My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to Miss

It all started when I parked my car and noticed a skinny man pulling into the space across from mine in an old Buick. I picked up my pace thinking, I hope that’s not him.

We agreed to meet at “Mother’s Kitchen” and I entered through the sliding doors and pretended to look at the chocolates and candy and all the flowers  as it happened to be Valentine’s Day.

I’d just finished a job meeting with the Director of International Student programs at a local university, and felt like I’d accomplished something, so I called Jon to say, “Let’s meet for coffee.”

I could tell it was Jon, my date, heading towards the sliding glass doors of the health food store. He looked to his left, as though not sure if he should enter. I waved from inside, and thought, he looks skinny and tall like his photo. What I hadn’t anticipated, as it did not show on the profile photo of Match.com, were the long protruding, gray, nostril hairs, and the bushy uni-brow. His white shirt, and gray, dress slacks were the same as his profile photo, as though he wore the “dating” uniform, just in case I could not recognize him.

I’m not picky about men, except for height, and being in fairly good shape. I did, however, notice his old-fashioned, white shirt, frayed along the collar, which looked as outdated as his car.

Jon, a “marketing” engineer, something I’d never heard of before, sat down at a table, and proceeded to talk about nothing but himself. When I asked him what does a marketing engineer do?, he said he was no good at it, and that he was semi-retired, and writing a book about dating. No kidding, you’re a nerd, I thought, no way are you a sales and marketing person. I thought I would give him ten minutes to talk about himself, and then perhaps he would get me involved in the conversation. But no.

“Have you even read my profile?” I asked, interrupting him while he told me about his book on dating.

“Yes,” he said, and continued talking about how he wrote five, “you’s” in his first paragraph, and managed to eliminate two of them, as there were just too many “you’s,” but he had to keep the other three, as the paragraph wouldn’t make sense without them. He then switched to how he can obsess over the wrong word choice for three days, until his sister, who lives with him, helps him decide. “And she’s in the writing industry, “ he continues.

“You know I’ve been coaching authors on how to publish and promote their books for many years. Do you have a publisher?” I ask.

“Oh, my sister is an expert,” he continues, “she’s an author,” lettuce falling out of his mouth while munching on his rabbit salad without dressing, and his tofu side-dish. No wonder he weighs about 150 pounds at 6’5”

“How many books has she sold?”

“She sold 4 or 5, and you just wait, I’m going to be the next millionaire when I sell my book. You’ll be happy you met me.”

That was the moment when I got off my chair, and said, “You are arrogant and self-centered, and no wonder you’ve never been married. I’m leaving.”

I’m so proud of my gutsy self. I stood up, told him what I thought, and said, “Here’s money for my tea.” He was so into himself, he continued bragging about his dating book and then it clicked that I was leaving. He didn’t know whether to stand and bow, or stay seated and choke on his tofu. So he raised himself off the chair, and said, “I’ll pay for your tea.”

Comments (27)

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  1. Lorenzo says:

    Was that real? I haven’t used it yet but I thought Match would give a fuller profile. What a date.

    • Sonia Marsh says:

      Yes, Larry. It was real. I knew he was tall, an engineer and he wrote to me in Danish, so I thought, he might be interesting as I speak Danish. The one photo was taken from a distance, and I took a risk. I had nothing to do after my appointment, so we met. I don’t regret it, as I find all kinds of people fascinating, plus I could use my coaching skills for a change.
      Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to MissMy Profile

  2. Ian Mathie says:

    I’m surprised you stayed that long. If he wasn’t even interested in you from the start, any potential relationship was doomed, his other off putting features notwithstanding. Well done you for getting out. 🙂

  3. Linda Luke says:

    I have several friends and clients playing in the online dating field. The stories I hear are pretty scary. It seems you have to wade through an ocean of guys looking for sex or serial dating just for the fun of it to even find a guy worth dating. But, I bet they are there, you just need to dig deep to find them.
    Linda Luke recently posted..Ask the Coach – My Answers to Your QuestionsMy Profile

  4. Bravo. If that’s his opening, things would only have gone downhill. I’m glad you told him why. Brave woman!

  5. Barbara says:

    You always amaze me. I’m not sure I could have stayed as long as you did. Did he look at all like his profile? Is there a way to check what they say online? I would rather be an old crow (which could happen) than go through that!
    b
    Barbara recently posted..We All Need A Good Laugh!My Profile

  6. Sonia Marsh says:

    Barbara, I took it as a “coaching an unrealistic writer” approach, and tolerated it for as long as I could. It made me realize how many truly believe they are going to become famous and make tons of money through their books.
    Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to MissMy Profile

  7. ladyfi says:

    Oh gosh! What an experience – and well done you for leaving.

  8. Some people just don’t know how to do “social.” It’s a sad truth. I feel sorry for him. But what can you do? Square pegs don’t fit in round holes.

  9. Sonia Marsh says:

    Very true Grace. It was quite an experience!
    Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to MissMy Profile

  10. Sonia Marsh says:

    Yes, that was funny and strange to say the least.
    Sonia Marsh recently posted..My Recent Dating Story You Won’t Want to MissMy Profile

  11. Better to get away at the first oportunity. You did great.
    I hope the job interview has far superior results :>)

  12. You had me at “old Buick,” Sonia. Ha! I’m not interested in hearing any more about the Danish guy as you described him and the experience to a tee; however, I am curious about what happened with the Director of International Student Programs. I suppose that story is evolving.
    Marian Beaman recently posted..The Weight of Love – Heavy or Light?My Profile

  13. Ah Sonia, I’m sorry! Where is Frank Ellis when you need him!!? 🙂

  14. Janet Givens says:

    Methinks this and others will gel nicely into a new book. This one was very entertaining. I applaud your direct approach. Welcome home.

  15. inge darneal says:

    Sonia, it’s been a while since I have read one of your stories. This one stuck out, and so I decided to read. I have to say, I couldn’t stop laughing as it reminded me of my own dating experiences. It all sounds so familiar. I don’t want to discourage you or anyone else from their conquests of finding that special someone, because people DO get lucky with a good person. I on the other hand have given up on it. The dating scene was getting to be too much work, and I continued to walk away with one disappointment after another. Perhaps my expectations were to high. I finally threw the towel, and said: “The hell with that”, “I will do on my own”, “I don’t need this” . That was the day where I started to find my happiness. I gave up on empty conversations and weird meetups trying to see if there was a match for me out there. I began to focus on myself. I found that I don’t need a baggage laden, self absorbed, macho, overbearing or overly sensitive mate, but can live happily ever after with fulfilling experiences by hanging out with friends and acquaintances. By the way, I don’t dismiss awkward, weird and different people, and often find it interesting, intriguing and fun to socialize with them. It’s another matter dating or living with one.

  16. Inge Scott says:

    Sonia,
    Your experience sounds about right. I never dated digitally but I did when newspapers had dating sections. All of my dates were duds and none of them looked like the photo they posted. It wasn’t their looks that turned me off as much as their personalities. Most of the men were self centered, although a friend told me back then they were probably just nervous. It was a funny store though and good for you standing up and speaking your mind. Do you know how many women would just have sat there and endured that date, so they wouldn’t seem impolite? Life is too short to waste on people and things that don’t interest you.

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