Sonia Marsh - Gutsy Living

Life's too short to play it safe

Mental Illness and What I’ve Discovered

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Illustration of a mind
Schizophrenia: Mental Illness- NAMI.org

It’s no surprise that we are feeling overwhelmed with all the wars going on in the world, the surge of  mental illness among our youth, loneliness among the elderly, and global warming to name a few, we have to shift our mindset to being kind, and practicing gratitude in order to “survive!”

Mental Illness and What I’ve Discovered

People don’t normally talk about mental illness within their own family but since I’ve become open about my situation, I realize that nearly everyone knows someone, or has a family member, suffering from a mental illness.

When I realized how mental illness in a loved one can change your life, I asked: “Why Me?” It throws you of course and now I spend my time learning as much as I can about schizophrenia, a disease that afflicts 2.8 million adults in the U.S. This is not what I was planning at this stage of my life.

Not only is my son suffering from delusions and voices in his head, but I’m suffering from not being able to get through to him that he needs medication and help. If you’re not careful, stress can take over and we all know that stress is the root cause of so many health issues.

I find it difficult to focus on writing my second memoir as well as blogging. This post has been in draft mode for several months until today, when I said, “Enough! get moving and publish it!”

Who knows, I may be able to help someone who is going through the same problems as I am.

I have some links below that have been extremely helpful to me and maybe you or someone else you can share these with.

Where Can I Get Help on Mental Illness?

In case you are not familiar with ways to get help, I want to give you a valuable book, podcast and links that have enabled me to understand more about mental illness.

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) has become my life saver. Our monthly support group helps me and other parents share the crises, traumas and occasional positive stories going on with our adult children. Our NAMI group leader has become my mentor and pillar when I need help.

I feel like I’ve been studying a new subject in college in order to understand schizophrenia and learn effective ways to speak to my son. Books such as: I’m not sick: I don’t need help, talk about the LEAP method.  Listening to podcasts like the one run by 3 moms of schizophrenic sons: 3 Moms in the Trenches on mental illness, has given me insight into what to expect.

Finally, for those of you who live in California, we have a new plan for schizophrenics called Care Court.

“CARE Court connects a person struggling with untreated mental illness – and often also substance use challenges – with a court-ordered Care Plan for up to 24 months. Each plan is managed by a care team in the community and can include clinically prescribed, individualized interventions with several supportive services, medication, and a housing plan. The client-centered approach also includes a public defender and supporter to help make self-directed care decisions in addition to their full clinical team.”

Practicing gratitude and kindness has saved me from negative thoughts.

Self-care, a new buzzword, is one of those important elements in taking care of yourself when you have to take care of a loved one with a mental illness. My way is to exercise, and swimming and weight training consistently allows my mind to rest.

Here is a list of ideas that I have taken to handle my stress

  • Exercise, exercise, exercise daily. Find something you can stick with and enjoy.
  • Join a support group. In my case, I joined NAMI, and we meet once a month to share our problems and seek help. They offer many educational zooms with professionals.
  • Join a spiritual or religious community. In my case, I’ve joined a spiritual center where I get a boost of positivity every Sunday, and have made several new friends.
  • Practice Gratitude daily. I’m a huge fan of Rhonda Byrne’s books and follow her “Law of Attraction,” and her MAGIC book for daily gratitude journaling.
  • Travel and reward yourself. In my case, I need to live my life, and travel always gives me joy and a fresh perspective.

Have a wonderful 2024

Please share your comments on the blog post.

 

 

 

Airbnb Experiences, How I book my Airbnb

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Airbnb Experiences, how I book my Airbnb

My Airbnb in Santa Barbara, California

My first Airbnb experience was eight years ago in April 2015 in Athens, Greece. Since then I’ve stayed in 32 Airbnb’s in six countries, so I think I can say that I’ve become an expert at selecting an Airbnb that fits my needs. Airbnb experiences vary from private rooms in someone’s home to entire apartments or houses. Here are my tips on how I go about the whole process.

Tips on how to book your Airbnb: Location and dates

First of all, I decide on the location and dates. Just like flights, the sooner you book, the more options you have as only those available on the dates you’ve selected, show up on the Airbnb site.

Location is crucial when staying in a city you’re unfamiliar with or when you are visiting family and friends. Although you won’t be given the exact address until you confirm your booking with a credit card, you can still see the approximate location and surrounding street names on the map provided. I sometimes Google Map the cross streets and check the distance between the location and whatever I want to be close to.

Example of Airbnb search in Nice, France using filters on site

Airbnb Filters

Next, I check a few items on the filters, for example, I no longer want to book a private room in a house with a shared bathroom. I click on the filter that says “entire home” followed by the number of beds and baths, and since I’m alone, I just need one of each. The next filter I click on is house or apartment, and finally amenities. If you’re looking for a beach location, you can click on beachfront, and other amenities such as “free cancelation” or “allows pets,” and on the bottom right corner, it will show how many listings are available.

Airbnb Cost and Rating based on Reviews

As you can see on the Airbnb screenshot above, there are 3 photos with cost/night and ratings which vary from 4.79 with (19) reviews, 4.9 with (70) reviews and 5.0 with (5) reviews. I generally pick the 4.9 and 5.0 ratings and read 5-10 reviews to see if they talk about comfort, cleanliness, proximity to shops and grocery stores, as I normally walk everywhere or take public transport. I also look at all the photos to make sure there’s a fridge, cooking range, nice, clean bathroom, etc.

You generally get a discount if you stay for 7 nights, and when you click on the Airbnb you want to book, there is breakdown of cost, with cleaning fee added, and Airbnb service fee. You can check the terms of cancellation.

 

Airbnb Photos are important to get a feel of the place
Beautiful Airbnb cottage in Dorset, UK.

I love to look at all the photos and see if the place looks cozy and if I can see myself enjoying the interior or the view, or garden. Who wouldn’t want to stay in a nice cottage with a thatched roof. This was in the UK, during one of my trips, and although cute, I had to bend over upstairs as the ceilings were so low. Still charming though.

Me enjoying the garden in Santa Barbara Airbnb last week.

So the real reason I love staying in an Airbnb, is the flexibility of being able to make my own coffee, having a fridge and buying local produce at the market, the cost savings compared to a hotel especially for longer stays, and the feeling that I’m in my second home. When I select 4.8 to 5.0 star reviews, I’ve had good luck with the hosts, location and cleanliness of the Airbnb. Maybe I’ll reach 100 Airbnb stays one day as I travel around the world!

Have you stayed in an Airbnb? If so what was your experience? Please share so we can read your opinion.

Stop People Pleasing, Start Setting Boundaries

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Growing up, I discovered that people pleasing was the way to get people to like me.

I remember wanting to please my parents, so I was well-behaved, did my school work and said “yes” when I was asked to do something. I often received compliments from other parents saying, “What a sweet girl you are.” My mother would say she was proud of me.

People-pleasing was so ingrained in me from childhood that I wasn’t being true to myself. I had a hard time saying, “No” to requests, and even gave away a new outfit to my friend who said how much she liked it. I was a people-pleaser. I hated confrontations or hurting people’s feelings. This continued through adulthood and transferred into my relationships with men. I understand that men also suffer from people pleasing due to a “fear of rejection, insecurities, or the need to be well-liked.

What does it mean to be a people-pleaser?

Being a people-pleaser generally describes a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own wants or needs in the process. The most common signs are:

10 Signs You’re a People Pleaser

1. You Cannot Say “No”

You have a hard time saying no because you want to be accepted and liked by everyone. You think the best way to do that is by being overly agreeable.

2. You Feel Anxious About Others’ Opinions of You

This also stems from insecurity—you have fears about people perceiving you in a way you may not like, so you conform your behaviors to fit into a box even if you are not being true to yourself.

3. You Never Have “You” Time

You don’t schedule any kind of alone time or dedicated time for yourself so that you can always be available for others. Even if you do have time alone if you’re asked for something during that time you make yourself available immediately.

4. You Feel Guilty Setting Boundaries

You feel as though others need you more than you need yourself, and you don’t set boundaries because you want to be helpful. You feel bad saying no to others, maybe because you have felt shamed for setting boundaries in the past.

5. You Apologize for Things You Don’t Need To

You feel as though you are responsible for other people’s feelings and reactions to everything, so you own things you don’t need to and make things your concern that doesn’t have anything to do with you.

6. You Need Constant Approval

You have a history of needing to get approval, so you people-please because of the validation you feel in the short term.

7. You Generally Don’t Share Your Feelings With Others

You are reluctant to share any feelings because you feel as though they don’t matter and other people’s issues are more pertinent.

8. You Have Low Self-Esteem

You have a history of anxiety, depression, trauma, or any kind of emotional or mental health concern that has led to low self-esteem or low self-worth. You look for external validation to fill the holes inside you that require internal work and validation.

9. You Always Agree in Order to Be Liked

You often say “yes” to be accepted and succumb to peer pressure. You feel like this will make people like and accept you.

10. You Fear Being Labeled “Selfish”

You are scared of being called selfish because that would mean that you’re putting your needs ahead of the needs of others.

What I’m working on to heal my people-pleasing tendencies

Today, I’m struggling with #4 (setting healthy boundaries.) I’m finding it easier to set healthy boundaries with men who are pushy and don’t show respect. The difficulty comes when I want to be honest, but at the same time, I don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings. Healthy boundaries are essential to women to protect ourselves, especially when dating or traveling solo. My next trip is to Croatia with a small group of 20 people. I don’t for see any problems as we have a guide escorting us, and I’ll be able to focus on meeting other like-minded travelers.

What do we mean by healthy boundaries?

Healthy boundaries are the limits we place around our time, our emotions, our body, and our mental health to avoid being controlled, manipulated or drained by others. We want to stay true to who we are and protect ourselves.

Are you a people pleaser? Have you mastered the art of setting boundaries? Please share your comments below.

 

 

 

11 Reasons Why “Just You” is the Best Solo Travel Company

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There are 11 reasons why I selected “Just You” as my favorite solo travel company, and one of the main reasons, is the age range (40-60s). I wanted a solo travel company that offers guided trips and activities that fit my interests and activity level.

 

 

Check out all the countries with escorted tours and flights included from the UK. Since this is a UK company, all flights are roundtrip starting in various cities in the UK. What a great way to spend a few days in London or elsewhere in the UK before your trip. https://www.justyou.co.uk/

I chose this solo travel company for several reasons:

  • Age range mainly 40-69  (Main Reason)

  • No single supplement
  • Smaller group size
  • Excellent price and value
  • Excellent guides
  • Meet and greet at the airport
  • Your own room always
  • Airfare is always included
  • Destinations on all 7 continents
  • Guaranteed departures
  • Excellent website, easy to navigate

Here is the outline of the Croatian Island Explorer tour I booked, and you can check out all destinations on 7 continents here: request a brochure.

Please let me know if you have traveled with “Just You” or another solo travel company, and share your experience with us in the comments section below.

 

Solo Travel with Sonia

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May 2023 on a game drive in Etosha, Namibia

Welcome back to my updated blog focusing on my personal adventures in solo travel for women. My topics will dive into my innermost thoughts on issues that many women face when we travel solo.

Unlike other travel blogs offering tips on places to visit and foods to try, mine is about my life at 65 as I navigate through different countries and face new situations.

Since 2017, I’ve explored South Africa, Namibia, Kenya, Tanzania, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Rwanda, Maldives, Seychelles, Madagascar, and Dubai. These trips were business related and not solo travel. Grenada, the UK and France were part of my solo travel experiences and Covid did not prevent me from traveling solo. In fact, flights were empty and I quite enjoyed being the only passenger on an Air France flight in Premium Economy.

During our game drive we saw a lion stuffed after devouring a zebra kill.

I travel purely for pleasure and not to make a living like many bloggers and influencers who have sponsors. Since I don’t travel year round, I plan to write about other topics that interest me and hopefully you as well. For example, my fears of being alone and the anticipation of meeting other like-minded travelers, setting boundaries after a life of people-pleasing, learning to keep my mind positive, staying active, eating healthy, and continuing to meditate and learn. A little side-note, I discovered an app offering courses on creativity, finding peace and joy, and mindfulness. I find it so helpful on a daily basis: “Insight Timer.” 

Finally, I’m working with a coach to motivate me to start writing another memoir about my life after divorce. I must stop procrastinating and making excuses. Last year I booked an Airbnb in Grenada with the intention of starting my second memoir. Instead, I ended up listening to umpteen podcasts and videos on writing, just to get motivated. Did I write? NO! I spent the entire seven weeks researching all I could find on memoir writing.

So now, in 2023, I’m in the mood to start solo-travel to places I haven’t yet explored. My first solo travel trip is to Croatia in September. I’ll share the process I went through in selecting a solo travel company that fits what I’m looking for in my next post.

Have you traveled solo? If so, please share and let me know which topics interest you in the comments section.

 

 

 

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