’s pictures of naked women stayed.

Mind you, my mother had called me lots more creative names than the men so I learned to tune those guys out. I was also gone most of the day, delivering auto parts. I rarely got help loading my small Toyota truck, except with the heavy auto engines. If I was going to do a man’s job, then I would have to do it alone.

I think working in that type of environment made me stronger,not just physically, but emotionally. It taught me to never give up.

Then I remarried. My dad died soon after and I found myself in “crisis.” Not giving in I went to group counseling and read self-help books. Not giving up I started college, wanting to learn more about the world. Soon everything I thought I believed in was challenged and I became what Rush Limbaugh likes to call a “Femi-nazi.” My new husband was overwhelmed by the “new me” and decided it was better if we parted ways.

Still I continued my education and new-found activism, like organizing and participating in marches against the war. I fought to save the planet, the whales and whatever else needed saving. I became the man I always wanted to marry (just kidding). I was happy with my independence. I would never be a victim again.

Then cancer smacked me in the butt. I had a new husband. My son was now grown. They became my support system. I owe them a great deal for helping me. I don’t know if I would have had the same successful outcome without them, but I do know I was not going down without a fight.

So my friend is probably right. Not only did my childhood prepare me for the fight against cancer but all of my life experiences laid down the groundwork for that battle.

I am not alone. I have met plenty of others who have had a “rocky” period in their lives, and it is those persons who seem to do the best. Not all of them survive, but they never give up trying. They keep showing up.

Wasn’t it Woody Allen who said, “The key to success is to keep showing up?”

INGE BIRD: I am a stage 4 rectal cancer survivor (cancer free since June 2011), speaker, healthy food advocate/activist, vegan, practicing Buddhist, ostomate,  and well-being coach. I volunteer at UCI Medical Center Infusion Center, where my main goal is to offer hope to patients getting cancer treatments. My story is also featured on the American Cancer Society’s Website “Stories of Hope.” Website: www.rectalcancermyass.wordpress.com

Join Inge on Facebook:

Join Inge on Twitter: @IngeScott

SONIA MARSH SAYS: You are one “gutsy” woman Inge, and I love your style, and proactive approach to life. The statement you made says it all:

“ I became the man I always wanted to marry.”

You are amazing, and I admire what you have done with your life.

July 21st, “My Gutsy Story®” by JAVA DAVIS

July 28th, “My Gutsy Story®” by RITA GARDNER 


 

NOW Accepting story submissions now for our Award-winning “My Gutsy Story®” Anthology

READ MORE HERE

MGS FINAL COVER Small

 We just won our 4th Award for the Anthology. 

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT ABOUT OUR AWARDS.

IMG_20140702_070759918

Volunteer in Africa: Tanzania, Moshi, Zanzibar, Mt. Kilimanjaro

July 10, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 3 Comments

Photo credit Peace corps website
Photo credit Peace corps website

As some of you know from my recent posts, I’m in a period of transition, re-evaluating my next move. I’ve recently trademarked:

GUTSY LIVING™

and I’m looking for other adventures, including the Peace Corps. On July 11th, I have an appointment with a Peace Corps recruiter to ask many questions, including my desire to blog for the Peace Corps, and more. Here is my list of questions for my recruiter appointment.

Peace Corps Questions

  • I am fluent in French. How likely is it they will send me to a French speaking country?
  • As a published author and blogger, can I blog for PC site?
  • Do we get to bring our laptops?
  • How likely is it that we have Internet in our country? Senegal, Madagascar, Benin, Vanuatu?
  • Any Caribbean countries that need a French speaker?
  • What about personal supplies like face cream, sunblock, toothpaste we like, etc? Can we receive care packages? How often?
  • When do we need to start the doctor/dentist visits?
  • I have a degree in Environmental Science but prefer to work with helping women and children. Is that possible?
  • Can you connect me with other women 56+ who are PC volunteers?
  • Can I work as a trainer for PC?
  • How easy is it to get a job as a recruiter for baby boomers when I return? Is it a full-time paying job?
  • Do recruiters get to travel around the US?
  • Are there other jobs available for older PC volunteers when they return?
  • An ex-PC volunteer sent me this. Is it true that I could perhaps apply for an assignment for 6 months ? “Peace Corps Response is now open to non RPCVs.  It’s a shorter term assignment, usually about 6 months, and they take volunteers with specific skills.  In your case, I’d imagine organizing and marketing.  And the fact that you are already fluent in French can be a real asset.”

Yelena Parker is a global citizen who has worked in over twenty countries, and who just completed 4 months in Moshi, Tanzania, followed by Zanzibar. I first interviewed her with Monika Fox who founded “Give a Heart to Africa” where Yelena volunteered for two months.

 

 

Follow-up Interview with Yelena Parker after her 4 months volunteering in Moshi and Zanzibar, Tanzania. She also talks about her 6-day climb up

Mt. Kilimanjaro.

 

Yelena Parker is an expert on expatriate life and has published a guidebook-meets-memoir called Moving Without Shaking, available now in Kindle format, and very soon in print format.

Yelena Parker Book Moving_Without_Shaking_Book-Cover-200x300
Click on cover to order on Amazon

 

“Finding Heaven” My Gutsy Story® – Patrice Garrett

July 7, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 2 Comments

Patrice Garrett

Finding Heaven

“My Gutsy Story®” Patrice Garrett

 

Many moons ago, when my world was young, my husband, and I packed into our old van, and headed south to Mexico for rest and relaxation.

On our travels we befriended an American hitchhiker, a likeable fellow in his late teens, who’d had his money and gear stolen. Peter spent three weeks with us, roaming dirt roads and Mayan ruins south of Cuernavaca.

He told us little about his life in the States except to say, his folks had mandated a change of scene, and shipped him West to live with his cousin, Ben.

When he finally decided to head for home, we drove him up to Mexico City and staked him to a bus ticket and pocket money. As we hugged goodbye we accepted his proffered invitation to visit him on our way back to California, and “stay as long as you like.”

“Take Black Canyon exit off the freeway. Go about ten miles. You’ll see the place off to your right. There’s no street address, but you can’t miss it,” he said, and scooted into the waiting Tres Estrellas bus.

We tooled around Mexico for two more weeks, making our way north through marketplaces and fiestas. When our trip ended, we pointed the van toward the Arizona border crossing and decided to find our mysterious friend, Peter, and say hello.

His simple instructions were easy to follow. We took the proper freeway exit, shocked, when in less than half a mile, all asphalt vanished. Wondering what we were getting into, we drove on. Surrounded by an endless, cactus studded desert, and imposing flat-topped mesas, we bumped along a dirt road in the afternoon heat, at speeds below five miles an hour. I grew anxious, picturing crazed, back-country cult communities … then suddenly, to the right and slightly below us, a vast swath of lush green appeared. There it was!

Several houses, palm trees, flowerbeds, and barns were visible as the dusty road wound down into a shallow valley. I could hardly believe my eyes when white-fenced pastures dotted with grazing horses came into view. Excitement shot through me. Worries about safety evaporated. Horses. My childhood fantasy! My wannabe inner cowgirl danced a jig.

We pulled into a dream world, where “Cookie” provided meals in the main house. All of us, Peter, his older cousin Ben, the ranch manager, horse trainers, my husband and I, gathered around a big, wooden mess table and ate beautifully prepared food. Our seating shared floor space with a priceless four hundred year-old, blue and white, porcelain Dutch oven. My husband spent afternoons in the swimming pool—a glittering jewel, set in a sea of sand.

In the evenings we tumbled into our guesthouse digs, complete with French antique furnishings, a huge comfortable bed, and centuries old Chinese embroideries, artfully hung. Stone by stone, a floor-to-ceiling fireplace climbed one full wall. There was a tiny kitchen. The bathroom offered shampoo and toothpaste, and engraved matchbooks.

My first thought was, Peter lived at some sort of fancy western dude resort. I was soon set straight. It seems that our hitchhiker was the son of an American banking family. I was in horse heaven on Ben Rockefeller’s tax loss ranch.

The first few days, I jumped out of bed early, pulled on my cowboy boots, and wandered the property. One particular animal caught my attention. She lived alone in a big pasture. A dark bay, with flecks of gold in her coat-she was a beauty. Her name was Teya, an Arabian mare, ranch hands told me, shaking their heads, warning me off.

I spoke to Peter about her, over a breakfast feast he explained she wasn’t a good horse to ride. She was hard to catch, unsociable, mistrustful, and quite uncooperative under saddle, dangerous.

Naturally, after hearing that, all I wanted to do was win her over. So, every sunup I trotted out to her paddock with an apple in hand. I stood for long times near the fence, sometimes quietly, sometimes chattering in soft tones, inviting her into my space, holding apple halves out in my palms. Finally, one day, she ever-so-slowly picked her way towards me and daintily gathered up her treat. ‘I’m gonna ride that wild horse,” I announced at dinner. Peter choked on his beef stew. My husband drained his wine glass.

Each morning, she came more quickly than she had the day before to collect her apple chunks. In less than a week, Teya let me rub her muzzle, fling my arms around her neck, and press my face into her long, thick mane. That little mare stole my heart. I never had to catch her. She willingly slipped into her bridle for me, she was all mine, and I treasured her.

My biggest delight was taking her on trail rides. We explored dry desert washes and wended our way up onto ancient mesas. Teya loved to run, hated to stop, and on narrow tracks tried to push her nose into the rear end of any horse that dared step in front of her. She had no respect for the bit. It was a challenging riding experience that came with a gift, the realization of my lifelong desire—she made a cowgirl of me. When our splendid visit came to an end, leaving Teya and Peter’s ranch was especially hard. Wrenching.

Though Teya’s gone to her reward, I always smile when I remember riding horseback on an Arab mare, some forty years ago, wearing leather gloves to protect my hands from rope-rein blisters. It changed me. I found my courage and self-confidence on her back. Because of Teya I bought my first horse. I learned that horses mirror the fears, thoughts and resolve of their riders; they decipher nuance and interpret body language. Mine have taught me patience, honesty, leadership, and conscious riding. My acquired saddle skills also inform how I walk life’s road. I’ve learned there’s no faking it. I live with intention.

PATRICE GARRETT embraces the American West and has a penchant for the cowboy way of life. Her published writing includes press releases, articles, and short fiction. She has a first novel in rewrite, a website where you can enjoy her stories and blog. Her work has appeared in the Nob Hill Gazette, Marin Independent Journal, FYI San Francisco, The Horse Journal, Family News, Up Beat Times, Petaluma Post, Tiny Lights, Call of The Wild, and other publications. In 2014, her stories are appearing in two new anthologies. She is a member of Redwood Writers. Contact Patrice thru her website: www.wordwranglingwoman.com

SONIA MARSH SAYS:  I have always had a fear of horses, mainly because I am not used to being around them. Your “My Gutsy Story®,” showed me that:

“Horses mirror the fears, thoughts and resolve of their riders; they decipher nuance and interpret body language. Mine have taught me patience, honesty, leadership, and conscious riding. My acquired saddle skills also inform how I walk life’s road. I’ve learned there’s no faking it. I live with intention.”

 

NOW Accepting story submissions now for our Award-winning “My Gutsy Story®” Anthology

READ MORE HERE

MGS FINAL COVER Small

 We just won our 4th Award for the Anthology. 

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT ABOUT OUR AWARDS.

IMG_20140702_070759918

 

 


 

Next Webinar with expert Jason Matthews on July 11th at 9 a.m., PST. “Metadata Made Easy: Find the Best Keywords for Books, Blog Posts and Social Media.”

Send your questions to me at :Sonia@SoniaMarsh.com.

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If you need help with blogging, book marketing and promotion, please contact me and visit my

CLICK HERE for Gutsy Book Coaching

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