Is life about quality versus quantity? Growing up in Paris, I would say “QUALITY” is my motto.
It has helped me think before making impulsive decisions as it relates to the following areas in my life:
- Food choice (I prefer to buy fresh good quality food, than processed items.)
- Exercise (I prefer to do short focused work outs, than hours on the treadmill.)
- Clothing/shoes (I prefer to buy one item I really like than three on sale that are just okay.)
- Friendships (I prefer one or two “very close” friends I can count on than fifty superficial ones.)
- Coffee (I prefer one cup of excellent coffee a day, than three cups of weak coffee)
But there is one item where I don’t believe quality time counts more than quantity of time and that’s raising your kids.
How we raise our kids is a very “touchy” subject. And I won’t argue with you, because you know what you’re doing is the right thing for your family. So let me say, that as far as my own situation, I did what felt right to me. I stayed home with my kids.
WHY? Because,
- I was lucky to have a husband who could afford to pay our bills.
- My husband supported me in sharing the same beliefs.
- I wanted to stay home and raise my three sons rather than have them in a childcare.
- I wanted to cook family meals and shop for fresh food like my mother did when I was a kid living in Europe.
- I wanted to be less tired and less stressed at home and not worry about my job.
WAS I RIGHT? Yes,
- I enjoyed raising my kids.
- I was home when my teenager started getting in trouble and could take care of the problems.
- I gave my husband less stress by taking care of him and our family.
- I offered a set table and family dinners every night, to stimulate family conversations.
WAS I WRONG? Yes,
- I felt guilty about not paying the bills.
- I did not offer my husband a break from quitting a job he didn’t enjoy by helping out financially.
- I have been out of the the competitive workforce for twenty years, and can only find minimum wage jobs despite having a Bachelors in Environmental Science.
My recommendations:
Stop worrying about whether you’re doing the right thing or the wrong thing by working or staying home with your kids.
Do what feels right to you. Don’t listen to articles that tell you, “Stay home and raise your kids. If you can’t, you can’t.
Don’t listen to articles that say, “Kids do better with a few hours of quality time parenting at night when you get home.” If you able to, and want to stay home, then do it.
Who really cares what the media tells you. Each kid, and each parent is different. Believe me, I know from my own three kids. So do what feels right to you.
That’s why I drink quality coffee every day. It just feels right and makes me happy, even if the media says too much caffeine can cause breast cancer. I’ve also read articles that state caffeine is good for you.
Smile. Make the right choice for you. Enjoy life.
Great post!!
I totally agree: everyone is different, every child, every parent
…the only thing we need to add is stop judging if others are different in their beliefs!!
Believe in yourself!
BG
Sonia, I could (almost) have written the same post 😉 and you and I have made much the same choices for the same reasons.
Of course there is no perfect way to do anything and we all have our own set of circumstances to consider.
I'm with you about quality over quantity. I've just had my small, strong delicous cup of coffee, the only one I'll have today. 😉
I work 75% of the time. After putting in some early mornings or weekend hours, I can pick the kids up only an hour or so after school finishes and still have masses of time left over for them.
wow, an excellent writing again…
I can hear you. I can hear and read how you've found your own voice.
I'm so happy for you!
Plus I agree what you write.
Have a great week ahead!
no further comment needed actually…
thank you for this honest post!
love from amsterdam
xxx
I'm happy I've been able to stay home and raise our two boys. I do it because my husband and me made that decision a few months after my 2nd son was born and I have no judgements against moms who do work. Some of them have no choice and some of them want the fulfillment or the families want the stability of two incomes. It was hard for me to stay home a couple of years ago when my husband lost his job. He finally got another one, though making half what he used to. That's when I really learned how to save money and how to prioritize what is important and what we can do without.
Good for you for recognising the balance in our choices and their consequences. Too many people look one way or the other.
@Ballerina Girl
Good advice. Problem is we always doubt ourselves, especially when we listen to the media.
@Miss Footloose
I always knew we were twins. HAHAHA!
@LadyFi
You know what works for you.
@BLOGitse
Thanks. Let's hope I can keep my own voice.
@Paul@amp
Nice to have someone from Amsterdam. Welcome.
@Wilmom
I'd love to hear how you managed to live without when your husband had to get another job.
@Madame DeFarge
Thanks for your observation.
We are all different, its true, but I agree that to the measure that each of us can, quantity time is the best way to go with our kids.
And I'm with you on good coffee. So delicious!
Hey Sonia, having 3 boys is pretty gutsy too:) Though not by design I know since we can't plan these things. Yes, we do have lots in common and it's fun to read your blog. I think guilt is an integral part of motherhood but I'm learning to let go of it – I;ve been a mum 12 years now and it's getting easier to live with the fact that I'm not a perfect mum but I'm still the perfect mum for my kids:)
What an exciting life you've lead and are still enjoying. Wonderful to see people taking blog moves with their families.
@Brenda
Doesn't coffee at 8:11 p.m. keep you awake?
@Annabel Candy
Great to have a comment from you. I can see you walking on the beach getting inspiration before each blog post, and juggling the whole family/blogging/business aspect.
I think you have written a well-balanced, non-threatening post here. I have also been fortunate enough to stay home and I have treasured these years. Quantity is better.
My wife was a single mom before we met, she spent some time at home with the kids and other times they had to go to daycare. Nancy is pretty outspoken about this often (politically correct) stated idea that being a mother is like having two full time jobs. She disagrees – she handled motherhood and managed the household and ended up with a lot of free time. She wanted to work for both the financial and intellectual challenge.
All of our kids had some day care experience and they all came out just fine. In fact some of our kids are adult friends with some of the kids they were in childcare with.
As you say, find your own road for what is right for you. There is no one path.
I like your advice to stop worrying about choices. We make choices as best we can at the time. There aren't wrong and right choices; there are choices. If we see that a choice we've made isn't working out, we can make another choice. Time spend on worrying is wasted. I like the idea of learning from our choices.
Keep being gutsy!!
I like your advice to stop worrying about choices. We make choices as best we can at the time. There aren't wrong and right choices; there are choices. If we see that a choice we've made isn't working out, we can make another choice. Time spend on worrying is wasted. I like the idea of learning from our choices.
Keep being gutsy!!
I totally agree with you! No one can know your personal situation better than you.
I was fortunate when my kids were young I had jobs that offered flexibility. I also owned my own business for a while, so that helped, too.
We need less judging and more cheerleading!
Thanks for the post!
Great post. Yes, you're right we all must find our own way. Parenting is a tricky business.
Sonia ~ I pretty much switched over from coffee a few (10+) years ago. Now I just have it with dessert on special occasions like birthdays and holidays. But now I drink enough iced tea to float a dingy each day. ~ jb///
@Debbie
Glad you had the chance do follow what you wished for.
@Robert the Skeptic
Glad your wife found the right balance for her. Also that you met her.
@Cora
You put it even better than I did. Choices are what they are: neither right nor wrong.
@Barbara
Glad you found truth in what I said and can relate.
@Lauri
Now that my kids are gone, I miss the parenting part.
@LZBlogger
Do you drink iced tea even when it's cold outside?
hello sonia – am visiting via rob-bear's site. watched your video and found it really helpful, as a new blogger myself. really enjoyed exploring your blog and am excited to find another memoirist writing about a beloved locale. will be back!
Excellent post Gutsy. I sometimes fear that my choice to stay at home with our 3 kids will end with me not being able to enter the competitive job market again.
But when I really think about it – it will be a small price to pay 🙂
i enjoy exactly how you receive your level throughout