Runaway Writer Found on Beach, Heart Broken, but Alive!
One of the best moves I’ve ever made was to run away from home when I was almost fifty-one years-old. Once I made the move, my life changed. I did meet a small new circle of friends, but the biggest change was in my writing life.
It had been over 10 years since I was actively writing online. Back then I was writing for online magazines, a weekly column on the now defunct “She’s Got” network, and I ran a site for young writers. I wrote children’s stories, poetry, and a novel, while plotting my moves to publish them all. Then life took another swing at me and my writing life was back to just me and my journal, which satisfied me for a time.
In 2008 a personal tragedy brought writing back into my life; I wrote online updates to friends and family about my husband’s fight with leukemia. I wrote from Paul’s hospital bedside and from the desk at our temporary housing near the hospital and clinic. I wrote about our thoughts and feelings, about the latest medicines, and their cruel side effects. I tried to keep positive and I tried to make our weird humor an ingredient of my updates. Amazingly to me, I kept getting comments on my updates like, “I hope you’re saving this for a book,” and “This is going in the book isn’t it,” and “You have to write a book to help others through what you and Paul have been through.”
Almost a year from the day he was diagnosed, Paul passed away at home in our bed. Even stunned by his death though, I missed writing those updates. A few weeks later I began an email journal of my painful progress through nightmare estate issues and my stunted grief process. My email journal went out (and still does) to our same circle from the leukemia updates, with pictures, poetry, and reader comments. My audience continues to laugh, cry and cheer for me.
It was six months after Paul’s death that I ran away from home. Our home was home no more; it was a torn shell that had once been the comfortable shelter of our love. Home was now held hostage in a gripping tug-of-war between lawyers and heirs. All I could focus on during those first six months was Paul and my driving need to be near the ocean; a need that pulled me like the moon tugs at the tides. Some of our most fun and soothing times had been spent walking sandy shores.
During those six months before I ran away, I thought of other times that I had found sanctuary on the beach. As a young divorced mother, I had often bundled up my nursing son and my toddler-daughter and made excursions to a friend’s beach cottage, or to the sands of Ocean Shores Washington. I recalled treasured memories of Huntington Beach California, with my beautiful red-headed sister and our young families.
As beach memories crowded my thoughts, automatic pilot (that self-protective part of me) managed the details of the next episode of my life. Without that autopilot, I could never have abandoned our home; that sacred place of “us.” Autopilot shielded me from sinking into fear and served up a pair of wings for my flight to the beach.
Maggie’s as safe as the closet that our dog, Jake, snuggled into during fireworks or storms (and she’s not much bigger than that closet!). Maggie is a travel trailer who beats her chest with happiness when salty winds batter her metal skin. She sings along with the chimes I hang, and apologizes unceasingly when her plumbing proves imperfect. Maggie is home, and only a short walk to the beach.
Once settled into my new life, the addiction began. I dug out old work. I produced new work. I started writing under my maiden name, which I had not used since 1977. The solitary writer’s life I led now had little resemblance to any of the former lives I’d led the past 36 years, so a new (old) name made perfect sense to me.
I polished a children’s book written for my children when they were young, and then I wrote a 4000-word story based on my granddaughters. I pulled out a series of poem-stories that I wrote years ago; I had drawn little booklet covers and attached the poem-stories to whimsical creatures that my girlfriend made for sale.
I spent hours researching and educating myself on writing and publishing in this new modern world. I joined a local writer’s class in the arts center and an online memoir class. I began attending a local writing group at my library. There, I presented a new story I was writing based on the superhero flights of fancy of one of my grandsons, but written for all three of them.
More research. I followed a course online on building a writer’s platform. I made my website to blog my future readers. I joined Twitter and Facebook. I passed the initiation and became a member of several online writing groups. I was writing new material every day and blogging most of it. The feedback was encouraging, more than encouraging, as several professional and/or published writers were insisting I publish my work. I was on a roll.
I’m still on that roll. I’ve had two other very close deaths recently that almost stopped me in my tracks again. The grief is overwhelming, but what I can do is write. I can write of the cold dark hours and long, never-ending days of my grief. I can even write and photograph the joyful minutes that I allow myself to see and feel the miracles of nature; the raging waves reaching for the shore, the dancing birds on the sand who rejoice in flight, the moss-covered shack I capture being swallowed by vegetation. I’m at my beach and I’m writing a memoir. I’m alive and I’m hopeful.
PATTI HALL is currently working on her memoir series, Souvenirs from My Heart, about love, illness and loss.
During the 90’s Patti wrote online articles and a weekly column for a now defunct network. Her site, Rising Writers, for aspiring young writers was voted Top 101 Writers Web Site in Writer’s Digest for 2000. She wrote poetry and essays, an anthology of women’s writing, newsletters, and edited her college newspaper.
Patti lives near the beach and enjoys her solitude. She spends her time walking on the beach, writing, reading, taking photos, gardening, traveling and genealogy. Visit Patti at www.1writeplace.com
Follow Patti on Twitter @PattiHallWrite, and on Facebook.
SONIA MARSH SAYS: Your story is so beautiful, and I felt such strength within you to focus on your passion to write while overcoming the loss of your husband.
Do you have a “My Gutsy Story®” you’d like to share?
Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?
Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.
You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here
Our July stories have started with Liz Burgess and Sharon Leaf, both sharing her “My Gutsy Story®.”
Don’t miss Thursday’s post on SURPRISE KEYNOTE SPEAKER for “My Gutsy Story® event on September 26th, 2013.
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I feel honored to have walked with you and have been witness to your strength many times since you were a child. Keep up the good work, Patti. Your story gives a lifeline to some going through similar trials.
Thank you, my “ant”. I’ve been lucky to have so many people lifting me up!
I know your story will inspire many who have not had the courage to keep going after the loss of a loved one. Thanks for sharing your story with us Patti.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..“My Gutsy Story®” Patti Hall
Thank you for this opportunity to share my story. Losing my Paul was devastating, but then my sister died suddenly at only 46, and then my 3 year-old grandson’s death a few months ago almost knocked me flat. I just keep saying, “I can write.”
Patti Hall recently posted..Writer’s Journal; Thanks, Writer’s Group, Gutsy, Memoir
Sonia, can you tell us how/when we can vote? I keep getting questions, but don’t seem to be able to find the info on the site.
Thanks,
Patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
Such a brave triumph over what could have been agony and despair. I wish you all the luck in the world with your writing! Thanks for your inspiration to others.
And you are one of my new friends who has been so giving, Susan. Thank you!
Patti Hall recently posted..Writer’s Journal; Thanks, Writer’s Group, Gutsy, Memoir
What a moving story.
Lady Fi recently posted..Playing with light
Thank you. I took a stroll over to your place and saw all that beautiful photography—very nice visit.
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
Beautiful! I truly enjoy your writing and I look forward to reading more. Keep on being Gutsy!
Thank you, Heather, so glad you stopped in to read my story.
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
congratulations on putting up such a great fight and surviving such a devastating period in your life. More than that many congratulations on continuing to write. I’m so sorry that you’ve suffered two more terrible blows in such a short space of time. They can easily knock you back but you’re showing real strength and fortitude.
I’m making great progress at getting my life back on track after a similar loss but despite being able to manage my blog and inject a little humour,I’ve still not been able to start writing again. Whatever get up and go I had, got up and went. I’m delighted to see you’re back t writing at full strength if not more.
This was a very touching story. xxx Huge Hugs xxx
David Prosser recently posted..Kindnesses.
Dear David,
You have obviously suffered a great loss too. I can offer you my sincere sympathy.
You are still holding on and keeping your blog going, that is huge. Many people could not do that much. {That’s a pat on the back).
I’m not sure my obsession with writing makes me any further along than you. One day I may wake up from this and be right where you are. This grieving stuff seems to be unique for each of us.
I do believe however we manage through it, that is not destructive to ourselves or others, is okay.
Please stay in touch (that’s a hug).
Thank you for reading my story and making such meaningful comments.
Patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
beautifully written Patti! thank you, all of patti,s writer friends, for appreciating patti,s work. mama
Everyone should have such a mama. I’m so fortunate. See how sweet she is? Doncha’ just love her? I do, thanks mom :>)
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
Hello My Friend :))
Well done, NaNo cabin mate! You’ve managed to take some out and still are left with this powerful statement of love and courage. ***hugs***
Ellespeth
Thank you, Ellespeth. I’m glad you came by. I bet you have at least one gutsy story. I would love to read it. Love your poetry and how you make it into stories.
Hugsback :>)
Patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
So moving, Patti, and so inspiring too! I love that you’ve embraced your life and are living it as you need to, not as how other people might think you need to. Love that picture of you and Paul. Thank you for posting your gutsy story! Hugs! <3
Marie Ann Bailey recently posted..Championship for the Ages Round 3!
Thank you, Marie. I’m so lucky to have such a loving support circle. Not one of them showed anything but encouragement when I ran away from home.
That was a fun and last Halloween. Earlier, we had been covered in plastic bugs, spiders and snakes. That is Cora, my 1st grand from my Sara. Cora spent a lot of time with Paul & I. My daughter was so generous with sharing Cora with us.
Thanks for coming here and leaving a msg.
Hugsback,
patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
I dream of someday returning to the beach (Huntington will always be my favorite). I’m so happy you and your Paul had such wonderful memories on the beach. Thank you for writing such an inspiring story, not only about your fight with the disease, but your courage to continue to write…no matter what. I’ve been wanting to join the writer’s group at my local library, and you’ve just given me the kick that I needed. Thank you for that, and for sharing your heartfelt story!
Liz B recently posted..I Used To Be….
Thank you, Liz. it took a lot for me to join that (any) group, but it has been wonderful. I am going to build them a website and we are planning a mini-conference for writer’s this fall. We read and critique…it is good.
Again, thanks for reading and commenting and sending you courage to leap into your writer’s group!
Patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
Dear Patti,
You have had such loss and sadness, still you possess strength, kept a sense of humor, and offer hope and inspiration for others. I wish you well with your book endeavour and know that your words will benefit many. Although I have only known you for a brief time, I feel as if I have known you forever.
Your friend,
Lynne
There’s that smiling face again! Thanks for your kind words, Lynne. So glad you came by here and added your comment. We’ll “see” more of each other and I feel the same about our friendship.
Hugs,
Patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
It’s nice to hear your story after kind of being there when it all happened. You have been through so much grief and now putting yourself in to action to overcome is a wonderful to behold. The lives you are touching including mine are blessed. And now I found your Facebook page!! Love you.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I would never have been able to do what I have done without my peeps. As I have been saying since Paul was diagnosed, I have the world’s best circle of loving, supportive family and friends. Bar none.
love ya,
Patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-One
Patti, voting for July stories doesn’t start until August 1st until August 14th, with the winner announced on August 15th.
Sonia Marsh recently posted..“Bring Out the Gutsy in You” with Marybeth Bond
Patti,
I’m so glad that your writing has helped you through times of grief and become your steady companion, your addiction, and your memory keeper. What makes your story and you so gutsy is your ability to take back your life and stay positive after tremendous losses.
Penelope J recently posted..WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YESTERDAY’S HOME WAS A MANSION AND NOW IT’S ONE ROOM?
Penelope (I love this name),
Thank you for your kind words. I hope it encourages those who feel helpless with grief/loss/pain, to write it out. For me, making my writing public and hearing how it has reached others, is a main part that keeps me going.
Will go see you next,
Patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Weekly Photo Challenge: Fresh
Wow! Beautifully written, acknowledging the pain without taking away the hope and celebration of the beauty that had been and the power of writing as a healing tool. Though I have not experienced loss on this scale in my life, I can certainly relate to writing as a powerful tool for returning me back to the best of myself. Thanks for sharing and congratulations on having your story shared here.
Thank you, Harula. I like that thought, “…returning me back to the best of myself.”
I appreciate you coming across town here to read and comment.
Patti
Patti Hall recently posted..Weekly Photo Challenge: Fresh
I love you and your beautiful words of strength in the hardest of times. You are my inspiration. Love you momma
Thank you, my sweet girl. I love you too. Momma
Patti Hall recently posted..Celebrate A New Book! Briana Vedsted Is HERE!
Very nicely done..so inspiring.
Thank you! I almost missed this:>)
Patti Hall recently posted..Souvenirs from My Heart; Postcards-Six
Patti, you are such an encouragement to those who have lost a loved one. For you, three. My heart and prayers go out to you as you continue on your journey. I visited your blog and I was touched in so many ways. I once lived in Huntington Beach and I’m still drawn to the ocean (now the Atlantic). I wish you smooth sailing and oceans of blessings.
Sharon,
On the eve of our little contest, I found this note.Thank you for commenting here and for being such a fun person to compete with! You have had some amazing journeys and that will get others up and moving towards their dreams too.
Glad you like my place on the web and hope you come back and visit.I hope we get a chance to meet in Seattle.
Take care,
Patti
This is way cool. I feel honored to know your story and your courage.
Susan Nicholls recently posted..Obituary of Historical Figure, Writing prompt: Moses Grier
Patti,
You are an inspiration both for your travels through grief and your on and off affair with writing. Like so many of us, “real life” has interfered with your writing and has motivated your writing. You are also a whirlwind of accomplishments. I’m so glad you’re my blogger friend xo.
Luanne
Happy Second Place! You deserved first in my book. Hope to meet you when I come to Seattle next month. I love road trips! Keep writing, and oceans of blessings!
Hey, my gutsy friend, congratulations on getting 2nd place in the contest!
Marie Ann Bailey recently posted..Day 23 Prompt: Remembering Fort Hunter