When my husband and I moved to Belize, I knew we’d found the perfect place for romance. The two of us would embrace on the powdery sand with the sun’s warmth caressing our bodies. After a couple of exotic coconut rum punches, passion would take over, right?
Wrong! A primitive hut on stilts is not the place for a fulfilling love life. There’s a limit to how many coconut rum punches you can knock back while ignoring scorpions, large spiders, sweaty odors and sand flies sharing your bed. Having a mosquito net made no difference; the critters appeared on-time, and uninvited.
We moved from a luxury California king-size mattress to a knobby double mattress in Belize. Duke’s feet stuck out a foot or so, but at least the mattress offered a separation between us and the floor’s ecosystem.
The ceiling fauna was exactly the same, but gravity caused numerous landings of critters and their poop, onto our protective mosquito net. I just prayed that a giant iguana or rat wouldn’t fall out of the palm-fronded, vaulted ceiling and cause the net to collapse over our faces.
Body odor was another distraction during romance. The humidity and lack of air-conditioning caused us to sweat like baboons. I tried everything to get our sheets to smell fresh, but our stinky well water didn’t help matters. I boiled pot after pot of water mixed with bleach on my kitchen stove, and sprinted outside to fill our washing machine located underneath our hut. A colony of dock flies resided next to the washing machine and pounced on my legs, like hungry carnivores. Within an hour, I’d have large welts. I finally gave up and sprayed my precious Chanel perfume onto our sheets, but this was only a three-second fix. Desperate, I sprayed some inside my nostrils, and screamed in pain.
On this special Valentine’s Day, please remember how lucky you are to have a comfortable bed with clean sheets. If you want some tropical romance, check yourself into a nice hotel with air-conditioning.
What about you? Any romantic or fun stories to share?
LOL – this describes the tropics all too well!
Hope you're enjoying some clean sheets and mosquito-free rum punches!
Lucky for you that you have such a great sense of humor! I am a beast when I sweat, forget about the odor, just being moist all the time makes me say and do things that many women say or do during labor!
I know the sacrifices you made to live in Belize, and I am humbled by them.
Thanks for sharing your stories!
Well there was this one pond and ….
Oh never mind, we had a good time o.k.!
What an experience Sonia. I despise most bugs. I don't know that I could have been as brave as you!
Happy Valentine's Day!
Love Di ♥
I love this refreshingly honest post! Sometimes paradise is a lot more normal than we imagined 🙂
Miss Sadie says
Well, another "interesting" chapter to your adventure.
Sometimes Paradise just doesn't meet the hype, does it?
Loved the amusiing and descriptive story! We had scorpions in our new house when we moved in.
So FUNNY! I love the reality check of it all. SO maybe this freezing cold weather isn't so bad after all, the sheets are crisp, there are no bugs, and the sun is shining. What great memories you have.
The grass is not greener on the other side, but the bugs are bigger.
You are not likely to get a contract from the Belize Chamber of Commerce, but this was a great piece!
I know you can relate to the weather.
Thanks for your kind comment. It was a great experience though.
Very funny. keep going.
I know you've lived in such a climate too.
I've finally discovered the meaning of paradise.
Well I'm ready for Naples now.
Wow. You make cold weather sound heavenly.
It's true that we often have such a vision that nothing can fulfill, but that is extreme! Since my idea of camping is a Holiday Inn, even in the tropics, I wouldn't have lasted long in your circumstances. You're a better woman than I Sonia!
Thanks for this funny post!
Miss Footloose | Life in the Expat Lane says
A story after my own heart ;)! Just think how strong your marriage must be if you survived this together.
And from experience I know that the tropics without air conditioning is no paradise. I've sweated buckets and let's not start on the bugs!
Happy Valentine's Day!
Robert the Skeptic says
I love it, the mythology is always sweeter than the reality, isn't it. We live in a part of the country where the mosquitoes are few and I've never ever seen a cockroach. Ok we do have black spiders… and the rain can become oppressive.
We have made our home into our "resort" and we even have a spa. We have it good and we know it.
Yep, romance vs reality – it ain't pretty. You summed up my idea of romance in one phrase: king-sized mattress!
Antares Cryptos says
"The ceiling fauna…". A most accurate description.
This was the hut we first rented on the mainland. Our house was much nicer on beautiful Ambergris Caye.
I think it's easier to accept when you view things as an adventure.
Oh, your stories about expat life are the best.
But do you have adventure? I'm sure you do.
Yes it was.
some of my 24 yrs in the US Navy were VERY uncomfortable (Adak, Ak, Persian Gulf) and I totally relate to your post. If only I had thought of bringing perfume and infusing my nasal cavity; that might have made all the difference! LOL….be well. You are a brave soul.
@Paul, thanks for your comment. As I mentioned the perfume was only a very temporary fix. Come back again. Sonia.
Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot says
Lol, can’t believe you sprayed the perfume up your nose. Ouch. We also did the developing country honeymoon and with three kids in tow who all got TERRIBLE tummy bugs so we ended up renaming it our poopymoon;(
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