Archives for January 2014

Why did I Crack After Forty Years of Silence?

January 13, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 15 Comments

Moving On

“My Gutsy Story®” by Gillian Jackson

The complexities of keeping secrets can be a heavy weight to carry around; a burden which grows heavier with passing time and, like telling lies, compounds as the secret ages. When I reached the grand old age of fifty, my life began to crumble and my secret came out. As a little girl, I was sexually abused by an ‘uncle’ over a period of three or four years, abuse which began when I was about four years old.

I cannot claim that my life had been completely ruined by this experience. The inbred ‘survivor instinct’ has given me a degree of strength and I entered into a happy marriage and gave birth to two wonderful children. I also enjoyed a successful career as the owner and manager of a Day Nursery in my home town in North East England. So why did I crack after over forty years of silence? With hindsight I can identify a number of incidents which were perhaps triggers, bringing old and painful memories to the fore. Working in childcare, it was inevitable that at some point I would encounter instances of abuse. Generally I could be objective and professional in such cases but in the later years of my work at the nursery we cared for a little girl who presented physical signs of sexual abuse. It was an upsetting case and I floundered somewhat in my responsibilities, passing the case on to my deputy which turned out to be the correct thing to do. But the incident forced me to acknowledge that I had buried trauma from my own childhood which I had been hiding from myself as well as the rest of the world. I sank into depression and my usual ‘pull yourself together’ attitude failed me. This coincided with a medical problem which forced me to retire from my work in the nursery, a career choice which had probably been shaped by my early life experiences. I can also now acknowledge that I had been an over protective mother. Not to the point of being suffocating, but I trusted no-one to care for my own children as well as I could. Fortunately they have grown into happy, well-adjusted adults of whom I am extremely proud.

Another significant contribution to eventual breakdown was a new role in life as a grandmother. This seems a contradiction, as becoming a grandparent is one of life’s best experiences. I found it every bit as emotional as becoming a mother had been twenty eight years previously. All my maternal feelings were again brought to the fore, coupled with that overwhelming protective instinct that almost knocks you off your feet. It was a wonderful time in many respects and I had the privilege of attending my first grandchild’s birth, amazing. But I felt lost, scared and fearful for the future.

I am fortunate in having an extremely caring husband who played an enormous part in helping me overcome my negative childhood experiences. He is the one in whom I first confided and who persuaded me to seek help from my GP, the start of confronting my past and moving on with my future. And so began the path of recovery

It was hard to be honest with my doctor but I soon learned that this was the only way he could help me and eventually I was referred to a counsellor who suggested I would benefit from group sessions. Shock! Horror! It had taken me forty something years to get to this point, did she know what she was asking? The answer to this yes and I began a journey which was to change my life, a journey which has been an education. I know and understand myself much better now than I have ever done. I don’t like everything I’ve found out about myself, but I have a greater understanding about why I’m the way I am, and why I do what I do. In short, I’m more at ease with myself than I have ever been.

Enough of the negatives. How can I be so positive and fulfilled today? Well, as part of the healing therapy I decided to try writing, a pleasure which I had never had time to pursue. I scribbled furiously, recording all those painful memories and my shifting emotions and then took great pleasure in tearing the pages into tiny pieces, a truly cathartic process. I also became fascinated with the theory of counselling and two years later returned to college to train as a counsellor. Simultaneously I embarked upon a writing course, two new passions in which to channel my energy.

It’s now eight years since I took that difficult step to disclose my past abuse and I am a changed person (for the better I hope!) I use the skills learned in counselling by doing voluntary work for an organization which visits and supports victims of crime and the writing bug has consumed me! I combined my new passions by writing novels about a therapeutic counsellor, Maggie Sayer. The books particularly appeal to women who seem to connect with the emotional content and I’ve been thrilled by some of the positive reviews they’ve picked up. The first book is simply titled, ‘The Counsellor’ and introduces Maggie and three of her clients. It follows their stories which generally have positive outcomes, (I’m a sucker for a happy ending!) But one novel wasn’t enough and there are now two more in the series, ‘Maggie’s World’ and ‘Pretence’ and I’m currently working on number four. The novels sell mainly as ebooks, with paperback copies also available. I now have a new career as a writer and cannot imagine life without my writing projects and am rarely without my laptop or a note book and pen!

Working through past issues was not an easy task and although I had some excellent support it was at times a steep path to climb but I have no regrets and I thank God for giving me such a new and fulfilling life.

GILLIAN JACKSON is a passionate writer who lives in North East England with her husband Derek. When prised away from her lap-top and writing projects, she works voluntarily for a charity supporting victims of crime, as well as spending time with her four adult children and eight grandchildren. An interest in psychology and counselling inspire her novels, with all three offering readers the unique opportunity of being a ‘fly on the wall’ in counselling sessions. Gillian tackles gritty contemporary issues but in a sensitive, positive and non offensive manner. She is a great believer in happy endings!

Please visit Gillian’s website: www.gillianjackson.co.uk.

Follow her on Twitter: @GillianJackson7

and on Facebook

Click on cover to go straight to Amazon

Click here for Amazon UK link

The second two books in the ‘Maggie Sayer Trilogy’ are ‘Maggie’s World’ & ‘Pretence’

Gillian Jackson book — Click on cover to go to Amazon

Gillian Jackson Pretence — Click on cover to go to Amazon

SONIA MARSH SAYS: It’s so nice to hear a positive ending, and that your husband was so supportive and helpful during this difficult time. I am also amazed at how your writing has blossomed and helped you through everything.

***

Please VOTE for your favorite one of 5 “My Gutsy Story®” submissions. You have from now until January 15th to vote on the sidebar, (only one vote per person) and the winner will be announced on January 16th, and will select a prize from our generous sponsors.

Do you have a “My Gutsy Story®” you’d like to share?

Click on cover to go to Amazon

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

***

Next Monday, January 20th, we have Eleanor Vincent’s “My Gutsy Story®.” Please stop by, you’ll love it.

3 New Book Marketing Tips to Try

January 9, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 8 Comments

A fresh start to a new year generally means change.

If you’re like me, you’ll want to:

Work more efficiently
Save time
Try a new way to connect with your readers

Here are 3 new tips for you to try.

The book insert card
Connect with readers on Amazon Forums
Ask an Amazon top reviewer for feedback

Let me explain them in order.

1). The book insert card.

I thought about a way to remind those who purchase my book at an event, to review it, to encourage others to read it, and to invite me to participate in a Skype book club “Meet the Author” event. Below is my 5×8 card I insert into each book. It fits perfectly, since my book is 6×9. I’m hoping this will encourage more reviews. I designed one specifically to inform readers about the other books I have for sale. Take look at the card below.

Review Card Insert for FF 5×8

2). Connect with readers on Amazon Forums

I thought it would be a great idea to thank my reviewers for reading my memoir and to offer them a free Kindle version of the 2nd book:

My Gutsy Story® Anthology: True Stories of Love, Courage and Adventure From Around the World

I know this could be risky (financially) as I would be “gifting” it to them at my own expense, however, I believe the more you give, the more you get back.

Anyway, before attempting to post my Dear Reader letter on my Amazon Author Central page, I thought it best to send a copy to Amazon customer service first and see what they said. After all, you don’t want to get in trouble with Amazon.

Here is the response I got from Amazon customer service:

“I understand you would like to thank reviewers for reading your first book, “Freeways to Flip-Flops: A Family’s Year of Gutsy Living on a Tropical Island.”

“Currently, there is no such option or category on Author Page to post the content you mentioned. However, I found a way to take are of this for you.

— The Customer Discussion forum on the bottom of the Author Page allows you to share your questions, insights, and views about your books with other customers.

If you’d like to preview a Customer Discussion, go to the bottom of the Author Page and point your mouse at the arrow to the left of a discussion to preview the first couple posts in a discussion.

Anyone who visits Amazon.com can read a discussion, but you must have a purchase history and be in good standing in the Amazon community to contribute to a discussion or start a new one.

You’ll find the rules for posting and answers to some frequently asked questions here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/content/db-guidelines.html/

—We also offer the Meet our Authors Community in the Amazon.com discussion boards. Here, you can browse the different active discussions and post information about your books in the discussions you feel your book will best fit.

http://www.amazon.com/forum/meet%20our%20authors

I’m sorry that I couldn’t offer much help in this regard through Author Central. However, I’ve passed your message to the Author Central development team for consideration.”

I checked the Meet our Authors Community in the Amazon.com discussion boards, and you can add your book to the appropriate genre list.

3). Ask an Amazon top reviewer for feedback

I was fortunate to get a review from one of the top 500 Amazon Reviewers, when Freeways to Flip-Flops: A Family’s Year of Gutsy Living on a Tropical Island was published. (Read her review here.)

I thanked her for her review, and asked her for her feedback on who she thought my target audience was. She surprised me with her detailed response as she brought up a younger demographic of women than I had expected, (25-40) as well as the over 50, and retired group. She also suggested dropping my book off at libraries, which I’ve done, and to book club members. Ionia also mentioned those with physical disabilities, senior centers and the incarcerated.

Here is the review; I received 5 stars by Ionia Martin.

Have you tried new ways to market your books? Please share your comments, and if you find this post helpful, please share on social media.

THANK YOU.

***

Do you have a “My Gutsy Story®” you’d like to share?

Click on cover to go to Amazon

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

Mourning the Loss of My Wife With My 10-Month Old Son

January 6, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 13 Comments

Three of Us

“My Gutsy Story®” by Jon Magidsohn

My ten-month-old son, Myles, and I had been on the road for two weeks by the time we crossed the border from Kansas to Colorado. After hours driving through blanched wheat fields, the landscape suddenly turned green; rambling stands of cottonwood trees sprouted from the moist woodlands, which drank from the streams fed by constant mountain run-off. Myles, rear-facing in his car seat, watched the great plains drifting away into his horizon while, about eighty miles in front of me, I could see the approaching Sangre de Cristo mountains fading into view, the red sandstone dotted with blue-green Piñon Pines as it arched its way down toward New Mexico. Having endured nearly a week of featureless views, I welcomed the sight of the mountains like they were a long-absent parent. My thoughts, which had been as arid as the prairies this mid-summer, were rejuvenated by Colorado’s verdant vista.

Sue had died less than four months earlier, ten months after her breast cancer diagnosis and nearly a year after we learned she was pregnant with our first child. Impending parenthood and countless visits to doctors of various specialities had inured me against recognizing the signs of normal. After she died, normal simply evaporated. What I did recognize, being a widower now miles from home, was that I didn’t just grieve for my wife; I also mourned the loss of the future we were supposed to have had together. My instinct as a single dad told me to kick-start the discovery of my new life by taking it on the road. Myles and I had left Toronto in late July with a car filled like a jar of jelly-beans and little in the way of a plan. We were moving forward.

Driving had taken on a new characteristic by the time we reached Colorado. It was no longer simply meditative and cathartic; it had become an inevitability, each leg of the journey fulfilling an insatiable urge to be satisfied. Being in the car with my son was as necessary as breathing. To drive was to be. The silver Rav4 had become a part of our mobile family; an extension of me and Myles that sheltered and guided us and in return deserved our love and respect.

We were a threesome again, like the trio Myles, Sue and I never had the chance to explore. We could have been the exemplar of families. Sue and I might have raised Myles to be the perfect combination of his parents; from me he’d be patient, musical, light-hearted; from his mother shrewd, dedicated and fiery. Even before Sue was diagnosed – before the medical incentives – we never wanted a second child. As a threesome we would be complete.

Maybe it was the endless stretch of grey road winding through America, because even though I’d told myself this excursion was all about forward momentum, it began to feel like I wasn’t going anywhere. The one-sided conversations with Myles in the back seat did little to distract me from the empty seat next to me. I’d spent so much time with myself recently, I was beginning to forget what it was like to have a partner.

Loneliness crept up on me like a fiend. I thought I was coping well; I thought I was doing everything right. The reverberating blows of death would eventually dissipate, I assumed, but I didn’t think I could endure the loneliness. I understood that so-called ‘successful’ people can be some of the loneliest; movie stars with trampling entourages at their disposal, the embarrassingly rich, princesses. But I considered myself a success simply because I’d chosen to marry Sue. I had neither fame nor wealth nor royal blood but I did have intimacy and companionship. When Sue died she took all the fruits of my success with her.

So this was where the strange contradiction started. Deep down at the bottom of that dark empty hole that Sue left sat jolly young Myles stretching his little arms out as wide as he could and saying to me in his own wordless way, ‘Here I am Daddy and I love you and I’ll hold your hand when you’re feeling lonely and I’ll listen to your secrets and I’ll let you cry on my shoulder and we can be a family.’ And if that hole wasn’t in the process of growing persistently larger he might just have been able to fill it up.

Myles had served as the ever present counterbalance to the weight of sadness since before he was born. The anticipation of his birth gave Sue and me something to look forward to during the months of cancer management. He’d saved us from the constant burden of fear and doubt.

After Sue died he kept fulfilling his duty as my protector. The grief was manageable because of Myles, whether we were at home or driving through the middle of Middle America. I had to look after him so that he’d still be able to look after me. I needed those moments when he’d wrap his arms around my neck with unquestionable affection; those moments talking to him when he’d smile like a faithful companion. And the moments when he’d look at me with his bright, trusting eyes and I’d know there was love in my life.

After Colorado we’d spend ten days driving through the desert before reaching the west coast. Each region had its own unique effect on my moods and the reflections that accompanied them. By the time we returned home to Toronto, almost two months after we left, we’d covered more than 10,000 miles through 23 states and 2 provinces, four time zones and back, gotten two oil changes and emptied one jumbo box of Cheerios one ‘O’ at a time. I still had a long way to travel before the worst was behind me, but I was confident that my son and I were headed in the right direction.

JON MAGIDSOHN: is originally from Toronto, Canada. He’s written about fatherhood for dadzclub.com, the Good Men Project, Today’s Parent and Mummy and Me magazines. He’s also been featured on Chicago Literati and the What’s Your Story?-Memoir Anthology (Lifetales) and currently publishes three blogs. He’s been an actor, singer, waiter, upholsterer, sales representative, handyman and writer. He moved to London, UK in 2005 where he received an MA in Creative Non-Fiction from City University. Jon, his wife, Deborah, and their son, Myles, are now in Bangalore, India, where Jon writes full time. www.jonmagidsohn.com

Please follow Jon on Twitter: @JonMagidsohn

SONIA MARSH SAYS: Jon, your story and your words bring out so many emotions from love, to loss, to love. What a powerful and beautifully written “My Gutsy Story®.”

***

Do you have a “My Gutsy Story®” you’d like to share?

Click on cover to go to Amazon

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

***

Next Monday, January 13th, we have Gillian Jackson’s “My Gutsy Story®.” Please stop by, you’ll love it.

Vote For Your Favorite December 2013 “My Gutsy Story®”

January 2, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 2 Comments

Happy New Year everyone and get ready to VOTE for your favorite one of 5 “My Gutsy Story®” submissions. You have from now until January 15th to vote on the sidebar, (only one vote per person) and the winner will be announced on January 16th, and will select a prize from our generous sponsors. (We have 2 new sponsors Shannon Hernandez and Dorit Sasson added to the list.)

Our 1st “My Gutsy Story®” is by Marian Beaman, “Rising Above the Pettiness to Focus On the Positive.”

Our 2nd “My Gutsy Story®” is by Felicia Johnson, “How Writing Saved My Life.”

Our 3rd “My Gutsy Story®” is by Ian Mathie “Waiting for My Camel to Come Back.”

Our 4th “My Gutsy Story®” is by Jessica O’Gorek, “Why I Love Crack” (an inspiring story of her recovery.)

Our 5th “My Gutsy Story®” is by Laurie Buchanan “I thought I was stupid; Now I have a PhD.”

***

I hope you enjoy their stories and vote for your favorite one on the sidebar. Please check out their books as well. There are links to them at the bottom of each story.

Do you have a “My Gutsy Story®” you’d like to share?

Click on cover to go to Amazon

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

***

Our first fantastic January 2014 “My Gutsy Story®” starts with Joe Magidsohn on January 6th. Please stop by, you’ll love it.

What would you be doing if no one was stopping you?

January 1, 2014 by Sonia Marsh 4 Comments

What would you be doing if no one was stopping you?

Go tell the world.

I love this question as it allows us to open our minds and brainstorm about what we truly want in our future. The next step is to create opportunities and make things happen.

I believe 2014 is the year to create new opportunities for ourselves.

What does this mean?

To me this means asking for what you’d like to have happen, rather than wishing for it to happen.

In other words, it means being gutsy and not waiting for that perfect moment when you think you’ll be smarter, more experienced or more confident.

That moment is now

As Ann marie Houghtailing says in her book, How I Created a Dollar Out of Thin Air,

“You might as well be waiting for Santa or the muse to show up. I prefer to create instead of wait.”

Yes it does take guts to ask people for help, or for what you want, but as long as you’re asking from “a place of worthiness and decency,” and not arrogance, this is how you’ll create your opportunities.

“Those who create opportunities insist that obstacles are opportunities disguised.” —Ann marie Houghtailing

Click on cover for Amazon link

Success depends on your attitude. If you feel that you’re not capable of doing something, then you’re probably right. Do you think an athlete motivates herself to win a race by stating, “There’s no way I can run fast enough to win this race?”

This does not mean you will not face challenges, setbacks and problems like everyone else. Your attitude will make you see things in a different way. Look at obstacles as part of life. Look at solving them and know that there is always a solution. Sometimes you just need to ask.

Here are some examples of obstacles I’ve faced, and how I’ve overcome them.

I was unsure of my brand as “Gutsy Writer” and knew I wanted to expand it to “Gutsy Living.” I asked my social media/blogger friend, Marcie Taylor, to have lunch with me. She helped me with the concept of starting the “My Gutsy Story®” series on my blog.

I needed help when I started my own indie publishing company, so instead of hiring someone, I decided to start my own FaceBook group, “Gutsy Indie Publishers.” The goal was to help one another with our indie publishing questions, and today we have 436 members who are eager to ask and answer questions.

I decided it would be cool to organize my own book signing at Costco, I asked to speak to the manager and he “yes,” and helped me get an event set up.

After several years of listening to a radio show called Writers on Writing, I asked the host, Barbara De Marco Barrett, to have a show with indie authors. She agreed to invite 3 indie authors, including me, on January 2nd, 2013.

Sometimes we reach a point when we have so many ideas swirling around that we feel uncertain as to which direction to proceed. We question which is the right choice; we are advised to make specific goals plan for the New Year, we fear taking the wrong path, so we procrastinate. I know this is where I am right now.

I’m asking for your help please.

What should I focus on that would interest you?

Where would you like to see Gutsy Living going in 2014?

THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS AND DON’T LET ANYONE STOP YOU IN 2014.

***

Do you have a “My Gutsy Story®” you’d like to share?

Click on cover to go to Amazon

Would you like to submit your “My Gutsy Story®” and get published in our 2nd anthology?

Please see guidelines below and contact Sonia Marsh at: sonia@soniamarsh.com for details.

You can find all the information, and our new sponsors on the “My Gutsy Story®” contest page. (VIDEO) Submission guidelines here

VOTING for your favorite December 2013 stories starts on January 2nd, 2014, and ends on January 15th. The WINNER is announced on January 16th. Please check out all our December stories with Marian Beaman and Fee Johnson, Ian Mathie, Jessica O’Gorek and Laurie Buchanan, sharing their “My Gutsy Story®.”